And we can talk more about the novel.

-I'll be damned if I'm gonna read like 200 pages in a row.

-I've got it.

Book on tape.

-Here it is. "Rosewood Junction."

-I don't have anything to play it on.

-Hey, you can borrow my Walkman.

Except I left it at Harvin's house and actually he dumped

me last night.

He said the last straw was that I didn't know who Derek

Jeter was.

-What are we gonna do?

Hey, I have an idea.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

ZANDY (OFFSCREEN): This is it.

This is my ex-boyfriend's house.

DAVID (OFFSCREEN): We gotta get that Walkman.

HARVIN (OFFSCREEN): Oh, what now?

Hey, whatever it is, I'm not interested, OK?

-Huh?

No, no, no.

I'm just a, you know, Derek Jeter fan, hanging out in the

neighborhood, so.

-Wait, seriously?

Jeter fan?

-You a Jeter fan?

-Oh my god, yeah.

-You wouldn't want to sign up for my Derek Jeter fan club,

would you?

-(LAUGHING) Would I?

Absolutely.

-Sign this paper.

-Great, great great.

-Oh, but you gotta just--

-Hang on.

Lemme-- hang on.

-Oh, oh, actually, whoa!

HARVIN (OFFSCREEN): Oh, got away from you there.

So on any line?

Or just where?

OK.

-Come on, come on.

-I can see--

I can--

-Just take a good look.

Take a good look.

-I--

I'm looking--

DAVID (OFFSCREEN): No, but it's a new pen.

Because I just feel like, doesn't Jeter deserve taking

the time to do it right?

-An eye for an eye only ends up making

the whole world blind.

-If you could just double-check the-- the font.

The quick brown fox--

-OK, the font is just your handwriting.

That's not-- that's not a font.

Just if there's any other pen.

DAVID (OFFSCREEN): Jeter deserves it, though.

Jeter, you can't-- you can't screw around Jeter.

-Harvin--

-Mhm.

-Ron.

OK, and give me your email, too.

-Frenchy.

And then my email, if you really need it, is

harvinronfrenchy@gmail.

-OK.

And give me your address, too.

-What do you need my address for?

Because you don't know where my residence?

-We'll send you mailings and postcards.

-Oh, for crying out loud.

My address is--

-We might give you autographed Jeter stuff, actually.

---17

-Right.

-71.

-Yeah.

Put down your social.

-Damn it!

Oh, there's my Walkman.

I guess I had it in my purse the whole time.

So funny.

Wait.

HARVIN (OFFSCREEN): Oh, for crying out loud.

You got my email, you got my address, you got my phone

number, you got my date of birth, you

got my driver's license.

Is that good?

-Uh, blood type.

HARVIN (OFFSCREEN): Oh, for crying out loud.

O negative.

OK, there.

I'm done.

-Well, are you really sure that you want to go back into

the house?

-Well, yeah--

- (SINGING) Blah, blah-blah, blah blah, blo.

-Yo.

I'm Derek Jeter.

Hey, this isn't Yankee Stadium.

-Derek Jeter, I'm your biggest fan.

Can I get your autograph?

-That's not Derek Jeter.

-You look really different in person.

Could I get my picture with you?

-Absolutely.

-Maybe it is Jeter, huh?

Can I get one, too?

-Yeah, absolutely.

-Come over here, actually.

-Stand like, like right here?

-Set up here and then we'll--

-I got the Walkman!

-Look over there.

And, uh--

-OK.

[STRANGLED CRY].

-It's all done.

Just go to sleep.

-Let's go.

-I don't know if the hypodermic needle was

necessary.

-There'll be time for post mortems later.

-But you guys, we did it.

Now you can listen to the book on tape.

-Not so fast, Zandy.

No batteries.

-God.

-Unh.

-Oooh.

-Oh.

-Darn it, darn it, darn it.

-[SOBBING]

-(SHOUTING) Why are you punishing us?

-Hold on.

You guys, I have an idea.

It's-- it's so crazy, it just might work.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Uh, hey there, my man.

-Hello.

-Can I get two AA batteries, please?

-Sure.

-Thanks.

There you go.

-Thank you.

-Hey, I'm Derek Jeter of the New York Yankees.

-Derek Jeter?

-Nice to meet you.

-Derek Jeter?

-I'm on the Yankees.

-Wow.

-Let's go.

Let's go!

-I don't know if the needle was really necessary.

-There'll be time for post mortems later.

ZANDY (OFFSCREEN): Let's go!

[GROAN]

DAVID (OFFSCREEN): I got the Walkman.

I got the batteries.

I can listen to the book on tape.

I'm gonna know everything about "Rosewood Junction" and

then Arielle's gonna fall in love with me.

ZANDY (OFFSCREEN): Things are looking up for David Wain.

[MUSIC PLAYING]