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  • THE 2016 ELECTION IS FAST APPROACHING.

  • AND NOVEMBER WILL BE HERE ANY DAY NOW.

  • PROBABLY SOMETIME AFTER HALLOWEEN.

  • THIS IS THE ROAD TO THE WHITE HOUSE.

  • >> GET READY BECAUSE YOU'RE GOING TO BE WORKING YOUR ASSES

  • OFF.

  • >> Stephen: NOW THAT DONALD TRUMP IS THE PRESUMPTIVE GOP

  • NOMINEE, TOMORROW'S WEST VIRGINIA PRIMARY IS NOT EXACTLY

  • CRUCIAL.

  • BUT THAT DID NOT STOP HIM FROM HOLDING A RALLY THERE ON

  • THURSDAY TO REMIND EVERYONE OF THEIR IMPORTANT ROLE IN THE

  • DEMOCRATIC PROCESS.

  • >> YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T HAVE TO VOTE ANY MORE.

  • SAVE YOUR VOTE FOR THE GENERAL ELECTION, OKAY.

  • FORGET THIS ONE.

  • THE PRIMARY IS GONE.

  • >> Stephen: YES.

  • IT IS AN INSPIRING MESES AGE IT REMINDED ME OF PATRICK HENRY'S

  • IMMORE TAL BATTLE CRY, GIVE ME LIBERTY OR DON'T, FORGET THIS

  • ONE, I DON'T GIVE A CRAP.

  • (APPLAUSE) IT DOESN'T MATTER.

  • DOESN'T MATTER.

  • BUT TRUMP WASN'T JUST IN WEST VIRGINIA TO MAKE CALLS TO

  • INACTION, HE WAS ALSO THERE TO ACCEPT THE ENDORSEMENT OF THE

  • WEST VIRGINIA COAL ASSOCIATION WHICH, LIKE ALL ENDORSEMENTS,

  • COMES WITH A FREE HAT.

  • >> I WILL PUT IT ON.

  • (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).

  • >> Stephen: WOW!

  • WOW, HE REALLY LOOKS LIKE A MIENER, RIGHT DOWN TO THAT

  • ORANGE SOOT ON HIS FACE FROM YEARS IN THE DORITO MINES.

  • AND I'M SURE-- I'M SURE-- (APPLAUSE)

  • I'M SURE ALL THE COAL MINUTE ERRS THERE RELATED TO-- MINERS

  • RELATED TO THIS MOTION.

  • WHEN THEY GO OUT AFTER WORK AND PLAY LACROSSE.

  • (LAUGHTER) 16 POUNDS, WHAT DO YOU GOT.

  • AND GONE.

  • THAT WASN'T TRUMP'S ONLY ATTEMPT AT MIME IN THIS SPEECH.

  • HE ALSO PRETENDED TO DRIVE A CAR, WRITE A LETTER, ANSWER A

  • PHONE AND CONDUCT AN ORCHESTRA.

  • (LAUGHTER) SO EVEN IF HE DOESN'T END UP

  • LEAVING THE COUNTRY, HE COULD DEFINITELY LEAD AN IMPROV CLASS.

  • BUT TRUMP SHOWED HE UNDERSTANDED NUMBER ONE HEALTH RISK

  • ASSOCIATED WITH COAL MINING, HAT HAIR.

  • >> DOES MY HAIR LOOK OKAY.

  • GOT A LITTLE SPRAY.

  • GIVE ME A LITTLE SPRAY.

  • YOU KNOW, YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO USE HAIRSPRAY ANY MORE BECAUSE

  • IT AFFECTS THE O ZONE YOU KNOW THAT RIGHT.

  • IN THE OLD DAYS YOU PUT THE OZONE ON IT WAS GOOD.

  • TODAY YOU PUT THE HAIR STRAI ON, IT'S GOOD FOR 12 MINUTES, RIGHT.

  • BUT YOU KNOW THEY SAY THAT YOU CAN'T-- I SAID WAIT A MINUTE, SO

  • IF I TAKE HAIRSPRAY AND IF I SPRAY IT IN MY APARTMENT WHICH

  • IS ALL SEALED AND, YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT AFFECTS THE

  • OZONE LAYER?

  • YES.

  • I SAY NO WAY, FOLKS.

  • NO WAY.

  • (LAUGHTER).

  • >> Stephen: TRULY, TRULY SPOKEN LIKE A MAN WHO SPENT

  • YEARS INHALING AEROSOL IN A POORLY VENT LATED ROOM.

  • (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) NO WAY.

  • NO.

  • I WAS SURPRISED TO SEW TRUMP SO HUNG UP ON THE CURRENT STATE OF

  • HAIRSPRAY.

  • BECAUSE I LOOKED IT UP AND THE HAIRSPRAY THAT DESTROYED THE

  • OZONE WAS BANNED IN 1978.

  • SO TRUMP HAS BEEN MAD ABOUT HAIRSPRAY FOR 38 YEARS.

  • TO PUT THAT IN PERSPECTIVE, A WOMAN BORN IN 1978 WOULD HAVE

  • BEEN MARRIED AND DIVORCED FROM DONALD TRUMP BY NOW.

  • I CAN'T WAIT, I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THE REST OF HIS 1978

  • PLATFORM.

  • WHY DOESN'T TAB TASTE AS GOOD.

  • SO WHAT IF SACCHARIN GIVES RATS CANCERED.

  • WE'RE WORRIED ABOUT RATS NOW, IT'S RIDICULOUS.

  • I MISS FLAMMABLE PAJAMAS.

  • IT MADE SMOKING IN BED MUCH MORE EXCITING.

  • WHY DO WE HAVE TO WEAR THOSE SEATBELTS WITH THE STUPID

  • SHOULDER STRAPS.

  • LAP BELTS WORK FINE.

  • I LIKE MY HEAD TO SLAM INTO THE DASH BOARD.

  • LET ME-- LET ME SHAKE OUT A-- (APPLAUSE)

  • I NEED A MOMENT TO SHAKE OUT OF MY IMPRESSION.

  • THAT'S HOW DEEP IT IS.

  • BUT I AM INTERESTED TO SEE HOW THIS SPEECH WENT OVER WITH

  • VOTERS IN WEST VIRGINIA.

  • SO JOINING ME NOW, LIVE VIA SATELLITE FROM WEST VIRGINIA IS

  • COAL MINER EARL VAN ZANDT.

  • GOOD EVENING, MR. VAN ZANDT.

  • >> HI THERE, STEPHEN.

  • HOW ARE YOU DOING, EVERYBODY?

  • HOW ARE YOU DOING THERE, STEPHEN?

  • >> Stephen: MR. VAN ZANDT, DID YOU HAPPEN TO SEE DONALD TRUMP'S

  • SPEECH IN WEST VIRGINIA WHY.

  • >> SURE DID,I LOVE TRUMP.

  • I WAS EVEN GOING TO VOTE FOR HIM TILL HE TOLD ME NOT TO.

  • >> Stephen: SO YOU RELATED TO THE SPEECH.

  • >> DAMN RIGHT.

  • I USED TO THINK TRUMP WAS JUST AN OUT OF TOUCH BILLIONAIRE BUT

  • THEN HE PUT ON THAT HAT AND I REALIZED HE'S JUST A REGULAR HAT

  • WEARING GUY WITH A HEAD THAT CAN HOLD A HAT.

  • PRETTY IMPRESSIVE.

  • >> Stephen: OKAY, I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT.

  • BUT DID IT SURPRISE YOU AT ALL WHEN HE SPENT A SIGNIFICANT PART

  • OF HIS SPEECH TALKING ABOUT HAIRSPRAY.

  • >> HELL NO!

  • TRUMP'S THE ONLY CANDIDATE THAT UNDERSTANDS THAT WHEN YOU ARE A

  • COAL MINER MILES UNDERGROUND YOUR NUMBER ONE CONCERN IS

  • LASTING HOLD.

  • BUT YOU KNOW, NOT TOO STIFF.

  • AS A COAL MINER I STILL WANT TOUCHABLE HAIR.

  • SEE?

  • CHEESIER PLAWS-- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

  • >> BEAUTIFUL, LUXURIOUS HAIR.

  • >> Stephen: YEAH, LOVELY, YOUR HAIR, YOUR HAIR SEEMS TO BE

  • HOLDING TOGETHER NICELY.

  • >> YEAH, THAT'S CUZ OF THIS HERE CAN OF AQUA NET FROM 1954.

  • THERE HANDED DOWN FROM MY GRANDPAPPY.

  • >> Stephen: WOW, MAKE SURE YOU GET SOME VENTLATION IN THERE.

  • >> THAT'S RIGHT.

  • >> Stephen: CLEARLY TRUMP KNOWS MORE ABOUT COAL MINERS

  • THAN I THOUGHT.

  • >> SURE DOES, WELL, BACK TO WORK.

  • (LAUGHTER).

  • >> Stephen: EARL VAN ZANDT, EVERYBODY.

THE 2016 ELECTION IS FAST APPROACHING.

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煤礦工人喜歡特朗普 (Coal Miners Love Trump)

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