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  • Okay, well talk about wives, grandmothers and grandparents.

  • The first thing that we need to understand is:

  • if there’s two things that we could say about our society

  • (and here I think the United States and Canada are pretty much familiar)

  • is we are a culture that hates children.

  • Four thousand, in my country, a day are aborted.

  • Theyre starting to build even restaurants that are "child free".

  • Resorts that are child free.

  • Condominiums child free.

  • Don’t want any of those "children" around.

  • And were also a society that hates women.

  • Now you might say, “Yeah, those male chauvinists, they hate women.” No.

  • Women hate women.

  • The people who hate women more than anybody else on this planet are feminists.

  • They hate women. They want women to be men. They don’t want them to be women.

  • And any woman who says, “I believe that it is my desire to be in my home,

  • to raise godly children,

  • to support my husband in the endeavors that he has to go through in order to provide for our family,”

  • any woman who does that is considered a failure

  • in our society. She is looked down upon.

  • And I know that from personal experience. I know the things that my wife has suffered.

  • The things that people have said because...

  • they say, “Why don’t you help your husband?”

  • And she says, “Well, I do.” “No, why don’t you get a job.

  • I mean, as a minister he doesn’t make that much money. You could provide other things. You could…” What?

  • Now, were going to look at a few things that are very, very important.

  • First of all, if we go to Genesis 1:27

  • it says, "And God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created Him,

  • male and female He created them."

  • So, we see here that both man and woman were created in the image of God

  • and both of them have an equal standing before God.

  • The roles that they play in the marriage has nothing to do with a lack of equality.

  • When we will get to the point where it says that the man is the head of his home

  • and a wife is to live in submission to her husband, it does not mean that the wife

  • is less than her husband. It does not mean that. If you think it does, than guess what?

  • Youve just destroyed the Trinity.

  • Because, did not the Son submit to His Father?

  • So did that make the Son less than His Father? If you sayyes”, than you have just committed heresy.

  • Within the Trinity itself,

  • the Son submitted to His Father and yet the Bible says the Son and Father are One and They are equal.

  • So, my wife and I, we are one and we are equal, we function in different roles.

  • Okay?

  • Now today, everyone says, “No, youve got to have the same roles or youre not equal”.

  • That’s why there’s this push by feminists

  • (and theyve won the day to be honest with you, theyve won the day)

  • that women ought to be fighting on the front lines.

  • That women ought to be doing what men do in everything and if you deny women that,

  • then youre not treating them as equal.

  • No, what youre doing is youre denying that men and women are different

  • and that they were made different by a Creator God.

  • We are different and we were created for different roles.

  • But we are equal, we were all made in the image of God.

  • God blessed them”, in verse 28, “and said to them, be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it.”

  • That 'subdue the earth' was also given to the woman.

  • But there is a different role in subduing the earth.

  • Now, I want to just...

  • for just a moment I want you to think, before we get to the idea of a women submitting to her husband,

  • I want you to just think about something. And this men, this is also for you.

  • Let’s say that there is a woman who looks at the biblical command of a woman submitting to her husband;

  • and then she looks over at her husband.

  • He’s a guy who works all the time;

  • but he works all the time, not necessarily to provide for his family. He works all the time

  • and then he’s with his buddies, and then he’s getting all kinds of things for his hobbies,

  • and he’s all about what he likes to do.

  • And in doing all the things he likes to do with all his buddies, he’s basically neglecting his wife and his children.

  • And a woman looks over at that and says to herself,

  • “I’ve got to submit to that? To a selfish boy, who basically lives for himself?”

  • That can really make a woman bitter.

  • But if a woman looks over and sees a man

  • and imprinted upon his face is:

  • Hallowed be Thy Name. Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done.”

  • She can look at him and she can still become embittered. Why?

  • Because he can say that and basically say the same thing.

  • “I’ve got to neglect you and our children because I’m all about the Kingdom of Heaven.”

  • How many pastor’s wives have become embittered

  • because the husband has sacrificed his family for Jesus' sake?

  • Okay. And that’s amazing because Romans 12:2 says that the will of God is perfect,

  • and what it means is this:

  • you don’t have to disobey some of God’s commands in order to obey the other ones.

  • So, you don’t have to disobey what God commanded you to do

  • with your wife and children in order to obey Him in what He commanded you to do in the ministry.

  • But if a woman looks over and sees a man,

  • and the man isThy Kingdom come, Thy will be done, hallowed be Thy Name”;

  • and he begins to live that out within his closest relationships;

  • that he strives thatthe Kingdom comein his wife

  • in fullness of joy;

  • and he strives that the Kingdom come into his children;

  • and the woman sees that he sacrifices friends, hobbies,

  • everything else for the sake of blessing his family,

  • then a woman looks at a man like that and goes, with a twinkle in her eye, “Yea,

  • yea I can follow a guy like that.

  • Who is selflessly giving himself away to his family. Sure.”

  • Do you see, men, again the responsibility of leadership?

  • You say, “Well, youre talking about us again. We wanted you to yell at our wives for a while.”

  • But see, again, if youre going to beyou know this. Some of you men are over other men.

  • You have jobs that place you over other men.

  • If those men that are under you mess up, the boss doesn’t go talk to them, does he?

  • He talks to you. Your men messed up. They are under your authority.

  • Do you see? It’s the same way.

  • And so, you know, this is something that is extremely important.

  • Now, we get to Genesis 2:23 and He says,

  • And man said, this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.

  • She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man.”

  • Now, even though I believe that there is a way in which I think we can say

  • that our children are of our flesh.

  • If we want to be purest in the biblical language, we have to recognize

  • man and woman, husband and wife, are one flesh

  • in a deeper way than you could ever think about children.

  • I am not of one flesh, as it says here, with my children.

  • I am one flesh with my wife.

  • Now, someone can think

  • that theyve been a wonderful mother even though theyve been a failure as a wife-

  • and that’s not true.

  • If youve been a failure as a wife, youve been a failure as a mother.

  • Now, I have a friend in Peru, who is very bold, who on Mother’s Day, that’s what he preached.

  • He said he was bold, I said he was crazy.

  • But the greatest thing that my wife can do for her children,

  • is to love her husband and respect him.

  • Why should children respect their father

  • when they see the mother doesn’t even respect the father?

  • Now, so were one flesh.

  • It’s the highest and most important relationship.

  • And I am not a good father if I jump over the mother

  • and dedicate myself to the children, which is very easy to do.

  • Now men, one of the things that again is very important, is often times,

  • as men, were usually a bit more independent-

  • and some of us, very independent.

  • And so we think, “I’m handling my spiritual life, I’m an adult.

  • My wife ought to handle her spiritual life too.”

  • Well, even though your wife may be very godly, she was not created for that.

  • She is a woman who can grow before the Lord in her own right without us. That is true.

  • But she was also made to grow with us

  • and under our guidance and under our example.

  • And when we neglect that, we are neglecting something that’s very, very important.

  • The fact that men and women were made by God to be different.

  • Now, why did he make us this way?

  • Because marriage is not ultimately about marriage.

  • Marriage is ultimately about us representing the relationship between Christ and the church.

  • Can the church grow independently of Christ?

  • No.

  • Women were created to grow with their husbands,

  • with the help of their husbands, under the tutelage of their husbands.

  • That does not mean he lords it over her or he knows more than her,

  • but she was made just for that reason.

  • You leave her alone, or think that she’s strong and can make it on her own, which is often times my sin,

  • and youre going to mess up the whole thing of what God is wanting to do. Okay.

  • Now, we go on and, let’s go ahead now and let’s go to Ephesians 5:22.

  • Well let’s go to verse 21, “And be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.”

  • So believers are to be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.

  • Wives submit to your own husband as to the Lord.”

  • Now, a lot of people will look at this and say, “Oh,

  • what he’s really talking about, because of verse 21, is that there ought to be a mutual submission.”

  • And by saying that, they cancel out submission all together.

  • If there’s mutual submission, then what do you do when there’s a disagreement?

  • And how can there be headship and leadership in mutual submission?

  • What you need to understand is that Paul is laying out something for us that’s very important.

  • In verse 21, he’s talking about believers, that there should be a sense of mutual submission.

  • For example: if I come to you

  • and show you with the Scriptures something that’s wrong in your life, you need to submit to it.

  • And if 3 weeks later, you come to me and show me something that’s wrong in my life, what should I do?

  • Should I say, “Well, I’m an elder and I don’t have to submit to you”? Absolutely not.

  • You can show me in Scripture. There is mutual submission. Do you see that?

  • Iron sharpening iron, brother sharpening brother, sister- sister, that’s very important.

  • So in the church there is mutual submission. Then he comes to marriage,

  • and he says, “Wives, be subject to your own husbands.”

  • Then he comes to the children in 6:1 and he says, “Children, obey your parents.”

  • And then he’s going to go on and he’s going to talk about slaves,

  • which in our terminology would be employees, submit to your employer.

  • And so he’s telling us something of the way we should function in society.

  • That in the body we should submit to one another.

  • When we go to 1 Peter we also learn that we ought to submit to our elders when theyre functioning

  • according to the Scriptures and can show us with the Scriptures.

  • We learn from Romans 13 that we ought to submit to the government.

  • We ought to pay taxes and things like that.

  • Well, here were learning that in the context of the family,

  • Wives be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord.” You do it for the sake of the Lord.

  • Now, let me just show you a practical way in which this works.

  • Let’s say that a big decision has to be made in our family;

  • and I look at that big decision. I don’t just make that decision

  • and say, “Well, I’m the boss.”

  • No. What I do ismy most trusted counselor,

  • with decisions regarding my family, should be my wife.

  • So, we have to make this big decision. I go and talk to my wife.

  • I want to hear what she has to say. And if were in agreement-BAM-okay, let’s make the decision.

  • If were not in agreement it doesn't mean...

  • I'll say this again, if we're not in agreement it doesn't mean,

  • Well, my wife’s not in agreement, so I’m not going to make the decision.”

  • But what it does mean is this: if she’s not in agreement, that’s a real red flag for me.

  • I mean, she’s my most trusted counselor in the family, so if were not in agreement, a red flag goes up for me.

  • And what I’m going to do is I’m going to postpone that decision if I can

  • so that she and I can pray together, talk about it more, until we come to unity.

  • And when we come to unity, I’ll make that decision.

  • But now, if the decision has to be made

  • and we can wait no longer,

  • as the head of my family, it is my job to make that decision.

  • And if I am right and my wife is wrong, I do not gloat over her.

  • And if she is right and I am wrong,

  • she does not gloat over me, ladies.

  • Dear sisters, there’s something you need to recognize.

  • Your husband is going to be judged more severely than you.

  • When he’s wrong, you should not gloat over him.

  • You should be broken hearted.

  • Because he’s going to be called to account for the wrong decision he has made.

  • You need to be praying for him.

  • His is a fearful, fearful job. Even though he may not know it,

  • even though your husband may just make decisions nonchalantly,

  • because he really hasn’t learned the fear of the Lord, you need to pray that he does.

  • And when he makes a wrong decision, you really need to be a blessing to him.

  • It's a hard thing. It's a very hard thing. It's a dangerous thing.

  • To whom much is given, much is required.”

  • Now, I want you to notice something here.

  • It says, “Wives, be subject to your own husbands,”

  • and then in the end, in verse 33, it says, “Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as

  • himself and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.”

  • Now, it’s interesting here that it doesn’t say that wives are supposed to love their husbands.

  • It says theyre supposed to submit to them and respect them.

  • And it’s interesting that here that it doesn’t say that husbands

  • are to submit to and respect their wives, but they are to love their wives.

  • Now, that does not mean that husbands are not to respect their wives

  • or that women aren’t to love their husbands. That’s not what it means.

  • But it does tell us something that’s very interesting.

  • I do not need

  • my wife to call me 3 times a day

  • and say, “Honey, I love you.”

  • I don’t need her to send me flowers that say, “I love you.”

  • I mean, I’m sorry, I just don’t need that. I don’t.

  • What do I need? I need my wife to respect me.

  • That’s what I need. As a man, I’m made different than a woman, I need my wife to respect me.

  • The whole world… I can wake up one morning

  • (and sometimes with the internet I feel like I do)

  • and every person in the world is standing outside my yard withdown with Paulsigns.

  • Paul should die”; “Paul’s a false prophet”; “Paul’s this...” I mean, I get everything you can’t even imagine.

  • That doesn’t really affect me.

  • What does affect me is when my wife,

  • when I feel as though she does not respect me. That kills me.

  • It takes all the strength out of me. You want your husband to be strong?

  • Respect him. Honor him.

  • Now, here’s an interesting thing:

  • it does say that the husband should love his wife.

  • What does the wife need? Constant reminders that she’s loved.

  • She needs constant reminders that she’s loved.

  • You say, “Well, you know, I’m just not the kind of guy that says that stuff.” I know youre not. Repent.

  • But here’s our problem. Here’s my problem.

  • We get to thinking that our wives are like us.

  • Well, I don’t need someone telling me they love me all the time.

  • I don’t need AFFIRMATION in that area.”

  • And so we don’t give it. Not because necessarily were terrible husbands.

  • I’m telling you, weve been raised in a culture where weve been lead to believe that were just alike, men and women.

  • And were not. Were not just alike.

  • Now, my wife needs respect, youre wife needs respect,

  • but primarily what they need is an affirmation that they are loved, especially today.

  • I mean, a woman’s not even worthy of love in today’s culture,

  • unless she’s five foot ten and weighs seven kilos or something.

  • Do you know what I mean? You know that, right?

  • We say she’s not even worthy of this kind of stuff. That’s only for very special women.

  • And that’s the kind of, you knowyoure women, youre wives

  • constantly are looking at women in magazines who aren’t even real.

  • And theyre going, “I don’t look like this.”

  • Do you know Cindy Crawford, the famous super model?

  • She said something one time that was really wise and true.

  • They were interviewing her and she said,

  • What you need to understand is Cindy Crawford doesn’t look like Cindy Crawford.”

  • And they said, “What do you mean?” She said,

  • You really think my legs are that long?

  • You know, they can do great things with a computer.

  • And when I’m bent over like this with a beach ball, yeah, I’ve got a little roll of fat here too,

  • but they can move that away, they can take that off.”

  • And so what happens is, just normal women are being compared, and they compare themselves

  • to these pictures that aren’t even real.

  • Not even the super model looks like that, and they walk around saying, “How can my husband love me?”

  • And then, if they walk in the living room

  • and the husband is watching a television show

  • where the women do look like that,

  • don’t think, man, that that doesn’t impact your wife negatively.

  • That it doesn’t make her think, again, “Am I even loved?"

  • So, we need different things.

  • We need different things.

  • Now, there’s a whole... what’s amazing about this passage

  • is that it really only tells the woman, just be submissive to your husband and respect him.

  • And the whole chapter’s about men and how theyre supposed to die

  • to themselves and love their wives as Christ loved the church.

  • So, again, we see that the greater responsibility is where?

  • It’s upon the man, it’s upon the man.

  • I want us to look over, like I said, this is so full of truth it’s unbelievable.

  • But, we just don’t have time to catch everything.

  • I want us to go over for a second to 1 Timothy 2:9.

  • Likewise,” in verse 8 Paul says,

  • Therefore, I want men in every place to pray, lifting up holy hands without wrath and dissention.”

  • Alright. Now notice,

  • men are prone towards wrath,

  • impatience, anger, fighting, dissention, this type of thing.

  • Then he goes on, he says, “I don’t want that out of you. I want you lifting up holy hands.

  • I want you living a life of prayer. I want you to be in unity in your prayer.”

  • But now he goes in verse 9, he says, “Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves

  • with proper clothing,

  • modestly and discreetly; not with braided hair, and gold, or pearls, or costly garments.”

  • Whoa!

  • Well, hold on there.

  • And this is something… I’m going to be very honest with you, that my wife and I have been,

  • weve really been struggling with this.

  • Not that we don’t want to obey it.

  • We want to make sure we know what it means.

  • Because does it… I mean, what does it mean?

  • Because weve been given some terms here and, I mean theyre not

  • you know, we almost look at this and say why didn’t you give us more. I mean, give us a rule,

  • give us, you know, something that we can just follow.

  • But I want you to look at some things. I want you to see first of all,

  • Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves.” Now, he wants women to adorn themselves. Okay.

  • So adornment’s not bad.

  • But that adornment, were going to see is in verse 10

  • and in verse 11 it’s good works, godliness, a quiet and submissive spirit.

  • Now, but let’s go on. He says, “I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing.”

  • That tells me that there is clothing that’s improper for a Christian woman. Alright?

  • I mean, that’s just logic.

  • There is clothing that is improper for a Christian woman.

  • Now, he says the clothing must be modest.

  • Modest, this is a very important, it’s literally proper clothing with modesty, is the way it goes in the original text.

  • So, with modesty.

  • My wife has a really good thing that she says,

  • If your clothing is a frame for your face,

  • from which the glory of God is to shine, it’s proper.

  • If it draws attention to your face.

  • If your clothing draws attention to your body,

  • to outline it, to make it noticed,

  • then it’s sensual, it’s sensual. What youre doing is wrong.”

  • Now, I want to step off for just a second.

  • Women, you need to understand something.

  • Men are not as dumb as you think they are.

  • My wife and I have a friend in Illinois and she’s a very pretty lady, very pretty.

  • And if she walked in that door right now,

  • every man in this room, if he turned and saw her, this is what they would say,

  • Well, that’s a very pretty lady. That’s a very elegant lady.

  • That’s a beautiful lady.”

  • And that’s what they would think.

  • But ladies, there are also women that aren’t half as attractive as that lady I just described to you,

  • either in their face or their body,

  • and they could walk in that door and the moment every man heard the door open and he looked over there,

  • if he was a godly man, he would have to go like this. *looks away*

  • Because it’s not beauty,

  • it’s sensuality.

  • And even though you can’t exactly write down the rules

  • and put it all on paper, when you see it you know it.

  • There is a difference between beauty and sensuality.

  • And God is not against beauty. He is against sensuality.

  • In Philippians we are told to think on things that are excellent,

  • that are noble, that are just, that are right, that are true.

  • The way a woman carries herself and the way she dresses

  • ought to promote the following types of words-

  • modesty,

  • discretion,

  • wisdom,

  • beauty,

  • elegance,

  • refinement

  • But not sensuality,

  • luxury,

  • extravagance.

  • You know, extravagance, ladies, is when

  • your husband wants you to take off your earrings so he can make them into lures to catch really big fish.

  • Now, ladies,

  • you know I’ve been giving your husbands a lot of tasks, let me give you one.

  • Seek to find out what this means and go wherever the Lord shows you.

  • There is nothing more attractive

  • than a woman who has this look of wisdom

  • and discretion

  • and nobility

  • and simplicity.

  • Simplicity. It’s just a simple beauty about her.

  • Now, I was teaching in Romania,

  • I guess it was about 2 years ago and I was at a university,

  • I think is was Brasov, the University of Brasov I think, or something.

  • And it’s European, you know.

  • Just European techno punk kind of stuff, you know.

  • All of these college students come in there and everything and there’s a whole room full of them

  • and there was a bunch of girls there at the bottom of the auditorium in the first row

  • with purple hair and nails through their nose, stuff like that, you know.

  • And I looked at them and, I didn’t get angry,

  • it just really broke my heart. You just look at these little girls and you think,

  • Oh Lord,” you know,

  • Where is their father? What’s happened?” And this is what I did,

  • I looked at them and I said,

  • How many of you have seen the movie Pride and Prejudice,

  • the BBC version or the one with Keira Knightley?

  • How many of you have ever seen that? Or seen Sense and Sensibility?

  • You know those two movies?”

  • And most of them went, you know, “I have.”

  • I said, “After you saw those movies, did you feel sad, kind of?” And a lot of them wentWell,

  • Yeah. I did, come to think of it. When I saw those movies I felt sad.”

  • And I said, “Do you want me to tell you why?”

  • And they said, “Sure.”

  • I said, “Because much of what you saw in that movie has been killed in you.

  • It’s been killed.

  • There was a time when people dressed for the sake of beauty.

  • Now it’s for the sake of lust.

  • It used to be refinement, now it’s grunge.”

  • And I said, “Isn’t is amazing that

  • even though this really didn’t happen in the movie, this was kind of the thing the movie gave you.

  • Like if a girl was standing there and she reached for a book,

  • let’s say a 19 year-old girl, and she reaches for a book

  • and the moment she reaches for the book a boy also reaches for the same book

  • and his hand crosses her hand like this, just by accident, and guess what happens?

  • The moment that happens, she almost looses her breathe,

  • she flushes, and has to leave the room.

  • Look what theyve done to you.

  • Look how theyve robbed you,

  • and youve allowed yourself to be robbed.”

  • The young man,

  • his heart’s beating and he doesn’t even know what to do. He just jumps out of a window.

  • The young girl is all flush

  • and she’s just feeling all of these emotions that are just about to explode

  • in her heart; and tenderness and innocence and all of these things that have been killed in you, young lady.

  • Theyve been killed. Sin causes death all the time.

  • It kills everything. It kills beauty.

  • It kills poetry.

  • It kills refinement.

  • I would challenge you to get into the Scriptures,

  • and it is a difficult task, because you start asking yourself a question.

  • Well,

  • what is masculine? I mean, does it mean that I can never wear pants, does it mean this or that?”

  • Those are very hard questions. And you know what? You need to have a lot of grace,

  • because when the Scriptures do not say something specifically,

  • you better not be putting your specific rules upon people.

  • Be very careful here.

  • And as you know, my wife’s here, she doesn’t dress like a puritan or something.

  • But at the same time, I can say that she and I are in a transition.

  • Because weve honestly, you know,

  • you get around to trying to look at different aspects of your life and one of the things is,

  • what is it supposed to look like to be a feminine,

  • beautiful woman with discretion and wisdom and nobility?

  • And you know, you could dress a woman in a skirt that went all the way down to her heels

  • and she could still be sensual and ungodly. I mean, nothing’s going to cover up a wicked heart.

  • But how should the daughters of God dress themselves?

  • And, you know, some people have gone really, you know, I think the other side

  • and they just wear, you know, denim skirts and white tennis shoes

  • and put their hair a certain way and everybody’s a home schooling mom.

  • I don’t think that’s what the Scriptures had intended either.

  • But I will tell you this,

  • take simplicity,

  • take modesty,

  • take discretion,

  • put within that, beauty and elegance.

  • Throw away from it all sensuality and luxury and extravagance

  • and try to find where does the Lord want you to be?

  • And I’ll tell you this, just as a man,

  • a women who most people would say is not that attractive in her face

  • or in her body,

  • if you see nobility in her,

  • if you see discretion and wisdom in her clothing,

  • in her way of being, it is attractive.

  • It is pleasant. It is, it is.

  • A noble, virtuous woman, who just doesn’t have it on the inside

  • but it effects the way she dresses, it effects the way she holds herself.

  • And young ladies that are here,

  • boys don’t play with you,

  • they don't wrestle with you,

  • they don’t come up and grab you around the neck.

  • You don’t do all these kinds of things.

  • You are very special, very proper.

  • Not in that wrong sort of way, but there’s a dignity to you.

  • So don’t allow the world to tell you how to dress, because they just want to make you sensual.

  • Don’t let people tell you how boys are supposed to treat you.

  • Let God tell you. And you DEMAND that!

  • Now, fathers, here’s something else.

  • You treat their mother very poorly,

  • then don’t expect your daughter to rise above you in the mate she chooses.

  • She needs to be able to look at you and then look at all of these 20 year-old boys

  • that haven’t got the brain God gave a goose,

  • she needs to be able to look at them and go, “You do what?”

  • When that boy says, “I love you.” “You what? Love me?

  • You can’t even spell the word love. Go look at my dad!

  • Follow him around for 2 years. Hell show you what love is all about.”

  • Do you see? Guys, we do such a disservice to our daughters.

  • We all do, when we neglect their mothers or treat their mothers common.

  • So don’t be angry one day when some guy comes along and treats your daughter as common.

  • Now, look what it says here. It says,

  • Not with braided hair, or gold or pearls or costly garments.”

  • Now, does this mean, as some have interpreted, that a woman can never braid her hair?

  • Well, if you go into the Greek world,

  • you will see some braiding that went on that literally is frightening.

  • The women looked like Medusa.

  • I am not kidding. They braided hair to thethey would spend days braiding this hair up

  • and it was going all over the place and it looks like snakes coming out of her head.

  • That’s what Satan will always do to a culture.

  • What he’s talking about here is not that you can’t braid your hair.

  • It’s talking about just the simplicity of it. Not extravagant.

  • And then there’s gold and pearls or costly garments.

  • Now, what does this mean? Well, I see that the servant

  • of Abraham gave Isaac’s bride some costly bracelets,

  • some rings for her nose. You know, go figure.

  • So, that wasn’t treated as an ungodly thing. I think it goes back again to extravagance.

  • Extravagance.

  • And costly garments? No.

  • Women should not be preoccupied with spending a lot of money on clothing.

  • But you know what? A wise woman, a noble woman

  • can take a little bit of something and make it look pretty amazing.

  • Remember the Proverbs 31 woman? She didn’t just dress her household.

  • She herself dressed in purple.

  • But it was a frugality, a simplicity.

  • Like this one time, when Charo and I were on our honeymoon I wanted to really, like do something. I’m going to buy her something.

  • So we go into this clothing store and there’s this dress or skirt.

  • I don’t know the difference between a dress and a skirt. Was it a skirt or a dress? Skirt, okay.

  • I just don’t know, I just can’t figure that out.

  • Alright, it was a skirt and it was really pretty and it just kind of went down long and it was really pretty.

  • And I said, “Why don’t we get it?” She looked at the price tag and she says, “85 dollars, were not buying this.”

  • I said, “Good. I didn’t know they cost that much.”

  • But guess what? A few weeks later she found the same skirt,

  • different color, exact same skirt with the price tag still on it

  • in a thrift store, I think it was, for 5 dollars.

  • And I was like, “Praise the Lord.”

  • You know, I’m like, “Here honey, here’s 10 dollars. Don't spend it all in one place!”

  • But it’s amazing what a wise woman can do with almost nothing.

  • And it’s also amazing what a woman with no wisdom can not do with everything.

  • It’s just amazing.

  • And so, you know and it comes down topeople always ask me, “Is it a sin for women to wear makeup?”

  • And I say, “Brother, it’s a sin if some women don’t wear makeup.”

  • An old preacher said one time, “It never hurts to put a little paint on an old barn.”

  • But now, here’s the point again.

  • You can see when a woman uses makeup and there’s discretion.

  • And you can see another woman that looks like she just lost a paint gun war.

  • And that’s just what it comes down to.

  • And then there needs to be a lot of grace when you make your decision.

  • I remember one time, I had preached in Romania

  • and God had really moved and saved a bunch of people and the meetings were all extended

  • and then the next year I came back and brought my wife.

  • My wife had some little earrings in and things like that and this Romanian woman walked up and she goes,

  • Brother Paul, you preach power of God in your life.

  • How could you be married to a woman like this?”

  • And I was like… I’m stepping back because there’s going to be a fight.

  • And my wife was so wise.

  • She got her in a head lock and pounded her- no, I’m just kidding.

  • This lady who said this was about 25 or 30 years-old.

  • And she looked just haggard.

  • But, I mean, in her face you could see she was an attractive lady,

  • but she was just haggardly. I mean, just morose.

  • And my wife goes, “Do you have a picture of yourself?”

  • The lady goes, “Yeah. Before I was converted.”

  • Charo said, “Can I see it?”

  • The lady said, “Yeah.”

  • Charo looked at the picture and it was a vibrant young lady, smiling, happy.

  • Charo looked at it, then she gave her back the picture

  • and she said, “You know, I liked you better when you were lost.”

  • And then she came back to her and said,

  • Is this what Jesus does to a person?

  • Kills their joy? Makes them mean spirited?

  • Okay, you don’t have any makeup and you don’t have any earrings on, but you look..."

  • she didn’t say this, but I know she was thinking it

  • you look like a zombie from the Dawn of the Dead movie.”

  • You know, the fact of the matter is, this woman was in bondage.

  • She had decided that she should wear longer dresses. And I think that’s wonderful.

  • And she had decided that you need to be very careful. I think that’s wonderful.

  • But look at what she didn’t have.

  • She didn’t have the good works as is proper for women making a claim to godliness.

  • She didn’t receive instruction well and she wasn’t submissive and she didn’t have a quiet spirit.

  • I mean, there was just no joy.

  • There was no fruit of the Holy Spirit.

  • So see, you can go through your wardrobe and decide what’s decent and what’s not,

  • but if inside

  • your heart is not right,

  • you can’t cover up your sin, you can’t.

  • Now, I want us to look over at 1 Peter 3:1.

  • In the same way, you wives be submissive to your husbands,

  • so that if any of them are disobedient to the Word,

  • they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives.”

  • I want to tell you something, this makes me laugh.

  • You think God isn’t all wise?

  • Look what He says.

  • He says, “If any of them are disobedient to the Word,”

  • He says, “Wives, they may be won without a word…”

  • How do women seek to change their husbands?

  • With their tongue, with their words. Isn’t it?

  • I’ve even seen women say, “Husband,

  • I’m telling you, YOU ARE GOING to be the leader of this home! Now, get up and lead!

  • And I’m going to tell you how!” I mean,

  • just fighting with their husbands constantly.

  • You are not going to change your husband

  • with your tongue. Youre going to change him with your behavior.

  • Let me give you an example.

  • I come home from work and it’s been a bad day

  • and I’m thinking about only one thing- me.

  • Alright, and I deserve it.

  • I have suffered all day working in the missions,

  • things have gone bad, I’ve had to fight the devil, hell and everything else.

  • And I’m coming home and things need to be right.

  • And I come home, and theyre not right.

  • Now, usually my house is clean and usually there is food ready and everything else.

  • But I come home this particular day and it looks like Godzilla came through my house.

  • And I say, “Honey, what’s the deal?

  • I mean, I’m out there fighting the devil all day

  • and I’m supposed to come home to an orderly house.”

  • And she spins around and looks at me

  • with a fire in her eyes that would make a grown man run back to his mom.

  • And she starts, “What do you mean coming in here? You don’t know what I’ve got to deal with.

  • And you out there all day doing this, and yeah you went to lunch.

  • Yeah, and you did this. But I’m stuck here and I’m home schooling and…”

  • And the moment she does that the fight is on.

  • And I know none of you ever deal with anything like this.

  • But the fight is on and guess what? Both parties are justified in their own mind.

  • They are totally justified and no one is ashamed for their ignorant, foolish, ungodly actions.

  • But now, let's replay it.

  • And I come home, and I’m still all about me.

  • King me.

  • And I come home, the house is messed up and there’s no food

  • and the baby is crying and all of these things are going on and I say,

  • Look, I mean,

  • I’m out there all day preaching the gospel, doing things.

  • At least I could come home and have a little peace.”

  • I’m making this up, because I never do things like this.

  • And my wife turns around and she goes,

  • Paul, I am so sorry.

  • One sister has... I’ve been on the phone almost all day trying to figure out

  • a problem with a sister in the church and

  • the baby is sick and I’ve just had to let things go.

  • And I’m sorry, just give me time and I’ll get things in order.”

  • When she does that, this is what I do:

  • "… um…”

  • I go outside. I go into my workshop.

  • I findoak is usually the preferable wood that you want,

  • but hickory also is a good wood to use,

  • and you take it with both hands, like this, and then you go wham,

  • wham, wham, wham.

  • And then you crawl back into the house and you ask for forgiveness.

  • Look what she’s done.

  • She couldn’t beat me with her words, but she beat me with her behavior.

  • She heaped burning hot coals on my head with her godliness.

  • Do you see that?

  • Now men, it’s the same way.

  • Man, if we could ever get this certain brother to come up here,

  • he teaches on marriage and his name is Norm Wakefield.

  • And he was teaching me one day and he said, “Paul,

  • when I’m preaching, and I really, when God’s really moved or somethings happened,

  • and I drive home,” he said, “I’m preparing myself

  • because I know when I open that door I know, I am hoping my wife

  • will realize I’ve just come from a tremendous week of battle

  • and shell meet me at the door and just be a blessing.”

  • He said, “Paul, I know it’s usually not going to happen.

  • I know some things are going to be going on.

  • Now, you can say it’s the devil,

  • but the devil’s got my whole house upset and my wife’s going to open the door

  • and she’s going to be immediately telling me problems, she’s going to ignore my needs and everything else.”

  • And he said, “But it’s not the devil, so much as it is God.

  • And what God is doing is He’s allowing the devil to work

  • to stir up my house so that when my wife opens up that door,

  • and she does not receive me with pleasantness and she doesn’t appreciate the battles I’ve been through,

  • God is giving me, at that point, an opportunity to be like Jesus!

  • To love like Jesus!”

  • Do you see that? So see it goes both ways.

  • Now let me give you an illustration.

  • If you go to Europe, one of the things that youve always got to see are castles.

  • I mean, theyre just unbelievable.

  • But there’s something unusual about castles.

  • The front door of a castle is like really big, on the first floor. I mean, it’s huge.

  • I mean, 25 guys walking abreast can go through that door. It’s a big door!

  • What’s amazing is, you go up to the second floor and the stair way’s about this big.

  • And the door at the top is like this tall and like this big.

  • You know, like, man if that wasn’t an architectural oversight. Why did they do that?

  • Well, here’s the way, here’s the reason.

  • Let’s say that there’s a bunch of people in the castle

  • and theyre in there locked up because there’s an army, a gigantic army outside the castle.

  • Well, that gigantic army, it storms that door, the first door.

  • And 25 men leaning against that door and they push it in and here comes the whole army,

  • floods into that first floor.

  • And let’s say there’s only 10 people in that castle.

  • But the army’s 300 men and theyve just busted through the door.

  • All the people in the castle, the 10 people, they run up that narrow stairway.

  • And here’s what you need to understand.

  • That stairwell is so narrow

  • that is just takes one man with a lance at the top of that thing to hold off

  • an army of 300 men,

  • because all 300 of them can’t get up there, only one at a time.

  • I just described your marriage.

  • Women, your husband is sitting in his castle

  • and he’s just having a good old time. He’s sitting in hiscomfortable chair,

  • he’s watching sports or a hunting program.

  • And you have had enough.

  • Alright, so you storm the castle door.

  • And what does he do? He does what every man ought to do. He runs.

  • He runs straight up those stairs.

  • I like what one man said one time.

  • There were 3 men and 2 of them were saying "My wife, you know, she submits to me."

  • And this other guy goes, “Pshhh, you guys are a bunch of wimps!

  • When my wife talks to me, she gets down on her hands and knees."

  • They said, "Really?" He said, "Yeah,

  • she gets down on her hands and knees

  • and she looks under the bed where I’m hiding and she saysAre you going to come out and fight like a man or stay there all day?’”

  • But here’s the thing. Wife,

  • your husband sees you, sees that double-edged sword coming out of your mouth,

  • and he runs up and he’s got his lance and you're coming up that stairwell.

  • And youre coming up that stairwell fighting with him. That tongue of yours is moving like a weed eater.

  • And the whole time youre giving him the rights, youre just telling him the way it ought to be.

  • The whole time youre doing that, youre also praying,

  • "God, why don’t you help me with this man?

  • God, why don’t you do what you need to do?

  • Why don’t you change this man? God I can’t understand.”

  • And every time you say, “God, why don’t you help me with this man?”,

  • God’s going, “Get out of the way.”

  • And youre like, “No, I’m not getting out of the way!” And you just keep fighting.

  • God, why don’t you get up here and help?” God goes, “There’s room for only one.

  • Get out of the way.”

  • And you won’t get out of the way, because you’d rather just wag that big, dangerous tongue of yours

  • then you would get out of the way.

  • I thought about writing a book, I’m still thinking about writing it

  • to wives on how to act in such a way so that God will kill your husband.

  • I’m just afraid it will be a bestseller.

  • Well have a lot of men dying.

  • But remember what God says in Romans,

  • in Romans 12? “Give place to the wrath of God.”

  • Get out of the way. He says,

  • Don’t deal with your enemies. Don’t fight fires with fires. Someone does evil to you, don’t do evil back. Just get out of the way.”

  • And what God is telling a woman is this:

  • Continue in your godliness, continue in your quiet spirit.

  • Seek to honor him as much as you can.

  • And call out to Me

  • and I will be your help in the day of trouble.”

  • God changes people. And this works the same way with husbands, except more so.

  • Husbands, you are called

  • the wife is never really called to be an example to her husband

  • but the man is called to be an example to his wife.

  • You want your wife to change? Be an example, be an example.

  • And brothers, you know, I hate teaching this because it just points out my own errors.

  • But I’m not teaching it because I live it perfectly. I’m teaching it because it’s true and I need to hear it every day.

  • And so do you. And ladies, it’s the same thing, so do you. You need to hear this.

  • He says,

  • Without a word, by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior…”

  • Again, look at this, “Your adornment must not be merely external…”

  • and the word merely in Greek is not there.

  • But He’s saying, “Your adornment must not be external, braiding the hair and wearing gold jewelry or putting on dresses.”

  • You know this comes out of, in a sense, the Proverbs. A woman without discretion,

  • even the most beautiful woman without discretion, is like a gold ring in a pig’s snout.

  • And young guys, listen to me.

  • Do not

  • if you are lead into marriage because of the sensuality of the girl, you will hate yourself

  • in the end.

  • You will hate yourself.

  • But if youre lead into it by her virtue,

  • her intelligence,

  • her godliness,

  • you will find a mate for life.

  • Now, He says,

  • But let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit,

  • which is precious in the sight of God.”

  • Women, I’ve seen women, I mean, act like street fighters.

  • Come on, you want to fight? Is that all you got?” No. That’s not the way youre supposed to be.

  • A gentle and a quiet spirit

  • is the thing that will most disarm your husband.

  • Now, again, let me say this. I’m talking

  • in regard to just a normal marriage with its normal problems.

  • I’m not saying that a woman who has a violent husband,

  • who’s putting her life in jeopardy, ought to just stay there and be a punching bag. Not at all!

  • And the pastors and elders

  • should not just stand there and say, “You need to go back to your husband.”

  • They need to protect this woman. She’s a daughter of God.

  • They need to treat her as their own daughter.

  • And those pastors, if they have a sister in the church being abused by her husband,

  • they need to stand in even if it means they get punched.

  • That’s what pastors do. That’s what theyre supposed to do anyway.

  • I just find it amazing how many pastors will send women back

  • into a horrible, abusive relationship

  • and tell them to do the will of God and do nothing to protect them.

  • Jesus never called us to that kind of absurdity.

  • But in a normal relationship, with our normal problems, you know, just getting mad over nothing,

  • like most of us do.

  • Now, there’s so much to say here, let me say

  • it hurts me because this is like 7 days we could be talking just about this woman thing.

  • let’s go to the Song of Solomon. I want to talk to the young ladies, but this applies to everyone.

  • Men, it would do you well to read the Song of Solomon.

  • It would do me well because of all of the beautiful things that are said here

  • that to us seem just too goofy.

  • But it’s just because as men were just so hardened.

  • You know, look at the things that are found in the Song of Solomon.

  • You know, Song of Solomon 4:1,

  • How beautiful you are my darling, how beautiful you are.”

  • Verse seven, “You are altogether beautiful my darling and there is no blemish in you.”

  • I mean, all these types of things that are said that I’ve failed to say.

  • Because, again, I think my wife is like me.

  • Now, I want you to just look at something from the Song of Solomon again.

  • Look at verse nine. “You have made my heart beat faster, my sister, my bride.

  • You have made my heart beat faster with a single glance of your eyes.”

  • There was a time when that was true.

  • There was a time, guys, when you acted like peacocks

  • strutting around just to get your wife to look at you.

  • You saw that she looked at you, and you almost fell over backwards.

  • It’s just like with the Lord, isn’t it?

  • When we first met the Lord,

  • and if He showed us anything in His Word, we were so excited we just didn’t know what to do.

  • And now He shows us things we don’t even want to hear.

  • There’s something terrible about being in a relationship when it turns common.

  • Now, another thing I want you to look at here in verse nine.

  • He says, “You have made my heart beat faster with a single glace of your eyes,

  • with a single strand of your necklace.”

  • Now you say, Brother Paul, what does that mean?

  • Well, first of all, let’s look at it as with Christ and the believer.

  • He says, “Youre altogether beautiful my darling.” Why?

  • Because He shed His blood for her and cleansed her.

  • Notice that He did not die for a perfect bride? He died for a soiled one and He made her perfect.

  • Husbands, that’s a good thing, isn’t it?

  • It’s a very good thing.

  • Also, husbands, you think your wife doesn’t love you like she should?

  • Guess what? It’s your fault.

  • You say, “Why’s it my fault?” Listen to what the Bible says,

  • We love Him, because He loved us.”

  • It’s not that we loved Him, but that He loved us and because He loved us we now love Him.

  • That’s the relationship between a man and his wife, a husband and a bride.

  • The church loves Jesus, notwell, the church loves Jesus because Jesus loved her first

  • and the church was won by that love.

  • Isn’t that amazing? And He says,

  • You have made my heart beat faster with a single glance of your eyes, with a single strand

  • of your necklace.” Here’s the problem. She’s a shepherd girl. Shepherd girls don’t have necklaces.

  • So, look at what’s going on here.

  • Jesus looks down at His bride and says, “Youre beautiful. The necklace you have is beautiful.

  • What youre clothed in is beautiful.” And guess what?

  • Everything she wears and everything she’s clothed in came from Him.

  • So He gave her her beauty.

  • Now, in the same way,

  • we give our wives their beauty.

  • That’s why He talks about washing your wife in the Word in Ephesians 5;

  • and that Jesus is washing His bride in the Word in order to present her before Him as spotless.

  • If a husband is not satisfied with his wife, it’s his fault because

  • it’s his job to wash her in the Word so that she becomes more spotless and more pleasing to him.

  • It’s just like when you invest in your son and he says basically nothing.

  • I’d say, “Well, what did you expect?”

  • When we invest little in our wives, we shouldn’t demand much from them.

  • You ever heard the story about the eight-cow wife?

  • I love this story.

  • This man in Africa. You know, if you want to get a wife

  • youve got to kind of pay for her and youve got to give her dad a bunch of cows or chickens, or whatever.

  • Well, this one man, he had this daughter

  • and she wasn’t very pretty.

  • And he’s like, “I’m not even going to get chicken for this daughter of mine.

  • She’s not pretty at all.”

  • And one day, this guy shows up

  • and he goes, “I want to marry your daughter.

  • I want to marry your daughter.” And he goes, “What?”

  • He says, “I want to marry your daughter.” The dad goes, “Youre kidding right?”

  • No, I want to marry your daughter.”

  • He’s like thinking, “I wonder how much I’m going to have to pay this guy so that hell marry my daughter?”

  • And he goes, “Well, what will you give for my daughter?”

  • And the highest price you could give was eight cows.

  • That was the highest price.

  • And so this young guy goes,

  • Eight cows.”

  • The dad goes, “What? Have you seen my daughter? I mean, what do you mean, eight cows?”

  • He says, “No, I want to pay eight cows for your daughter.”

  • And so he did and it was the talk of the town, the talk of everybody.

  • I mean, that’s unheard of, an eight-cow wife.

  • Guess what?

  • She came to be known throughout all the land as the eight-cow wife.

  • And guess what?

  • She became also the most respected woman in all the tribes.

  • Someone valued her and she lived up to that value.

Okay, well talk about wives, grandmothers and grandparents.

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A2 初級 美國腔

恢復聖經中的女人味--保羅-華舍爾 (Recovering Biblical Womanhood - Paul Washer)

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    林雅歌 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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