is you in college, and these are the six girls you'll date in college.

就是你在大學的樣子，而這些就是你在大學會交往過的六種女孩

Were you ever good at sports?

你擅長運動嗎？

We don't know, but the daily 4 AM burritos haven't helped.

我們不知道，但每天早上4點的墨西哥捲餅真的沒幫助

- Aah! Oh. - You okay?

-啊！噢 -你還好嗎？

- She looks better in track shorts

-她穿運動短褲比較好看

than literally anything else. - Come on, baby.

比任何東西都好看 -來吧，寶貝

You can do it! Ten more yards

你辦得到的！在十碼

till touchdown! - However, no matter what the activity,

就可以觸地得分了！ -然而，不管哪種運動，

you'll always end up the same way: wheezing,

你最後一定會有同樣的下場：喘氣、

doughy, and begging her to slow down.

無力，且哀求她慢一點

You hate places like this.

你討厭像這樣的地方

Never mind.

無所謂

You love places like this. - I love places like this.

你喜歡像這樣的地方 -我喜歡像這樣的地方

- Your friend's a promoter or DJ,

-你的朋友是個主辦人或DJ

whichever is cooler. - You're funny. - Is there a

不管哪個都很酷 -你真有趣

non-alphabetical difference between E and X? Cut to six weeks later.

-E和X除了字母上的不同還有甚麼差別呢？跳到6個星期後

You're out of money, too tired,

你沒錢了、太累

and have no idea what your pants are made of. - Wake

而且不知道你的長褲是什麼材質 -起床

up. I know the bouncer at Prolapse. - You wouldn't give up this nap for all the

我認識夜店的保鑣 -你絕不會起床即使用

coked-up sex in the world.

全世界的性愛趴來換

Happy dinosaur riding.

(吸毒瘋狂做愛的後果是沒有任何劑量的興奮劑可以讓你動起來)

- Sorry.

-對不起

- Face it. You're a nice guy. - Did do you drink all of those beers?

-承認吧。你是個好人 -這些啤酒都是你喝的嗎？

- But to her, you're James Dean with Wolverine claws.

-但對她來說，你是有金剛爪的 James Dean

It's fun to play the crazy guy, but there's no

當個瘋子也頗有趣的，但

crazy like real repressed crazy. - Not tonight?

比不上真正被壓抑住的瘋狂 -今晚不要嗎？

- No. - Fine. - The worst part?

-不 -好吧 -最慘的部分？

She's still going to wake you up

她還是會叫你起床

for 8 a.m. mass. This

為了早上8點的彌撒。這

is it, the perfect 10, what years of television,

就是了，完美的10分，經年累月的電視、

print advertising, and internet porn have taught you-- - Baby, you're not using the couples wallpaper I gave you.

廣告及網路的A片教你的 -寶貝，你沒有用我給你的合照當桌布

- Why you? She saw a Wes Anderson trailer once and thinks you're quirky.

-為何是你？她有次看到Wes Anderson的預告片，便覺得你傻傻的

Who cares? Look at her. How long will it last? What's your talents for crippling

誰在意？看看她。這能持續多久？你穩定

insecurities and Kesha?

不安全感及惡女凱莎的天賦能持續多久？

You watched Teen Mom without me? You're just like my dad! - You'll keep a picture of her to show to friends.

你自己一個人看 Teen Mom？你跟我爸一樣！ -你會把她照片留著跟朋友炫耀

She will not. She's the only girl who can beat you in Mario Kart.

但她不會。她是唯一可以在馬力歐賽車打敗你的女孩

She's the only girl who will play you in Mario Kart.

她是唯一會陪你玩馬力歐賽車的女孩

- Ha, you drive like my floppy vagina! - Shut up!

-哈，你技術像我鬆弛的陰道！ -閉嘴！

- Relaxed, comfortable, always by your side.

-輕鬆、舒服、永遠站在你這邊

It's like dating your hoodie, but who

這就像和你的兄弟約會，但有誰

in their right mind would want to f--k their hoodie?

真的想和他們的兄弟上床？

She's funny,

她很有趣、

smart, beautiful, and all you're doing is wondering what she's doing there with

聰明、美麗，你一直想著她為何要和

you.

你在一起

- Is everything okay? - Yeah. - Come on. Be confident.

-還好嗎？ -是啊 -來吧，有自信點

You're not going to mess this up. You won't mess this up.

你不會搞砸的。你不會搞砸的

You won't mess this up. How did you mess this up? - We can still be

你不會搞砸的。你怎麼搞砸的？ -我們仍然可以是

friends, right? - You were too afraid of messing things up.

朋友吧？ -你太害怕搞砸事情

And that messed things up. Maybe that's irony. Don't look at us.

結果這搞砸了。也許是個諷刺。別看我們

You're the one with a liberal arts degree. That was college.

你是拿到文科學位文憑的人。這就是大學

Time to move out, get a job, and spend your days watching internet videos.

是時候出社會、找份工作，然後花整天時間觀賞網路影片

Maybe

也許

you'll even get a real girlfriend.

你會真正交到一位女朋友