Pork E.! Pork E.! Pork E.! Pork E.!

小箭！小箭！小箭…

[techno music]

[電子音樂]

[music stops, stutters]

[音樂暫停，斷斷續續]

- No.

不…

Damn it, Mads, you're jamming my flow.

該死的…邁茲， 你打亂我的節奏。

I told you to go around during showtime.

我跟你說過 表演時你要繞道走。

- Sorry.

對不起。

- [sighs]

[嘆氣]

[techno music resumes]

[繼續播放電子音樂]

- Put on your pee pants, pants,

穿好你的尿布，

because things are about to get crazy.

因為事情將會變得瘋狂。

It's the moment you've all been waiting for.

你們每個人都期待著這一刻。

It's the performance of a lifetime.

這是一個千載難逢的表演。

It comes every third hour on the hour.

每三小時表演一次， 每次一小時。

The king of quills.

針刺之皇。

The prince of prick.

針刺之王子。

Mr. Pork E. Pine!

小箭豬先生！

[children chanting] Pork E.!

[小孩高呼] 小箭！

[children cheering]

[小孩歡呼]

[wacky music playing]

[播放搞怪音樂]

- [high-pitched singing] Hey it's Pork E. time

[高音調的歌聲] 喂…是小箭豬先生！

Hey its Pork E. time

喂…是小箭豬先生！

Pork E. time

小箭豬先生！

[playful music]

[俏皮音樂]

- [man singing] This is America

這裡是美國

Land of dreams

夢想之地

Everyone can climb higher

每個人都能攀更高

- [women singing] No you know you're stuck here

無可能，你被捆在這

'Cause you're a part-timer yeah

因你是個兼職生

- [man singing] You can do anything

你能做任何事

- [woman singing] As long as it's not hard

只要是不太困難

- [man singing] And you can go anywhere

你能去任何地方

- [woman singing] As soon as you get a car

只要你有一輛車

- [man singing] You're gonna be a huge success

你能夠得到名譽

- [woman singing] Come on that's not who you are

別傻了這不是你自己

- [man singing] You're a part-timer cursed

你是被詛咒的兼職生

With full-time dreams

擁有個全職夢

And this low-paying job is as bad as it seems

這個低工資的工作 真的非常糟糕

Bad as it seems

真的非常糟糕

What the [bleep] are you doing here?

你在這裡幹什麼呀

Whoa

哇

What the [bleep] are you doing here?

你在這裡幹什麼呀

Oh

哦

Seriously, dude? - Like, what the [bleep]?

兄弟，認真的， 你在這裡幹什麼呀？

[wacky music playing]

[播放搞怪音樂]

- Excuse me?

不好意思。

I work in TV,

我在電視台工作的，

and I want to talk to someone about Pork E.

我想跟負責人討論一下小箭，

Do you know who's in charge here?

誰是這裡的負責人？

- This guy.

我就是。

Well, technically, it's that guy.

事實上是他才對。

[wacky music continues]

[搞怪音樂繼續播放]

- Thank you.

謝謝。

- [high-pitched singing] Pork E. Pine

[高音調的歌聲] 小箭豬先生！

- Guys, we're gonna be on a TV commercial!

大家，我們將會 登上電視廣告！

- Wow! - [laughs]

哇！ [笑聲]

- And Ian is gonna star as the face of childhood obesity.

伊恩將會出演 成為兒童肥胖問題的明星。

- Oh, because he looks like a fat child.

是因為他像 一個胖小孩？

- No.

才不是。

Because Pork E. may be portly,

即使小箭只是一隻豬，

but he can still dance.

但他還可以跳舞。

And that is what childhood obesity is all about.

而這正是關於兒童肥胖的一回事。

- What are the rest of us doing for the commercial?

其他人的角色是什麼？

- [scoffs]

[笑]

- Oh, nothing.

沒有其他角色。

Ian is the only one in the commercial.

伊恩是唯一的角色。

Did I not make that clear?

我沒有跟你們說清楚嗎？

- He does look like a fat child.

他的確像一個胖小孩。

- Guys, we can all watch it on TV together.

大家，我們可以一起看那個電視廣告。

- Hey. Can a fat child do this?

喂！ 胖小孩能做這個動作嗎？

[scatting]

[擬聲歌唱]

Can a fat child do this?

胖小孩能做這個動作嗎？

Whoa--aah!

哇…啊！

[crashes] Ow!

[摔傷] 噢！

[lively music]

[輕快音樂]

- No, no, no. What happened to your leg?

不要… 發生什麼事？

- They said if I put any more pressure on it,

他們說如果我再對 我的腿施加壓力，

it'll snap like a twig.

它會像斷掉的樹枝一樣。

Dude, I had to borrow this scooter from my Nana

我要向阿嬤借代步車，

in exchange for taking her to water aerobics for a month.

我要帶她去做 水中有氧運動一個月以作交換。

- This is a huge opportunity for us.

這是我們的好機會。

Don't you understand, man?

你明白嗎老兄？

Thousands of dollars in free advertising.

數千美元和免費宣傳。

- I understand, but I can't dance, man.

老兄我明白，但我不能跳舞。

- [sighs]

[歌聲]

[techno music playing]

[播放電子音樂]

Then you'll teach someone who can.

那你就要教人跳舞。

- Forget it.

打消這念頭！

Every time they go near that suit,

每次他們接近那套裝，

Ian leaves a single piece of poop in my locker.

伊恩會留下一坨屎在我的儲物櫃。

- That was just one little nug.

只是小小的一坨屎而已。

And I warned you: no one touches the suit.

而且我警告過你： 沒有人能碰那套裝！

- That nug stunk for weeks

臭味待在儲物櫃一整個星期，

and ruined my limited edition Bono AIDS iPod.

還毀了我的限量版 波諾愛滋紅iPod。

- Okay, no one who likes Bono deserves the suit.

喜歡波諾的人都 不配穿上那套裝！

- Ian, if we get the pork man on TV,

伊恩， 如果我們能將箭豬人帶上電視，

he'll be a celebrity, and that means you'll be a celebrity.

他會成為名人， 這意味著你都會成為一個名人。

- Okay, fine.

好，算了。

But I'm not gonna take it easy on him.

但訓練將會很艱難，

When he's dancing, he's representing me.

他跳舞的時候， 他會是代表我。

- All right.

好吧。

Dinger?

迪傑？

- I'll do it.

好啦我做吧。

I'll do it for Nana's scooter.

以阿嬤代步車作交換。

[chuckles]

[笑聲]

- Yes! Going to Hollywood, guys.

太好了， 大家一起邁向好萊塢。

[wheels squeaking]

[車輪吱叫聲]

- Wrong. Wrong.

錯，錯。

You can't put on the suit until your body is prepped and lubed.

你不能穿上那套裝 直到你的身體準備好和夠潤滑。

- Whatever, dude.

隨便啦。

- Oh, you think this is funny?

哦，你覺得這可笑嗎？

Do you think these are funny?

你認為這很可笑嗎？

[dramatic music]

[戲劇性音樂]

- Oh, God. - Yeah.

天啊。沒錯。

What are you gonna do when your nipples start to sweat?

當你的乳頭開始出汗， 你會怎樣做？

And that sweat turns into salt crystals,

汗水會變成鹽晶體，

which then turns into little tiny razor blades...

然後變成了一點微形的刀片…

- No. - That shred your soft,

不會的。它會把你的柔軟

sweet nipple meat.

的乳頭肉切絲。

Don't even get me started on

你不會想我說

what's gonna happen to your thighs.

你的大腿會發生什麼事。

Now let's get you lubed up.

現在讓我給你身體潤滑起來。

Oh, Jesus, Dinger.

天啊，迪傑。

Really?

真的嗎？

[lively music]

[輕快音樂]

- Hey, girl, I'm covering the prize booth, and--

女士們，我將會負責獎品部， 而且…

[funky music]

[時髦音樂]

Ooh. I'll figure it out.

噢…我自己尋方法解決。

- Is it supposed to feel so good?

這感覺難道真的這麼好嗎？

- Can you please just not say that while I'm down here?

你可不可以不要 在我蹲下來的時候說這些話？

- Yeah.

好的。

[lasers firing on arcade game]

[街機遊戲的激光射擊聲]

- Hey, Ding--or--

喂，迪傑…

Hi, Lori. You're working prizes now?

喂，羅莉。 你負責獎品部？

- Just like I did in '96.

我在1996年以前都負責過獎品部，

Dinger makes this out to be rocket science,

迪傑把這裡變成 研究火箭科學一樣複雜，

but it's just counting tickets and handing out toys.

其實只是數遊戲券 然後送獎品。

- What do I get for this?

我能換到什麼獎品？

- Oh, well, let's see what you got.

噢，很好， 讓我來看你能換到什麼。

All right, one...two...

好的，壹，貳…

- I want a stretchy hand and I want it now.

我要黏手玩具， 馬上給我。

- As soon as I'm done counting.

當我數完才到你。

- My parents are in the car, so let's not keep 'em waiting.

我的父母都在車上， 不要讓他們等太久。

Huh, toots?

明白嗎，啪？

[dramatic music] - I want it all!

[戲劇性音樂] 全部都給我！

- You will give this place the respect it deserves.

你要給這個地方應有的尊重。

Mads.

邁茲。

- It's mine!

這是我的！

[all screaming]

[全部人都尖叫]

[dramatic music swells]

[戲劇性音樂調大聲]

[watch beeps]

[手錶聲響]

- Workout gear! What do you think?

運動專用服， 覺得怎樣？

- Are those Ella's shorts?

你穿的是艾拉的褲嗎？

Dude, you shouldn't go through other peoples' lockers.

老兄，你不應該翻別人的儲物櫃。

That's not cool. - Oh, it's cool to crap in 'em?

這很不尊重人。 噢，要尊重別人就應該留一坨屎在他儲物櫃？

Come on, man, just give me the suit.

拜託，老兄， 給我穿上那套裝

Hey. Hey!

喂，喂！

- You don't get to wear the suit

你還不能穿上那套裝

until you can handle wearing the suit.

直至你能輕易應付穿上那套裝

- Just gonna grab this-- - No.

只需要拿這個… 不可以。

- Aah.

啊。

- Your training...starts now.

你的訓練…現在開始。

[intense music]

[激烈音樂]

The suit is heavy.

這個套裝很重。

It puts pressure on your shoulders,

壓力會施在你的肩膀，

your legs, and, sometimes after dry cleaning,

你的腿，而且 那套裝乾洗後，

your junk.

你的下體

Also...the suit is dark.

而且，你隱約看到東西。

- [whimpers]

[抱怨]

- The suit it taxing.

穿上那套裝是很費力的

I once made it all the way to the locker room

有一次我穿著這套裝走到儲物櫃室，

before I realized I had a kid stuck in my quills.

才發現有個小孩掛在我身後的刺。

Lastly, the suit is hot.

最後，穿上這套裝會很熱。

- Wait.

等等。

- Five, six, seven, eight.

五、六、七、八

[snappers popping] Cross over front.

[小型啪彈聲] 交叉向前。

Cross over back.

交叉向後。

Pull!

拉！

Now jump into a split.

跳起來然後雙腿分開。

- I can't, I-- - Jump, damn you.

我做不到，我… 叫你跳！

[intense music continues]

[繼續播放激烈音樂]

I might have taken this a bit too far.

我可能對他太過嚴格。

- No, this is for television, man.

才不會，這些都是為了上電視。

- You're right. Ten more minutes.

說得對，再十分鐘。

[scary music] - Where are their parents?

[恐怖音樂] 他們的父母在那？

- I thought you've done this before.

你以前不是負責過嗎。

- Hey, what's up, guys?

喂，怎麼了大家？

- Watch out, Pete, they can smell fear!

小心，皮特， 他們能感受到恐懼！

- It's already too late! Aah!

太遲了，啊！

- Hand over the helicopter and no one else gets hurt.

不想其他人受傷便交出直升機。

- Never. - Aah!

絕不！ 啊！

- For the 100th time,

說了第一百次，

cross over front... [snappers popping]

[小型啪彈聲] 交叉向前

Jump kick right.

跳向右踢。

And jump into a split.

跳起來然後雙腿分開。

- I...I can't.

我做不到…

- I said jump!

我叫你跳！

- I don't think I can do it!

我覺得自己做不到！

- Jump split, damn you!

叫你跳然後腿分開！

[snappers pop] - [whines]

[小型啪彈聲] [抱怨聲]

- Congratulations.

恭喜您。

You're ready.

你已經準備好。

- [exhales weakly]

[微弱呼氣]

[dramatic music] [children clamoring]

[戲劇性音樂] [孩子叫嚷]

- Ow! Oh, my God.

噢！ 哦，天啊。

- I got a plan. Cover me.

我有個計劃。 掩護我。

I said cover me!

我叫你掩護我！

[children shouting]

[孩子大喊]

Hey, hey, hey!

喂！喂！喂！

This what y'all want? Huh? Huh?

你們都想要吧？ 吓？吓？

- Yeah.

對。

- Come on, get it. Come on.

來呀，拿呀。 來呀。

[children screaming]

[孩子大叫]

[dramatic music]

[戲劇性音樂]

- Hey, you can't lock us in here.

喂，你不能困我們在這。

- You got an iPhone. Text your parents.

你有iPhone。 給你父母傳訊息。

- What's your Wi-Fi password?

這裡的無線網絡密碼是什麼？

- [sighs]

[歎氣]

- Action.

開始拍攝。

Action.

開始拍攝。

Action. - That's my chair.

開始拍攝。 那是我的椅子。

- Oh. Oh, yeah, sorry.

噢。 噢，對，抱歉。

Uh, you just have a trailer I can just hang out in?

呃，你有沒有名星拖車 能讓我參觀一下？

- Yeah.

有呀⋯

- Where is it?

在那裡？

- I can't do this.

我做不到。

- Hey. - [muffled scream]

喂！ [低沉的尖叫聲]

- Listen, listen.

聽我說，聽我說。

You're gonna nail it,

你將會完成拍攝，

Pork E .'s gonna be famous,

小箭將會變得有名氣，

and Nana's never gonna see this scooter again.

而阿嬤再也不用要見到她的代步車。

Got it? - Okay.

明白嗎？ 明白。

- Places, please. - Go.

請就位。 去。

Hey, no, no. This way, this way, this way.

喂，不對。 這邊才對。

- I wish I was back in the trunk.

我希望一直留在車尾行李箱。

- Go.

去。

- And action.

開始拍攝。

- Action. That's an action.

開始拍攝。 已經叫了開始拍攝。

[wacky music playing]

[播放搞怪音樂]

- Come on, Dinger, come on.

來吧，迪傑，來吧。

- [high-pitched singing] Hey it's Pork E. time

[高音調的歌聲] 喂，是小箭豬先生！

[wacky music continues]

[繼續播放搞怪音樂]

- [grunts]

[呼嚕聲]

- What is he doing?

他在做什麼？

- [grunting]

[呼嚕聲]

- I think he's-- - Is he?

我想他在… 他是不是？

- No.

不是的。

- I just pooped in your suit!

我剛才在套裝裡拉屎！

- What? - You mother[bleep]!

什麼？ 你該死的！

Ow! - It's just a nug.

嗷! 只是一坨屎而已。

Oh, wait.

噢，等等。

He might have a friend.

它可能會有個朋友。

[grunting]

[呼嚕聲]

- I'm gonna kill you!

我會殺死你！

- The second one was for Bono!

第二坨屎是為波諾的！

Whoo.

哦。

Yeah!

耶！

- No, no, no.

不要呀。

[wheels squeaking] Aah!

[車輪吱叫聲] 啊！

- Whoo! - Dinger!

哦！ 迪傑！

Aah!

啊！

- We can just fix that in post, right?

我們能後期製作解決這個問題吧？

[upbeat music]

[俏皮音樂]