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  • Make me proud.

  • Hey Alan!

  • Rose? Oh for god's sake...

  • Did Charlie put you up to this?

  • What are you talking about? Charlie didn't put me up to anything.

  • Right, so it's just a coincidence that I'm sitting here waiting for a prostitute

  • and all of a sudden you show up at the front door.

  • You're waiting for a prostitute?

  • No.

  • Oh, Alan. That's not like you.

  • Yeah, well...

  • When you've had your heart broken enough times and you can't even bear the thought of having an emotional connection

  • with another human being, what else is there to do?

  • A lot of people masturbate, I hear.

  • Really, I've heard them.

  • Nevertheless, sometimes a man needs to feel something other than his own touch.

  • Have you tried switching hands?

  • It's like being with a clumsy stranger.

  • Hi!

  • Hi! You must be Alan's prostitute.

  • I'm Rose.

  • Hi Rose. Will you be joining us tonight?

  • No. You'll just be doing Alan this evening.

  • Goodnight Rose. - Goodnight.

  • So, come on in!

  • Sorry I'm a little late. - Oh, that's okay.

  • As long as it doesn't come out of my... you know... winky-dink time.

  • Shall we take care of business before we get started?

  • Oh, absolutely! No money, no honey!

  • No looty, no booty!

  • No cash in advance, I'm not in your pants!

  • That was four hundred, right? - Five.

  • Oh, of course!

  • Why would I think it was four...

  • Thanks.

  • So, Alan...

  • What do you like?

  • Oh, just about anything. I'm not finnicky.

  • Ooh, no limits huh?

  • Well you know, I'm not into animals or...

  • anything near my keister.

  • Okay.

  • Come here.

  • Let's get comfy. - Alrighty.

  • Oh, baby. You really turn me on.

  • Uh, uh, hang on a second. - What?

  • I'm a little bumped by that 'turn me on' part.

  • I mean, I want to believe you but I've been with enough women to know it doesn't happen that fast.

  • Sometimes it doesn't happen at all.

  • Honey, I would not lie to you.

  • No, no, of course not. Why would you lie to me? But...

  • I'm just saying it would help if you could tone down the narration to a more believable level.

  • Alright.

  • Mmm... oh, you are the best kisser.

  • Okay, again...

  • I happen to know for a fact that I'm not the best kisser.

  • Okay, I'm a little confused here.

  • I'm just not buying it.

  • And since I am buying it, I should be able to buy it.

  • All you have to do is tell the truth. There's no need for hyperbole.

  • Alright. - Okay.

  • Oh, Alan...

  • Your lips are so thin and dry...

  • Okay, now we're cookin'.

  • Oh, come on. I just said I can't believe I'm the biggest you've ever seen.

  • I mean, I'm not even the biggest I've ever seen.

  • And I haven't seen that many.

  • I'm sorry, I have to go. - Why?

  • I have a headache.

  • I can work with that. I was married for twelve years.

  • Here's your money. Don't ever call me again.

  • Okay, second base for free!

Make me proud.

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兩個半男人 - 艾倫與妓女[高清]。 (Two and a Half Men - Alan with a Hooker [HD])

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