We invariably and naturally equate genuine relationships with life-long relationships.

我們總是理所當然地把真誠的關係和一輩子的關係畫上等號。

And therefore it seems almost impossible for us to interpret the ending of a union after only a limited period...

因此，我們似乎無法理解兩個人的結合只維持一段有限的時間...

a few weeks, or five or ten years, or anything short of our or the partner’s death-date...

可能幾個禮拜，或是五年、十年，或任一方還沒離開人世前...

as something other than a problem, a failure and an emotional catastrophe that is someone’s fault, probably our own.

只能理解為出了問題、一場敗局、或是能歸咎於某人的（可能是我們自己的）情感災難。

There are people desperate that they've failed because their relationships have lasted only thirty-two years.

有些人對他們的失敗感到絕望，因為他們的關係只維持了32年。

We appear fundamentally unable to trust that a relationship could be at once sincere, meaningful and important...

我們似乎根本無法相信一段關係可以同時真誠、有意義、也重要，

and yet at the same time fairly and guiltlessly limited in its duration.

卻同時維持時間也相當有限。

There are, of course, a few very good reasons for our collective valorization of the life-long love story.

我們會集體認定有所謂一輩子的愛情故事當然是有些原因的

A great many of the pleasures and virtues of relationships do only reveal themselves over time,

關係中很多的樂趣還有優點都只有在歲月洗禮下才得以顯現，

once trust has been established and loyalty fully demonstrated.

一旦信任已然建立，忠誠也徹底展現。

When two people know it's forever, they will work harder than at anything else in their lives,

當雙方體認到這段關係是永遠的，比起生命中其他事他們會更努力去經營它

there's no option to avoid some necessary but unpleasant issues,

儘管無法避開一些必要但令人不快的爭論或問題

they will do their utmost to understand the mysteries of the other’s psyche,

但他們會盡全力去了解對方心思的奧妙，

they will show reserves of tenderness and vulnerability they wouldn’t ever otherwise have accessed.

他們會展現內心平常不觸及的柔軟與脆弱。

They will learn to apologize and reach a modesty about their own shortcomings.

他們會學著說抱歉並虛心承認自己缺點。

They will grow up.

他們會成長。

And in the meantime, day-to-day, they will sample the modest but genuine pleasures

同時，他們會細細品嚐日常裡小小的但真實的樂趣

of cosy Sunday evenings together and shared walks in country parks.

像是共度舒適的周日傍晚還有一起在鄉村公園散著步。

Not least, children always benefit.

尤其還有一點，小孩一直是這種長期關係的受惠者。

But it’s because the charms of the long-term are so clear in our collective imaginations

但正因為長期關係的迷人在我們的集體想像裡如此清晰

that we should acknowledge the danger of cruelly and normatively suppressing all the legitimate claims of short-term love,

我們也應當承認以粗暴且規範性的方式去抹煞短暫戀情的正當性是很危險的

an arrangement which deserves to be interpreted not merely as a pathologically stunted or interrupted version of a long-term union,

這樣的人生安排並非就只能被詮釋為一段長期關係在病理上成長受阻而造成的樣貌。

but as a state with distinctive virtues of its own, one that we might rationally choose from the outset,

還可以被視為一個有其自身獨特性的狀態，一個我們從關係的開端或許就基於理性而抉擇的狀態

knowing from the start that it would be better for both parties if there was a termination point more or less in view.

從一開始就清楚這樣對雙方比較好，如果這段關係的終點已經隱約可見。

So much can go right with short-term love:

選擇短暫愛情有很多好處:

When two people know they don’t own one another, they are extremely careful to earn each other’s respect on a daily basis.

當雙方知道他們並不擁有彼此，他們每天都會非常盡心去獲得對方的尊重

Knowing someone could leave us at any time isn’t only grounds for insecurity, it’s a constant catalyst for tender appreciation.

認知到某人隨時都可能離開並非只能是不安全感的來源，還能持續促進雙方用心欣賞彼此。

When it isn’t forever, we can let differences lie.

當愛情不是永遠，差異就得以棄之。

If the journey is to be long, absolute alignment can feel key.

如果關係要走得長遠，絕對是需要做些調整。

But when the time is short, we're readier to surrender our entrenched positions, to be unthreatened by novelties and dissonances.

但當時間短暫時，我們較能捨棄本來堅守的立場，較不受新奇感和彼此的不一致所威脅。

The distinctive things they have in their fridge and the peculiar things they like to watch and listen to aren’t affronts to our values,

他們冰箱裡的特殊食物還有他們喜歡看喜歡聽的奇特事物並不會冒犯到我們價值觀。

they're unthreatening invitations to expand our personalities.

他們以不帶威脅的方式誘使我們拓展自己的人格特質。

Very few of us come out well from being closely observed, 24 hours a day, in a limited space.

幾乎沒甚麼人能夠在有限空間裡被整天盯著仍得以完好。

These may simply not be the preconditions for getting the best out of some of us.

這可能不是展現自己最好一面的先決條件。

Our interesting and generous sides may need, in order to emerge,

我們有趣又大方的面向要顯現，

our own bedroom and bathroom, quite a few hours to ourselves, some space to read and think

可能需要有自己的臥室跟浴室、幾個小時的獨處、一些閱讀和思考的空間、

and a series of mealtimes alone staring rather blankly out of the window without having to explain how we feel.

還有一個人能發呆看著窗外，不需要說明心情如何的用餐時間。

It’s not a sign of evil, just what we require to be the best version of ourselves.

這不是罪惡，只是我們要展現最好的自己所需的。

What makes people difficult and dooms relationships is almost never the people involved.

讓人變得難相處、讓關係走向終點的幾乎都從來不是這其中的人。

It’s what we're trying to do with them.

而是我們試圖對他們所做的事情。

Inviting someone to marry you is really not a very kind thing to do to someone you love,

邀請你愛的人跟你結婚，對他/她來說真的不是甚麼很善意的行為，

because it’s going to drag the beloved into a range of really rather unpleasant and challenging things:

因為這會把你心愛的對方拖進一堆很讓人不開心又很有挑戰性的事裡:

doing the accounts with you, meeting your family regularly,

要跟你一起做帳、固定跟你家人聚會

seeing you exhausted and bleary-eyed after work, keeping the living room tidy, bringing up a child.

看你下班後累翻又睡眼惺忪的模樣、保持客廳整潔、還有養小孩。

To really love someone – that is, to wish the best for someone –

真心愛對方 – 也就是，希望對方一切安好如意 –

might more fairly mean foregrounding your best qualities for a few ecstatic months,

或許更意味著在短短心醉神迷的幾個月裡去突顯你最優秀的特質

and then mutually and tenderly parting at the check-in desk.

然後在登機報到櫃檯前溫柔地互道珍重。

Long-term relationships reward some qualities – especially the administrative ones – but they obscure others,

長期關係獎勵某些特質 – 尤其是一些管理方面的 – 但也使得其他特質相形失色

for example, those related to skills at having interesting speculative conversations about ethics or the meaning of life late into the night.

例如，能夠徹夜聊些有趣的思索性問題像是道德標準或是生命意義的相關能力

It should be no insult to determine that some people simply won’t be able to shine in the conditions of long-term love,

認定有些人就是無法在長期關係的情況下表現出眾不應該算是羞辱

and that it's very kindly playing up to their strengths to leave them long before we ever need to try to arrange a cutlery drawer with them.

在得試著跟他們為家裡的餐具抽屜作安排前就早早離開，才是真的配合他們的長處。

We should beware of succumbing to the debilitating feeling that because it didn’t last forever, it can have been nothing at all.

我們要小心，不要覺得這段關係沒有持續下去它就甚麼都不是，然後被這種挫人心神的感覺給打敗了。

In other areas of life, we know that ‘going on forever’ isn’t the ideal (even when something is very good).

在生活其他方面，我們清楚"永遠這樣下去「並非追求的理想」，甚至是當某事物真的很棒時。

We don’t necessarily think we have to stay in the same house all our lives though we might really like the one we're in;

我們未必會認為我們得在同一個屋子住上一輩子，雖然我們或許真的很喜歡目前住處。

we’re not betraying it or destroying it when we recognize that for a range of reasons it might be wisest to move elsewhere.

當我們認知到因為各種因素搬到別處才是最明智的決定時，我們就不是在背叛它或破壞它

We need to have an account of love which allows that a relationship can end without anyone having viciously or pathologically killed it prematurely,

我們需要有一套愛的論述，這種論述允許一段關係在沒有人惡意或病態地使其早夭的條件下得以結束。

for only against such a backdrop can we reduce the debilitating quantity of bitterness, guilt and blame that's otherwise in circulation.

因為唯有這樣的論述作背景，我們才能減輕本來會不斷循環的痛苦、罪惡、責怪造成的折騰。

How we see the endings of love depends to a critical extent on what our societies tell us is ‘normal’.

我們如何看待愛情的結束有很大程度取決於我們的社會告訴我們甚麼叫「正常」。

If it was meant to last forever, then every ending will by necessity have to be described as a horrifying failure.

如果「正常」得持續到永遠，那所有的結局必然都要被說成是可怕的失敗。

But if we allow imaginative space for short-term love, then an ending may signal a deeper loyalty,

但如果我們給短暫愛情一點想像空間，那關係的結束或許表示更深切的忠誠，

not to setting up of a home and domestic routines, but to a deep appreciation and admiration one felt for someone for a time;

不是忠於建立家庭或日常慣例，而是忠於對某個人在某段時間裡由衷地欣賞和仰慕。

we’ll walk away with a fair and generous sense of all that's been preserved and enhanced by the relationship not being forced to last forever.

少了永恆壓力的這段關係，讓一切記憶得以好好保存並增強，而我們將帶著這些豐富感受而離開。