100個YO MAMA笑話--你能看完嗎？ (100 YO MAMA JOKES - Can You Watch Them All?)

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-Yo mama's so stupid, she thought
Nickelback was a refund.
-[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-Yo mama's so fat, when she dies in "Call of Duty,"
the player gets a five-person kill streak.
Is there a package ready for direction?
Show us where you want it.
[FART]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Yo mama's so ugly, One Direction went the other direction.
-Of course, I prefer boys, but ew, what an ugly lady.
[SCARY LAUGH]
[MUSIC ONE DIRECTION, "WHAT MAKES YOU BEAUTIFUL"]
-That's not-- I'm holding that for a friend.
Yo mama's so hairy, when she gave birth to you--
[SCREAM]
--you got carpet burn, bro.
Yo mama's so stupid, she though seaweed was something
that fish smoke.
-I'm freaking out.
-Yo mama's so short, she'd hang-glides on a Dorito.
Yo mama's so fat, when Dracula sucked her blood,
he got diabetes.
-One, two, type two diabetes.
Wait, that's not funny.
-Yo mama's so ugly, Bob the Builder said--
-I can't fix that.
So let's bury her.
-Yo mama's so stupid, she bought tickets to Xbox Live.
Get it?
Yo mama's so old, her first Christmas
was the first Christmas.
[MUSIC - "JOY TO THE WORLD"]
Yo mama's so ugly, when she looked out of her window,
she got arrested for mooning.
-It was your face, huh?
That's what they all say.
Get in the car.
-Yo mama's so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears
and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.
-Yo moms is dumb.
-Yo mama's so old, when she farts dust comes out.
Oh, God, it stings my nostrils.
Oh, my god!
Yo mama's so fat, she got arrested
for carrying ten pounds of crack.
-Just get in the fricking car.
-Yo mama's so stupid, she made an appointment with Dr Pepper.
Yeah.
Yo mama's so ugly, her pillow cries at night.
-(CRYING) Why?
She's got skin tags, man.
-Yo mama's so fat, she had to be baptised at Sea World.
What I'm trying to say is your mother's
a whale, a whale of a good time.
Yeah.
Yo mama's so stupid, she though fruit punch was a gay boxer.
-Did somebody say KO?
KO.
-Yo mama's so hairy, Big Foot took her picture,
Oh, kid, I found him.
I'm gonna be a frickin' millionaire.
Yo mama's so ugly, when she went into a haunted house,
she came out with a job application.
-Oh, God, what is that thing?
[SCREAM]
-Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.
Stupid lady, that's a refreshing beverage.
Geez.
Yo mama's so ugly, she made an onion cry.
-Oh, put her away, man.
She's touching me with the same hands
she uses to touch her skin tags.
Ah!
[SCREAM]
-Yo mama's so fat, when she died,
she broke the stairway to heaven.
[CRASH]
A lot of paperwork, thanks to your fat dead mom.
Yo mama's so short, you can see her legs
on her driver's license photo.
-How do you even freakin' drive this car?
-Shh.
-Yo mama's so poor, she eats cereal
with a fork to save milk.
-I'm coo-coo for food stamps.
-Yo mama's so ugly, she turned Medusa to stone.
-Get in the car.
-Yo mama's so fat, half of her is in a parallel universe.
-Damn, girl.
Come over here.
Huh?
-Yo mama's so hairy, she shaves with a weed whacker.
-Oh come on, man.
This is just racist.
-What are you doing using my weed whacker?
Yo mama's so old, when I told her to act her age,
she freakin' died.
Smells like decomposition.
Yo mama's so short, she broke her leg getting off the toilet.
[HUMMING]
Except we're hot, hot--
[SCREAM]
What the hell was that?
Yo mama's so frickin' fat, her splash attack does damage.
Yo mama's so ugly, when the Kool-Aid man busted through her
wall, he said--
--oh, no.
No.
No.
-Yo mama's so fat, when she climbed into a monster truck,
it became a low rider.
-Yo, dog.
We heard how much you like doughnuts,
so we put a donut inside of your donut.
Yo mama's so stupid, she yelled into an envelope--
[SCREAM]
--because she wanted to send a voice mail.
Come on!
Some-- someone, someone tell this, uh,
bitch how to do stuff.
Yo mama's so ugly, Hello Kitty said goodbye.
(HIGH VOICE, JAPANESE ACCENT) Oh, you are so ugly.
Oh, goodbye, goodbye.
What the fuck is a Hello Kitty?
Yo mama's so old, she sat next to Moses in third grade.
-Let my Trapper Keeper go.
-Yo mama's so fat, she doesn't need internet.
She's already world wide.
That's a huge bitch.
Yo mama's so stupid, she studied for a drug test
by taking all of the drugs.
Pop the Molly, I'm sweatin'.
Woo!
Yo mama's so hairy, she stars in "Donkey Kong" games.
God damn those fucking bees.
Oh those bees.
Fuck.
Yo mama's so fat, when she made PS3 account,
the entire network crashed.
Come on.
I just want to place some "Battlefield 3."
Yo mama's so ugly, her reflection said--
-I quit.
[MUSIC SARAH MCLACHLAN, "IN THE ARMS OF AN ANGEL"]
Yo mama's so fat, she jumped up in the air and got stuck.
-What goes up must come down, unless we
talking about yo fat mama.
-Yo mama's so stupid, when she heard it was chilly outside.
she ran and got a bowl.
-You know what killed the dinosaurs?
The Ice Age.
Cool.
-Yo mama's so fat, she puts on her belt with a boomerang.
-Now that's a belt.
-Yo mama's so ugly, she gives Freddy Krueger nightmares.
-You need an extreme makeover, bitch.
Wake me up, damn it!
-Yo mama's so poor, the ducks throw bread at her.
-You're despicable.
-Yo mama's so stupid, she got fired from the M&M factory
for throwing out the W's.
She also tried putting them in alphabetical order.
Yo mama's so ugly, not even goldfish crackers smile back.
And they are know for their smiles.
But that's not the point here.
The point is your mom's ugly and you should feel bad.
Yo mama's so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas.
And it's still printing.
I'm going to owe Kinko's like a million dollars.
Yo mama's so poor, she hangs toilet paper out to dry.
So where would I thank you
Yo mama's so ugly, when she played "The Scary Maze
Game," the picture said, I quit.
And then your momma took the job.
Oh, god.
Yo mama's so fat, Stephen Hawking
based his black hole theory on her asshole.
Damn it, Hawking.
-No.
-Yo mama's so ugly, her birth certificate
is an apology letter from the Trojan Man.
-Madam, you are disgusting.
Here is a magnum to put over your head.
-Come one, pass that shit over here.
Stop Bogarting the joint.
Yo mama's so short, when she smokes weed,
she can't even high.
Yo mama's so fat, when she sat on the iPod, she made the iPad.
Yeah.
Yo mama's so poor, she went to KFC to lick people's fingers.
Ah, gross, what the fuck, lady.
Yo mama's so fat, that she needs cheat codes for Wii Fit,
or like We Can't Fit into anything, right?
Yo mama's so ugly, the forever alone guy
denied her friend request.
[CHUCKLING]
Fuck no!
Yo mama's so hairy, she gots Afros on her nips.
-Can you dig it?
-How disgusting!
Yo mama's so fat, she is a map on "Call of Duty."
Yo mama's so fat, when I pictured her in my head,
she broke my neck.
-So, how did you break your neck again?
-Just thinking about some fat mom.
Uh, oh, no, no, no, no, no.
It's happening again.
[HIGH-PITCHED WHIRRING NOISE]
Yo mama's so fat, even Kirby can't eat her.
[HIGH-PITCHED WHIRRING NOISE]
-OK, he's pink and he does a lot a sucking.
Pretty gay.
-Don't you talk shit about Kirby.
I don't care if he's pink.
He's frickin' bad ass.
Yo mama's so ugly, at the strip club,
people pay her to keep her clothes on.
-How many ones should we throw?
-That should be enough for a nice sweater.
Yo mama's so fat, her belly button
get home 15 minutes before she does.
[SCREAM]
[CRASH]
-Damn, I dig those rolls.
[SCREAM]
-Yo mama's so stupid, when she got locked in a grocery store,
she starved to death.
Oh, come on!
Not next to the beef jerky.
Yo mama's so ugly, she's the reason why Sonic runs fast.
Yo mama's so poor, she chases after the garbage truck
with a shopping list.
-Scram, lady, this is my garbage.
-Yo mama's so stupid, she threw water at the computer
to put out a flame war.
I see Ray William Johnson's better than you.
Why make fun of him?
No, he's not.
He's a short piece of shit.
Blah, blah.blah.
Ah, ah, ah.
Wa?
Oh!
Oh!
Why?
Yo mama's so fat, even Dora couldn't explora.
-Dora.
-No me gusta.
Yo mama's so hairy, the only language she speaks is Wookie.
[WOOKIE TRILLING]
[WOOKIE TRILLING]
[WOOKIE TRILLING]
[WOOKIE TRILLING]
[WOOKIE TRILLING]
[WOOKIE TRILLING]
-Jessie.
It's time to cook.
-Yeah.
Fat stacks, yo.
[FART]
[EXPLOSION]
-Yo mama's so fat, when she walked by the TV--
[HEAVY FOOTSTEPS]
--you missed the entire show.
Yo mama's so short, she committed suicide
by jumping off the bed.
Oh, come on.
Those are $300.
[SUCKING SOUND]
[CHOMP]
Yo mama's so old, her breast milk is p-- p-- p-- powder.
[COUGH]
Yo mama's so stupid, she returned a donut,
because it had a hole in it.
Like holy shit, you're stupid.
Yo mama's so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest,
they said, sorry, no professionals.
Yo mama's so stupid, she put paper on the TV
and called it Paper View.
That's really stupid of you.
Stop being so stupid.
Just stop.
Yo mama's so short, she can do back flips under the bed.
What's going on down there?
You interrupted my dream where I was high-fiving Vin Diesel.
He's my hero.
Yo mama's so ugly, when she plays "Mortal Kombat,"
[SINGING "MORTAL KOMBAT" THEME]
Fight.
Scorpion said, "stay over there."
-Ah!
-Babality.
-Yo mama's so stupid, she's stopped at the stop sign
and waited for it to say go.
You're probably going to have to go pick her up.
It's raining.
She's staring at the sky.
She's probably going to drown.
Come on.
Yo mama's so hairy, when she woke up,
she found herself in a cage at the zoo.
You want a banana?
You want a banana?
Oh, god, she's escaped!
Run!
Yo mama's so fat, when it rains, she used the highway
as a slip and slide.
You better have good insurance, bitch.
Yo mama's so ugly, the way neither Jacob nor Edward
want her on their team.
Team Brody!
Yeah!
Yo mama's so stupid, she sold per car for gas money.
Hey dummy, that's an electric car.
Yo mama's so fat, even her clothes have stretch marks.
Yo mama's so ugly, she makes blind kids cry.
I'm pretty sure that's a hate crime.
Yo mama's so stupid, she went to the Apple store
to get a Big Mac.
Yo mama's so ugly, Slender Man runs from her.
It's also the reason he has no eyes.
Yo mama's so stupid, she went to the dentist
to get a Blue Tooth.
She also tried to eat a Smurf.
Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to drown a fish.
-Swim, Nemo, my son, my special boy.
-Yo mama's so fat, when she just sat on a rainbow,
she made Skittles.
Oh, God!
Oh.
Yo mama's so hairy, they filmed the National Geographic
in her bathroom.
-And over here, we see the brown back momma bathing.
Bathing that stink away.
She's emerging.
She's emerging.
Shh, shh.
Be still.
Clever girl.
Yo mama's so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.
Seriously, lady?
C-- c-- c-- c-- come on!
What are you thinking?
Yo mama's so stupid, she stays up
all night trying to catch some sleep.
You'd-- you'd-- you'd think she'd pass out, but no.
No.
Yo mama's so stupid, she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.
Yeah!
And the fat one brought cereal.
Yo mama's so stupid, she played got your nose with Voldemort.
[SCREAMING]
Boo.
What, you got burned.
Yo mama's so ugly, she needs a steak
around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.
-Like, would you do it for a Scooby snack?
-Ro, no.
Ra, hee, hee, hee.
-Yo mama's so stupid, when I said, drinks were on the house,
she went and got a ladder.
And then she fell off.
[CRASH]
[CAR SCREECHING]
Yo mama's so ugly, which she tried to take a bath,
the water jumped out.
-Ah, fuck this.
I'm outta here.
-Yo mama's so fat, she doesn't fit in a yo mama video.
You know the dimensions are only 16 by nine, you know.
You're too fat.
Yo mama's so fat, when she went out
in a green bikini, everyone shouted, Godzilla!
-Oh, come on, guys.
That's not Godzilla.
That's Godzilla's wife.
-Run.
[MUSIC PLAYING]