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  • (upbeat dance music)

    (輕鬆配樂)

  • - Come on Fox, go over there! - He's cute.

    - 拜託,Fox,過去啊!- 他好可愛啊!

  • You wanna make out with someone?

    你到底想不想和別人更進一步關係?

  • Uhhh...

    呃...

  • I would literally die if I made out with someone like once only.

    如果我這輩子只和別人親熱過一次,我真的會想死。

  • Yeah, how do you live? I don't get it, I don't get it, I don't get it.

    對啊,你到底是怎麼過生活的?無法理解啊,不懂,我真的不懂。

  • I'm good.

    不用了,謝謝。

  • Aaaahh.

    唉唉唉。

  • - This is so typical of you. - You're so cute.

    - 果然很你的作風。- 真可愛。

  • Alright, just go over there...

    能不能就走過去...

  • - Why would you wear your favorite flannel today if you're not gonna go hit on some bitches? - Oh, you're so cute.

    - 你今天都穿上了最愛的法蘭絨襯衫又幹嘛不去搭訕些妹子呢?- 噢,你真的好可愛。

  • So that's me. The single friend.

    這就是我。單身狗。

  • I don't mind being single, but for some reason, everyone else seems to.

    我並不介意單身,但不知道為什麼大家似乎都很在意我單身這件事。

  • Why does it matter if I'm dating anyone?

    我有沒有跟別人交往很重要嗎?

  • Because you're awesome and you're cool and you deserve to be with someone who loves you.

    因為你很棒又很酷!你值得和一個愛你的人在一起。

  • Plus you have amazing boobs that need to be seen.

    而且你胸部超美,我們可不能讓它們就這樣被埋沒了。

  • Also, if you never date anyone ever,

    再來,如果你一直都單身,

  • how are you gonna take a couple's basket weekend?

    是要如何體會週末時情侶一同出遊野餐的感覺呢?

  • Being a single friend means a few different things.

    作為一隻單身狗,你會面對不同的處境。

  • First, everyone is always tryin' to set you up.

    第一,大家總是想替你做媒。

  • Richard!

    Richard!

  • Reminds me of the Dunkaroos kangaroo.

    讓我想到零食品牌 Dunkaroos 的吉祥物袋鼠。

  • Uh... What about Melody?

    Melody 呢?

  • She keeps calling me bro.

    她一直把我當兄弟。

  • No, Jake.

    噢不,那 Jake 呢?

  • You guys! I don't wanna be dating anyone!

    夠了!我不想談戀愛!

  • I like being alone.

    我喜歡一個人。

  • Amber?

    Amber?

  • Oh! Amber is so fuckin' hot!

    哦!Amber 超辣的!

  • It also means you spend a lot of time being the third wheel.

    其次,代表你經常要在朋友約會時當電燈泡。

  • Or the fifth wheel.

    或是四人約會中的「第五者」。

  • Or the seventh wheel.

    甚至是六人約會中的「第七者」。

  • Basically, you're all the odd numbers.

    基本上,你都會是單數的那一方。

  • Three, five, seven, nine, you get the point.

    三、五、七、九,你懂的。

  • But it's not all bad.

    但身為單身狗也沒有很糟。

  • Being the single friend also means you never have any relationship drama.

    因為單身的關係,你自然不會有八點檔連續劇般的感情遭遇。

  • Oh, dating fuckin' sucks!

    噢!談戀愛這件事情爛透了!

  • It turns out Heather, still in love with her ex-ex-girlfriend.

    結果,Heather 還愛著她的前前女友。

  • The gymnast?

    那個體操運動員?

  • No, the contortionist.

    才不是,是柔體雜技演員。

  • - Oh yeah. - Yeah.

    - 哦,我記得了。- 兩位。

  • Kim went MIA (missing in action) and hasn't text me back.

    Kim 失蹤了,到現在都還沒回我簡訊。

  • - Eww! - What!

    - 啊!- 蛤?

  • Whatever, it's fine.

    不管了,就這樣。

  • I need a grown-ass man anyway.

    我需要一個成熟的男人。

  • Yeah, no scrubs.

    沒錯,遠離渣男!

  • No scrubs.

    遠離渣男!

  • But honestly, being single is pretty nice, 99% of the time.

    老實說,在百分之九十九的時間裡,單身是很爽的一件事。

  • You get to do what you wanna do whenever you wanna do it

    想做什麼就去做

  • with your favorite person in the world, you.

    和世界上你最愛的人一起,那就是你自己。

  • The only time it sucks is when you actually do have a crush on someone and you literally have no idea how to behave.

    唯一的缺點就是當你真的迷戀上某個人的時候會完全手足無措。

  • Oh god, is she coming over here?

    天啊,她是朝著我走過來的嗎?

  • Hey Fox, I didn't know you came here.

    嘿,Fox,沒想到你會來。

  • Uh, yeah, it's great.

    呃,對啊,這裡很不錯啊。

  • Uh, the Yelp review is kinda deceiving.

    呃,Yelp 網站上的評論有點不準。

  • You'd think being poorly rated when it has 3.5 stars which is relatively decent.

    3.5 顆星會讓人誤以為這裡很差,但實際上棒透了。

  • The entire star rating system is just crazy to me.

    整個評分機制對我來說有點不合理。

  • Oh, god, stop talking about Yelp stars, you weirdo.

    噢,天啊,不要再講 Yelp 的評價了,你這怪胎!

  • Yeah, uh, I guess I never thought about it like that.

    對耶,呃,我從來沒想過這個問題。

  • We should hang out sometime.

    我們應該找時間出來玩。

  • You could tell me about your Yelp theories and stuff.

    我們可以聊聊你對 Yelp 的看法或什麼的。

  • Say something, literally anything.

    回話啊,說什麼都行!

  • She would love to.

    她很樂意。

  • She's free this Friday.

    她這週五有空。

  • Okay. Sweet. Bye Fox.

    好,真好,Fox,掰啦。

  • See. Being a single friend isn't that bad.

    看吧,當個單身狗沒那麼糟。

  • Especially when you have crazy-ass friends to help you through it.

    特別是當你有一群瘋瘋癲癲的朋友神助攻的時候。

  • Hold up. Hold up.

    等等,等等

  • - You see him over there? - Mmm...

    - 看到那邊那個男的嗎? - 嗯...

  • I bet you I can get him to buy me a drink quicker than you can.

    跟你打賭,我會比你更快讓他請我一杯飲料。

  • Can I use tongue?

    可以用舌頭嗎?

  • I'll be.

    我會用上的。

  • Then it's motherfuckin' on!

    看我大顯身手吧!

  • Fox.

    跟上!Fox!

  • (laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • (upbeat dance music)

    (輕鬆配樂)

(upbeat dance music)

(輕鬆配樂)

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