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  • It's not often discussed. We like to put on a sunny facade

    這個不常被公開討論。我們常常在人前顯得朝氣蓬勃

  • but behind closed doors many of us go in for one of the most tragicomic behaviors of relationships.

    但背地裡我們的言止舉止卻常陰晴不定。

  • Sulking.

    生悶氣

  • A sulk typically starts over a disappointment. Most often over an objectively

    通常生悶氣起於對一件事的失望。通常是一件

  • rather small matter. Lars didn't ask Mille how her day was.

    小的瑣事。像是萊斯忘記問米勒今是是否過得好。

  • Christine forgot to notice Lauret's new haircut.

    克麗絲汀沒有注意到勞拉特的新髮型。

  • Woori wasn't paying Chung Ho enough attention at the party.

    伍力沒有在派對中關心何鍾。

  • but what follows isn't an argument.

    然而接著發生的不是爭吵。

  • It's an eerie silence. A domestic cold-war where enquiries as to

    而是詭異的寂靜。當自家內的冷戰一起,若一方問起

  • "what's wrong?" are met with by one resolute stony word

    「你怎麼了?」通常只會得到簡短無情的答覆。

  • What is a sulk? It's made up with two things;

    到底什麼是「生悶氣」?它通常由兩件事所組成。

  • disappointment and a deep-seated refusal to explain what the disappointment is about.

    失望,和斷然拒絕去解釋失望的為何事。

  • Why don't we tell our lovers what's upsetting us.

    為什麼我們不告訴另一半我們在氣什麼?

  • After all, we explain so many things to so many people in the course of our lives.

    畢竟,在我們一生中我們已經對許多人解釋了許多事。

  • we don't explain because of a peculiar assumption

    我們選擇不解釋,只是因為…

  • about the nature of love.

    對於愛的一些奇怪預設立場。

  • Even people who are very good with words might not when they're with their lover

    即使那些口若懸河的人,在面對他們的伴侶時

  • be in the mood to explain very much. Where does this commitment silence come from?

    也可能沒有心情去做多餘的解釋。這種強迫式的靜默到底是出自何處?

  • It begins when we first learn about love.

    這通常起於我們剛開始去學習、認識愛。

  • When we were tiny we couldn't and didn't need to

    當我們年幼時,我們無法、也不需要

  • make our intentions known directly to those you loved us best.

    讓那些最愛我們的人,去了解我們的想法。

  • They knew what we wanted to eat just like that.

    他們總是知道我們想吃什麼。

  • They made sure we were comfortable. They took the trouble to guess what we wanted.

    他們總是能讓我們感到舒服。他們總是不厭其煩的去猜想我們想要什麼東西。

  • This gave us a template

    於是,這讓我們對於愛產生了定見。

  • but a deeply unhelpful one about what adult love

    但是卻無助於成人之間的愛情。

  • might be like. In the early days of a new relationship

    有點像是說,在一個關係剛開始時,

  • there are some blissful moments when two people understand each other without

    有些很美好的時光,兩個人在一起時能互相理解

  • needing to say very much.

    即使沒有講很多話

  • They magically agree on things, they sense a connection

    在事情的看法都出奇的一致,彼此感到心靈相通。

  • unlike any other but this is ultimately very misleading.

    不像其它人,但這個想法其實是大錯特錯。

  • In truth all of us are

    實際上,身為成人的我們

  • as adults bafflingly complicated.To expect someone to understand us long-term

    心智極為複雜。如果期待對方能一直理解我們

  • without us having to explain is equivalent to expecting someone to work out

    而我們卻不去解釋任何事,就形同要求一個人

  • how nuclear fission works simply by looking at the outside a power station.

    單單去參觀核電廠的外觀,就要求他能理解核分裂是如何發生的。

  • For others not to understand this without explanation

    那些沒有聽過你的解釋,因而不了解你的人

  • is no sign they're evil, just that they're human.

    並不代表他們人很壞,而只能說「他們只是普通人」

  • Before retreating into a sulk we should always do our partners the honour

    因此當我們開始生悶氣之前,我們應該替對方上個課。

  • of a small seminar. Part of love means accepting the need to teach

    因為在「愛」中部份的功課,

  • others in kind and patient ways about who we are.

    就是我們能以平和、耐心的方式告訴對方「什麼是真實的我」

  • At the same time, when we unwittingly unleash a sulk

    同時,當我們不自覺開始生悶氣時,

  • we should realize that the sulker is being strange in silent

    我們應該理解生悶氣的人之所以沉默固執

  • not because they're mean but because at heart they're scared.

    不是因為他們很難搞,而是因為他們在內心感到恐懼。

  • They may be big and competent in many areas

    他們也許在許多領域成就斐然

  • yet inside they must be feeling like a defenseless baby in the hands of someone

    但在內心中他們可能像是個脆弱的嬰孩

  • who seems not to know how to look after them.

    落在一個不知道如何照料他的人手之中。

  • The greatest gift we can give our lovers are

    我們所能給伴侶最大的禮物就是

  • explanations as calm as we can make them

    盡可能平和地去解釋我們生氣的原因

  • using lots of words about what we're truly like

    用明白的言辭來說明我們真實的想法

  • in all a madness complexity and strangeness.

    在這種剪不斷、理還亂的情況下。

It's not often discussed. We like to put on a sunny facade

這個不常被公開討論。我們常常在人前顯得朝氣蓬勃

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如何應付生氣的人 (How to Handle Sulkers)

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    Christina Yang 發佈於 2016 年 07 月 19 日
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