and I know I missed the last couple of Friday videos.

But I was traveling and I was in a wedding,

and it was just really busy.

And I'm back, I swear I'm back,

so this is my video of the year.

And today I am so excited because tonight we are having

a little get together to celebrate

the official release of the One Direction

tour DVD special extravaganza thing.

And it is going to be so fun because we're all super gay

and obsessed with all five of them.

If you don't know who One Direction is,

I just, I have nothing to say to you.

They are amaZayn, they are fabuLouis,

they are brilLiam, they are phenomeNiall,

and they are extraordinHarry.

Trust me I hate me as much as you hate me right now.

So tonight, like I said, we're having a little party

and we're going to watch the DVD

and I got a whole bunch of posters to put up

all around my apartment.

And so, in preparation for the party,

I decided I need to catch up on the news

and get with what's goin' on, and just learn the scoop.

And so I figured I would do it with you guys

and make a little video as I did my research.

I swear I am not a 14 year old girl.

This one's got the untold story of One Direction.

Girl, we are in for a treat.

Is Justin Bieber afraid One Direction

is stealing his spotlight?

Uh, duh.

Now, according to this article,

Liam says he wants to be as buff as a werewolf, and he says,

and I quote, "I want Taylor Lautner to take me to the gym."

Girl, you a homosexual.

I don't know who-the-fuck this Cody Simpson character is,

but I think he wants to be in One Diretion, so mm,mm.

Oh my god, so much One Direction.

Can we just take a moment to look at Zayn's face?

Jesus Christ.

And here we have my all time one true pairing

of Zayn and Niall, Zaill, I'm obsessed.

I think it's because I live vicariously through Niall,

because he's blond and I just want Zayn all up on my face.

Can we just talk about how adorable Niall was

as a Teletubbie? I can't.

I think we can all agree that Zayn is beautiful,

however this picture he looks like he

just smelled like a fart.

I'm sorry, but Liam looks like a fat baby.

I do not understand the physics behind Harry's hair.

They are just perfect.

OK, who wore it better, Zayn Malik or Joe Jonas?

Let's get real.

Oh my god, here they all are shirtless,

and we're allowed to look because they're all 18.

OK, I'm going to have to call "bull shit" on this one,

Zayn says that in high school he had two friends.

I'm just, I don't have time for lies.

OK, M Magazine did a poll, "Who's your favorite boy band?"

Girl, let's just take a moment, OK?

5% of people said this group I don't know.

5% of people said this group that's shit.

15% of people said this group I don't know.

And 75% said One Direction.

Girl, who owns the throne?

According to this article, Demi Lovato might be

crushing on my girl Niall Horan.

Bitch, I will cut you.

(camera shutter clicking repeatedly)

Oh, my god, they have One Direction paper cut-out dolls.

I know what I'm doing with my weekend.

Can we just take a moment to discuss their fashion sense?

Can like, can they just do that, oh my god?

One Direction loves to stay hydrated.

I'm sorry but I just want to get stuck in Niall's braces.

And here we have a two-page spread

of what each person in One Direction smells like.

Literally, this is the world we live in.

"When I went to a One Direction concert

"in Nashville, Tennessee, I had no idea

"I was going to meet the guys. When I met them

"they were so nice, and they smelled so good.

"While I was standing between Liam and Harry for a picture,

"I said to Harry, 'Can I have a kiss on the cheek?'

"So he immediately replied, 'Sure thing, babe.'

"He kissed me for four seconds

"and from the second he pulled away

"I could smell his cologne.

"The scent was so strong.

"This sounds weird, but..."

Let me just stop you right here.

Yes, it does sound weird, "This sounds weird,

"but every time I turned my head at the concert

"I could smell Harry on my cheek.

"After he kissed me his scent stayed there forever.

"He looks and smells angelic."

Girl, you crazy as hell.

OK, so now I'm about to take the quiz

to find out who my One Direction soulmate is,

so just let's see.

My style is comfy and casual.

My dream date is cooking dinner with my crush.

I wish I'd had a dog as a pet.

I dream about living in New York City.

One word to describe me would probably be silly.

I can't wait to blank this summer,

hang out with friends.

OK, so now I have to add it up so hold on.

OK, so I got 25 points, which means I am with Zayn,

oh my god!

Tyler Malik, Zayn Oakley, OK, I can go with that.

Oh my god, are you fucking kidding me?

And here we have Liam with a cookie cake,

which is literally my fantasy.

I'm sorry, but Zayn, why are you fingering your butt hole?

Girl, can we just get real for like, a second?

And I think with that we are all caught up

on our One Direction gossip.

God bless this day.

So this week on Twitter, and Tumblr, and Facebook,

I asked you guys who is your favorite boy band member, ever?

It can be any boy band from any time, any member.

I want to know who you love and why.

These were some of my favorite responses.

So comment below, I want to hear who you guys love,

and I'm going to be picking some of my favorite comments

and putting them at the end of my next video.

And, if you recall, last week I taught you guys

how to be a man, and these are some of your tips

on how to be a man.

Wow, look at you guys, you know so manly, whoo girl.

But that is all I have for you guys today.

I will see you guys next week, and until then

have a wonderful life, and yeah, OK, goodbye.

- Bitch, get the fuck out of my magazine.