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  • [playful music]

    (俏皮音樂)

  • - Oh, I see it. Mm-mhm.

    -喔,我懂了,恩哼

  • - Uh, what's up?

    -呃,怎麼了?

  • - Imagine all these toys are pieces of sushi.

    -想像這些玩具都是一塊又一塊的壽司

  • And Pete is a beautiful naked...woman.

    而皮特呢,就是那位美麗的裸體女子

  • - And why am I doing this?

    -那這意義何在呢?

  • - Must everything have a reason?

    -什麼事都得要有理由嗎?

  • - We're just killing time.

    -我們只是在殺時間啦

  • We can't go home until the place clears out, so...

    餐廳的人走光以前我們都還不能走,所以...

  • - [screams]

    -(吼叫)

  • I know you're really a human!

    我知道你根本就是人假扮的!

  • - So are you, you turd,

    -住手,你這個討厭鬼

  • but no one's trying to rip your head off.

    我看你八成皮在癢,沒有人好好教訓你

  • - Hey, hey, hey, hey, come on.

    -嘿嘿嘿嘿,不要這樣

  • - Ugh. I thought you'd be cooler.

    -噁,我還以為你脫下來會很酷勒

  • Put the head back on.

    你還是把頭套戴回去好了

  • - Hey, little bud, is your mom or dad here?

    -嘿,小弟弟,你爸爸媽媽有在這裡嗎?

  • - Or your parole officer?

    -還是法定監護人呢?

  • - I'm flying solo. My mom dropped me off.

    -我被拋棄了,我媽把我丟在這

  • - Not surprising.

    -一點也不意外呢

  • Mom's probably in Planned Parenthood,

    說不定你老媽現在正在計畫生育聯盟 (譯註: Planned Parenthood最早成立於1921年,總部位於紐約,是國際計劃生育協會最大分支之一)

  • trying to get a refund. - Ian!

    準備申請補償金呢 -伊恩!

  • Look, you're our last customer,

    聽著,因為你是店裡最後一位顧客

  • and we're hoping to go home early,

    我們希望你能早點回家

  • but we can't until you leave.

    否則我們也不能回家

  • Do you, uh, wanna give your momma a call?

    呃,你想不想打給你媽咪呢?

  • - Not until Pork E. dances for me.

    -除非小箭豬跳舞,我才打

  • Dance, rodent, dance!

    跳啊,囓齒動物,快跳啊!

  • - Ian, just dance so we can go home.

    -伊恩你快跳,我們才能回家

  • - [sighs]

    -(嘆)

  • [humming silly song] Pork E. Pine.

    (哼唱傻瓜歌曲) 啦啦我是小箭豬

  • There. Now call your stupid mom.

    好了,現在快打給你老媽

  • [cell phone dialing]

    (撥打電話聲)

  • - Why is my mom's number in your phone?

    -為什麼你手機裡有我媽的電話?

  • - Nesha Patel?

    -尼莎‧帕特爾?

  • Oh, we went to high school with her, remember, Ian?

    喔,我們高中同班過呀,還記得嗎,伊恩?

  • - Of course I remember her. She was my first--

    -我當然還記得,她是我第一個...

  • - First what?

    -第一個什麼?

  • - My...first...lab partner in biology class.

    -我「生物課的第1個實驗夥伴」 (譯註: 接下來特別引號的話,都是換個詞來表示有性關係的意思)

  • - Wait, she was my first... lab partner too.

    -等一下,她也是我「第1個實驗夥伴」耶

  • - You never told me you...partnered with Nesha.

    -你沒跟我說過,你跟妮莎當過「夥伴」

  • - Oh, yeah, we did lots of ex...periments while listening

    -喔,是啊,我們一起做了許多「實驗」,還邊做

  • to the "Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants" soundtrack.

    邊聽牛仔褲的夏天的電影原聲帶呢 (譯註: 牛仔褲的夏天為2005年上映的美國電影,講述4個女孩的友誼故事)

  • - We're talking about sex, right?

    -我們在談論的是性伴侶,對吧?

  • - We really got to work on our metaphors.

    -我們下次打暗號得換點別的

  • - Ugh. You guys both had sex with my mom?

    -噁,你們兩個都跟我老媽睡過?

  • - Not at the same time.

    -又不是同一個時間

  • - Yeah, and that was like ten years ago.

    -對啊,都10幾年前的事了

  • - So...nine months before I was born.

    -是嗎...但那剛好是在我出生前9個月發生的呢

  • Can we figure this out,

    我們要不要來搞清楚血緣關係

  • or should I just call Maury Povich right now?

    還是我直接打給莫瑞·波维奇來鑑定就好了? (譯註:此梗來自Maury Povich主持的Maury秀當中檢驗孩子是否為某人爸爸的一集,節目主要內容為有關人們的科學測試,如驗孕、測謊或幫忙調解性別議題以及世代問題)

  • [playful music]

    (俏皮音樂)

  • - [man singing] This is America

    - (男聲) 這裡是美國

  • Land of dreams

    夢想的發源之地

  • Everyone can climb higher

    每個人都能高高在上

  • - [women singing] No you know you're stuck here

    - (女聲) 你錯了,你明知道自己被困在這裡

  • 'Cause you're a part-timer, yeah

    因為你只是個實習工讀生,耶~

  • - [man singing] You can do anything

    - (男聲) 想做什麼都隨心所欲

  • - [woman singing] As long as it's not hard

    - (女聲) 前提是不要太難

  • - [man singing] And you can go anywhere

    - (男聲) 想去哪玩也隨心所欲

  • - [woman singing] As soon as you get a car

    - (女聲) 前提是你得有車

  • - [man singing] You're gonna be a huge success

    - (男聲) 你就能坐擁天下

  • - [woman singing] Come on that's not who you are

    - (女聲) 拜託,你以為你是誰?

  • - [man singing] You're a part-timer cursed

    - (男聲) 實習工讀生是一種詛咒

  • With full-time dreams

    雖然你充滿夢想

  • And this low-paying job is as bad as it seems

    但薪水就跟表面看起來一樣的糟

  • Bad as it seems

    一樣糟糕

  • What the [bleep] are you doing here?

    你到底是吃錯什麼藥?

  • Whoa

    哇喔

  • What the [bleep] are you doing here?

    到底為什麼要來這裡啊?

  • Oh

    喔~

  • Seriously, dude? - Like, what the [bleep]?

    兄弟,認真的嗎? -你到底在這裡做什麼啊?

  • - I hope to God I'm not his dad.

    -上帝保佑我不是他親生父親

  • - I'm hungry. - I hope so too.

    -我餓了 -我也希望是

  • For the kid's sake, I think we can all agree,

    但是為了孩子的安危,我覺得不可否認的是

  • I would make a better dad.

    我會是一位很好的爸爸

  • - What? No, I would make a great dad.

    -什麼?我才是最稱職的老爸

  • I always carry candy. Point Ian.

    我可是常常帶糖果呢,選我就對了

  • - I hate candy. - He hates candy?

    -我討厭吃糖 -他討厭吃糖?!

  • God, our kid sucks.

    天啊,我的小孩也太爛了吧

  • - And I don't care. See? I'll always love our son,

    -我才不管他愛不愛吃糖,你看,不管我兒子多令我

  • no matter how much he disappoints me.

    感到失望,我都愛我兒子

  • Point Anton.

    選我小安就對了

  • - Oh, you wanna have a dad-off?

    -哦,所以你想來老爸大車拼嗎?

  • You got it. Best dad wins.

    我告訴你,只有最棒的老爸才會贏

  • - You're on.

    -跟你賭了

  • - Uh, guys, can I come?

    -呃,兩位,可以把我解開了嗎?

  • - Do we have to untie him?

    -我們要把他解開嗎?

  • - I guess so.

    -差不多啦

  • [playful music]

    (俏皮音樂)

  • - This is ridiculous. One of us should go home.

    -這真的太扯了,總有一個人可以回家吧

  • all: Dibs!

    所以人: 我最適任!

  • - Historically, it's the eldest who gets to go home first

    -從古至今,禮讓長者一直是亙古不變

  • when things get slow. - So that would always be you.

    的道理 -那不就永遠都是你嗎?

  • - I cleaned up three vomits today.

    -我今天清理了3坨嘔吐物

  • Three separate vomits. I deserve to go home.

    而且還是不同地方,我最有資格先回家

  • - Well, I set a fracture. I had my hand on a kid's bone.

    -那都不算什麼,我今天幫一個小朋友正骨 (譯註: set a fracture即所謂的正骨,指用推、拽、按、捺等手法治療骨折、脫臼等疾病)

  • - [chuckles]

    -(笑)

  • - What? It was really hard.

    -笑什麼,那很難好不好

  • [all snicker]

    (所有人在竊笑)

  • - Guys, I almost blew it.

    -拜託,我差點失敗耶

  • [all snicker louder]

    (所有人笑得更大聲了)

  • You guys are so immature. I'm going home.

    你們好幼稚,我要回家了

  • - No! We'll handle this in the matter

    -揪都媽茶,作為一家闔家歡樂餐廳的始祖

  • of a family entertainment restaurant forefathers.

    我們得好好處理這件事情

  • [imitates fanfare]

    (模仿喇叭叫聲)

  • Ball pit scavenger hunt!

    球池尋寶遊戲開始囉!

  • [all yelling]

    (所有人吼叫)

  • - Look, I know we got off to a rough start,

    -聽著,我知道我們一開始相處得有點不愉快

  • but I promise you I got a lot of good qualities

    但我保證我會盡一位稱職爸爸該盡的義務

  • for being a dad, okay?

    給你最好、最棒的東西,好嗎?

  • I got charisma. [groaning] I got athleticism.

    我有著超強的指導能力 (哼) 我運動也超強的

  • Self awareness of all the things I'm good at.

    我會的東西啊,可是太多太多了

  • - The next thing you say better involve fun,

    -你接下來說的東西最好有趣點

  • because I'm not cleaning.

    我可不想聽你在那邊廢話連篇

  • - Who said anything about cleaning?

    -誰跟你說我們在講廢話了?(譯註: cleaning尚有垃圾之意,故於此衍伸其意表示講的話如垃圾一般,也就是廢話)

  • - We're not? - No, we're playing...

    -不是嗎? -當然不是,我們在玩一種...

  • super...suicide skee ball.

    超級...自殺式滾球遊戲

  • - I'm intrigued.

    -好吧,就跟你玩一下吧

  • - Okay, guys, listen up.

    -好啦各位,仔細聽好

  • This morning Anton dropped his wallet in the bathroom.

    今天早上,安東尼在廁所掉了他的皮夾

  • First person to find it gets to go home.

    第1個找到他皮包的人就能先回家

  • And, bonus,

    另外...加分題

  • there's an Old Navy gift card inside.

    這裡面還有老海軍禮品卡呢 (譯註: Old Navy為販售美式時尚服裝的品牌,創立於1994年,總部設在美國舊金山,2014年開始建立老海軍台灣在線網路商店)

  • - Ooh.

    -嗚~

  • - Well, what? Begin!

    -怎麼樣啊?沒問題就開始吧!

  • [playful music]

    (俏皮音樂)

  • - One... - This is awesome!

    -1... -這真的是太美妙啦!

  • - ...two...

    -2...

  • - Ian, I think you got enough time with--

    -伊恩,我覺得你跟我的小孩相處得夠久囉...

  • - ...three!

    -...3!

  • - [gasps]

    - (吸氣)

  • I've got you, baby boy. You almost killed him.

    我抓住你了,我的心肝寶貝,你差點把他殺了

  • - He's fine, quit being such a helicopter parent.

    -他根本就沒事好嗎,麻煩你不要當直升機父母好不好? (譯註: helicopter parent指的是很像直升機一般的父母,因為有著過度焦慮、過度介入的心態,會在孩子上空盤旋,無時無刻守望孩子一舉一動)

  • - You actually think you're a better father than me?

    -你以為你這個爸爸當得就比我好嗎?

  • - Darth Vader's a better father than you.

    -人家黑武士都還比你更稱職呢 (譯註: Darth Vader是電影《星際大戰》裡的一名虛構人物,他在正傳3部曲裡扮演重要的角色,也是前傳3部曲中的主角)

  • - Daddy is here now, Chadwick.

    -爸比現在這裡了,不用怕囉,查德威克

  • - That's not my name, you tool bag.

    -那不是我的名字好嗎,你個工具人

  • - Tool bag?

    -工具人?

  • That's what your mother used to call me.

    你媽過去也常常這樣叫我呢

  • It must be in the DNA.

    這點還真的是遺傳到你媽了啊

  • all: Found it!

    所有人: 找到了!

  • - Ew!

    -噁!

  • - Ooh, dirty diaper! - IV bag?

    -嗚,髒尿布! -靜脈注射液? (譯註: IV bag全名即Intravenous fluid,是指靜脈注射液)

  • - Wait, where's Pete?

    -等一下,啊皮特嘞?

  • - Pete, come on out.

    -皮特,出來了

  • - He can't stay under for too long, he gets panic attacks.

    -他可不能待在下面太久,他有恐慌症耶

  • Guys, the hunt is off until we can find Pete.

    各位,在繼續尋寶遊戲之前,我們要先找到皮特

  • - But...Old Navy.

    -可是...老海軍的禮品卡

  • - Guys, focus. We leave no man behind.

    -都什麼時候了,我們不能丟下任何人

  • - [sighs]

    -(嘆氣)

  • - Chad, I'm gonna prove I'm a better dad

    -查德,我要跟你證明與其他我知道的爸爸相比

  • than some other dads I could name,

    我才是最好的爸爸

  • because I actually care about safety.

    因為我才懂得保護你的安全

  • - Can you breathe? - [moans]

    -你可以呼吸嗎? -(呻吟)

  • - So you think a little bubble wrap is gonna keep

    -所以你覺得光是靠氣泡袋就能保護我小孩

  • my child protected?

    的人身安危了嗎?

  • - Yes, I do. - Prove it, then.

    -可不是嗎? -那證明給我看啊

  • - You're on.

    -來就來啊

  • [upbeat rock music]

    (愉悅搖滾音樂)

  • - [muffled scream] - Catch!

    -(低沉尖叫聲) -抓住!

  • - Shoot! (DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!)

    -狗屎!(請勿在家嘗試) (譯註: shoot也可以解釋成shit,它是比shit較文雅的說法)

  • - [grunts]

    -(咕噥聲)

  • Go! Go!

    衝啊衝啊

  • - [screams]

    -(叫喊)

  • [screams]

    (尖叫)

  • - You think it worked? - Yeah.

    -你覺得有效嗎? -當然

  • - Good job.

    -太好了

  • [both grunting]

    (一起咕噥著)

  • - Aw, Chaddy, are you okay? - Are you okay, son?

    -喔,小查查,你還好嗎? -你沒事吧,兒子?

  • - Tell you what, whatever you wanna do, we'll do that.

    -這麼說吧,不管你想要什麼,爸爸都會為你而做的

  • How about some cake?

    要不要來點蛋糕呢?

  • - Or some pizza.

    -或是披薩

  • - Or some cake on pizza.

    -或是蛋糕撒在披薩上

  • I bet your mom doesn't let you do that.

    我猜你媽可從不讓你做這種事

  • It could be our special little father-son thing.

    這可以成為我們父子倆之間的小秘密呢

  • You know? - Ugh.

    怎麼樣? -呃

  • I can't believe you psychos get paid to be around kids.

    我不敢相信你們這兩個瘋子竟然可以在一群小孩中賺到錢

  • But, yes, I will take the cake and pizza.

    但,沒關係,我接受蛋糕和披薩

  • - Aw, he loves us. - Aw!

    -喔,他愛我們啦 -喔!

  • - Oh! - Come here, Ch--okay.

    -喔! -來這裡,查..好喔

  • - Come here, Chadwick. - He's shy.

    -來這裡,查德維克 -他很害羞呢

  • - I'm gonna get you, Chadwick.

    -爸爸就要找到你囉,查德維克

  • [playful music]

    (俏皮音樂)

  • - I found Pete!

    -我找到皮特了!

  • Oh, it felt so much like his upper thigh.

    什麼嘛,這摸起來明明很像他的大腿

  • Something's feeling up my knees.

    好像有東西踩著我的膝蓋往上爬

  • - [singing] Hello - It's a terror.

    -(唱)哈囉 -嚇死我了

  • - [singing] Hello - [singing] Hello

    -(唱)哈囉 -(唱)哈囉

  • [all singing] Hello

    (所有人唱) 哈囉

  • - It's a full barbershop quartet.

    -是完整版的男聲4重唱

  • - Guys, focus!

    -專心點,各位!

  • Did you see a guy named Pete down there?

    你們有沒有看到一個叫皮特的男生在下面?

  • Really cute, looks like he'd be the treasurer of the Math Club?

    非常的卡哇伊,看起來他就是那種會當數學社總務的人

  • - [all singing] We've not had a peek at Pete,

    -(所有人唱著) 我們可沒看過這號人物呢

  • the Math geek

    數學怪咖

  • - [singing] Is it me you seek?

    -(唱)敢問吾是否就是汝在找的人?

  • - Pete! - What's up, guys?

    -皮特! -嗨,大家

  • What are you still doing in here?

    你們還在這邊幹嘛?

  • I found this wallet hours ago.

    我幾個小時前就找到皮夾了

  • - You're safe. Thank God!

    -你沒事,感謝主!

  • - [all singing] Thank God her true love's back

    -(所有人唱著)感謝主讓她愛人回來

  • She almost had a heart attack

    她可差點就要心臟病發作呢

  • - No. True love? [laughs]

    -哪有啦,什麼愛人 (笑)

  • - [all singing] She is in denial

    -(所有人唱著) 她正在否定

  • But she's got lots of guile

    但我們早就看穿了她的心思

  • - Can you guys stop singing now?

    -你們現在能不能閉嘴不要唱?

  • - [all singing] Sure, and we totally believe

    -(所有人唱著)當然,我們百分之百相信

  • You are not in love with Pete

    妳沒有愛上皮特

  • - Wait, what?

    -蛤,什麼?

  • - Nothing. Stop singing!

    -沒事啦,別再唱了!

  • - [all singing] Even though you're drooling over him

    -(所有人唱著) 即使妳愛他愛得意亂情迷 (譯註: drool over指的是非常渴望、想要某樣東西或非常喜歡某個人)

  • Like a white chocolate cover treat

    如同白巧克力覆蓋般甜甜的享受

  • - No!

    -偶還要聽啦

  • - Nice pants, Pete. - Thanks.

    -褲子滿好看的,皮特 -謝啦

  • - I'm sorry we got so competitive, Chad.

    -很抱歉我們竟然變得如此好爭,查德

  • - Yeah, thanks for giving us another chance.

    -對啊,謝謝你再給我們一次機會

  • - How about you guys let me come here free of charge

    -那以後我來的時候,可以讓我

  • any time I want?

    免費吃喝玩樂嗎?

  • - Of course, you're family. - Yeah.

    -那是當然啊,你是我們的家人 -對啊

  • - Thank you so much for taking care of him.

    -真的很謝謝你們照顧他

  • Was he a lot of trouble? - No, not at all, Nesha.

    他有沒有給你們造成困擾啊? -不會,他很乖呢,尼莎

  • We taught him a whole about safety.

    我們今天為他上了一堂安全的課

  • - Wait, how do you know my name? - You don't remember us?

    -等一下,你們怎麼會知道我的名字? -妳不記得我們了喔?

  • Anton and Ian, from high school?

    安東尼跟伊恩啊,高中跟妳同班過

  • "Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants"?

    「牛仔褲的夏天」?

  • - Oh. Ew!

    -喔,噁!

  • - Listen, we know that one of us is the father.

    -聽我說,我們知道我們兩人之間有一人是他老爸

  • - Yeah, so we decided we'll

    -對啊,而我們認為我們

  • just have joint custody over him.

    都有查德的共同監護權

  • - Yeah, you don't even have to tell us

    -對啊,這樣的話妳就不用告訴我們

  • which one of us is his real dad.

    到底誰才是親生父親了

  • We love him like he's our own.

    我們愛他,如同心頭上的一塊肉

  • - One, gross,

    -首先,太噁了

  • and, two, neither of you are his dad.

    第2,你們誰也不是他老爸

  • Chad's father is waiting in the car.

    查德的老爸在車上等著他

  • - You lied to us?

    -你騙我們?

  • - Yeah, I was just hoping to get some free games

    -對啊,我只是希望能從中拿到一些免費遊戲

  • and pizza out of it, but messing with you dorks

    和披薩,但沒想到捉弄你們這兩個笨蛋

  • was way more fun.

    比我想像中的還有趣

  • - Young man, you are grounded.

    -年輕人,你被禁足了

  • - You can't ground my son. Come on, Chad.

    -你們不能禁足我孩子,走啦,查德

  • By the way, you can't get pregnant from kissing.

    再說了,光是親親是不會讓人懷孕的好嗎?

  • - Yeah, I knew that.

    -我知道

  • You knew that, right.

    你知道吧?

  • - Yeah. Everyone knows that.

    -當然,這不是常識嗎?

  • [playful music]

    (俏皮音樂)

[playful music]

(俏皮音樂)

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