Umm ... maybe if it's happy hour--I am so broke.

嗯...如果是特價時段就可以，我窮爆了。

I know, I can't even afford Whole Food; I have to shop at Trader Joe's.

我懂！我窮到買不起 Whole Food (高價有機超市) 的東西，只能去 Trader Joe's (平價有機超市) 買。

The only apartment I can afford is three buses and two hours away, but this is the only job I could get.

我唯一可以負擔的公寓離公司要兩個多小時的車程，還要轉三次車，但我也找不到其他工作。

I am so broke.

我真的很窮。

-Look at my phone. - Is that a 6 plus?

-你看我的手機。- 那是 6 plus 嗎？

Yeah! I dropped it when I did "molly" at the music festival in the desert that we all flew to.

對啊！我們上次一起去沙漠裡的音樂節，我不小心在吃 molly (一種毒品) 時摔到它。

I'm just too broke to fix it.

我根本沒錢拿去修。

Dude, that's nothing.

拜託老兄，這沒什麼。

My parents kicked me out of the family plan.

我爸媽把我從「家庭方案」踢除了。

That's like my nightmare.

那真的是我的夢魘。

I'm just start getting bills.

我要開始付帳單了。

(Speaking Spanish) I've finally saved enough money to talk to my wife in Honduras for ten minutes.

(西班牙語) 我終於存到足夠的錢，可以打十分鐘的電話給在宏都拉斯的老婆。

We're sorry, the number you have reached is ...

很抱歉，你所撥的號碼已經...

I am on the juice cleanse for spring break, Cancun.

我在為春假去坎昆進行果汁排毒法。

But the only thing that's cleansing is my bank account.

不過唯一清掉的只有我戶頭裡的錢。

I know it's not healthy but fast food is the only way I can feed my kids.

我知道速食不健康，不過我的錢只夠買這個給我的小孩吃。

Why are smoothie so expensive?

為什麼奶昔這麼貴？

Well my broke ass can't even afford Spotify Premium.

我根本付不起 Spotify 的付費訂閱功能。

I have to listen to an ad every 30 ...

我要忍受廣告每 30...

Years I worked at that plant, then it shut down.

我在那間工廠工作了數年，但它倒閉了。

And I'm too old to be hired anywhere else.

而我老到沒有人想雇用我。

My friends actually like, "Do you want to see a movie?"

我朋友問我：「要不要去看電影？」

And I'm like, "Yeah, if it's on Netflix, or Hula Plus or HBO Go." I am just so...

我回他：「好阿！如果是在 Nexflix、Hula Plus 或是 HBO Go 我就可以。」我真的太...

Broken--the whole leg.

斷了，我的整隻腳。

And I don't have insurance, so I hope it just stay like...

而且我沒有保險，所以希望它就保持...。

This weekend when I went to Palm Spring, I have to rent a room on Airbnb instead of the whole apartment.

上個周末當我去棕櫚泉，我竟然要在 Airbnb 租房間，而不是住獨棟公寓。

After Jeff lost his job, we got foreclosed on.

在 Jeff 失業後，我們的房子就被拿去抵押。

Now, we're squatters in our own home.

現在我們等於自己家中的非法住民。

There's just so many weddings this year.

今年太多人辦婚禮了吧！

I can't afford to divorce my abusive husband.

我沒有經濟能力，沒辦法和惡言相向的丈夫離婚。

I can't afford a gym membership and Soul Cycle.

我負擔不起健身房和飛輪運動中心的會員。

Can I get a venti double sea salt mocha chai frappa latte skinny soy chino.

我要一杯特大杯的雙倍濃縮海鹽摩卡茶香法布低脂牛奶豆漿奇諾。

Same.

跟她一樣。

I'll take a medium--I'm broke.

我改小杯的就好，我蠻窮的。

Ok, that will be 40 dollars.

好的，這樣是 40 塊美金。

Oh my god, I think I'll need to put it on the emergency Amex my dad gave me.

天啊！我想我要用我爸給我緊急時刻才能用的美國運通卡付錢。

Same.

跟她一樣。

Oh! Don't forget this, I need the purchase. I just want to get a free coffee.

喔！還有幫我蓋集點卡，我之後想換免費咖啡。

Sometimes I leave the maggots on.

有時候我會連蛆一起吃下去。

Because it's fresh protein.

因為那是新鮮的蛋白質。

If you like that video, click here to subscribe, click here to see more videos, or just leave a comment below about how my producer didn't tell not to wear green--for a green screen ... I'm not mad.

如果喜歡那支影片，按這邊訂閱，按這邊看更多影片，或是留言說我的製作人沒說因為有綠屏所以不要穿綠色...我沒生氣。