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Being dropped.
It will happen to us all at some point.
So negotiating a pain with a measure of reason belongs to the art of living.
A number of tips suggest themselves
Firstly, don't attempt to minimize what's happened
Being brave has no place here.
Allow your sadness so much room, so much time, so many melancholic songs, hot baths and indulgent meals
You'll eventually boil yourself back into an appetite for life.
Secondly, believe them when they said it.
Don't imagine that their past sweetness and kind words provide any covert indications of future commitment.
Kill any remaining hope yourself, if they didn't quite have the courage to do so themselves.
Don't imagine that anyone can love on command
The capacity to feel attracted lies outside the will
It isn't a question of them not trying hard enough
Remove morality from it
They will not being bad for not loving and nor you good for wanting them
You were both on the search for pleasure that took you down different and conflicting routes
Our conscious minds ride like tiny boats on the swells of unconscious psychoanalytic and biological seas.
So don't turn this into a morality tale
They acted weirdly around the break-up
not because they were bad or indeed I'm sure, they just felt terribly guilty because they're nice
which doesn't though mean that they want you
Many of us are predisposed to think especially well of people who don't want us
It feeds into our reserves of self-hatred
But this isn't romanticism.
It's an illness
The true challenge is to stop being so revolted by people who do in fact want us
and so admiring of those who don't
Think back to when you rejected people
You didn't hate them or regret them
The chief emotions are embarrassment and pity
Don't connect up the rejection with everything you fear and hate about being you
Don't accuse them of cowardice
Don't exaggerate their qualities
Don't insist on their uniqueness
Don't offer them sex in the hope of changing their mind
Don't imagine that people can fall back in love with someone out of pity or of guilt
and don't defensively maintain that they had a fear of intimacy
Just try to laugh and have a few rounds of casual sex if that helps
But above all, don't keep thinking of the end of this relationship has tragically sad
The only good relationship, the only relationship worth mourning
would be one to which two people desperately wanted to belong
And this wasn't, in the end, despite all the promising signs, that kind of relationship at all.
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【The School of Life】如何克服被拒絕 (How To Get Over Rejection)

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VoiceTube 發佈於 2018 年 5 月 27 日    陳美瑩 翻譯    Tina Hsu 審核

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被拒絕或拋棄時一定會難過,但是要怎麼走出來也是一門重要課題,來看看影片提供了哪些建議吧!

1minimize0:21
minimize 的意思為「把...減到最低」,像是降低損失或降低成本都可以用 minimize,例如 minimize costs「降低成本」,而它的相反詞為 maximize「使...增到最大」。
We have reinforced our packaging so as to minimize damage which may occur to the goods.
我方已加固包裝以將貨物可能損失降到最低。


*同場加映:
電腦被勒索的話...要不要先來搞懂比特幣是什麼? (What is Bitcoin?)


2appetite0:36
appetite 的意思為「食慾」,就是吃東西的胃口,例如不太餓的時候可以說 I don't have an appetite.「我沒食慾」。另外 appetite 也衍伸出「慾望」的意思,像是 appetite for adventure「冒險的慾望」。
I lost my appetite after watching that horror movie.
看完那部恐怖電影後我就沒食慾了。


3commitment0:48
commitment 的意思為「承諾」,像是婚姻就是一種感情上的 commitment,另外 commitment 也有「義務」的意思,例如 family commitment「家庭義務」。
Commitment is not commitment without two consenting parties.
承諾如不是雙方認可就不是承諾。


4command0:58
command 可當動詞或名詞,都是指「命令」的意思,補充片語 at someone's command 則表示「在某人的命令下」,例如 at teacher's command「在老師命令下」。
The parents want their children to obey their every command.
這對家長希望小孩聽從他們所有命令。


*同場加映:
【TED-Ed】窺見古羅馬時代年輕人的生活 (A glimpse of teenage life in ancient Rome - Ray Laurence)


5exaggerate2:23
exaggerate 的意思為「誇大」、「誇張」,表示把東西敘述得比實質更好或是更嚴重,例如 exaggerated news「誇大的報導」,跟 overstate 有相似的意思。
According to food administration laws, advertisements may not exaggerate the effects of food and drugs.
根據食品管理法,廣告不得誇大食品或藥物的功效。


被拒絕後不要太執著於同一個人,也不要幻想對方會回頭,不如好好哭一場或大吃美食,生活會重燃希望的!

文/ Carol Chen

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