- It's a pleasure having two of my father's closest friends

-我很榮幸能邀請到我老爸兩位好朋友

pay a visit to my fine establishment.

拜訪我們的高級精緻餐廳 (譯註: fine dining establishment是指高級餐廳，最高等級的餐飲服務型態)

Clovis, Virginia, thank you for coming.

克洛薇絲、維吉妮雅，感謝妳們的蒞臨

- You're aware of our non-profit organization?

-你知道我們的非營利組織嗎？

- The Brazilian Porcupine Foundation.

-巴西豪豬基金會嘛，對不對？

- So you're aware of our animal rights work?

-那你應該知道我們是在從事維護動物權益的工作吧？

- Well, I try to stay up-to-date

-這個嘛...我有試著在掌握

on all the porcupine-related news.

有關豪豬的最新動態啦

- We'd like to offer you a position on the board.

-我們決定邀請你成為董事會的一員

- It's an in to Sacramento high society.

-這可是和沙加緬度上流社會接觸的大好機會呢 (譯註: Sacramento是位於美國加州的一座城市，加州州政府設於此處)

- [chuckles]

- (笑)

- Wow.

-哇

- Oh, we'll take that as a yes.

-喔，那我就當你是答應囉

Welcome to the upper echelon.

歡迎你成為基金會高層的一員

The air is so much better up here.

這裡的空氣是多麼的美好

- Ah.

-啊

- [inhales, exhales]

- (吸氣，吐氣)

[laughter]

(大笑)

[upbeat music]

(俏皮音樂)

- [man singing] This is America

- (男聲) 這裡是美國

Land of dreams

夢想的發源之地

Everyone can climb higher

每個人都能高高在上

- [women singing] No you know you're stuck here

- (女聲) 你錯了，你明知道自己被困在這裡

'Cause you're a part-timer yeah

因為你只是個實習工讀生，耶~

- [man singing] You can do anything

- (男聲) 想做什麼都隨心所欲

- [woman singing] As long as it's not hard

- (女聲) 前提是不要太難

- [man singing] And you can go anywhere

- (男聲) 想去哪玩也隨心所欲

- [woman singing] As soon as you get a car

- (女聲) 前提是你得有車

- [man singing] You're gonna be a huge success

- (男聲) 你就能坐擁天下

- [woman singing] Come on that's not who you are

- (女聲) 拜託，你以為你是誰？

- [man singing] You're a part-timer cursed

- (男聲) 實習工讀生是一種詛咒

With full-time dreams

雖然你充滿夢想

And this low-paying job is as bad as it seems

但薪水就跟表面看起來一樣的糟

Bad as it seems

一樣糟糕

What the [bleep] are you doing here?

你到底是吃錯什麼藥？

Whoa

哇喔

What the [bleep] are you doing here?

到底為什麼要來這裡啊？

Oh

喔~

Seriously, dude? - Like, what the [bleep]?

兄弟，認真的嗎？ -你到底在這裡做什麼啊？

- So they asked you to a party?

-所以她們邀請你參加派對啊

Fun.

聽起來還挺不錯的

- Not a party, Ella. A gala.

-艾拉，那才不是派對，好嗎？那是慶祝晚會

And I have to raise at least $10,000

而且我還要捐獻最少1萬元美金

to help save the Brazilian porcupine.

幫助拯救那些巴西豪豬

And I only know, like, three of my dad's friends' numbers.

再說了，我只有我爸3個朋友的電話號碼

- Well, if there's one thing I'm good at, it's throwing parties.

-恩，如果真要說我最擅長什麼事，大概就莫屬舉辦派對了吧

I tell you what.

不如這樣好了

You let me take care of the invitees,

我來幫你接待派對的來賓

and in exchange, I won't have to pay rent anymore.

不過條件就是，我不用再付任何房租

- You already don't pay rent.

-妳早就沒在繳房租了

- No, I mean you pay for the next place that I rent.

-不是啦，我的意思是說要你幫我繳下個住處的房租

- No. - Deal.

-才不要 -就這麼說定啦

- Are you sure you've got this covered?

-妳確定妳真的沒問題？

- Yes, I'm positive.

-安啦，放一百二十個心吧

- I just want tonight to be amazing.

-我只希望今晚會相當精采

- It will. Our guest list is full.

-會的，你看我們的賓客名單滿滿滿

- Yeah, but what if none of them show up?

-是沒錯，但如果他們通通都沒出現呢？

- Then your miniature ponies won't get their yachts,

-那你的迷你小馬就不用乘著遊艇

or whatever, all right? Relax.

或其他鬼東西來這裡啦，對吧？安啦

It's fine. Okay?

會沒事的，好嗎？

- Pete, have you seen my purse?

-皮特，你有沒有看到我的皮包啊？

I've looked for it everywhere.

我到處都找遍了

- The black leather one with the big rose and the pewter handle?

-妳是說那個有朵大玫瑰和白鑞手把的黑色皮包嗎？

- Yeah...

-沒有錯...

Do you have it?

不會就是你拿走了吧？

- Uh, no. Haven't seen it.

-呃，沒有啦，我沒看到

- [sighs]

- (嘆氣)

- Hello.

-您好

Thank you very much. Enjoy.

非常感謝您，請入場

- Hello. - Thank you, sir.

-您好 -感謝您，先生

Wowie. Oh, okay.

天哪，喔，好的

Thank you. Wow.

謝謝您，哇

Uh, you know, technically, there is a dress code.

呃，你知道嗎，嚴格來講其實我們有服裝儀容的規定

Um...but for a $500 donation,

恩...不過看在500元美金的份上

you can wear anything you want.

隨你怎麼穿都行

- Cool.

-讚啦

We're all gonna be naked soon, anyway, right?

反正等一下就會脫光衣服了，對吧？

- Yeah. [chuckles]

-對啊 (笑)

Uh, wait. Uh, what?

呃，等一下，你剛剛說什麼？

- Well, a Brazilian porcupine is a pretty complicated sex move.

-就是...「巴西豪豬」其實是一個非常高難度的性愛姿勢

I don't think clothes are gonna help.

所以我覺得穿著衣服挺礙事的

Unless you guys do it differently.

除非你們的玩法不同

You guys do it differently?

你們都怎麼玩的啊？

- You're here for the Brazilian porcupine, right?

-你來這裡只是為了「巴西豪豬」，對吧？

- Yeah, I'm here to do a Brazilian porcupine.

-對啊，我就是為了那個來的

Got my wax and my tarp in here.

妳看我還帶了蠟跟防水布來

The old trusty tarp.

舊的防水布超好用的

See ya.

再會啦

[classical music playing]

(演奏著古典音樂)

- Excuse me? Who all here

-不好意思，請問一下

got their invitation from the Craigslist post?

誰是因為看到克雷格列表的廣告才被邀請來的？ (譯註: Craigslist是一個網路上大型免費分類廣告網站，有些人會在上面徵詢一夜情對象和性愛派對)

[all giggling and murmuring]

(所有人在竊竊私語)

- That's where I get all my stuff.

-我就是用那個網站才跑那麼多趴的耶

[classical music continues]

(古典音樂繼續演奏)

- Here you go.

-拿去吧

[classical music playing]

(古典音樂繼續演奏)

- Mm.

-恩

- Are you okay?

-妳還好吧？

- [gulps] No.

- (吞下) 糟透了

I accidentally started an internet sex party.

我不小心把派對變成網路性愛趴了

On any other night, I'd be super impressed with myself.

如果是在別天晚上。我一定會感到非常自豪

But Anton's gonna kill me.

但今晚，安東尼大概會殺了我

- Ella, one of those creepers probably stole my purse.

-艾拉，有可能就是那些怪咖偷走我的錢包耶

- I know, okay? I'm sorry.

-我知道，好嗎，我真的很抱歉

- Mads, I swear to you,

-麥姿，我跟妳保證

I will get your favorite purse back.

我一定會找回妳最心愛的皮包

- How did you know it was my favorite?

-你怎麼知道那是我最心愛的？

- Oh, because you bring it to work every day.

-喔，因為我看妳每天都戴著那個來上班啊

Except for Thursdays,

除了禮拜4

'cause that's when you go to the gym.

因為妳要去健身房

[chattering]

(談天交流聲)

- This is the nicest Brazilian porcupine I've ever seen.

-這真的是我看過最棒的巴西豪豬了

- You can't be serious.

-你不會是在跟我開玩笑吧？

- Well, I'm fairly new to the scene.

-我才剛來這裡耶

Why, do they get fancier?

妳怎麼會那樣覺得？

- My dear, this is the bottom of the barrel.

-親愛的，這只是冰山一角而已耶

- Nuh-uh. Barrelers meet on Wednesdays.

-不對喔，桶子愛好者都約在禮拜3 (譯註: 男生因為直接將the bottom of the barrel理解為桶子的底部，不知道其實還有另一意涵，故以此回答之)

[microphone feedback]

(調麥克風的聲音)

- Hello?

-各位晚安

They asked me to introduce Anton,

工作人員要我來介紹安東尼

a true porcupine advocate.

真正的豪豬權益擁護者

Or, as he likes to call it,

又或是，如他們所說的

prick of the year.

挑刺的一年

[laughter]

(大笑)

So, for a man who needs no introduction

所以呢，就讓我們來歡迎這位不需要介紹

but got one anyway...

卻還死要介紹的人...

Anton.

安東尼

[one person claps, stops]

(一個人的拍手聲)

- First I'd like to thank--

-首先呢，我想感謝的是...

- When's the [bleep] party?

-巴西豪豬性愛派對到底什麼時候才開始啊？

- Yeah!

-就是啊！

[crowd chattering]

(群眾說話聲)

- The [bleep] party.

-巴西豪豬性愛趴啊

- Oh! Oh, my.

-喔，我的耶穌上帝啊

- She gets it.

-她懂啦

[crowd chattering]

(群眾聊天聲)

- It's a what?

-他剛剛說的那是什麼？

- Some kind of forbidden sex move, okay?

-呃..就是一種限制級的性愛姿勢啦

There was a mix-up on the invitation.

派對邀請的過程出了點問題

- Ella, this was your one responsibility.

-艾拉，這是妳的職責耶

- I know. I was gonna kick them out,

-我知道，我本來是想把他們趕走

but they all paid.

可是他們都已經付錢了

You made more than $10,000 tonight.

你光這個晚上就淨賺超過1萬美金了耶

- [laughs softly]

-(噗哧一笑)

Okay, just keep them away from my guests, please?

那好吧，叫他們離我的貴賓遠一點就好，好嗎？

- Okay. Okay, yeah.

-好，沒問題

I can do that. I can do that.

我做得到，我做得到的

[crowd chattering]

(群眾聊天聲)

[clears throat]

(清喉嚨)

[crowd silences]

(鴉雀無聲)

For anyone who's been asking for the grease,

剛剛有跟我要潤滑油的人

I'll be serving it up

我會拿到廚房

in the kitchen.

給你們

[all cheering]

(眾人歡呼聲)

- It's on!

-終於啊！

[all continue cheering]

(所有人持續歡呼)

- Anton, you really must serve better hors d'oeuvres.

-我說小安啊，你下次應該要準備更好的開場秀 (譯註: hors d'œuvre一詞源自法文，指在主菜上桌前的開胃菜、前菜)

[techno music playing] - No, you shouldn't go in there.

(電子音樂播放) -不行，妳不能進去裡面

- But they stole my purse.

-可是他們偷了我的錢包啊

[techno music playing]

(電子音樂播放)

I really shouldn't have gone in there.

我真的不該進去裡面的

- Mads, I made a commitment,

-麥姿，我對妳已經發過誓

and I swear to you that if your purse is in that kitchen,

如果妳的皮包放在廚房裡面，我就一定會

I'll get it back. And then,

幫妳拿出來，然後

I'll kick the ass of whoever took it.

我要把那個小偷揍得屁滾尿流，讓他好看

- [groans]

(呻吟)

[music and cheering]

(音樂和歡呼聲)

- Aah!

-啊！

Oh, no!

喔，不！

[crying] No!

(哭著說)太可怕了！

- Pete! - No!

-皮特！ -不！

- Come back to me, Pete! - No!

-你冷靜一點，皮特！ -不要！

- Okay.

-來了

- Thanks.

-謝謝妳

- This is really good, isn't it?

-今天真的滿不錯的，對吧？

- Well, maybe we should try the grease in the kitchen.

-恩，也許我們該試試廚房裡的潤滑油

Why not? I'm up for anything new.

有何不可呢，我可是很喜歡嘗鮮的呢

- Look, ladies, no. Uh...

-且慢，女士們，聽著，呃...

You'll--you'll miss the dance party.

這樣妳們會錯過舞會呢

Hey, buddy, uh, can we get some dance music up here?

嘿，兄弟，呃，你們幫我把放些舞曲嗎？

- Way ahead of ya, boss.

-早就準備好啦，老闆

[funky dance music playing] - Mmm.

(怪奇舞曲播放) -恩~

Ooh. Electric Slide, everybody.

嗚，電子音樂呢，來吧各位

Come on and Electric Slide.

大家一起來吧

Mm-hmm.

恩哼

Hey.

嘿

Uh-huh.

恩哼

You got it.

就是那樣

Come on, do this.

來吧，就是這樣

Uh-huh, you got it.

恩哼，妳會了

[music continues]

(音樂持續播放)

Push your leg, hey.

舞動妳的美腿吧，嘿

[techno music playing in next room]

(從隔壁房間傳來的電子音樂)

- [humming]

- (哼唱聲)

Hey, what are you guys doing?

嘿，你們倆在這鬼鬼祟祟幹嘛？

- Protecting people from the Brazilian porcupine sex party.

-防止其他人誤闖巴西豪豬性愛趴

[techno music continues]

(電子音樂繼續播放)

- Nice!

-聽起來還挺不錯呢！

- [groans]

- (讚嘆)

[cheering, louder music]

(歡呼聲，音樂大聲播放)

- It does kind of look like a porcupine.

-這看起來確實滿像豪豬的

[funky dance music playing]

(怪奇音樂持續播放)

- Uh-huh. [humming]

-恩哼 (哼唱聲)

- Aren't you guys having so much fun?

-大家有沒有玩得很開心啊？

- Hey, sorry I couldn't find your purse.

-嘿，對不起，我沒能找到妳的皮包

- It's okay. If my purse is in there,

-沒關係啦，要是我的皮包真的在裡面

I'm not gonna want it back, anyways.

我大概也不會想再拿回來繼續使用了

- I see you, ladies, I see ya.

-女士們，找到妳們了吼~

Come on.

來吧

Put your butts to the back. Hey.

把妳們的屁股放到後面，嘿

- Oh, yeah. - Now to the left, hey.

-喔耶 -現在往左邊，嘿

[classical music playing]

(播著古典音樂)

- So, I guess this means we'll be seeing young Anton

-這樣的話，我想這意味著我們下禮拜能在

at the Train Restoration Gala next week.

慶祝晚會上看到小安囉？

- [chuckles] - Choo-choo.

-(笑) -啾啾

[all chuckling]

(所有人笑了起來)

- Dude...

-老兄...

Great Brazilian porcupine.

超讚的巴西豪豬

- Oh, uh, anything for the animals.

-喔，呃，我願意為動物做任何事

[chuckles] - For the animals.

(笑) -為了動物

Totally. - [laughs]

就是說嘛 -(笑)

- Oh, and if, uh,

-喔，對了，呃

if we can have another sex party in your kitchen,

如果下次還有要在你廚房舉辦性愛趴的話

we'll pay double. Got a great drain.

我會付雙倍門票進來的，做得好啊

[slurps] Black hole.

(嘖嘖聲) 我愛黑洞

- [laughs nervously]

(苦笑)

It's, uh...jokes.

呃...這其實...是個笑話啦

[laughs nervously]

(苦笑)

- Thanks for giving me a ride home, Pete.

-謝謝你還載我回家，皮特

- No probs, I can give you a rides whenevers.

-這小事一樁啦，我任何時候都可以載妳回家

[chuckles] It's cool.

(笑) 這太棒了

- No way.

-不會吧...

- What?

-怎麼了？

- No way.

-上帝真會捉弄人

[both chuckle]

(兩人都笑了)

I left it in my car.

我竟然忘在自己車上

You don't need to give me a ride home anymore, obviously.

很明顯，你以後可以不用再載我回家了

- [chuckles]

- (笑)

Good...I guess. Um...

那太好啦...我想...是吧..恩...

- Hey.

-嘿

If I had to be traumatized by a Craigslist meet-up,

如果下次再遇到像今天性愛趴這樣的狀況的話

I'd want it to be with you.

我希望還是能和你在一起

- [laughs softly]

- (輕輕一笑)

Guess I'll catch ya at the next sex party, huh?

我猜我還是能在性愛趴上遇見妳的，對吧？

[both laugh]

(兩人笑了起來)

[poignant music]

(淒美音樂)

- So, I'm gonna go. [chuckles]

-好囉，我想我也該回家了 (笑)

- Okay.

-沒問題

[techno music playing in other room]

(隔壁房間播放著電子音樂)

- You think...

-妳覺得...

- Great party, sir.

-派對辦得可真讚啊，老兄

You're a hell of a host.

你辦得可真讚

I'm tripling my donation.

這是我3倍的捐款，拿去吧

[both laughing]

(樂不可支)

- Yes!

-太好了！

Oh, yeah!

喔耶！

- I never actually saw what was going on in there.

-其實我還沒看過裡面到底長什麼樣子耶

- Don't, no, man, don't. Don't go in there.

-不，老兄，不要進去

[techno music playing]

(播放著電子音樂)

No. You okay?

糟了，你還好吧？

Are you okay?

你還好嗎？

[upbeat music]

(俏皮音樂)