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  • Well, I feel like a bag of crushed dicks.

    我感覺真的糟透了。

  • What better time to make a video?

    這時不拍影片更待何時?

  • So, I'm sick this week. I don't feel very good. I'm all stuffed up, my throat hurts, and on top of that, I'm pooping purple.

    我本週生病了,感覺特別不好,我鼻子堵塞、嗓子疼痛,最慘的是,我的大便是紫色的。

  • Which has nothing to do with being sick, I just drank a lot of Kool-Aid earlier.

    這跟生病沒什麼關係,我只是喝了不少酷愛牌飲料。

  • It's freaking delicious.

    味道真是太好啦!

  • Anyways, this happens to me every year when the seasons change.

    無論如何,我每年季節轉換的時候都會感冒。

  • My body just can't handle the switch from hot to cold.

    我的身體無法適應冷熱的轉變。

  • So, I went on Wikihow to see how to get better, and they list seven steps of how to get better except they use a lot of words and ain't nobody got time for reading.

    於是我上 Wikihow 搜索如何能治療的方法,他們列出7步如何能感覺好受點的方法,但他們寫的實在是太冗長,根本沒人有時間讀。

  • Especially when you look and feel like a bag of smashed (bleep)holes.

    特別是當你看起來提不起勁,感覺糟糕透頂的時候。

  • So I thought I'd save you guys a lot of time of having to read by just showing you how to get better.

    所以為了節省你們點時間去閱讀,不如我直接告訴你們感覺會好受點。

  • So, here are seven steps to feeling better when you're sick. Enjoy.

    以下是7步能讓你感冒時感覺好點的方法,請仔細觀賞!

  • Step one: Keep yourself warm.

    第一步:保暖。

  • When you're sick, you get colder than normal, so wear a sweatshirt or comfy pajamas.

    當你感冒的時候,你會比平時更怕冷,所以要穿上毛衣或者舒服的睡衣。

  • If you're really cold, throw a blanket on, too.

    如果你真的很冷,披上毛毯。

  • And if you're really, really cold, just throw everything on.

    如果你真的很冷很冷,把所有能穿的都穿上。

  • Nobody's gonna judge you. You're sick.

    沒人會評判你的,你感冒了。

  • Step two: Eat and drink hot foods.

    第二步:吃點喝點熱的食物。

  • It's really important to consume hot food and drinks when you're sick.

    在感冒的時候吃喝點熱的食物和飲料非常重要。

  • Keeping your energy up is important and staying hydrated will flush out your system and make you feel better.

    保持體力充足很重要,且保持水分充足能代謝身體系統內的垃圾並使你感覺好受些。

  • If you can't do hot drinks, just take a lot of Vitamin C and stick with cold water.

    如果你無法喝到熱飲,那就吃很多維他命 C 配冰水吧。

  • All that should work.

    以上都很有效的。

  • Step three: Be lazy.

    第三步:發懶。

  • Avoiding doing anything that requires a lot of energy.

    避免任何需要花費體能的事情。

  • Stay at home and don't even bother trying to go outside.

    待在家裡,別想著往外跑。

  • Watch some movies or TV shows, spend some time on YouTube, Twitter, or Facebook.

    看看電影和連續劇花點時間上 Youtube、推特或者臉書。

  • Just stay in bed or on the couch while doing this.

    待在床上或沙發上做這些事情。

  • Just make sure whatever you're doing isn't stressful, 'cause that could just make you sicker.

    確保你做的事情不會讓你有壓力,因為壓力會讓你病得更厲害。

  • What?! How is that only two stars?!

    什麼?怎麼只有兩顆星?

  • God -- Oh, I don't feel so good.

    天哪,我覺得不舒服。

  • (retching)

    (乾嘔)

  • Step number four: Take naps.

    第四步,多睡覺。

  • Although you make be having trouble sleeping, being sick uses up a lot of your body's energy, so you're gonna want to at least try to get as much sleep as possible.

    儘管入睡可能會比較困難,但生病耗費很大體能,所以你至少要試著儘量多休息。

  • Extended naps are a good idea, as is going to bed early.

    延長睡眠時間是個不錯的主意,或是早點上床也行。

  • If you can't sleep, just drink some warm milk.

    如果睡不著,喝點熱牛奶。

  • That always works.

    一直都有效的。

  • I forgot I'm lactose intolerant!

    我忘記有乳糖不耐症了!

  • Step five: Use a heating pad.

    第五步:使用暖墊。

  • Are you suffering from any stomach pains or feeling nauseous?

    你還在忍受胃痛或者感覺嘔吐的困難嗎?

  • Putting a heating pad on your stomach while you rest helps to ease the pain and keeps you warm.

    當你休息的時候把暖墊放在胃的位置能幫助你緩解疼痛和保暖。

  • Just don't use it if you already have a fever.

    只是別在發燒的時候使用。

  • It could push your temperature so high, you could get delirious.

    這會使你的體溫更高,嚴重會神智不清。

  • Oh, Angelina, you've come to make me feel better!

    哦, Angelina 你來啦!我感覺好多啦!

  • Well, I'm not one to keep a lady waiting. Let's do this!

    我可不喜歡讓女士等待。讓我們開始吧!

  • Step number six: Cuddle with your pet.

    第六步:和你的寵物抱在一起。

  • It can help with the recovery process and it gives you some company as well as helps to keep you warm.

    這能促進你恢復的進程,也能給你陪伴,幫你保持溫暖。

  • Or if you're like me and you don't have a pet, just grab the next-closest thing.

    如果你像我一樣沒有寵物,就隨便抓個最靠近你的東西。

  • You don't judge me!

    不准評判我!

  • And finally, step seven: Take a shower.

    最後一步:洗個澡。

  • It's refreshing, it helps to keep you warm, and it gets all the bacteria off of you.

    這能恢復精神,保持溫暖並能帶走細菌。

  • In addition, if you're stuffed up, it can help clear out your nose.

    另外,如果你鼻子堵住了,這也能幫你暢通鼻腔。

  • And if you have the energy, you might wanna take your clothes off first, because that's usually a good idea.

    如果你有足夠的體能,你可以脫了衣服再洗,因為這是個不錯的方法。

  • Anyways, I'm gonna go try to work off this cold, guys. I'm really not feeling so well.

    無論怎樣,我要去趕走這個感冒了,各位!我真的覺得很不舒服。

  • But if you want to add me to Facebook and Twitter, the links will be in the description along with all my other social networking sites, and I will see you guys next Saturday with a brand new video.

    不過如果你要加我的臉書和推特,連結在描述中,和我其他的社交平台在一起。下週六帶著我的新影片再見!

  • Peace!

    再見!

  • I'm gonna die.

    我快要死啦。

  • Hey guys, thanks for watching my new video.

    朋友們,感謝收看我的新影片!

  • If you enjoyed it, please remember to click the Subscribe button to subscribe to my channel.

    如果你們喜歡,請記得請點擊訂閱按鈕並訂閱我的頻道!

  • I release a new video every single Saturday.

    我每週六播送一部新影片!

  • And while you're at it, click the Like button and share this on Facebook.

    如果你們喜歡的話,請點擊喜歡的按鈕,並在臉書上分享!

  • And if you've already done those things, take some echinacea and some Vitamin C, 'cause getting sick sucks.

    如果你已經做了這些事情,吃點海膽亞目或者維他命 C, 因為生病真的難受。

  • So I'm gonna go lay down now and I hope you're feeling good, 'cause I'm not.

    我現在要去躺會了,希望各位今天都沒有不舒服,因為我感覺糟透了。

  • Bye!

    再見!

Well, I feel like a bag of crushed dicks.

我感覺真的糟透了。

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