l don't have a book down my trousers.

Right.

l tell you what. Um, l'll call the police, and, um,

if l'm wrong about the whole "book down the trousers" scenario,

l really apologize.

Okay. What if... l did have a book down my trousers ?

Well, ideally, when l went back to the desk,

you'd remove the Cadogan Guide to Bali from your trousers...

and either wipe it and put it back or buy it.

l'll see you in a sec.

l'm sorry about that.

No, it's fine.

l was gonna steal one, but now l've changed my mind.

Oh, signed by the author, l see.

Um, yeah, couldn't stop him.

lf you can find an unsigned one, it's worth an absolute fortune.

Excuse me.

- Yes ? - Can l have your autograph ?

Uh, sure.

- What's your name ? - Rufus.

What does it say ?

That's my signature. And above it, it says, "Dear Rufus, you belong in jail."

Good one.

- Do you want my phone number ? - Tempting.

But... no. Thank you.

l will take this one.

Oh, right, right. So, uh--

Well, on second thoughts, um, maybe it's not that bad after all.

Actually, it's a sort of a classic, really.

None of those childish kebab stories you find in so many books these days.

And, um, l tell you what.

l'll throw in one of those for free.

Useful for, uh, lighting fires,

wrapping fish, that sort of thing.

- Thanks. - Pleasure.