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  • AFTER THE ATTACKS IN PARIS THE WAR ON TERROR IS HEATING UP

  • AGAIN AND WE'VE JUST LEARNED SOMETHING NEW ABOUT THE

  • TERRORIST'S DEVIOUS TACTICS.

  • >> COUNTERTERRORISM OFFICIALS SAY I.S.I.S. RECENTLY LAUNCHED A

  • 24-HOUR HELP DESK MANNED BY A DOZEN SENIOR OPERATIVES.

  • >> Trevor: I.S.I.S. HAS A HELP LINE?

  • FOR TERRORISTS?

  • THIS IS INSANE.

  • (LAUGHTER)

  • AND ALSO, A GREAT OPPORTUNITY FOR US.

  • BECAUSE, YOU SEE, ALL WE NEED TO DO NOW IS MAKE SURE NONE OF

  • THEIR ATTACKS EVER WORK AGAIN AND ALL WE NEED TO DO IS

  • SECRETLY REPLACE THEIR HELP DESK OPERATORS WITH OUR GUYS.

  • (LAUGHTER)

  • IMAGINE WHAT WE COULD DO IF WE COULD INFILTRATE THE SYSTEM.

  • YEAH, WE WOULD JUST BE THERE LIKE -- YES, I'M SORRY YOU'RE

  • HAVING TROUBLE WITH YOUR SUICIDE VEST.

  • YES, ARE YOU ALONE AND AT HOME BY YOURSELF?

  • GOOD.

  • WELL, HAVE YOU TRIED TURNING IT OFF AND BACK ON AGAIN?

  • (BLAST)

  • (LAUGHTER)

  • HELLO?

  • HELLO?

  • NEXT CALLER.

  • (LAUGHTER)

  • BUT, OF COURSE, GETTING RID OF I.S.I.S. IS NOT THAT SIMPLE,

  • WHICH IS WHY PRESIDENT OBAMA HAS BEEN FACING SOME REALLY

  • TOUGH QUESTIONS.

  • >> I THINK A LOT OF AMERICANS HAVE THIS FRUSTRATION IN THAT

  • THEY SEE THE UNITED STATES HAS THE GREATEST MILITARY IN THE

  • WORLD, IT HAS THE BACKING OF NEARLY EVERY OTHER COUNTRY IN

  • THE WORLD WHEN IT COMES TO TAKING ON I.S.I.S.

  • I GUESS THE QUESTION IS AND IF YOU'LL FORGIVE THE LANGUAGE IS

  • WHY CAN'T WE TAKE OUT THESE BASTARDS?

  • (LAUGHTER)

  • >> Trevor: FIRST OF ALL, KUDOS TO THE PRESIDENT FOR ONLY

  • CUSSING THAT JOURNALIST OUT IN HIS HEAD.

  • (LAUGHTER)

  • AND SECONDLY, CNN'S JIM ACOSTA, I'M GLAD YOU APOLOGIZED FOR THAT

  • POTTY MOUTH OF YOURS.

  • YEAH, I GOT TO APOLOGIZE FOR THIS, UH, BASTARDS...

  • WHOA!

  • SOMEBODY'S BEEN HANGING OUT WITH HIS OLDER COUSIN!

  • WHOA!

  • HEY, GUYS, ARE WE GOING TO GET THESE I.S.I.S. KNUCKLEHEADS OR

  • WHAT?

  • COME ON!

  • THEY'RE A BUNCH OF JERK WADS!

  • I'M TELLING THE BIRDBRAINS'LL KNOW WHAT'S COMING!

  • WE'VE GOT TO GIVE THESE I.S.I.S. SHMUCKS THE WING-A-DING-DING!

  • WHO ARE YOU?

  • THE PRESIDENT RESPONDED AS IF THE QUESTION WAS ACTUALLY COMING

  • FROM AN ADULT.

  • >> WE'RE GOING TO CONTINUE TO PURSUE THE STRATEGY THAT HAS THE

  • BEST CHANCE OF WORKING, EVEN THOUGH IT DOES NOT OFFER THE

  • SATISFACTION, I GUESS, OF A NEAT HEADLINE OR AN IMMEDIATE

  • RESOLUTION.

  • >> Trevor: I'M SORRY, PRESIDENT OBAMA...

  • THIS IS NON-IMMEDIATE RESOLUTION STUFF IS JUST NOT GOING TO CUT

  • IT.

  • THESE ARE AMERICANS YOU'RE TALKING TO.

  • THE PEOPLE WHO SPEND MILLIONS OF DOLLARS A YEAR ON DIET PILLS

  • THAT WILL MAKE YOU LOSE 50 POUNDS IN FIVE DAYS.

  • THESE ARE THE INVENTORS OF THE TV DINNER!

  • AMERICANS WON'T EVEN GRAM UNLESS INDEPENDENTS INSTA.

  • BUT AFTER SUCH A TRAGEDY, I UNDERSTAND THE IMPULSE WE JUST

  • WANT TO GET REVENGE.

  • I GET IT.

  • THAT'S ANGER.

  • THAT'S ONE OF THE STAGES OF GRIEF MOST PEOPLE GO THROUGH IF

  • THEY'RE NORMAL.

  • BUT AS WE'VE SEEN IN THE LAST FEW DAYS, NOT EVERYONE IS

  • NORMAL, AND MOST OF THEM ARE RUNNING FOR OFFICE.

  • YOU SEE, FOR SOME POLITICIANS, THEY DON'T GO THROUGH THE FIVE

  • STAGES -- DENIAL, ANGER, BARGAINING, UM, ANGER, AND THE

  • DEPARTMENT OF COMMERCE.

  • FOR EXAMPLE, POLITICIAN GRIEVING STAGE ONE -- USE THE TRAGEDY AS

  • AN EXCUSE TO SAY WHAT YOU WOULD HAVE SAID ANYWAY.

  • >> YOU CAN SAY WHAT YOU WANT, BUT IF THEY HAD GUNS, IF OUR

  • PEOPLE HAD GUNS, IF THEY WERE ALLOWED TO CARRY, IT WOULD HAVE

  • BEEN A MUCH, MUCH DIFFERENT SITUATION.

  • >> Trevor: WHAT?!

  • WHY IS YOUR ANSWER ALWAYS MORE GUNS?

  • IT'S LIKE SAYING LET'S DIG OUR WAY OUT OF THIS HOLE WITH MORE

  • HOLES.

  • (LAUGHTER)

  • SORRY THE LAST TRANSFORMERS MOVIE SUCKED.

  • HERE, WE'LL FIX IT WITH ANOTHER ONE!

  • IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY!

  • ONCE YOU'VE WORKED THROUGH THE FIRST, THEN YOU CAN MOVE TO THE

  • NEXT STAGE OF POLITICAL GRIEF -- BREAK OUT THE NAZI COMPARISONS.

  • >> SECRETARY CLINTON DID NOT WANT TO USE THE WORD RADICAL

  • ISLAM.

  • YOUR RESPONSE.

  • >> I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.

  • IT'S LIKE SAYING WE WEREN'T AT WAR WITH THE NAZIS BECAUSE IT

  • WE WERE AFRAID IT WOULD OFFEND SOME GERMANS WHO WERE

  • MEMBERS TO HAVE THE NAZI PARTY BUT NOT VIOLENT

  • THEMSELVES.

  • >> Trevor: NOT EXACTLY THE SAME THING BECAUSE ISLAM IS A

  • RELIGION AND IT'S OPEN FOR VIOLENT AND PEACEFUL

  • INTERPRETATION, LIKE OUR PEACEFUL CHRISTIANITY WITH

  • ENCOMPASS BOTH THE SPANISH INQUISITION AND THE LITTLE OLD

  • LADY IN CHURCH TALKING ABOUT HER CAT'S DIABETES MEDICINE --

  • TORTURE EITHER WAY.

  • BUT MARCO RUBIO TO SAY NON-RADICAL MUSLIMS IS

  • THE SAME AS NON-VIOLENT NAZIS IS NOT CORRECT.

  • THE NAZIS KNEW WHAT THEY WERE GETTING INTO IT.

  • IT'S NOT LIKE THE MAJORITY OF NAZIS WERE IN IT FOR

  • NON-FASCIST REASONS --

  • I'M ALL IN IT FOR THE BOOTS A ND RALLIES, BUT THE VIOLENT

  • STUFF IS TOTALLY NOT COOL, JA!

  • (APPLAUSE)

  • YOU SEE, WHAT'S HAPPENING IS SOME DEMOCRATS, FOR INSTANCE

  • HILLARY CLINTON, THINK IT'S UNWISE TO USE THE TERM

  • RADICAL ISLAM TO DESCRIBE THE TERRORISTS.

  • BECAUSE OF THAT SOME REPUBLICANS, FOR INSTANCE MOST

  • OF THEM, ARE ACCUSING DEMOCRATS OF NOT GENUINELY

  • WANTING TO DEFEAT I.S.I.S.

  • >> THEY'RE MORE INTERESTED IN PROTECTING THE IMAGE OF ISLAM

  • THAN PROTECTING AMERICANS.

  • TUCKER, IF THESE WERE MILITANT METHODISTS, EXTREME

  • EPISCOPALIANS, BAD BOY BAPTISTS, DO YOU THINK WE WOULD BE AFRAID

  • TO SAY THAT?

  • >> Trevor: NO, WE WOULD NOT BE AFRAID TO SAY THAT BECAUSE BAD

  • BOY BAPTISTS IS AN AWFUL NAME FOR A TERRORIST GROUP.

  • (LAUGHTER)

  • BUT...

  • A GREAT NAME FOR YOUR CHRISTIAN SOUL ROCK ONE-MAN BASS-ONLY

  • ALBUM!

  • YEAH, YEAH!

  • MY PERSONAL FAVORITE -- TRACK THREE, "BLESSED ARE THE FUNKY."

  • (LAUGHTER)

  • BUT ACCORDING TO MIKE HUCKABEE, WE NEED TO RECOGNIZE

  • OUR DESPERATE SITUATION.

  • >> THE ONES WHO ARE READY TO CUT OUR HEADS OFF, THE ONES WHO ARE

  • BLOWING UP PEOPLE IN PARIS AND ALL OVER THE WORLD, IT JUST

  • HAPPENS THEY'RE ALL RADICAL MUSLIMS.

  • WE BETTER WAKE UP AND SMELL THE FALAFEL.

  • (AUDIENCE REACTS)

  • >> Trevor: NOW, THERE ARE A FEW THINGS WRONG WITH THAT

  • STATEMENT.

  • (LAUGHTER)

  • NUMBER ONE, FALAFEL IS NOT A BREAKFAST FOOD.

  • NUMBER TWO, IT DOESN'T REALLY SMELL LIKE ANYTHING.

  • AND NUMBER THREE, THE RACISM.

  • I REALLY SHOULD HAVE LED WITH THE RACISM, I KNOW.

  • (APPLAUSE)

  • THEN THERE IS THE FINAL STAGE OF POLITICAL GRIEF -- YOU FOCUS

  • ON HOW TO HANDLE THE TIDE OF REFUGEES FLEEING SYRIA AND

  • I.S.I.S.

  • THIS STAGE IS KNOWN AS "JUST SAY SOMETHING REALLY (BLEEP) CRAZY."

  • >> IF WE DISPLACE PEOPLE USED TO A DESERT CLIMATE LIVING IN THE

  • MIDDLE EAST, SPEAKING A LANGUAGE NOT COMMON TO AMERICA AND

  • ESSENTIALLY LIVING IN A CULTURE AND AMIDST A RELIGION THAT IS

  • NOT THAT COMMON HERE, WE REALLY ARE CREATING A DISRUPTION.

  • IF WE'RE SERIOUS ABOUT WANTING TO PROTECT THEM, THEN LET'S DO

  • IT IN A CLIMATE WITH A LANGUAGE, WITH THE CULTURE AND THE

  • RELIGION THEY'RE MORE COMFORTABLE WITH.

  • >> Trevor: YOU KNOW, MIKE HUCKABEE MAKES A GOOD POINT.

  • CAN YOU IMAGINE IF PEOPLE STARTED COMING TO AMERICA FROM

  • ALL OVER THE WORLD, BRINGING THEIR DIFFERENT LANGUAGES,

  • CULTURES AND RELIGIONS, MIXING AND CHANGING THE CULTURE THAT'S

  • ALREADY HERE TILL IT BECOMES SOMETHING TOTALLY NEW, WHAT KIND

  • OF COUNTRY WOULD THIS BE?!

  • BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, MIKE HUCKABEE, I UNDERSTAND YOU AS

  • SOMEONE WHOSE FAMILY HAS BEEN HERE FOR GENERATIONS AS A -- I

  • GUESS A NATIVE AMERICAN, YOU CAN SAY.

AFTER THE ATTACKS IN PARIS THE WAR ON TERROR IS HEATING UP

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每日秀》--巴黎的悲劇。政治悲痛的三個階段 (The Daily Show - Tragedy in Paris: The Three Stages of Political Grief)

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    VoiceTube 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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