Just uh, just gonna do one of those.

我們還是碰個拳頭就好。

Hi, I'm Zach and I'm single as fuck.

嗨，我是 Zack，絕讚單身中。

Zach, don't fall in love with me.

Zack，你可別愛上我了。

Hi, I'm Ashly, I'm gonna marry Zach for a week.

嗨，我是 Ashly，我將嫁給 Zack 一星期。

Which is probably a huge mistake.

這或許會成為天大的錯誤。

It's gonna be great!

一切都會很好的！

Thank you. - You're welcome.

謝謝你的安慰。－別客氣。

Honestly, a lot of the time, I love being single. I really do.

老實說，大部分的時間我很享受單身。我真的喜歡單身生活 。

I do whatever I want, whenever I want.

我的生活隨心所欲。

I'm an independent woman.

我是個獨立自主的女人。

I've never had to plan my life around another person.

我人生計畫中從來不需要考慮別人。

I'm not good at letting people into my life.

我不擅長與別人分享我的生活。

Committing to another person for the rest of your life is a crazy, crazy... [NED FULMER | Literally the most married person I know]

將你接下來的人生交給另一個人是一件瘋狂的事 。[Ned Fulmer | 我認識過最享受婚姻的已婚人士]

Just as you said that, and my heartbeat just went up.

光聽你這麼說，我的心跳就開始加快了。

I want to be in relationships, I do.

我想要談場戀愛。我真的想。

At some point, I want to share my life with someone, and the logistics of that seem a little frightening.

就某方面來說，我想與人分享我的生活，但背後要付出的努力又讓人感到有些猶豫。

This is like, immersion therapy.

這就像是浸浴療法。

Are you gonna carry me over the threshold? [DAY ONE]

你要幫我把東西搬進門嗎？[第一天]

No, you carry me.

不，你來幫我。

Why do you have so much shit?

你怎麼那麼多大包小包？

Because we're gonna be together for a week!

因為我們要在一起一整個禮拜！

Four texts a day, five meals over the course of a week, two nice things that are completely unplanned. [Eat, sleep and live together. | Communicate every day. | Coordinate meals. | 2+ random acts of love]

在這個禮拜內一天四封簡訊、一起吃五餐，還要完成兩件沒有事先計畫好的事。

Each?

每一項都要完成？

Each.

是的。

Let's just do one.

我們做一個就好了。

Where do I put my stuff?

我的東西要放哪？

Oh my god, I didn't even think about this.

我的天！我還沒想過這個問題。

I guess I'll have to move my kimono.

我想我需要把我的和服移開。

So I think, at some point, I'm just kinda want him to shut up.

就某方面來說我只希望他閉嘴。

You really-- I'm making your bed?

你真的是－你要我整理你的床？

It's our bed.

是我們的床！

And I know he is definitely gonna want me to shut up.

我知道他百分之百也希望我閉嘴。

The only CD that I have in my car is Taylor Swift and then I like, Spotify other things. -Which is like, almost a year old now.

我車上唯一的 CD 是泰勒絲的專輯，其他音樂我都用 Spotify。－這張專輯已經一年了欸！

I spen- It doesn't matter, it's the best CD.

又沒差，它是最棒的專輯。

Like most married couples, it's gonna be completely sexless.

就像大部分已婚的伴侶們，我們之間會是完全沒有性行為的關係。

Would you say that's accurate?

你覺得這我的說法準確嗎？

No.

不。

How do you sleep?

你都怎麼睡？

I sleep in fetal position, like a little baby. -So do I.

我睡覺的姿勢像個小嬰兒。－我也是。

You have to be comfortable around the other person.

你必須在另一個人的身邊也能感到自在。

Broccoli makes you fart.

吃花椰菜會讓你多放屁。

I assume it's gonna teach me a lot about myself.

我覺得這讓我更認識自己。

Best part about being married so far?

結婚到目前為止最棒的部分？

Ashley has got citrus mimosa shampoo.

Ashley 的洗髮乳是柑橘含羞草香味的。

I smell like a damn tree.

我現在聞起來像棵該死的樹。

Definitely gonna teach me a lot about Ashley.

無可否置地，我更了解 Ashley 了。

Ooh, Wonder Woman pajamas.

哦，神力女超人的睡衣。

We should probably get some alcohol.

我們應該買點酒。

Maybe we'll want popsicles.

或許我們可以買些冰棒。

I'll meet you there. -Look how cool those tank is!

我們待會見。－那些容器好酷！

Ashly, Ashly, eye on the prize.

Ashly，你先看看它們的價格。

It's been similar so far to friendship, but it's just longer.

我們的婚姻目前為止比較像友情，只是更長久。

Yeah. This is a long, long friendship.

沒錯。這是一段很漫長的友情。

And with retainer.

他還戴著牙套維持器。

Don't fall in love with me.

不要愛上我喔。

Stop saying that!

別再說這句話了！

Zach! Time to wake up, sheet stealer! [DAY TWO]

Zach！該起床啦，棉被賊！[第二天]

That's not true, I took so little!

別亂冤枉人，我只有拉走一點點而已！

No, you took all of the sheets.

不，你把整張被子都拉過去了。

I was very conservative with how many sheets I took.

我對自己拉走多少棉被是很清楚的。

For me, the hardest thing to conceptualize is like, your freedom is just gone.

對我來說最難接受的，就是我的自由好像被剝奪了。

Ashly told me she wants a divorce.

Ashly 告訴我她想離婚。

I do.

我真的想。

Zach was stressing me out so much.

Zach 快讓我抓狂了。

Stop filming me.

別拍我。

We need to talk this out.

我們需要談談。

We're not Kardashians!

我們又不是卡戴珊家族！

Even in the second day of marriage, we started resenting how much time we were spending together, and that's not good.

我們在一起的第二天就開始厭惡彼此待在一塊太久。這可不是一件好事。

My friends are getting mad already...

我的朋友們都快氣瘋了...

Okay, I'll have you know, that Adam asked me to get dinner, and I said no, I'm gonna order dinner for my wife.

好喔，我得告訴你，Adam 約我吃晚餐，但我拒絕了他，因為我為了老婆訂了晚餐。

I felt supported!

是喔，謝謝你的支持喔！

There have gotta be moments where you have panic about like, "Oh my god, I just signed up for the rest of my life!"

你肯定時不時會有一種恐懼感，就好像 「天啊，我剩下的人生難道就要這樣繼續下去了嗎！」

Have we made up from our fight yet?

我們和好了嗎？

Yep, cuz I got a funny Snapchat of you.

嗯，因為我在 Snapchat 上看到了一張你看起來很好笑的照片。

Cuz my hair looks stupid.

我的頭髮看起來真蠢。

Your hair was silly.

你的髮型看起來是真的蠢。

You definitely need time where you're just not even engaging with the other person and it's not rude.

你真的需要獨處的時間，就算不去和另一半交流也行。這不是什麼失禮的事情。

[DAY THREE]

[第三天]

I hate planning dates.

我不喜歡安排約會。

Oh, it's such a nightmare. It just stresses me out.

這對我來說是場噩夢，讓我壓力非常大。

Hi. [DAY FOUR]

嗨。[第四天]

Hey Pumpkin, we're gonna be late for our double dinner date with the Fulmers.

嗨小瓜呆，我們和富爾默夫婦快要遲到了。

Another thing is hanging out with your couple's friends.

你們還要與其他的夫妻朋友來場約會。

So you're gonna go on a date night.

你們將要一起去晚餐約會。

With you and Ariel? - Gonna go on a double date with me and Ariel.

－跟你和Ariel？ －跟我和 Ariel 來場四人約會。

It's great!

會很棒的！

We brought wine.

我們買了酒。

White wine.

白酒。

We're late, but Zach found a great parking spot. - Yeah.

我們遲到了，但 Zach 找到一個很棒的停車位。－沒錯。

Hello! -Hi!

哈囉！－嗨！

The Kornrezzes are here!

Kornrezze 夫婦到了！

We don't have any pictures of us making out in our house.

我們的房子裡沒有任何一張我們接吻的照片。

We don't have any pictures of us in general.

應該說我們根本沒有任何一張兩人合照。

This is so adult.

這實在太成熟了。

Date night with the Fulmers made me realize why people get married.

與富莫爾夫婦的約會讓我了解到人們為什麼要結婚。

What's your trick when you're out of wine?

你杯子裡的酒喝完了的話，你會怎麼做？

When I'm out of wine, I switch my glass with Ned's.

我喝完的時候會把自己的杯子和 Ned 的杯子交換。

Does he even notice?

他有注意到嗎？

We are pounding meat for our wives, pounding meat.

我們正在為妻子處理肉類，處理肉類。

For our wives!

為了我們的妻子！

Thank you Zach, for your wine!

謝啦 Zach，謝謝你的白酒！

Cheers!

乾杯！

Date night with the Fulmers was the shit.

跟 Fulmers 夫婦的約會真是讚透了。

They made a really delicious dinner which I'm not accustomed to anyone cooking for me.

他們準備了很美味的晚餐，雖然我不習慣讓別人為我下廚。

Like, what a delight. - Yeah.

真是太棒了。－對啊。

A friend cooked for me. How delightful is that?

朋友為我下廚耶。怎麼能如此美好？

There really is a moment in every adult's life where you're like, just tired of being single.

我想每個成年人都有過這種，突然覺得自己已經厭倦再繼續單身下去的經驗。

Would you get bored though, of this if this was your whole life?

如果你接下來的人生都得這樣過，你覺得自己會逐漸感到厭煩嗎？

I don't know, I don't think so.

我不知道欸，不過我覺得不會。

That was wonderful, shall we go home now?

真是太棒了。現在可以回家了吧？

Tomorrow has some prasu... [Ashly chose this dumb filter]

明天有一個... [這個蠢濾鏡是 Ashly 挑的]

Tomorrow has some surprises in store for you, Ashly.

我明天在店裡要給你一個驚喜，Ashly。

Are you drunk?

你喝醉了嗎？

Uh, drunk in love. Drunk on marriage.

哦，為愛而醉，為婚姻而醉！

I realized I've never planned a romantic date for anyone. [DAY FIVE]

我發現我從來沒有為了任何人計畫一場浪漫的約會過。[第五天]

I hate planning dates. [5 days earlier]

我討厭安排約會。[五天前]

Today is like a day of niceties and surprises.

今天會是美好並且充滿驚喜的一天。

Zach had so many surprises for me. It was fucking crazy.

Zach 準備了很多驚喜給我。這真是太瘋狂了。

Having a special day that's like, "This is our date night", it encourages you to think outside the box.

設定一個特別的日子能夠鼓勵你跳脫平常思考的框架，因為你會心想：「今天是特別的約會日！」

It feels weird cuz it's like, not my birthday or anything. It's just my marriage.

這感覺很奇怪，因為今天不是我的生日或什麼特別的日子。這只是婚姻的一部分。

Ashly loves theme parks and it's been hot as balls out, so later today, we're going to a water park.

Ashly 喜歡主題公園，而今天熱到不行，所以我們待會要去水上公園。

I got one more thing before the water park.

在去公園之前我要先給你一樣東西。

Oh! - A wedding photo of us.

天啊！－我們的結婚照。

This is so cheesy.

這好肉麻喔。

I do love word art.

雖然我確實喜歡藝術字風格啦。

Right in front of Taylor.

放在泰勒絲的前面。

Now we're a family.

現在我們是一家人了。

I'm gonna keep that forever, that's hilarious.

我會永遠留著，這太好笑了。

Oh, here we go!

出發！

Oh, my butt is dragging!

我的屁股拖到地了！

Oh no, I'm backwards!

喔不，我倒過來了！

Thank you, Ashly.

謝啦，Ashly。

You're welcome.

不客氣。

Married couples probably don't go to water parks unless they have kids, but that's the kind of married couple we would be.

已婚的伴侶們除非有了小孩，應該不會來水上樂園。但我們不一樣。

That was so fun.

水上樂園太好玩了。

Today was a good test, cuz it was a test of like, can Ashly and I just spend a ton of time together

這是個很好的機會，能測驗我和 Ashly 是否能夠花很多時間在一起相處

and not, like, go crazy - Kill each other.

而不會覺得厭煩。－甚至想殺了對方。

wanting to kill each other?

有這麼嚴重嗎？

And we succeeded.

然而我們成功了。

How many people do you think have peed in this water?

你覺得有多少人在這個泳池底下尿過尿？

We both said, as soon as we got home, we are like, "I had a fun day. I don't wanna be with you any more."

回到家時我們都覺得今天是有趣的一天，但彼此卻都不想再繼續和對方相處。

So we're just gonna sit next to each other and trying be alone in the same room.

所以我們現在肩並肩，試著在同個房間裡獨處。

("Senorita" by Justin Timberlake) [DAY SIX]

(Justin Timberlake 的《Senorita》)[第六天]

Final night of marriage. [DAY SEVEN]

這段婚姻的最後一夜。[第七天]

Last night of marriage, we're going to my favorite pho place.

最後一夜我們要去我最愛的河粉店。

Fo? - Pho.

粉河？－河粉。

Monday was our final day. (Cheers!)

星期一是我們的最後一天。(乾杯！)

It was kinda bittersweet.

有點喜憂參半。

And the weird thing was, last night it felt so normal.

奇妙的是，最後一天給人的感覺是如此平凡而正常。

I forgot for a second that this, I wasn't like actually married.

我甚至一度忘記我們不是真的結婚了。

I got mostly fruit, so it's healthy.

我點的大部分都是水果，所以很健康。

You didn't get even a little bit of fruit.

你根本沒吃什麼水果。

It's nice to have someone who's always on your team.

有一個會一直與你站在同一陣線的人的感覺真的很好。

And marriage really is teamwork.

婚姻真的是場團隊合作。

Wow.

哇。

I think this is all married people do.

我覺得結婚的人都會這麼做。

Just watch TV in bed and drink wine. (Cheers!)

喝著酒，躺在床上看電視。(乾杯！)

Watch TV and drink white wine.

邊看電視邊喝白酒。

Now that it's over, I'm like, kinda sad.

現在一切都結束了，我其實有一點感傷。

Don't steal all the covers again!

不要在搶我被子了！

I don't promise that.

我可不能保證。

You ready?

你準備好了嗎？

Divorce on three.

數到三就離婚。

One, two, three, divorce!

一二三，離婚！

Oh no.

哦不。

Marriage is fuckin' hard, y'all.

婚姻真的是個難題，各位。

You really can't put yourself first.

你不能將自己放在第一位。

And that is like (blows) what?

什麼！無法接受。

It's scary, to open yourself to another human being but it can also be really rewarding.

對另一個人打開心房雖然需要勇氣，但也可能帶來很好的回報。

And I see that now.

而我現在瞭解了這點。

I wanna get married someday. Do you?

我以後會想結婚。你呢？

Yeah, totally.

會啊，完全會。

But not to each other.

但不是跟你。

No.

我也不要跟你。

Definitely not to each other.

絕對不是跟你。

Maybe a little, but not, not really.

也許有一點點可能？但果然還是不行。

Don't fall in love with me, Ashly.

你可別愛上我啊，Ashly。

That's my line.

那是我的台詞。

We called each other Pumpkin throughout the week.

這整個禮拜我們都稱呼彼此小瓜呆。

I heard someone else call Ashly Pumpkin, and I got furious.

有一次我聽到其他人也叫 Ashly 小瓜呆，弄得我超生氣。

I was like, "Back the fuck off. That's my Pumpkin."

我當下就說：「滾啦，我才能叫他小瓜呆。」

Sexual intimacy is a big part of any relationship.

性愛也是情感關係中很重要的一部分。

Different video. - Okay.

不是我們影片的主題。 －好吧。