I thought it'd be cute

我是覺得應該會蠻可愛的

Cute? Bitch, you're pushing 30

可愛？妳快三十歲了耶！

Technically, right now, I'm Forever 21

我現在其實是 Forever 21（服裝品牌，譯為「永遠 21」）

You're right. Rompers are for toddlers and Beyonce

妳說得對。連身短褲是給幼童跟碧昂絲穿的

You look fine as fuck. Hello Beyonce

妳現在正翻了。嗨，碧昂絲

More like Blue Ivy

比較像她女兒 Blue Ivy

Okay sure, yeah. It's a little childish but in like a sexy way

好啦，對。有點幼稚但幼稚得很性感

Like pigtails

就跟雙馬尾一樣

I'm pretty sure pigtails are just for kindergartners and pornstars

我蠻確定雙馬尾只有幼稚園小孩跟 AV 女優在綁

Fashion is all about owning it. Do you know that the most stylish thing you can wear -

時尚就是要對自己有把握。妳知道最時尚的單品就是 —

Please don't say crop top

不要說短版上衣

Confidence

自信

You look like a snake that just ate. No problem. There's a drawstring. It's like a belt, but bunchier

妳看起來像隻剛吃飽的蛇。不過沒關係。有一條綁帶。很像皮帶，但綁帶會讓衣服揪在一起

Look at your legs

看看妳那雙美腿

And your 180 degree wedgie

還有那明顯到不行的卡到陰（指女生因為穿緊身褲子導致女性重要部位現形）

Cameltoe is the new underbutt

卡到陰現在比露屁蛋還時尚了

It's definitely not

根本沒有！

Look, when is the last time that you bought something that you were really excited about?

想想嘛，妳上一次對自己買的衣服感到興奮是什麼時候？

Oh, I got this pair of jeans with an elastic waist

喔，那時我買了一件有鬆緊帶的牛仔褲

Exactly. You need a little fun in your closet

看吧。妳的衣櫃需要多一點樂趣

How are you supposed to pee in this monstrosity?

妳要怎麼穿這件上廁所？

Honestly I feel like I could just do it out of one of the legs. Oops, no, whatever

我其實可以從褲管尿出來。噢，好像不行，沒差啦

I don't know, just go into the stall and get naked. It'll be fun. So free, so summer

我不知道啦，就進去直接脫光。會很好玩的。好自在，好有夏日風情

Until someone barges in on you with your tits out scrolling through Instagram

直到有人闖進廁所裡撞見妳露著奶滑 IG

Don't listen to her. You look dynamite

不要理她。妳辣到爆（dynamite 原意為「炸藥」，在美國俚語中為「優質」的意思）

You don't look like a dynamite. You look like a grenade

妳一點都不辣。看起來像恐龍妹（grenade 原意為「手榴彈」，在美國俚語中意指辣妹好友群裡的唯一一位醜女）

You look like a girl at Coachella

妳看起來好像是去 Coachella 音樂季的女孩

Oh, actually I do agree, because the way the fabric hangs, it looks like you're passed out on the floor of a porta potty

我其實同意耶，因為這件布料垂下來的樣子很像妳剛醉倒在流動式廁所地板上

It's casual. It's low maintenance

這件很休閒，不用花心思

Except you need someone to guard the bathroom door while you free the nipple just to piss

只是妳需要有人在妳脫光上廁所的時候幫妳守好廁所門

Fashion is about making a statement

時尚就是要獨特、引人注目

In this case that'd be "My boyfriend's gonna hate this!"

妳男友會很討厭這件

Don't dress to impress a man

不要為了男人而打扮

So I'll just dress to impress other women. There's nothing intimidating about that idea

那我要為了其他女人而打扮。這一點都不恐怖

Look, rompers are awesome, okay? It's like wearing a skirt, but when you're on the subway, your pussy doesn't touch the seat!

連身短褲很棒，好嗎？很像穿短裙，但坐在捷運上時妳的下面不會直接碰到座位

I did it! I overcame all the insecurity that goes into making a new fashion choice!

我做到了！我克服了挑戰新的服裝風格帶來的恐懼！

Well fuck

死定了

You can't return that

那個不能退貨

I know. I ripped the tag off

我知道。我把標籤拔掉了

No

不

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