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- You should listen to me, yo.
I'm a relationship expert that's single.
(Christmas bells)
What up everyone, it's your girl, Superwoman,
and I am not looking for a relationship right now.
I have no interest in putting my time or effort
into another person, nor do I need another person
to put energy into me, okay?
Because that's what granola bars are for.
And even though I'm pretty solid on that decision,
from time to time, a guy will do something and my heart
will try to convince my brain to think differently.
So let me reveal to you the five things guys do
that girls love, AKA, lifehacks for single men
to get that Netflix and chill.
Number one, wear distinct cologne.
Okay now, hold up, I'm sure you've heard that before.
It's not some unique thought.
It's not rocket science.
Let's be real.
We both live on thought catalog.
But let me explain to you why this is so important.
You see, because women wear perfume,
and perfume smells sweet, okay?
Reminds you of flowers, fields, okay?
Nice sunsets, okay, perfume is basically
like Connor Franta's Instagram, okay?
It's effin' beautiful.
In fact, the whole experience
of wearing perfume is very sensual.
All commercials that advertise perfume are always like
a girl touching herself with no real storyline.
A great example is any Miley Cyrus music video.
♫ I came in like a wrecking ball. ♫
Perfume by Dior.
And although perfume smells great,
it also smells kind of like, delicate,
and fragile, and passive and submissive.
Like, straight up, if perfume were a person,
I would imagine that person having to fight
for their right to vote, and that's annoying.
I mean like, straight up, even I wanna ask a bottle
of Chanel to go make me a sandwich.
But cologne, on the other hand, no no no,
cologne smells like confidence, okay?
Like power.
Cologne smells like you just hit a three-pointer,
won the game, and now Drake is gonna
write a rap lyric about you.
♫Steph cury with the shot boy♫
And that's hot.
So it's hard for a woman to be around you
and ignore that scent of victory, okay?
And chances are, if she's pissed at you,
she'll still be captivated by the amazing scent
of your cologne.
I saw you check her out!
- No, I wasn't even looking at her.
- I saw you!
- (sigh) Lilly, I wasn't looking at her.
- I saw you with my own eyes, Dom.
- Fine, okay, I'm sorry, alright?
I'm sorry.
- Don't even touch me!
Get away from me!
- (sigh) Fine.
- Get over here!
Just..
- Uh, okay, I'm sorry.
- Don't touch me!
Get, get away from me!
- Ow, ow, that's my neck.
- You smell like a miracle, dammit!
Not to mention, girls actually
remember how guys smell.
True story, I can not tell you how many times
I've hugged a guy and been like, "Oh, my God.
"He smells like my ex."
And then I'm like, "Finish him!"
(fighting exhalation)
What up t-shirt reference. (laughing)
J.K., J.K.
No, but for real, that's the type
of effed up brainwashing you need.
Number two, children.
Now let me make one thing clear.
I do not want kids right now.
I have absolutely no desire
to pop a human being out of my vajayjay,
and then having my vajayjay all stitched up.
You know why?
Because snitches get stitches,
and my vajayjay didn't say a damn thing, okay?
It's that simple.
And you know what?
Maybe one day I will want kids,
just like maybe one day I'll actually update
my computer software and not click remind me tomorrow.
But today is not that day.
I mean, don't get me wrong.
I love kids in small doses.
I mean, I love my nephews.
But I ain't trying to be a mom.
So then, why is it that when I see a man
interacting with a child, suddenly my mind
views him as the father to my hypothetical children?
I swear to God, why does this happen?
Is this just me?
Because I feel like a man
with a baby attached to him
could be like a Pokemon character.
So I am just like, "I play Fatherhood."
And I'mma be over here like, "Ahh, Pika Pika!"
It's effin' wizardry.
- Hey, sweetie, how are you?
Oh my gosh, you're so adorable.
You know Uncle Dom loves you, right?
- [Lilly] Oh my God, he is so cute.
- Christmas presents and we just,
we're just gonna have a blast.
- [Lilly] Were his eyes always that nice?
- Growing up so fast.
- [Lilly] Has he been working out?
Wait, wait, should I marry this guy?
- Give me a kiss.
- [Lilly] Oh my God, he'd make such a good father.
Just look at him.
- Come on, give me a kiss.
Don't do that.
- [Lilly] Wait, what's happening down there?
- You're just so cute!
- [Lilly] Oh my God, I bet you he could assemble
IKEA furniture with his eyes closed.
- Uncle Dom loves you.
- [Lilly] (sigh) And then we could live on a farm
and we could be known as that cool family
that lives on the farm.
- Okay, I love you, sweetheart.
- And we'd only use organic baby food.
(moan) This is everything I want.
Let's make a baby.
But, do not be confused,
because this effect slashes spell
only last for about 60 minutes, okay?
You better milk it for as long as you can.
- So, about that baby.
- Baby?
Ew, what?
Get away from me, don't touch me.
- Yeah, I didn't wanna do that either.
- Tired.
Don't be trying to bring up no kids
in no normal situation, okay?
If the child does not present,
no booty for you, okay, boy?
Okay, honestly, and to answer your question, yes.
I would make out with you in front of the child
if that's what you're thinking, okay?
Don't judge me, okay?
Kids need to learn about the human body at some age, okay?
What better age than three?
I talk so much crap.
I would never do that.
I sound like a man, man, man,
man, man, hello, my name is Bob.
Number three, move that body, boy.
Can I just say that there is no greater turn-on
than a man that can dance well?
There is very few problems that that can't solve.
I can not believe you forgot our anniversary.
- Alright, well, I apologize, okay?
Come on.
- Okay, that's not gonna work again.
This is a different part of the video.
- (sigh) Fine.
(dance music)
♫ Is it too late now to say sorry?
♫ 'Cause I'm missing more than just your body.
♫ Is it too late now to say sorry?
♫ Yeah, I know that I let you down.
♫ Is it too late to say sorry now?
♫ I'm sorry, yeah.
♫ I'm sorry, yeah.
♫ Sorry. ♫
- Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go
get a tattoo of D-Trix on my bosom.
Number four, food.
Now this could include bringing us food,
making us food, ordering us food,
whatever, as long as it involves you
allowing food to enter my world.
Because honestly, it says a lot when a man
understands his place in my life.
It goes food,
Game of Thrones,
him, slash all my friends that I complain to about him.
- Hey babe, I want to talk
to you about something.
Oh, you're eating.
You know what?
It's okay, we can talk about it later.
- Thanks, babe.
- But, babe,
did you want fries with that?
(heartbeat)
- Come here!
No one has ever understood me like that.
- Yeah, and I can get you, like, ketchup
and mayo on the side, 'cause it's your favorite, right?
(light piano music)
- It's overwhelming.
Marry me.
- What?
- (hoot) That might have been the sexiest scene
I've ever included in a video.
Is it hot in here?
Number five, thumbs.
And by that, I mean clicking the thumbs-up button.
What the hell were you thinking?
Okay, to be fair, you liking this video
might be just be something that, like, I like,
but like, yo, hey you, yo,
how are you doin', huh?
Let's get to know each other.
And some other quick ones include
not peeing on the toilet seat,
being funny, playing the guitar,
being David Beckham, wearing just a towel,
driving a manual car,
knowing how to properly hold a fork,
knowing how to properly hold me,
being WWE World Heavyweight Champion.
♫ And these are a few of my favorite things. ♫
But yo, this is just my opinion.
At the end of the day, straight up,
don't change yourself for anyone,
not even someone you're in a relationship with,
because, can I just tell you?
There's more than enough hours in the day
and hot strangers on Instagram for us single people.
So, don't stress about it too much.
Hope you enjoyed that video with
- D-Trix.
- And we shot an awesome video on his channel.
The link is in the description.
Make sure you go check it out, give it a thumbs up,
show it some love, because he is dope
and awesome, so support this guy.
If you like this video, give it a thumbs up.
Make sure you comment below.
If you wanna check out my last video,
yo, it's right there.
You wanna check out my blog, it is right there.
Make sure you subscribe, because I make new videos
every Monday and Thursday.
Wanna show 'em my outro?
- Let's do it. - [Lilly] Let's do it.
One love,
- [Both] Superwoman,
- That is a wrap, and zoop!
You nailed that!
- I know, I was a little early.
- [Lilly] Nailed, nailed! - I was a little early.
I'm sorry.
- I sound like I swallowed Caitlyn Jenner's sex change.
Like, I swallowed her sex change, like,
what am I?
Lilly or Louie?
You decide.
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【Superwoman】5件事女孩會喜歡男孩做的事情 (5 Things Guys Do That Girls Love (ft. D-Trix))

60606 分類 收藏
hanna08060507 發佈於 2017 年 7 月 22 日    Penny Lee 翻譯    Pei-Yu Wu 審核
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