Oh, yeah. Ohh.

喔耶~ 喔~

Oh, yeah.

就是這樣，爽啦

- Can you pass me those time sheets over there?

-你可以幫我拿一下放在那邊的工時表嗎？

- [strains]

- (費盡力氣)

Can't reach.

我...拿...不到

Nope, can't do it.

沒辦法，我拿不到

- You're a real asset to this company.

-你還真的是我們公司裡的「人才」耶= = (譯註: 此處的asset並非褒義，乃是使用反諷的語氣來諷刺伊恩)

- What? Your air conditioning's

-怎樣啦？只有妳這邊的冷氣

the only one that's crotch accessible.

才能吹到我的胯下嘛

- Hey, Lori, have we got a lost and found?

-嘿，羅莉，請問一下我們這裡有失物招領箱嗎？

This is it?

就只有這些東西而已嗎？

Seems like kids would lose a lot more stuff.

我還以為小朋友還滿常弄丟東西的

- That's just the overflow. - Yeah,

-這些是塞不下多出來的 -就是啊

the rest of it's in... the room.

剩下的東西都放在...「那間」房間

[dramatic music]

(誇張戲劇性音樂)

- The room?

-「那間」房間？

[dramatic music]

(誇張戲劇性音樂)

- 25 years of lost items.

-25年以來不斷累積的遺失物品

- There must be hundreds of dollars worth of stuff in here.

-這裡的東西應該都值好幾百塊(美元)吧？

We should have a rummage sale,

我們應該來辦一場慈善拍賣會

and then donate the proceeds to my Eagle Scout troupe.

這樣我就能捐一些錢給我的鷹級童子軍團了呢 (譯註: Eagle Scout是美國童軍(BSA)的最高級別，此稱號為永久性的，所以會有「一旦為鷹，永遠是鷹」的說法)

- That's a good idea, Pete.

-皮特，這主意還真不賴呢

I'm gonna make you Employee of the Month.

這個月的最佳員工非你莫屬啦

- Awesome! You know,

-太棒了！妳知道嗎

the guys and I are gonna finally be able

我和那些童子軍終於能踏上

to adopt that piece of highway we've had our eye on.

我們心目中所嚮往的道路了

Oh, it's gonna be so clean.

喔，這裡一定會變得非常乾淨的

- That's cute.

-你還真可愛

Sad, but cute.

雖然悲哀，但還是可愛啦

[playful music]

(俏皮音樂)

- [man singing] This is America

- (男聲) 這裡是美國

Land of dreams

夢想的發源之地

Everyone can climb higher

每個人都能高高在上

- [women singing] No you know you're stuck here

- (女聲) 你錯了，你明知道自己被困在這裡

'Cause you're a part-timer yeah

因為你只是個實習工讀生，耶~

- [man singing] You can do anything

- (男聲) 想做什麼都隨心所欲

- [woman singing] As long as it's not hard

- (女聲) 前提是不要太難

- [man singing] And you can go anywhere

- (男聲) 想去哪玩也隨心所欲

- [woman singing] As soon as you get a car

- (女聲) 前提是你得有車

- [man singing] You're gonna be a huge success

- (男聲) 你就能坐擁天下

- [woman singing] Come on that's not who you are

- (女聲) 拜託，你以為你是誰？

- [man singing] You're a part-timer cursed

- (男聲) 實習工讀生是一種詛咒

With full-time dreams

雖然充滿夢想

And this low-paying job is as bad as it seems

但薪水就跟表面看起來一樣的糟

Bad as it seems

一樣糟糕

What the [bleep] are you doing here?

你到底是吃錯什麼藥？

Whoa

哇喔

What the [bleep] are you doing here?

幹嘛要來這裡啊？

Oh

喔~

Seriously, dude? - Like, what the [bleep]?

兄弟，認真的嗎？ -什麼啊，搞什麼鬼？

- Damn it.

-他媽的

Being Employee of the Month for seven years

連續蟬連7年的「每月最佳員工」

has been my only accomplishment.

一直是我唯一的成就

- I'm pretty sure Lori gave it to you for one month

-我很確定羅莉只讓你當過1個月的最佳員工

and then forgot about it for seven years.

之後的7年她都忘了，好嗎？

- That's not the point.

-那不是重點

My life has become all about this stupid suit.

我的人生都被這套爛玩偶裝給毀了

You know what?

妳猜怎麼樣

I vow to never be Pork E. again until I know who Ian is.

在我找到自我以前，我發誓我再也不會扮成小箭豬了

I'm a newborn babe.

我是新出生的嬰兒

[shimmering tones]

(閃爍不定的語氣)

- Maybe the first thing about the new Ian

-也許新伊恩該做的第1件事情就是

is that he wears clothes.

先把衣服穿上去

- Man! The new Ian sucks already!

-媽的！才剛開始，新伊恩就爛透了！

- What is this?

-這裡到底是在搞什麼鬼？

- Charity rummage sale. Pete is running the whole thing.

-慈善拍賣會啊，皮特一個人就包辦了所有事情

- You approved this without my knowledge.

-妳怎麼沒有經過我的同意就允許了？

This isn't a rummage sale. It's a power play.

這根本就不是什麼慈善拍賣，這比較像妳個人的高壓攻勢吧 (譯註: power play原指在球賽中的集中攻勢或在政治上的高壓攻勢，此採後者的解釋較符合原意)

- Did you skip your breakfast this morning?

-你今天早上是不是忘了吃早餐啊？

- No, I just read "The 48 Laws of Power."

-我有吃，我只是在看「權力世界的叢林法則-48條顛覆傳統的成功祕訣」而已 (譯註: The 48 Laws of Power於1998年在美國出版，為曾在全美銷售多達120萬本的暢銷書，現已翻譯成24種不同的語言)

It's the number-one-selling book in business school and prisons.

這在商業學校和監獄裡可是銷售量冠軍的書呢

- And we both know you haven't been to either.

-我知道你其實兩個地方都沒去過

- You just pulled a real 44,

-妳剛剛一定是使用了第44條法則

"disarm your opponent with a mirror effect,"

「運用鏡像效應來減緩對手的殺傷力」 (譯註: mirror effect是指因為他人對自己的態度，猶如一面鏡子能照出自己的形象，而由此能形成自我概念的概念)

but I'm onto you, Lori Wakefield,

妳等著瞧吧，韋克菲爾德·羅莉，總有一天我會凌駕在妳之上的

and this isn't over.

我們就走著瞧吧

[dramatic music]

(誇張戲劇性音樂)

- God, I wish you'd stop reading.

-天啊，我真希望你別再讀下去了

- What?

-哇~~

[sexy music]

(激情音樂)

- [sniffs]

- (吸氣)

Ugh! [coughs]

噁心！(咳嗽)

- Oh, my God.

-喔我的老天

- It's over, Mads. There's nothing left to do

-一切都完蛋了，麥姿，我現在除了借酒澆愁

but drink away my feelings.

就沒有其他事可以做了

I mean, I have talent, you know?

妳知道嗎，其實我是很有才華的

Am I just gonna be a big fish in a tiny pond?

難道我這條大魚一輩子就只能待在小池塘裡嗎？

I mean, it's not even a pond, it's a ball pit.

而且這裡根本沒有池塘，只有球池而已

I'm just a big fish in a tiny ball pit, ugh!

我只是一條困在球池裡的大魚，嗄！

- Ian, you're having a quarter-life crisis,

-伊恩，我覺得你現在正在面臨青年危機 (譯註: quarter-life crisis(青年危機)，是指年輕人在成長中常遇到的心理困惑時期，一般出現在剛大學畢業到社會實踐的20至24歲)

and trust me, it only gets worse from here.

相信我，你再這樣下去只會越來越糟，不會變好

Listen, what you need is clarity.

聽我說，你現在最需要做的事情就是先「釐清」人生方向

Write down your goals and then you'll feel better

先把你的目標寫下來，等你逐一完成之後

after you accomplish them.

你就會感覺好多了

- My goals? [scoffs]

-我的目標？ (噗哧笑出)

Dude, that's easy. One, go to space.

拜託，這用講的很簡單好嗎？第1，我要去外太空

Two, challenge Channing Tatum to a dance-off.

第2，和查寧·坦圖尬舞 (譯註: Channing Tatum為美國演員、製片人，相當會跳脫衣舞，曾拍過龍虎少年隊、最後一封情書、舞出真我等知名電影，也曾獲選為全球最性感男士)

Three, get a time machine, go back in time, and relive

第3，找到一臺時光機，然後回到過去，重溫我和

me beating Channing Tatum in said dance-off.

查寧·坦圖尬舞並且打敗他的時光

- Those are really good.

-這些都還滿不賴的啊

- Obviously.

-那當然

- Why don't we think of something

-我們何不想點你今天就能

you could accomplish today?

完成的事情呢？

- All right. That's--that's a good point.

-好吧...這...這是個好主意

Thanks, Mads.

謝啦，麥姿

- Don't thank me.

-別謝我

Thank my first, second, and fourth therapists.

你應該感謝我第1, 2, 4位治療師

- [clears throat] My goals.

- (清嗓) 我的目標...

[playful music]

(俏皮音樂)

Number one, drink.

第1，先來喝點東西

Two...

第2...

don't puke.

不要嘔吐

Three...

第3...

get some.

來點...

It could happen.

也許喝點酒有助我想出來...

It's not gonna happen.

好吧...也可能想不出來

[burps]

(打嗝聲)

- [straining]

- (拉東西聲音)

- Whoa!

-哇嗚！

That artist totally captured that sub sandwich.

這位畫家完全地捕捉到三明治的美了啊

- Shh. I'm hiding this

-噓，我要把它藏起來

so Lori won't know that I found it.

這樣羅莉才不會知道我發現這個

She'd be totally embarrassed.

她應該會覺得超級尷尬的吧

It was probably painted by a former lover.

這應該是她以前的愛人幫她畫的

- Of course it was.

-那不是廢話嗎

Look at the intimacy of the brushstrokes.

妳看這筆觸之間透露出來的親密

This would make a fine addition to my collection.

它可就要成為我的收藏品了呢

- No, this is private.

-休想，這是私人物品

- Look, this is a rare piece.

-聽我說，這可是難得一見的傑作耶

It's the Sandwich Artist's art.

這可是三明治畫作呢 (譯註: Sandwich Artist還有另一個意思是指作潛艇堡的人)

[quirky music]

(狡詐音樂)

- Ow.

-痛

- Yes. I've been looking for this.

-太好了，我一直在找的就是這個啊

- For a nude portrait of Lori holding a sandwich?

-嗄？為了這幅握著三明治的裸體羅莉？

- No, for blackmail.

-答錯了，是要作為威脅

[playful music]

(俏皮音樂)

- Happy birthday, Tyler.

-祝你生日快樂，泰勒

Time to think of a wish. Okay, everyone?

來想想要許什麼願望吧，準備好了嗎，大家？

[singing] Happy--

(唱歌)祝你...

- Don't waste your breath, Tyler!

-別浪費你的那一口氣，泰勒！

[rock music]

(搖滾音樂)

You could blow out candles all day, and you know what?

你可以一整天都吹蠟燭，但你知道嗎？

It still won't make your wishes come true.

它根本就不會幫助你的願望成真

In the end, it all comes down to what you've done.

到頭來，還不是要看你到底努力了多少

What have you done with your life, Tyler?

泰勒，你想想你有為你自己的人生做過什麼嗎？

Nothing!

完全沒有！

- Cut it out, Ian.

-停下來，別再說了，伊恩

Stop vomiting your self-loathing all over everyone.

可以不要把你厭惡自己的情緒發洩在別人身上嗎？

It's disgusting.

真是有夠噁心的

- It's not self-loathing. It's appletini!

-那才不是厭惡自我，那是蘋果馬提尼雞尾酒 (譯註: Appletini由伏特加和蘋果汁(或蘋果白蘭地)調配而成，酒液青綠澄澈，口感微酸，很接近蘋果的味道)

- You want to make a change in your life?

-你真的有想要為你的人生帶來改變嗎？

Do something. Take a risk for once!

那就去做點什麼啊，去嘗試冒險，一次也好！

- Yeah, take a risk!

-就是嘛，去冒險啦

- Shut it, Tyler!

-閉嘴，泰勒

- You guys, I am not gonna let this fall into the hands

-你們這些臭男生，我絕對不會把畫交給一個到現在還跟

of a man who lives with his mom

媽咪住在一起的媽寶，還有一個一天到晚

and a man whose best friend is a porcelain cat.

只會跟他的陶瓷貓咪玩在一起的男人

- Whoa, okay, whoa. - Whoa, whoa, whoa.

-哇嗚，夠了，哇嗚 -哇嗚，哇嗚，哇嗚

You keep Sausage out of this.

這件事妳最好不要亂傳出去 (譯註: 根據Urban Dictionary的解釋，Sausage原本是指香腸、臘腸之意，但有些人會將其當成菸來吸，形成一種奇怪的癖好，故此處衍伸其原意，指的是這種見不得人的怪癖，最好不要隨便洩漏出去)

- Do you guys think that you can help with the--

-大伙，你們可以幫我就是......

Oh! Oh!

喔！喔！

- Pete, I'll give you $20 for this.

-皮特，我用20塊美金來跟你買這個

- 25, and I'll give you a cruise in my convertible.

-我出25美元，然後我會開我的敞篷車載你去兜風

- 30, and I'll flash you once a month.

-30美元，外加每個月露一次我的裸體給你看 (譯註: flash亦有暴露之意思，這裡帶有性暗示之意味)

- 40, and I'll flash you twice a month,

-我出40美元，然後我每個月幫你刮2次鬍子

and that's post-shave.

讓你的臉看起來亮晶晶，清爽無比

- $1 billion!

-我出10億美金

- You don't have a billion dollars.

-你才沒有10億美金勒

- Don't I?

-妳那麼肯定我沒有嗎？

Ahh.

啊

Who should I make this check out to?

我該把支票開給誰呢？

Oh, the owner? Oh, that's right, me.

喔，開給老闆？喔，沒錯，就是本人在下

Here you go, Pete. I'll be collecting that later.

拿去吧，皮特，我晚點再來想辦法籌錢

- One, two--

-1...2...

- Ian, no!

-伊恩，不要住手！

Just because you're a total loser

你不能因為你是個完全徹底

does not mean you need to kill yourself.

的魯蛇，就在那邊要鬧自殺啦

- Oh, please, if I wanted to kill myself,

-喔拜託，如果我真的要自殺

I would do it in a way cooler way.

我會採用更酷的手法好嗎？

Like, with TNT and a shipping container.

像是裝上黃色炸藥然後綁在貨櫃船上面 (譯註: TNT俗稱三硝基甲苯，由於呈黃色晶體狀，所以被俗稱為黃色炸藥)

Maybe during the Superbowl halftime show.

又或者是在超級盃的時候...

That'd be pretty sweet.

那應該感覺會滿不錯的

- Ew.

-呃...

So what were you doing?

那你現在到底是在幹嘛啦？

- You told me to take a risk.

-妳跟我說要我去嘗試冒險

That's what I'm doing.

我現在就是在做這件事啊

I'm gonna cut my hair off.

我正要把我的頭髮都剃掉

That's--that's pretty bold. I love my hair.

這需要很大的勇氣，拜託，因為...我愛我的頭髮

- Are you okay?

-你還好嗎？

- No. I've only accomplished one thing on my list today--

-當然不好，我今天只完成我必做清單上面的一件事情

drink.

喝酒

- You know that appletini mix

-你應該知道蘋果提尼雞尾酒

doesn't have any alcohol in it, right?

是沒有摻雜任何酒精的吧？

- Oh, great.

-好，這下可好了

I'm not even good at a booze-fueled meltdown.

我現在就連酗酒也不在行了

- I'm sure that you have other items on your list.

-我很確定你清單上面肯定還有其他事項

- See for yourself.

-妳自己看吧

- "Get some"?

-「來點...」？

- Okay.

-好啦

We'll go into Lori's office.

就是呢...我們潛進羅莉的辦公室

You take your clothes off, I'll take off my clothes.

妳脫掉妳的衣服，我也脫掉我的衣服

I'm sure if we imagine different people,

我很確定只要我們把對方想像成不同的人

we can make this work. - Ugh.

這就絕對行得通 -吼

I'm done trying to help you figure out who you are,

我真的覺得我沒必要再幫助你去釐清你自己是誰了

because you've already made that crystal clear.

因為事實已經攤在眼前了 (譯註: crystal clear意思是透明如水晶似的，另一意涵就是指非常清楚，因為前面伊恩說要脫衣服，麥姿說你不用再尋找自我，因為事實已經很清楚，你本身就是個混蛋)

You want to be a real man?

你真的想成為一個真正的男人嗎？

Do something for someone else for a change.

試著為他人嘗試做一些改變吧

[quirky music]

(古怪音樂)

[quirky music]

(古怪音樂)

- Ahem. Lori,

-呃恩，羅莉

one day you're gonna want to run this company.

也許將來有那麼一天妳會想經營這家公司

- I'm not gonna want that. - You might.

-我一點也不想 -我是說「可能」

- I won't. - If you do.

-我不會 -我是說「如果」

- Nope. - If--I said if you do,

-作夢 -如果，我說如果！！

then don't, because I've got...

反正妳也不能，因為我已經拿到了...

[whooshing]

(呼呼聲)

[sexy music]

(激情音樂)

This. [chuckles]

瞧這個吧 (笑)

- Are you blackmailing me? - No.

-你這是想威脅我嗎？ -當然不是

I'm pre-blackmailing you. It's way smarter.

我這是在先發制人，因為這樣比較聰明

- I see. Well, before you go

-我懂了，不過在你把那幅畫

showing that to everyone,

秀給大家看之前

you might be interested in who the artist is.

你應該會想知道這位畫家是誰，對吧？

- Dad? - Oh, your dad

-我老爸？ -沒錯，你老爸

is an artiste in many mediums,

可是位藝術家，他會許多種表現藝術的方式

be it canvas, sandwich, or mattress.

好比說油畫啦，三明治啦，或是..床墊

- Oh, my God.

-喔，我的老天啊

Wait, does that mean you're my mom?

等等，難道這就意味著你是我老媽嗎？

- Rule number one, stop being stupid.

-叢林生存法則1，別再耍笨了

- Ah, so I see Pork E.'s back.

-啊，我猜小箭豬是回來囉？

I guess you found out who you are.

我想你現在應該知道自己是誰了吼？

- Yeah, I'm a jerk.

-對啊，我是一個混蛋

A really smart girl helped me realize that.

有個很聰明的女孩讓我明白這一點

Look, I'm sorry, Mads. You were right.

聽著，我真的很抱歉，麥姿，妳是對的

And I would totally sleep with you...

我一定會跟妳一起睡的...

If I was really drunk and super desperate.

我是說，當然前提是在我喝醉又徹底絕望的時候

- That's actually the nicest thing

-這真的是從你口中

I've ever heard you say, so.

講過最棒的一件事情了

- Um, got you this at the rummage sale.

-恩，這是我在慈善拍賣會上買的，想說拿來送妳

- Oh, my God! My label maker?

-喔，我的天啊！這不是我的標籤打印機嗎？

Mmm. I've been looking for this everywhere.

啾，太好了，我之前到處找都找不到

- Wait, that was already yours? I spent 50 bucks on that.

-等一下，所以這原本就是妳的東西了喔？我還花了50元買下它

- Aw. Give me that list.

-噢...給我看一下那份清單

- Okay, but I didn't accomplish anything, so don't judge. (Get something for someone else.)

-好啦，可是我還沒全部完成，所以妳看完了不要抨擊我喔 (贈送某樣禮物給他人)

- There's hope for you yet, Ian.

-伊恩，你還是有希望的呀

These are the first steps to becoming a better person.

想要成為更好的人，這可還只是剛開始唷

- Wait, there's more steps?

-蛤，只是剛開始而已喔？

[grumbles]

(發牢騷)

[upbeat music]

(俏皮音樂)

- What? I like sandwiches.

-看什麼看？人家喜歡三明治，不行嗎？

[sexy music]

(激情音樂)

[upbeat music]

(俏皮音樂)