and sex generally don't go well together. In fact, I do a lot of educating of my clients

about what I consider conditions for good sex, because most people somehow think it's

going to be automatic and spontaneous and, you know, you can count on it. Kind of like

the postman, you know? You can deliver in any kind of weather.

And the thing that you really need to realize is that we are absolutely affected by our

environment. So if you're under a lot of stress, which increases cortisol in your body, than

that constricted energy is absolutely going to impact not only your desire, but often

even your arousal for a sexual experience. It's also true other conditions are getting

enough sleep and, you know, having enough time where you're feeling connected and really

enjoying your partner so that you're in the mood for sex.

One of the biggest impacts stress has is that it kind of hijacks that general sense of desire

to have a partnered experience. You're just wanting to get some sleep, or maybe you're

just ravenously hungry. And you have to just make room to notice what are the drivers of

your experience. Because if it's not sexual interest or libido or wanting a pleasurable

partnered experience, I'm really suggesting you table it for now and focus on getting

what you need -- those conditions -- so that it won't be long before you're both having

an optimal experience.