I don't know why I waved with both hands.

我不知道我為何要揮兩隻手

Imagine waving at people like this.

想像一下這樣跟人打招呼

Hi! (laughs)

嗨!

Um, so I just filmed a video, and I pulled out too quick...

呃我才剛錄完一部影片,然後太快拔出來了

The memory card, which is a lesson you should all learn.

記憶卡,你們都該學到的教訓

Pulling out won't help ya!

拔出來沒幫助的!

I mean, you just have to be...

我是說,你要...

Use a condom.

用保險套

I pulled a memory card out too quick.

我太快把記憶卡拔出來

I tried to put it in my computer, and then it was like,

我試著把它放回我的電腦,結果是

"Uh, no footage."

「呃,沒影像」

So, I was like, "Uh, fuck me."

我想說「呃,他馬的」

So, I'm back to try to film this video again.

所以我回來重錄一次了

So, I'm kind of like, first it had a structure,

我本來是有架構的

but now I'm like, fuck it.

現在則是,去他的

So, today is Friday the 13th.

呃今天是13號星期五

Happy Friday the 13th, unless you're 'stitious.

黑色星期五快樂,除非你是迷信的

If you're 'stitious, then shit,

如果你很迷信,那,糟糕

today probably sucks for you.

你今天一定過得不好

I was like looking up Friday the 13th facts.

我剛在搜尋黑色星期五的冷知識

Some people are scared of everything.

有些人什麼都怕

Like the fucking, what are those things?

像是,他馬的,那是什麼?

A ladder.

梯子

People can't even go under ladders.

人們甚至不能從梯子下走過

I'm like, what's wrong...

我是覺得,有事嗎?

I mean, listen, I know people are kind of like spooked.

我是說,聽著,我知道有些人被唬到了

They get the heebie jeebies from certain things.

他們對一些事精神過敏

I don't think I give a fuck.

我不覺得我鳥它們

I don't care, honestly.

說真的我不在乎

Like, I can walk under a ladder.

比如說,我可以從梯子下走過

I could break a mirror, you know.

我可以打破鏡子,懂嗎

I usually do with my singing or my charming good looks.

通常是因為我的歌聲或我的帥樣

Would that even break...

竟然打得破...

I'm so hot that a mirror is like...

我性感到(ˊˇˋ)鏡子都...

"Whoa!",

「哇~~~」

and it's all like...(imitates shattering)

然後就...

(laughs)

(笑)

Um, what else? Oh, like if you step on a crack,

呃,還有什麼?喔,當你踩過裂縫

and your mom's all like, "Ooh, giiiiiirl..."

然後你媽說:「喔~不~」

My mom, honestly, I'm like out to search for a crack,

我媽,說實話,我都故意去找裂縫

because she needs...

因為她需要...

Listen.

聽著

Actually, I don't want to step on a crack,

老實說,我不想踩在裂縫上

'cause my mom would just complain, and if she's home

因為我媽會一直抱怨,如果她下班回家

from work, she would be calling me.

她就會打電話給我

So, actually, maybe I do avoid cracks.

所以,好吧,或許我會避開裂縫

Okay, I do that, and I avoid crack.

好啦,我會,我避開裂縫

Because drugs are whack.

因為吸毒會瘋

And this turned into a song!

然後就變成一首歌了!

I don't know why I did this.

不知道我為什麼要這樣

Um, what are we talking about?

呃,我們在說什麼?

Oh, it's Friday the 13th, so if you are superstitious

喔,今天是黑色星期五,所以如果你很迷信

or even a little 'stitious, or kind of 'stitious,

或一點點迷信,或某方面迷信

then good luck today.

那祝你好運

And even more luck tomorrow, because it's Valentine's Day,

明天更好運,因為是情人節

and everyone's supposed to be depressed about it,

每個人好像都要過傷心情人節

because that's what the internet thinks is trendy

因為網路上都流行這樣

to be on Valentine's Day, but you know what?

過情人節,不過我告訴你

Fuck 'em.

去他們的

I'm happy with myself,

我自己很快樂

regardless of if I have a man or not.

不管我有沒有男人

Times are good, okay?

美好光陰,懂嗎?

So, if you are a little bit, like, oh down in the dumps,

所以如果你有點,心情鬱悶

because you know, you don't have somebody in your life,

因為你覺得你生命中沒有另一伴

here's a spoiler alert.

我這裡破個梗

You have somebody in your life.

你生命中有另一伴

Get a mirror, not a cracked one,

拿個鏡子,不要破的

because that's bad luck apparently.

因為會帶來惡運

But get a mirror, and you'll be like, "Oh shit, it's me!"

但是去拿個鏡子,你就會：「喔天,是我欸」

So, if you feel like you don't have somebody in your life,

所以如果你覺得你生命中沒有另一伴

yeah, look in the fucking mirror and know that you got you.

看看他馬的鏡子,你還有你自己啊

When people are like, "Oh, I found my other half

當人們說：「喔,我在他或她身上

"in him or her," I'm like, "Oh!

找到我的另一半」我就想說：「喔!」

"You're 50 percent of a human?"

「所以你只有50趴是人囉?」

Sucks to suck!

好悲哀喔!

If you are ever considering yourself to have another half

如果你曾經覺得你有「另一半」

in another human, then you need to figure

在別人身上,那你需要先想想

your life out first, 'cause as RuPaul says,

你的人生,因為就像RuPaul說的

"If you can't love yourself, how the hell

「如果你不能愛自己,那你天殺的」

"you gonna love somebody else?"

「要如何愛別人?」

So, happy Valentine's Day.

所以,情人節快樂

If you're in love, hope that person complements you

如果你正在熱戀中,希望對方是你這個

as a whole human and not just completes you,

個體的補充,而不是缺塊

because nobody should complete you except yourself.

因為除了你之外,沒有人有資格完整你

Anyway, what are we talking about?

話說回來,我們在聊什麼?

Today we're talking about everything!

今天我們什麼都聊

(laughs) I don't know why I keep doing this.

不知道我為什麼一直醬

Hello!

哈囉!

When we were at the Leaning Tower of Pisa,

我們去比薩斜塔的時候

there was somebody that was like doing a video

有人在它前面錄影

in front of it, and one of the parts where...

有人在它前面錄影

Like the very end of her video montage that she was doing,

在她剪輯影片的最後一段

she was like frolicking through the field

她在比薩斜塔前面的廣場

in front of the Leaning Tower of Pisa

瘋來瘋去

while everyone else is posing.

其他人都在擺pose

And she ended on a pose, and it was like,

然後她結束在一個pose上

frolic, frolic, frolic, frolic, and then like, pose.

像是,跑來跑去 瘋來瘋去 然後 pose

And yeah, that's...

呃 對啊~

So every time I think of that,

每次我想到那個

this, I think of her.

這個,我就想到她

Anyway, what else has been going on in my life?

反正,我最近發生了什麼事?

This week has been a good week.

這禮拜過的還滿好的

You guys have been donating a whole bunch

你們捐了好多錢

of money to charity for my birthday campaign.

給我的生日募款活動

If you haven't done it yet, we are already past

如果你還沒捐

$150,000, so if you want to donate,

我們已經過了15萬美元,如果你想捐款

we are well on our way to half a million.

我們的正要達到50萬

That is our goal, and if you haven't donated yet,

那是我們的目標,所以如果你還沒捐款

here's some encouragement.

給你們一些鼓勵

Two things: number one, most of the donations

兩件事：第一,大部分的捐款

are like 10 bucks, so if you don't think your

都是十塊錢十塊錢,所以如果你覺得

10 dollars is helping us get to our goal,

你的十塊錢可以幫我們達成目標

know that $150,000 has already been raised

15萬元已經輕鬆達成

through donations that are that much money.

整個活動募了那麼多錢

Like, if you don't think that has impacted our goal,

如果你覺得對我們的目標有影響

know that it has.

告訴你的確有

And then number two, if you want to come to VidCon,

再來第二,如果你想來VidCon

if you think that you've never...

如果你從沒...

If you've never been to LA, and you don't think you'll

如果你從沒去過洛杉磯,未來也

ever have a chance to go to LA,

不會有機會去洛杉磯

hi, here's your chance.

嘿,你的機會來了

If you donate, you're entered into a raffle,

如果你捐款,就參加了抽獎

and whether you're in Singapore or London

不管你住新加坡或倫敦

or Japan or South Africa, you could have a chance

或日本或南非,你都有機會

for a free trip to LA just by donating to charity.

捐款免費去洛杉磯

I think that's a good deal.

我覺得是個好交易

So, if you want to donate, the link to that is below.

所以如果你想捐款,連結在下面

And what else has been going on?

還有什麼事啊?

Ooh, you wanna know something that happened in my life

務(~)你想知道我最近發生了什麼事

that I'm like, "Oh my god, I feel like I'm such an adult."

我覺得：「喔老天,我感覺好大人喔」

The other day, I was playing Scrabble,

前幾天我在玩Scrabble(拼字遊戲)

and it was so dark in my apartment, I could barely

我公寓裡超黑,黑到

even see the letters, and I was like,

幾乎看不到字,我就想說

"Oh my god, my apartment is so dark."

「天阿,我的公寓好黑喔」

And I realized that over the course...

接著我意識到這麼久了

Over de coorse, over the course

這模久了,這麼久了

of the two years that I've been in this apartment,

我住在這間公寓已經2年了

my lights have been slowly going out one by one.

我的燈一定慢慢的一個一個壞掉

And then while we were playing Scrabble, I was like,

然後當我在玩Scrabble的時候,我想：

"Oh my god, none of the lights

「喔天啊,我公寓中」

"in my apartment work anymore."

「沒有一盞燈可以用」

So, I went to Target, Turrget, I went to Turrget,

所以我去了Target(超市),Turrget,我去了Turrget

and I got some new lights.

買了一些新燈泡

And I put them all in, and then I turn on the lights,

然後我裝上它們,打開燈

and I was like "Holy shit!

然後：「他馬的!」

"I have an apartment!"

「我有間公寓欸!」

Um, cool story, Tyler.

呃,好故事,Tyler

Uhh, yeah, so that's like an adult thing I did recently.

呃,所以這是我最近做的一件大人事

I put a light bulb in a thing.

我換了燈泡

I'm very much an adult.

我真是大人

So, I don't mean to brag, but...

我不是要誇耀,只是...

That's all. That's all!

就醬!就醬!

I guess that's all.

大概就是這樣

Oh, one last thing, I am doing my first livestream

喔,最後一件事,我要為Trevor Project

for The Trevor Project, my fundraiser,

我的募款單位,做第一次現場轉播

my birthday fundraiser.

我的生日募款單位

As you guys know, I'm doing livestreams

你們知道,募款的時候

throughout the fundraiser.

我會做現場轉播

So, tomorrow is the first one.

所以說,明天是第一場

If you want to know the times, they're gonna be below.

想知道時間的話,在下面

If you want to watch online, I would love it if you did.

如果你要線上看,我會很高興

It's going to be like a little party.

會像是一個小趴踢

It's a sensible time for whether you're in London

不管你住倫敦或澳洲或洛杉磯或紐約

or Australia or LA or New York.

都是正常的時間

I felt like those are good time zones

我覺得是個好時段

to have approachable.

很親切近人的

So, like all of those time zones,

所以就像那些時段

it's like a reasonable hour for everyone.

對大家來說都是合理的

So, I hope you...

所以希望你...

I hope that you come, and I'll see you guys there.

希望你來,我們到時候見

If you want to see my latest video, click right there.

如果想看我上一部影片,點擊那裏

If you want to see my latest...

如果想看我最新的

Hear my latest podcast, click right there.

聽我最新的撥客,點擊那裏

If you want to be my Person of the Week, click right there.

如果想當我的「每周一人」,點擊那裏

And if you want to give this video a thumbs up,

如果可以給這個影片一個讚

I would love you forever.

我會愛你到永遠

I mean, it's bad luck if you don't.

我是說,不讚會有惡運

Ooh! That's a new one.

喔!新的

That's some bad luck shit.

會有惡運喔

It's bad luck if you don't give

如果沒有讚

the thumbs up video to this...

這部影片...

If...

如果...

I'm losing my mind.

我要瘋了

It's bad luck if you don't push the thumbs up.

如果沒有給這部影片按讚會有惡運

I wanna know, do you consider anything bad luck?

我想知道,你覺得什麼會帶來惡運

Let me know in the comments below.

下面留言給我知道

Is there anything that you're 'stitious about?

你對什麼有迷信

Or superstitious, or a little bit 'stitious.

或是超迷信,或一點點迷信

Let me know in the comments below.

留言給我知道

I'm Curious George about it.

我對它是好奇喬治

But that's all that I have for you guys today.

今天就到這裡

I hope you have a fabulous life.

希望你活得幸福美滿

I love you!

我愛你!

I will see you guys soon.

我們很快再見!

Um, and yeah, I'll see you, uh, soon.

摁,呃,再見,很快

Soon. I got stuff planned.

很快,我有好事情進行中

I'll see you soon.

很快再見

Uh, okay, I love you, bye.

噁,好喔,愛你,掰

This was a fun little video, even though a had to

真是個好玩的影片,雖然說

film it twice, gosh dangit!

錄了兩次,他馬的(繁中字幕by阿謙)