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  • >> Jon: WELCOME BACK.

  • LAST WEEK, WE DID-- LAST WEEK, I THOUGHT A VERY NICE PIECE ON THE

  • SHOW ABOUT HOW FOX NEWS WANTED PEOPLE TO APOLOGIZE FOR RUSHING

  • TO JUDGMENT ON THE FERGUSON SHOOTING OF MICHAEL BROWN.

  • AND SO WE I THINK QUITE CLEVERLY DREW AN ANALOGY TO THAT

  • AND THEIR RUSH TO JUDGMENT ON BENGHAZI, IT WAS REALLY QUITE

  • DROLL.

  • NOW WHILE FOX NEVER ADDRESSED OUR BENGHAZI POINT,

  • IT APPEARS NOW THEY'RE ASKING FOR MORE THAN AN APOLOGY.

  • >> PETE WILLIAMS, TO HIS CREDIT, GOT THAT BOSTON MARATHON TERROR

  • REPORTING DEAD ON.

  • AND THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA HAILED HIM AS A HERO FOR GETTING IT

  • RIGHT, WHICH HE DID.

  • FOX NEWS GOT THIS CASE RIGHT.

  • FOX NEWS, NOT JUST ME.

  • SEAN HANNITY HAD A LOT OF SEGMENTS, PLUS O'REILLY HAD A

  • LOT OF SEGMENTS, URGING CAUTION.

  • WOULD THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA EVER HAIL THEM AS HEROES LIKE WE

  • HEARD ABOUT PETE WILLIAMS?

  • >> Jon: YEAH, WHY DOESN'T FOX GET AS MUCH CREDIT AS-- WHO'S

  • PETE WILLIAMS?

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ANYWAY, THE POINT IS, IT WASN'T

  • THE FIRST TIME THEY GOT IT RIGHT.

  • >> I URGED CAUTION IN THE DUKE COVERAGE, AND IN THE TRAYVON

  • MARTIN COVERAGE, AND NOW THIS COVERAGE.

  • >> Jon: THAT'S THREE TIMES.

  • THEY GOT IT RIGHT THREE TIMES IN 10 YEARS.

  • THOSE ARE SOLAR ECLIPSE NUMBERS, PEOPLE, WHICH I THINK IS WHY

  • IT'S RECOMMENDED YOU ONLY WATCH FOX THROUGH A TINY PINHOLE POKED

  • IN A PIECE OF CARDBOARD.

  • YOU CAN'T LOOK DIRECTLY AT FOX.

  • IT WILL INDELIBLY BURN YOUR SOUL.

  • WHILE OF COURSE THE WHOLE RUSH TO JUDGMENT COMPLAINT IS

  • ( BLEEP ), FOX IS NOTHING BUT A RUSH TO JUDGMENT IN

  • ALMOST EVERY SITUATION.

  • OKAY.

  • YOU'RE THE CAUTION AND SOBER REFLECTION NETWORK.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) BUT MY FAVORITE PART OF THE

  • PIECE WAS AFTER 10 MINUTES OF COMPLAINING THAT NO ONE WOULD

  • EVER THANK THEM, THIS.

  • >> IF YOU ARE WAITING FOR THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA TO SAY NOT ONLY

  • THAT WE WERE WRONG IN THIS RACIALLY CHARGED CASE THAT

  • RESULTED IN SO MUCH VIOLENCE IN THAT TOWN AND TO CREDIT

  • FOX NEWS FOR BEING RIGHT, YOU'RE GOING TO HOLD YOUR

  • BREATH A LONG TIME.

  • >> WE DON'T CARE ABOUT THEM.

  • (LAUGHTER) >> Jon: RIGHT, YOU DON'T

  • CARE, IN THE SAME WAY MY MOM DOESN'T CARE IF I EVER CALL.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) SURE, CALL OR NOT.

  • I COULD JUST SIT HERE AND DIE. ( LAUGHTER )

  • BUT THE POINT IS, THE POINT IS YOU WERE RIGHT,

  • AND THAT IS NEWSWORTHY WHEN FOX IS RIGHT.

  • AND CAUSE FOR CELEBRATION.

  • SO TO HONOR THAT TIME YOU WERE RIGHT, WE GOT YOU A FUDGIE THE

  • WHALE.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) BECAUSE, YOU KNOW WHY, WE THINK

  • YOU'RE A WHALE OF A NETWORK!

  • IN THAT WE'VE BEEN CHASING YOU OUR WHOLE LIVES AND JUST CAN'T

  • KILL YOU.

  • BUT THAT'S NOT ALL, FOX.

  • IN HONOR OF THIS SINGULAR ACHIEVEMENT OF YOU BEING RIGHT,

  • LIBERAL HOLLYWOOD HAS SOMETHING THEY'D LIKE TO SAY TO YOU.

  • HOLLYWOOD.

  • >> I'M GEORGE LUCUS AND I'M HERE TO ASSURE YOU THAT I AM ONLY

  • GOING TO MAKE MOVIES FROM NOW ON THAT ARE BLINDLY

  • UNCRITICAL OF AMERICA.

  • LIKE "THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK, JUSTIFIABLY".

  • "AMERICAN EXCEPTIONALISM GRAFFITI."

  • "STAR WARS, THE REAGAN MISSILE DEFENSE VERSION."

  • AND "THE CLINTON MENACE."

  • FOX NEWS, MAY YOU LIVE LONG AND PROSPER.

  • WAIT, I DIDN'T WRITE THAT, DID I?

  • >> Jon: SORRY. BUT THE TRUTH IS THIS--

  • ( APPLAUSE ) FOX, WE CAN SEND YOU ALL THE

  • CONGRATULATORY MESSAGES AND PRAISE WE CAN MUSTER, BUT IT'S

  • REALLY JUST GOING TO PALE IN COMPARISON TO HOW YOUR BIGGEST

  • FANS FEEL ABOUT YOU, AND SO WE HAD THEM TAPE SOME

  • MESSAGES OF CONGRATULATIONS AS WELL. TAKE A LOOK.

  • >> ONE NETWORK HAS TRANSFORMED, REENVISIONED AND REINVENTED THE

  • WAY NEWS IS DONE.

  • >> FOX IS THE DOMINANT FORCE IN BROADCAST NEWS TODAY.

  • >> WE'RE THE ONLY NETWORK THAT'S TELLING THE TRUTH RIGHT NOW.

  • >> IT'S THE ONLY PLACE YOU CAN FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOUR COUNTRY.

  • >> YOU MIGHT LEARN SOMETHING AS OPPOSED TO JUST HAVING YOUR

  • WORLD VIEW REINFORCED.

  • >> WE GIVE YOU BOTH SIDES.

  • WE GIVE YOU ALL THE STUFF.

  • >> WE'RE SIMPLY BETTER THAN THE OPPOSITION.

  • >> WE KEEP KICKING THEIR ASS EVERY DAY IN THE RATINGS.

  • >> NUMBER ONE. >> NUMBER ONE.

  • >> NUMBER ONE, THAT'S US.

  • >> PROBABLY THE MOST POWERFUL NEWS AGENCY IN THE WORLD RIGHT

  • NOW.

  • >> WE'RE CERTAINLY COVERING IT THIS MORNING.

  • THANK YOU, FOX NEWS.

  • >> YOU GUY'S, YOU'RE THE BEST.

  • >> THANK GOD FOR OUTLETS LIKE FOX NEWS.

  • >> THANK GOD FOR FOX NEWS.

  • >> THANK GOD FOX NEWS IS ON IT.

  • >> THANK GOD.

  • >> THANK GOD.

  • >> THANK GOD.

  • >> GOD BLESS FOX NEWS.

  • >> Jon: HE CLEARLY ALREADY HAS.

  • THE GREAT THING IS I GET IT NOW.

  • YOUR NETWORK LAUNCHED IN 1996, YOU'RE 18 YEARS OLD, AND JUST

  • LIKE EVERY OTHER 18-YEAR-OLD, YOU HAVE A MASSIVE EGO AND SPEND

  • 24 HOURS A DAY JERKING YOURSELF OFF.

  • WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> Jon: WELCOME BACK.

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每日秀》--特別網絡 (The Daily Show - The Special Network)

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