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Ostensibly, we all want love, but oddly, one of the hardest things to do is not hold it against people
when they do actually turn around and reciprocate our feelings
It can be immensely hard not to think that those who offer us love are in some ways weak, mistaken, needy, craven, or just defective
It can feel a lot easier when love was unrequited
Our primary preoccupation was a thrilling dread that the admired person hadn't even noticed us
But now, there's finally no doubt anymore. It's really clear they do like us, and something troubling has arisen
We're feeling a bit sick
We're tempted to say we've got them wrong. They can't be the admirable people we thought they were
But the issue isn't really to do with them at all. It lies somewhere else entirely - in our relationship with ourselves
Their affection seems suspicious, incomprehensible, and a touch repulsive, because at some level, this isn't what we're used to
It doesn't tally with our view of ourselves
Love can be hard to receive, when we're not fundamentally convinced of our own lovability
We spend our time seeking out those who can make us suffer in ways that feel familiar and it becomes natural to assume that a kind lover has missed something,
and perhaps then try to behave in disgusting ways, just to make sure they understand we're really not who they thought we were,
and that they will therefore leave us in painful, but somehow psychologically gratifying ways
In short, how could anyone be so great if they have the bad taste to think well of someone like us?
But we have to allow ourselves to entertain another option
Perhaps this affection we're receiving is not a sign that our kind lover is weak or wrong or has no other options
Perhaps it's a sign that they've seen something in us which poignantly and tragically, we don't yet quite see in ourselves,
and have never been allowed to believe in by figures in our past, that we are deserving of love
There is hope in all this, hope that we can come to trust our lovers more than we trust our own first nervous self-destructive impulses
We can interpret their love not as a sign of their delusion or weakness, but as evidence of an inherent lovability in ourselves
to which our past histories have blinded us, yet to which their love and tenderness can now awaken us
We don't invariably have to hold it against others when they see some point in us
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被喜歡的人喜歡後,我們為何不再喜歡他們了?(Why We Go Off People Who Like Us)

438750 分類 收藏
Chloe Tyan 發佈於 2018 年 2 月 17 日   Chloe Tyan 翻譯   Mandy Lin 審核

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你有沒有曾經很喜歡一個人,但是,一旦他也喜歡你之後,你就突然對他失去興趣了呢?這種感覺其實很常見喔!The School of Life 剛好做了一支影片來解釋這個現象。來看看影片瞭解一下這背後的原因!

1hold something against somebody0:06
這個片語的意思是「因某人犯錯、做錯事而對他產生負面評價」。
Even though Tom cheated on his wife, surprisingly, his wife didn't hold it against him.
湯姆雖然外遇,但他太太竟然沒有因此而討厭他。

My brother used to treat me badly, but I don't hold it against him because we were both kids at the time.
我哥哥以前對我很差,但我並不因此而恨他,因為我們當時都只是孩子。


此外, 如果是 hold against 也有物理上的意思,指的是「將某物壓在另一物上面」,通常是 hold something against something 這樣的句構。
You should hold the gauze against your wound to stop it from bleeding.
你應該將紗布壓在傷口上面才能止血。


*同場加映:
想當 hold 住哥、hold 住姐?這幾個片語你一定要會!


2preoccupation0:27
在這裡,preoccupation 是「全神貫注、入神」的意思,後面接的連接詞是 with ,表示「對...全神貫注」。
His preoccupation with video games caused him to fail three classes this semester.
他這學期因為太專注於玩電動而被當了三科。


形容詞是 preoccupied ,意思是「全神貫注的、入神的」。
She became so preoccupied with her reflection that she fell into the lake.
她看自己的倒影看得太入神,跌進湖裡了。


3a touch 1:00
a touch 的意思在這裡是「少許」,但它同時也可以指「輕微的病狀」。
I added a touch more sugar in this cake. It's a little sweeter than usual.
我在蛋糕裡不小心多加了一點糖。它比平常甜一些。

I guess I have a touch of the flu. I should go home.
我覺得我好像有點感冒。我應該要回家。


*同場加映:
Inside Amy Schumer - Girl, You Don't Need Makeup (歌詞/lyrics)


4tally with something 1:06
tally with sth 在這是「符合,吻合」的意思。
What she just said doesn't tally at all with what she told me before.
她剛剛跟我說的跟先前的說詞完全不相符。

He tends to says things that don't always tally with the truth.
他很常說一些和事實不符的話。


tally 的另一個意思是「計算」。
The election votes were tallied with abacuses.
選舉投票是用算盤計算的。


*同場加映:
【TED】Ben Saunders: 何必要離家探險?(Why bother leaving the house?)


5inherent 2:27
inherent 的意思是「內在的;固有的,與生俱來的」。
Surgical procedures have a lot of inherent risks.
手術有許多故有風險。

Religion is an inherent part of their culture.
宗教是他們文化固有的一部分。


小 V 以為被喜歡的人喜歡總是開心的,但其實很多人不是這樣的。若你因此而感到不開心,甚至覺得噁心,其實有可能是因為你不夠喜歡自己呢!有一句話是這麼說的:"You should always love yourself before you love someone else."「愛一個人之前應該要先好好愛自己。」大家覺得有沒有道理呢?

文/ Kiara
編輯/ Crystal Wu

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