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Hello everyone. I’d like to start on a vaguely controversial note. Go with me though. Deaf people, I’ve learned,
are really racist. That’s right. I’m not afraid to say it out loud. [Laughter]
I don’t mean that entirely, but I do kind of. I often do shows with sign interpreters,
and I’ve learned a little bit of sign language. And I’ve learned that there are different
signs for different countries. Some of those signs make perfect sense. Some of those signs
signs seem to me to be vaguely offensive. I’ll give you an example what I mean. This is a sign that makes
perfect sense. This is the British Sign Language sign for Scotland.
Makes sense. It’s a Scottish man playing the bagpipes. Or a Glaswegian man in a pub going Do you want a drink?
I'll buy you a drink. Can I get you a drink. Either way, it makes sense. England, the sign for England
is this because that’s a letter E. So you go England. But if you’re outside England you might be in a
country that has a different alphabet. That’s not going to make any sense. You can do
this. Why? Because it’s the strap on a bobby’s helmet. Which is lovely, but confusing.
Because that’s England. That’s lesbian. I think you can work out why.
How confusing
is that? England. Lesbian. England. Lesbian. You don’t want to get those two mixed up.
Don’t want to go to a nightclub pick up two girls take them home and find out they’re both English.
Here’s where it starts getting vaguely offensive. The British sign for Ireland is this. And
if you ask an English person why they’ll say Oh, it’s the shamrock. Oh no, I have
a shamrock in my lapel and its sticking out like that. That's what that is. No it’s not. That’s English
people going Oh my dear lord there seem to be Irish people on me.
The one that got me,though, is the British Sign Language sign for Australia. This is the British Sign Language
sign for Australia, which is also the sign we use in Australia to represent ourselves
in sign language. It’s this. That’s not it. There aren’t deaf people around the
world people go where are you from? They go fuck, I need a microphone.
British Sign Language sign for Australia
which is also the sign we use in Australia is this.
That’s offensive. That is English people
going Oh, we’ve picked the dirty scum up and we've put them over there. If you’re going
to make a sign for Australia, at least make it vaguely Australian. You know, something
like. You know what? I reckon if you’re English and you want to demonstrate Australia,
all you have to do is this. [Laughter]
Let’s be honest, though. After we lost the last Ashes, I reckon the English sign for Australia could well be this.
You know what’s great about that? Four weeks ago I was on a flight. I was in Adelaide. And I got on a flight to come back to Melbourne.
And when I did the stewardess recognized me. And she went oh, hello you’re Adam Hills. And I went yes I am. You’re
just seated here Mr. Hills. Thanks very much. She went I really like the routine you do
about sign language. Oh. Thanks that’s lovely. She said, and I’m not kidding, In fact,
I’ve managed to incorporate a bit of it into the safety demonstration. [Laughter]
And I’m thinking what bit could she have possibly worked in. And I went back through my head all my favorite
bits of sign language. And there’s one that’s my absolute favorite piece of sign language.
And you will only ever see this in Australia. This is a sign that only exists in Australian
Sign Language because it sums up a phrase that only exists in the Australian spoken language.
The sign I’m not making it up is this. I’ll show you again.
What that means is fuck you, fuck the lot of youse.
So let’s go back. I’ve sat down. She said I like your bit about sign language. Really? Yes. In fact, I’ve managed to incorporate a bit of it into
the safety demonstration. I’m just sitting there thinking no you didn’t. I’ve never
paid that much attention to the safety demonstration in my life. I swear to god, she got to the
end and did this. In case of emergency, your exist are here and here.
What’s even better was I was back in Adelaide for the Adelaide fringe and she passed me on the street. And
I didn’t recognize her. And she went hi Adam. And I went yeah hi. Kept eating. And she went no it’s
me. And I went yeah good on you. And she went no. Are you keeping an eye out for your exits?
And I went oh my god it’s you! I said I’ve been telling that story on stage ever since
you did that. And she said good. I do that on every flight now.
And she went I do check to make sure there aren’t any deaf people on board first. Because how funny
would that be? You’re a deaf guy, you’ve got on a plane and you see this. In
case of emergencies fuck you fuck the lot of you.
Ladies and gentlemen it’s been a pleasure talking to you.


2010 墨爾本國際喜劇節 (Adam Hills at the 2010 Melbourne International Comedy Festival)

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antonia 發佈於 2016 年 4 月 3 日
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