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ALEX ANTHONY: I don't think ever felt like a girl.
I grew up with two older sisters,
and I kind of watched the things that they like.
I was just never into those things.
It was always like I wanted to play football,
and I wanted to wear blue and just wear boy clothes,
and that's always what I felt more comfortable in.
JULIE: Alex has struggled with his identity
definitely through middle school.
That's when it became pretty noticable-- just
trying to fit in.
ALEX ANTHONY: This is when I moved to San Diego.
A boy asked me to go to prom, and so I
had to wear a dress, which I was not comfortable in,
and you can kind of see it.
I think this time in my life was probably
like one of the darker times.
JULIE: He would wear a lot of dark colored clothes.
He was definitely made to feel that it wasn't
OK to express himself, and I think
that brought on a lot of sadness with him.
ALEX ANTHONY: Growing up, my dad would say,
I know that you want to be a boy,
but you're never going to be a boy.
You were put on this earth to conceive and be with a man.
-Your coffee, sir.
-Thanks, beautiful.
-You're welcome.
ALEX ANTHONY: I think I was about 16 or 17
when I kind of figured out what the trans community was,
and so then I YouTubed it.
Boom, all these videos pop up, and I'm watching them,
and I'm like, whoa.
Like, I'm so excited inside because I'm like, wow,
there's answers.
Other people feel like me.
I'm not as alone as I feel.
[VIDEO PLAYBACK]
-So this is my fresh idea for YouTube.
My name's Alexis, and I have been somewhat struggling
with my gender identity, I guess you could say.
[END PLAYBACK]
ALEX ANTHONY: It was relief followed by that feeling
of just like depression.
It just crashed down on my world.
How am I ever going to evolve into this person who
I know belongs in the mirror when I look into it, you know?
And it just kind of-- that was when it came to like depression
and just wanting to die.
That was the worst.
[VIDEO PLAYBACK]
-I've been watching a of YouTube videos,
and every time I watch them I get-- I can relate in some way
that I guess like I wish that you could be me.
[END PLAYBACK]
ALEX ANTHONY: At the time I had long hair,
so I'd pull it back behind my hat and wear like two sports
bra instead of one, so my chest would kind of
go lower and just do things that made
me feel a little bit better.
The solutions would all just wear off.
Every time it would just get worse.
So then I got faced with what are you going to do?
Cutting that first braid off, and it felt so liberating.
I felt like so in control of my life,
and I literally felt like somebody
just cut the chains off me.
Like I just felt free.
JULIE: That was like a huge deal.
Once he chopped it all off, it was just like a new person.
ALEX ANTHONY: This is when I really felt
like Alex was becoming real.
[VIDEO PLAYBACK]
-Some of my biggest changes I've noticed are my hunger.
I crave like really weird things, like steaks and burgers
all the time.
Hair on my stomach is getting darker.
My voice is changing a little bit.
We're just pretty excited.
How do you feel about it?
-It is different.
It's hard for me, obviously, because I
identify as a lesbian.
I like girls, but it just so happens
that the girl I fall in love and that I still love
is actually a boy.
That doesn't mean that I don't still love him.
-I have some, let's say, 10 o'clock shadow.
I would consider it like two o'clock shadow, actually.
[END PLAYBACK]
ALEX ANTHONY: Now we are flying out of San Diego
to San Francisco for my top surgery.
This is the first surgery I've ever had in my life.
DR. THOMAS SATTERWHITE: The type of operation
that Alex will be getting is referred to as "top" surgery,
removing breast tissue from both sides,
and we're taking off the nipple and the areola as one unit,
and then resizing it and then repositioning it.
JULIE: I feel like after the surgery,
I'm hoping that he'll just felt comfortable in his body
for like who he is on the inside.
ALEX ANTHONY: I feel excited.
I feel like, I don't know, I can't explain it.
I feel like it's real.
It's all becoming really real and emotional.
Because this is forever, you know?
I've been waiting a long time for this.
I'm going to see the person that I've been waiting
to see for my whole life.
I've imagined it forever, and it's
going to happen in five minutes.
Hello.
NURSE: Hi.
How's it going?
ALEX ANTHONY: Good.
How are you?
NURSE: [INAUDIBLE].
Freedom!
ALEX ANTHONY: Hey, this is crazy.
NURSE: A weight off your chest?
ALEX ANTHONY: Yeah.
NURSE: --literally.
ALEX ANTHONY: Literally.
Looks really nice.
I'm happy.
ALEX'S MOM: Wow, do you feel like freedom right now,
or what?
ALEX ANTHONY: Yeah.
It feels really cool.
I feel like I'm in a dream, and I'm going to wake up.
Before I had the surgery I was still a man.
And now that I've had it, I'm still the same person.
It's just I feel more comfortable,
and I think that that's something
I really want to stress because not everybody knows that.
There's a lot of things in my life that I'm like, wow,
I wish I would've done that differently.
But I think this is probably the first time in my life
that I've totally done everything
just the way that I needed to.
INTERVIEWER: Be sure to watch this next episode.
When you look in the mirror now, who's the person that you see?
SUBJECT: So I see a lot more confident person.
I see someone who'd made a lot of progress.
And most of all, I see someone who's on a journey.
INTERVIEWER: Thanks for watching,
and be sure to subscribe to "Seeker Stories."
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改變人生!跨性別者的YouTube日誌 (How YouTube Changed A Trans Guy's Life)

3067 分類 收藏
劉宜佳 發佈於 2016 年 3 月 11 日    劉宜佳 翻譯    鄭小鬼 審核
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