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  • Good morning, John.

  • Today we plumb the depths of the marvelously

  • complex human.

  • But, first allow me to acknowledge that I am not

  • a sociologist.

  • I am also a straight, white man who doesn't have

  • to worry about a lot of the hate that a lot of other people

  • do have to worry about.

  • But, my goal with this video is I want

  • people to understand, because I think understanding

  • will lead to less hate.

  • And also less self-hate.

  • For a lot of people it is nice to imagine

  • that humans are simple and that you can know

  • a person's sex and then you will know all sorts of things

  • about them deeply and clearly.

  • And if you don't fit into this nice little box,

  • people who do can get really confused

  • and sometimes even angry.

  • And if you yourself don't fit into one of these nice

  • little boxes, and you think people should,

  • then you end up hating yourself.

  • And that's probably even worse.

  • I think the best, and maybe only way to solve

  • this problem is for people to understand that there are

  • no nice shiny boxes.

  • Or if there are shiny boxes, there are an infinite

  • number of them.

  • Enough to put all of the people who currently exist,

  • have ever existed, and will ever exist.

  • So, together, let's understand.

  • We're gonna start simple:

  • What's going on down here, in between the legs.

  • That is your sex.

  • Your biological sex.

  • And it tends to be binary, though there are all sorts

  • of conditions that result in intersex individuals.

  • And as interesting and complicated as this is,

  • the rest of it is much more complicated.

  • So, I'm just gonna move on from here.

  • 'Cause we all kinda get what sex is.

  • Now we move on up to the top, to the brain,

  • which is the thing that decides what gender

  • you identify with:

  • Whether you feel like a man or a woman

  • or neither or both.

  • Because the fascinating thing is,

  • as much as we try to label things,

  • there is no way to label every point

  • on an infinite continuum.

  • And that's what we're dealing with here.

  • So, to actually visualize how this works

  • I've created a graph for you.

  • On the X-axis we have gender: male to female.

  • And on the Y-axis we have the intensity

  • of the identification with that gender.

  • I would be about here because I identify as a man

  • though I recognize that there are some woman-y

  • parts of me.

  • But, let's also put a hypothetical biological female

  • on the graph that identifies very strongly as a man.

  • Now that could be really uncomfortable,

  • especially when there is a bunch of people in the world

  • who insist on calling him a woman just because

  • of the body that he happens to be

  • very uncomfortable with.

  • Which is why sex does not determine the pronoun

  • you should use.

  • Gender does.

  • Now, moving on to your heart -

  • your metaphorical heart, of course.

  • This is who you are attracted to:

  • men, women, all genders.

  • Again, it's a spectrum and that spectrum

  • includes intensity because there are people who don't

  • feel strong sexual attraction at all.

  • That's why asexual is a sexual orientation.

  • A newer idea that I was happy to be exposed to

  • yesterday on Tumblr,

  • is the idea of Romantic Orientation.

  • These are the people you want to have strong,

  • intimate relationships with,

  • but it sorta separates out the idea that sex

  • has to be the goal or end point or like end all and be all

  • of every intimate relationship.

  • Now that we've dealt with how we feel,

  • let's deal with what happens when other people

  • actually get involved.

  • That's sexual behavior which is actually very different

  • from sexual orientation.

  • And that might seem a little bit strange at first,

  • but it's not.

  • Consider for example, a heterosexual priest.

  • That priest's orientation is heterosexual,

  • but because of his religion, his behavior is celibate.

  • Here we're not talking about the preference,

  • we're talking about the behavior.

  • Now, built up of all of this are gender roles

  • which are built by societies, not by individuals.

  • The obvious ones are masculine gender roles

  • and feminine gender roles.

  • But as all dichotomies are false dichotomies,

  • this one is a spectrum too.

  • Now that we've sort of gone over all of this,

  • it's important to note that every single one of these

  • categories is independent from each other.

  • So, a biological female could be a man who only has sex

  • with woman despite the fact that he's attracted

  • to both men and woman and kind of, you know,

  • feels more comfortable in feminine gender roles.

  • That may not be the most common combination

  • of these factors, but it's certainly not weird.

  • And another important point, many people move across

  • these spectrums; sometimes from year to year,

  • sometimes hour to hour.

  • But, what's really important is that we trust ourselves

  • and we understand ourselves.

  • And we love and respect ourselves and we grant

  • that same understanding and respect to the people

  • around us.

  • Because when the world becomes one of infinite

  • continuums and those false dichotomies break down

  • and those two shiny boxes break apart into seven billion

  • shiny boxes it's actually pretty beautiful.

  • John, I'll see you on Tuesday.

Good morning, John.

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人類的性行為是複雜的... ... (Human Sexuality is Complicated...)

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