I don't have a t-shirt underneath this sweatshirt

I'm also not wearing any pants

I'm not. I'm actually not

Ok, hi guys! My name's Shannon and...this!

is my updated coming out story

Ok, so basically I made a coming out video like...

coming out story video like 2 years ago

and it's pretty horrible

I did it on a Macbook, I cut the top of my head out of the whole video for some...

weird reason, like I knew that I had done it

so why did I do that?

Anyway

I recommend that you watch it, even though is super long and it's a little painfully boring

but I think it's cool to see that version of me versus this version of me

and I think it's gonna be interesting to hear how different this might sound now 2 years later

Because that little Shannon was still fully not comfortable with herself at all

I mean, this Shannon is still working on it all the time

So let's start, okay

Basically, I started to realize that I was not straight

when I was like coming from middle school going into highschool

That inkling started coming into my mind

There was this show on The N called "South of Nowhere" and I was way too into it

It had like two girl characters who were liking each other and I loved it

And that was kind of like a "woah, you might not be straight" moment in my life

And then by the time I was 16 I was pretty confident that I was gay

Althought I did not want to be, so I...

tried everything in my power not to be

I went to a conservative school in Oklahoma, University of Oklahoma

and I joined a sorority and I was like

"I'm gonna pray the gay away"

and I really tried to do that, genuinely

like it's a joke, but it's not, 'cause I did try that and...

That did not work.That did not work

That does not work, turns out

Anyway

so the hardest person for me to come out to was myself

and that took me 4 years on itself just to tell myself that

and be like "yep, yep, it's a 100%, it's not changing"

I remember clearly I had this day that I looked myself in the mirror and I was like crying and I was like...

"I'm gay"

And then honestly, from that point forward, things changed a lot

they got better...I mean, they got harder because then

I had to deal with the reality that I was gonna have to tell people

other than myself, wich telling myself was hard enough, so...

that was like a life changing moment for me

and if you guys haven't done that and you maybe wanna do that

I recommend it

It's like a very weird thing to do but

you should do it, if you have not done it and you wanna do it

I don't know

So I went to my freshman year of college

I dated a guy for like the first semester of college, kind of

and then I went home for winter break and it was like...

it all just came crushing back

and I was like "oh, my god, this isn't right. I can't do this"

so then I built up confidence, the whole second semester of my freshman year, to tell my family

and that's what I did

That summer I came out to my sister first

She was really great about it; and then I came out to my mom

and she was also really great about it

and then I wrote a letter to my dad, and he was also really great about it

I think they all...specially my mom and dad

it's not like it was an overnight like "this is amazing, I'm so excited that you're gay"

it was like a "we love you no matter what and we're gonna like..."

"...you know, wrap our heads around it" sort of thing

But I think both of them were just worried about me and my quality of life

Obviously, you don't want your kids to have to deal with anything on top of just being a kid, which is hard enough

so I think that was a big concern for them, just me dealing with more than just the plain and simple

After I came out to my family I went back to college, back to OU

and this is when I started a very very slow, painful coming out process

If I had to compare it to anything it'd be like

when you rip a band aid off

I pulled and felt each and every hair

I think with coming out for everyone it's gotta be your own journey, your own story

what makes you feel most comfortable and confident

and mine just happened to be very slow

I came out to like 3 friends in my sophomore year

at my junior year I came out to like 4 more people

and then my senior year is when I really started to tell people with more...

like quicker

like more quicker

All of this isn't really that interesting

what is interesting is... the people who I told were so supportive

and I was so nervous to tell so many of them because...

so many of my friends were very religious

I'm not talking like "they go to church sometimes", no, I mean they went to church every Sunday

they also opted out of spring break before so they could go on a mission trip, like...

Very religious friends

And that can be very scary to tell people like that

Also, a lot of them I had heard say homophobic things before

to me, like not just sometimes, like I mean I was hearing stuff like that often

Sometimes people just don't understand, and they are ignorant to it

It takes knowing someone...knowing someone like me, or knowing someone like yourself

to show them that "look, this is normal, this isn't weird. I just happen to like the same sex and I have no control over it"

And...yeah, people will surprise you

which you guys know I've said many, many times

So up until my senior year I was sitting people down, having very emotional conversations with them

and that is just really draining

and not every single person in your life...not every friend is the type of friend that you'd sit down and cry to

which is fine

But it was hard for me to find that balance and make that switch over it

into coming out to people just casually or letting it just come out

That was very difficult for me

That was a hard part in my coming out process

But I figured it out and it started to happen and then people started to talk about me and...telling people and...

It was so terrifying and I hated it. I hate people talking about me

I hate knowing people are talking about me

I had a couple of instances where I knew people were talking about me in group texts and I would see it

and some stuff was not always that positive or nice and that was hard

But by the time that that started happening and my name started to circulate

I already had such a good core of people who

I felt comfortable with and I knew loved me no matter what

and that that wasn't chaning our friendship

Those other people...they started to matter not that much

it still sucks, no one seems to talk about, but when you have those people, those core people

it makes those other people much more irrelevant

Now, something you couldn't possibly know from that video that I posted is

that video is actually how I came out to the rest of my university and the rest of like everyone

When I recorded the video it was purely gonna go on my Tumblr

and my Youtube, and share it with my social media following

none of my friends knew I even had

What I ended up doing is I finished editing that video and I was like

"You know what? I'm just gonna post this also to my social circles social media"

I basically had 2 instagrams, 2 twitters...

I was...the lesbian Hannah Montana

I thought that I was confident then

a part of me thought like "oh, yeah, I've got it now"

"now I'm comfortable, now I'm confident in my skin and I'm like happy, and I'm out and blahblahblah"

I was not. At all.

I was still very much so struggling with that

I just think that is an important thing to tell you guys because

you can see the difference, you can see how much has changed in 2 years

And I know so many of you also are feeling the same way and...

are struggling with coming out, and are coming out

and you might be thinking "oh my gosh", like

"this is as comfortable as I'm ever gonna get"

You're gonna blow your own mind

I always say people will surprise you, but you're gonna surprise yourself

I am constantly surprising myself

I genuinely can't believe that me in this video today is the same person as me in that video 2 years ago

That blows my mind

Things just keep getting better

I know that's such a cheesy...it's such a thing "it gets better"

but it's so crazy how true it is, like

Everyday I feel more comfortable, every single day

It's crazy

It's crazy, and that's gonna happen for you guys

and that's so exciting for me and I'm so happy!

for you guys and I hope that

I hope this video inspires someone to...

I don't know, start making steps forward into coming out

even if you're like me and it takes you...

Like 6 years fully to accept and come out

and there's nothing wrong with that!

Your coming out journey is your journey, there's no wrong way to do it

You can do whatever you want

You can do it however you want

Don't let anyone tell you you're not coming out fast enough, don't let anyone tell you not to come out

You need to do what is right for you

At the end of the day, even if you think maybe you don't know what that is

let's be honest, you do

I mean, you look into yourself and you know what you want

Even when I was telling myself I would never come out I knew deep down that was not true and not possible

and that was not a reality or a life that I ever could possibly live

And it just took me the time to accept that and realize that...that was okay

Yeah

That's me, I'm out

Coming out

I'm...coming...out

If coming out is something that you're struggling with

I'm thinking about you, and I love you

And...

you have a whole community of people who are waiting for you

with open arms and we love you

I love you

I love you

Okay, my ass is really sweaty. I'm leaving

Love you!

I love you

Stay strong, I'm thinking about you, bud