Name: 人們心中永遠的痛，自殺者親友最沉痛的告白 (What It’s Like To Lose Someone To Suicide)
Uploaded: 2017-05-05T21:00:00.000Z
Duration: 4 min 35 s

- I don't understand why people don't talk about it.

我不知道為什麼人們不願意談論它

過去簡單式

I'm not ashamed that my daughter chose that way to not be here.

對於我女兒自己選擇了這種方式離世，我並不感到羞愧。

I'm grief stricken that she's not with me.

我女兒不在我身邊，使我感到傷痛萬分

- I'd left my phone in my room and I had 45 missed calls,

我把我的手機留在房間內，有 45 個未接來電

my phone lit up and knew what the call was about.

我手機螢幕亮了起來，我知道這通電話是為何打來

Two policemen banging on my bedroom window.

So, I let them inside and they sat me down,

所以，我讓他們進來，他們叫我坐下

and they told me that my sister had been found.

他們告訴我說，已經找到我姐姐了

- The police sergeant started talking to me.

And as soon as he started talking to me, it was just like my heart had ripped in two.

當他正要開口的時候，我的心彷彿裂成了兩半。

- It wasn't until quite a bit of time afterwards that the dust began to settle

過了相當久之後，才漸漸塵埃落定

- Physical feeling of going, "Not, no. That's my daughter. My daughter is gone."

全身有種想要吶喊的感覺「不是吧，不。那是我的女兒。我的女兒走了。」

- All the firsts, the first birthday, the first New Years,

所有的第一次、第一次過生日、第一次過新年

it all just hits you when you least expect it.

你最不想要它發生時，它卻發生了

I developed severe anxiety, and general anxiety disorder.

我有嚴重的焦慮和廣泛性焦慮症

I developed depression worse than I ever have in my entire life.

我得到有生以來最嚴重的憂鬱症

- It comes and goes in waves of feeling from sadness to, yeah just, of course, missing her.

情緒一波波席捲來，像是悲傷和，是啊，當然還有純粹就是思念她

- If you can just imagine one night or you stayed up crying,

你可以想像在一個晚上你睡不著，不斷地哭泣

or crying yourself to sleep over someone that's broken your heart.

為了某人哭了一整夜，這人傷透了你的心

Every single time that's happened, all at once.

每次當它發生時，全部同時一起來

And the feeling's never really gone away.

- I think the biggest thing that I've taken from this experience is this sort of fragility of, of life.

我覺得我從這次經歷學到最大的一件事，就是關於生命的脆弱

Particularly when it comes to mental health,

心理健康不是一個個性上的弱點

- People to this day, are still sweeping this under the rug.

但是直到今日，人們仍忽視這個問題

People are still pretending it's not happening.

- There's nothing wrong about speaking out.

I think asking your friends if they're okay,

- It's really made me realize how important it is to reach out to any loved ones,

我真切意識到，對所愛的人伸出援手是多麼重要

to talk about things more, express feelings,

- My entire baseline of who I am has changed.

我對於「我是誰」的定義已經完全改變

She was my only sibling, so she was my best friend for 20-odd years.

她是我唯一的姐妹，她是我 20 多年來最好的朋友。

I feel like I'm not the same person as I was, and I think a lot of people expect you to kind of bounce back to become the same person, but I'm never gonna be them again.

我覺得我好像變了一個人，我想許多人會期望你能夠變回原先的那個人，但是我不會再回到從前的樣子了。

- I don't think it's ever going be normal for me.

我認為這件事情對我來說永遠不可能會是正常的

I just want them to know that they're not alone.

我會希望他們知道，他們並不孤單

- You're not thinking about what you leave behind,

人走的時候不會去想留下了什麼

但事情的結果卻造成了永久的影響

- Look after yourselves, look after each other,

好好照顧自己，也和他人相互扶持