[objects clattering]

(物品被撞倒聲)

[breathing hard] I have--I have--

(驚慌樣) 我... 我可是..有...

I have mace!

我可是有帶防狼噴霧喔！ (譯註: Mace是美國歷史悠久的防狼噴霧大品牌，產品種類十分多樣化)

I mean, I have a mace,

呃...我的意思是說我有一個

the Medieval skull-crushing kind.

用中古世紀碎骨頭做成的狼牙棒啦

[lightly suspenseful music]

(懸疑輕音樂)

Oh, my God!

喔，我的老天！

We have a hobo?

我們店裡有流浪漢闖進來嗎？

[rustling] Aah!

(沙沙聲) 啊！

- Hobo? I prefer vagrant.

-什麼流浪漢嘛！說我是四處漂泊者還差不多

[upbeat music]

(俏皮音樂)

[singing] - This is America

(片頭曲) - 這裡是美國

Land of dreams

夢想的發源之地

Everyone can climb higher

每個人都能高高在上

- Not you, though

- 你錯了，你明知道

- You're stuck here

- 自己被困在這裡

- 'Cause you're a part-timer

- 因為你只是個實習工讀生

- Yeah!

- 耶~

- You can do anything

- 想做什麼都隨心所欲

- As long it's not hard

- 前提是不要太難

- And you can go anywhere

- 想去哪玩也隨心所欲

- As soon as you get a car

- 前提是你得有車

- You're gonna be a huge success

- 你就能坐擁天下

- Come on, that's not who you are

- 拜託，你以為你是誰？

- You're a part-timer cursed with full-time dreams

- 實習工讀生是一種詛咒，雖然你充滿夢想

And this low-paying job

但薪水就跟表面

Is as bad as it seems

看起來一樣的糟

Bad as it seems

一樣糟糕

What the [bleep] are you doing here?

你到底是吃錯什麼藥？

Whoa

哇喔

What the [bleep] are you doing here?

到底是為什麼要來這裡啊？

Oh oh

喔~

- Seriously, dude. - Like, what the [bleep]?

- 兄弟，認真的嗎？ -你到底在這裡做什麼啊？

- So you saw a hobo and then ran away?

-所以...你說你看到一個流浪漢，然後就嚇得落荒而逃了？

- Dude, that's hobophobic.

-兄弟，你這叫流浪漢恐懼症好嗎？

- Look, you guys are my family,

-聽好，你們大家就像是我的家人

and your safety is my top priority.

而你們大家的安全也是我的首要考量

That's why I've installed a Pork E. cam

這就是為什麼我要裝個「寶杯攝影機」在那裡

for your protection.

保護你們安全的原因

The feed goes right to my computer.

拍到的任何畫面，都會直接傳到我的電腦裡

I can see the whole floor from my home office.

也就是說我只要待在家裡，就能掌握這裡的一切

- So...

-這麼說的話...

you won't be coming in anymore?

你就不會再來這裡了嗎？

- No need.

- 沒有錯

I'm officially on full-time hobo watch.

因為我必須全程監視著這個流浪漢

- So what are you gonna do if you catch her--him?

- 呃..那你抓到她...他之後要怎麼處置呢？

- Don't worry, Ella.

- 這妳就用不著擔心，艾拉

I'm gonna have him arrested and prosecuted.

我會找人逮捕他，然後對他提出控訴

You should have seen this guy's nest of filth.

你們大伙真該看看那個傢伙的垃圾豬窩

It was disgusting. He's a real menace.

真的超噁心的，讓他留著會對我們造成威脅

- Hey.

-嘿~

You still have a bathtub at home right?

妳家裡面有浴缸對吧？

- Right. - Cool. Cool.

-對啊 -太好了

Can I live in it?

那我可以住妳家嗎？

- Don't you have a place with that girl from Craigslist?

-妳不是和那個在克雷格列表網站上找到的女生一起住嗎？ (譯註: Craigslist是一個網上大型免費分類廣告網站，於1995年創立)

- I did, I did, but it turns out

-是沒錯啦，可是妳知道她到最後

on Craigslist, roommate means drug mule.

在克雷格列表上就變成了毒品販子...

So...

所以囉...

- Well, I guess you could stay at my place

-那好吧，我想我可以讓妳在我家...

for, like... a few nights.

待個幾天吧...

- Yes! That would be so amazing.

-太好了，這真的是太棒了

That would be so, so, so, so [sings] amazing!

這真的是(唱起來了)太太太太讚了！

And don't worry.

喔，對了，妳不用擔心

I have lots of guys over all the time.

我常和其他男人混在一起

We're gonna get you so laid.

我們絕對會讓妳很滿意的 (譯註: 此處get laid有另外的意思，是指上床)

Yes!

讚啦！

[overlapping chatter, game sounds]

(聊天吵雜聲+電玩聲音)

Ah! Ha ha!

啊！哈哈，嚇到妳了吧

Hi!

妳好啊！

I'm so excited! - Okay. Yeah.

我現在超興奮的！ -好啦好啦，我知道

[funky music]

(怪奇音樂)

- Office romance.

-啊~ 辦公室戀情啊

Progressive!

還真夠前衛啊！

- Guys, guys, you realize we're being watched right now?

-喂喂，妳們兩個，妳們知道我們現在正在被監視嗎

First it's the cameras.

現在是攝影機

Next it's gonna be choke collars

以後可能就要在我們套上令人窒息的項圈

and electrodes attached to our private areas.

再不然就是拿電極將我們的私密處連接起來

If you were smart, you'd join the rebellion,

要是妳們夠聰明，最好和我一起加入造反行動

because we...

因為我們...

are Anonymous!

是「匿名的」！

- This is a really good show.

-這真的是太精彩啦，哈哈哈

- There's just something very sexy

-妳知道有滿多巨型卡車的比賽

about Monster Truck rallies, you know, you got the--

其實還滿吸引的人嗎，妳知道，妳可以就是...

- Aah! - Ah! Aah!

- 啊！ -啊！啊！

- I can't wait to get snuggle-bugs

-我已經等不及今晚要和妳

with you tonight, roomie! Muah!

互相依偎了呢，我的好室友，啾咪！

- You know... Ella's kind of like bedbugs.

-妳知道嗎... 其實艾拉根本就是臭蟲

Once you let her into your apartment,

一旦妳讓她住進妳們家

she never really leaves.

她就再也不會想離開

- It's just for a few nights. - Oh...[chuckles]

-只是借住幾晚而已，應該還好吧 -喔...(笑)

I'm sure that's what she told you.

我很肯定那只是她跟妳說說罷了

I let her into my place last year,

我去年讓她來住我家

and I still have people coming over to use my shower.

結果現在還是會有人闖進我家來洗澡= =...

I think she might have put my address on a bus stop.

我猜她根本是把我家的地址到處貼在公車站牌上了

- She's my nightmare!

-天啊，她肯定會成為我的夢魘

[line ringing]

(電話撥通中)

[phone buzzing]

(電話振動聲)

[chime]

(鳴響聲)

Hey, it's Ian. Leave a message.

嘿，我是伊恩，請留下你的訊息

- Hey, bud. So...I was searching for hobos

-嘿，老兄，那個...我在尋找流浪漢的同時...

when something more interesting came up.

發現了一些有趣的事情

Can you see what's going on with Mads and Ella?

你可以幫我打聽一下，麥姿和艾拉兩個人現在是什麼狀況嗎？

I think they're hooking up.

我覺得她們好像快成為一對了耶

Oh, and-- - End of message.

喔，然後還有... -留言結束

If you would like to re-record, press 1.

如果您想再重錄一次，請按1

- He sent me to voicemail. Rude!

-他竟然把我轉到語音信箱了... 真夠沒禮貌的

- So I do this thing called Pink Taco Tuesdays.

-所以啊，我就把每個星期2稱作是「粉紅色塔可餅日」

We can wax each other and eat tacos.

我們可以在彼此身上塗滿蠟，然後再來吃塔可餅

I used to just do it by myself,

我以前自己一個人的時候常這樣子喔

but now that we're gonna be roomies--

但我們現在就要成為室友了...

[gasps] Oh, my God--twins!

(吸氣) 喔我的天啊，成雙成對

Oh, we have to find twins! Yes!

喔我們現在得找個另一半了！太好了！

I've always wanted to do that!

我一直以來都很想做這樣的事！

Who knows, maybe wind up on the same bed,

誰知道呢，也許我們可以在同一張床上

fishing for salmon on the Yemen--you know what I mean?

然後到葉門釣鮭魚...妳懂我的意思吧？ (譯註:「到葉門釣鮭魚」是2007年於英國出版的書信體諷刺小說，後於2011年翻拍成電影「飄洋過海，愛上妳」)

- No, Ella. Nobody knows what that means.

-不，艾拉，根本沒人知道妳到底在說什麼

- I have a loose theory.

-但我好像懂耶！

- Pete! - Sorry.

-皮特！ -抱歉

- Don't worry, Mads, I will teach you everything.

-別擔心啦，麥姿，我會教妳所有事情

So there's the salmon and the y--

就是在那邊的鮭魚啊，和...

- Examine your...hymen?

-檢查妳的...處女膜？

Ah! Need a male on the inside.

受不了，我需要一個能提供內幕的人

Hey, Ian, haven't heard from you in a while,

嘿伊恩，有好一陣子沒有你的消息了

so if you wanna give me a ring back

所以趕快回電給我

and let me know what's going on with the gals,

然後告訴我女生之間發生了什麼趣事

I won't have to call you a million times.

這樣我就不用再打那麼多通給你

Thank you! [beep]

謝你啦！ (掛斷聲)

- Oh...

-吼...

- Please, please stop saying Yemen.

-拜託...拜託不要再講什麼葉門之類的東西

- All right, that's fine. I'm sorry.

-好吧，沒關係，不好意思啦

No Yemen. No problem.

我們不談葉門，沒問題的

You know, we'll just keep it simple.

那我們來聊點簡單的東西就好

We'll find a nice guy for you

那...我們一起來幫妳找個

who just wants to take a tugboat to Tuna Island!

願意拖船載妳去鮪魚島的男人吧！

- Ella, I don't want twins.

-艾拉，我根本不想要有另外一半

I don't want to go to Tuna Island--wherever that is.

我也不想去什麼鮪魚島的...管它是什麼

And I definitely don't want to live with you.

而且我其實根本就不想跟妳一起住

- Why, because I'm not sexually repressed?

-為什麼，是因為我沒有壓抑住我自己的性慾嗎？

- No. Because you're hygienically repressed.

-不是，是因為妳很不衛生

- Oh! Oh, you're walking away?

-喔，喔，所以妳就這樣走掉了，是嗎？

Ha! No! Come back here!

哈！妳作夢啦！妳給我回來喔！

I'm the one that gets to walk away.

我才是應該要轉頭就走的人

Me, little girl.

對啦，就是我，小鬼

[phone rings]

(電話鈴響聲)

What?

有何貴幹？

- Hey, uh, quick Q.

-嘿..呃..我看我直接切入正題好了

How's your...hymen?

妳的處女膜到底...是怎麼了？

- Stop watching us!

-可以不要再監視我們了，好嗎？

- [groans] Ah!

- (嘆氣) 啊~該死

Ha-man.

哈曼？？(譯註: 哈曼是希伯來聖經當中的重要人物，曾預謀殺害所有的猶太人)

Ya-men.

衙門？？

Yah, mahn.

牙慢？？

- Anton can't control us.

-安東尼不能控制我們

We do what we want when we want it!

我們有隨時隨地做自己喜歡的事的權利！

all: Yeah! - If I wanna take

所有人：沒錯！ -如果我想在

a refreshing skinny dip in the ball pit, I will!

泳池裸泳，那我就會真的那麼做

- Yeah...

- (有點遲疑) 沒..

- Okay! - No.

-沒..有錯 -不對

- And Pete, how about your extra-long showers

-皮特，你應該也想「延長」你在員工沐浴間

in the staff bathroom?

「洗澎澎」的時間吧？ (譯註: 此處特別引號之處皆一語雙關，含有性暗示之意味)

Hmm? - Dude.

恩？ -老兄

We're in the middle of a drought.

我們現在可正面臨乾旱缺水的危機耶

Do it in your car like everyone else.

跟其他人一樣在自己的車上做啦！

- Ella, Mads, you know, you guys are best friends,

-艾拉，麥姿，妳們曾經是很要好的朋友，對吧？

and he's tearing you apart!

但他現在卻要把妳們拆散了！

- Well...work friends.

-呃...我們只是工作上的夥伴啦

- Well, either way,

-唉呀，隨便啦

I got a plan to take this place back.

我有個計劃可以把這裡重新恢復原貌

Now...who's with me?

現在...誰想要參一咖的？

Who's with me?

一起加入我吧

- Okay! - Yeah.

-讚啦！ -好耶~~

- Let's do it! Let's go!

-我們走吧！我們出發吧！

Come on! - Raaah!

來吧，大伙！ -(怪物吼叫聲)啊~~

[phone rings]

(電話鈴響聲)

- Hey, man. - Hey, man!

-嘿，兄弟 -嘿，兄弟！

You got my messages!

你終於聽到我留的語音訊息了

Any juicy new developments

餐廳員工之間有沒有什麼

on any employee relationships I should know about?

刺激新鮮的關係發展是我不知道的嗎？

- No. But I got something you might wanna see.

-沒有，不過這裡肯定有一些事情是你會想知道的

- Is it my Mr. Smoothie punch card?

-是我在思慕奇的打卡出了問題嗎？ (譯註: Mr. Smoothie為美國冰品奶昔綜合果汁吧專賣店)

I was only three away from a free protein boost, man.

但老兄，我在3歲的時候就不再碰那種蛋白質含量過高的東西了啊

- No, dude. Two words.

-不對，老兄，2個字

Ha-oh...bah-oh!

硫...讓....

- What?

-什麼啦？

- Hey-u...ga-blaw!

-ㄌㄧㄡˊ ， ㄌㄤˋ

- Dude, I can't understand you. What are you saying?

-兄弟，我真的聽不懂你到底在說什麼

- Hobo! We caught a hobo. Get over here right now.

-流浪漢啦，我們抓到他了，你現在馬上過來就對了

- Dude, I'll be right there!

-真的假的，我現在就馬上過去

- He's about to be Anonymized.

-看來...那個流浪漢準備要躲起來了

- Oh, my God. This hobo's a mastermind.

-喔我的天啊，這個流浪漢竟然是主謀

Is he still here?

他還在這裡嗎？

- We're not hostages, Anton.

-我們才不是人質，安東尼

We're protestors. - We're not leaving

我們只是想抗議某些事情 -我們會一直待在這

until you take down the Pork E. cam.

等到你把那個攝影機拆下來為止

And we're prepared to stay for weeks!

我們可是準備好要在這裡待上一個禮拜呢

- I'm prepared to stay for five minutes,

-其實我只打算在這裡待5分鐘

but then I'm going home.

然後我就要回家了

- That's why I threw the handcuff keys

-那就是為什麼我會把手銬的鑰匙

into the ball pit-- nobody leaves!

丟進球池裡面......沒有人可以離開！

- Dinger, why? - Damn it, Dinger!

-丁格，為什麼要這樣？ -該死的，丁格！

- I'm not the bad guy. He is.

-幹嘛？他才是真正的壞蛋耶

- Guys, as long as we have a hobo here,

-大伙，只要流浪漢還在這裡

the Pork E. cam stays.

我就不會把攝影機拆下來

- But there is no hobo.

-但根本就沒有什麼流浪漢...

It's just me.

其實那是我啦......

I've been crashing here at night.

我晚上都待在餐廳這裡過夜......

- Ella, I wish you'd told me. Now I feel really bad.

-艾拉，妳應該早點告訴我的，現在我真的覺得對妳很抱歉...

- Does that mean I can move into your bathtub?

-這表示我可以睡妳的浴缸了，是嗎？

- Uh...no.

-呃...不是

I love you, but you're just a little too, uh...

我愛妳，但妳就真的有點太過...呃...

fun.

太過有趣了

- That's okay. You're too boring.

-沒關係啦，因為是妳太無趣了

And I love you too. - Aw!

其實我也愛妳啦 -喔~~

- Ow!

-噢~~

Ah, ah, ah! - Ow! Ow!

噢，噢，噢 -痛痛痛

- Girls...

-女孩們

I just wanna let you know

我只是想讓你們知道

I am in full support of your relationship.

我非常支持妳們之間的關係

Especially if you tell me everything about it.

可是妳們要告訴我所有的事情

I mean, is "Hymen Ramen" a thing,

我是說... 妳們兩個到底是在「處女膜拉麵」

or are you just really into lemon salmon?

還是在「檸檬鮭魚」啊？

- I will tell you everything

-我會告訴你所有的真相

under three conditions--

不過你得先答應我3個條件

You take down the security camera,

第1，你得把牆上的攝影機拆下來

and you find all the handcuff keys.

第2，你要把手銬鑰匙找出來

- And...what's the third thing?

-好...那第3個條件是什麼？

[upbeat music]

(俏皮音樂)

- Wakey, wakey.

-起床囉~~

- Oh, hey.

-喔，嘿

- Thanks for letting me crash on your couch.

-謝謝你讓我睡你家的沙發

- Oh, yeah. Of course.

-喔，不會啦，小事一樁

That is not coffee. - No, it's soda.

這喝起來才不是咖啡... -當然不是，這是汽水

I put it in the microwave.

我剛把它拿到微波爐加熱

- Oh. Okay.

-喔..好吧...