-Rule number one of alchemy, pick good ingredients.

First, carefully select your rat's tails.

Mm.

Mm.

-Stop showboating, Renfield.

-Immediately, master!

Having prepared your blood mixture,

carefully lay out the tails.

Then gently ease in the power.

-[laughing]

-Wow.

Come here, my little [inaudible].

Your turn.

Master Vlad.

-No way.

-You know, my boy, when I was your age,

I grew a whole troop of three headed killer monkeys.

Happy times.

Make me proud!

-Look, Sir Manly Van Helsing, 1750 to 1789.

Poferia Van Helsing, 1852 to 1892.

Abraham Van Helsing III, 1925 to 1965.

I mean, what have they all got in common?

-They were all fine slayers.

-And all dead before they were 40.

You're 40 this year.

-Give it a rest, Jonno.

I'm not like those old timers.

I'm on the cutting edge.

See these?

Blueprints to the castle revealing a secret entrance

I bet the Count has no idea about.

-Blueprints are not cutting edge.

A [inaudible] on the computer-- that's cutting edge.

-Stop treating me like a pensioner.

I'm the slayer around here, and I'm going up to the castle

to prove it.

-Well, I'm coming with you.

-I don't need my hand holding.

Go home and get on with your homework.

Education comes first.

That's what my dad always taught me.

-Oh, you mean Granddad Norris Van Helsing?

Died age 39 and 1/2

-I mean, look at this.

Heads with necks.

Heads without necks.

Lizard entrails.

Alchemy's just the same as everything

else to do with being a vampire.

Just another excuse to get up to your elbows in blood and guts.

-Vlad, check this out!

-And I hate it when Dad gives me one of those looks.

Vladimir, I'm very disappointed in you.

Bride of Renfield.

-Oh, no, not that.

That.

-Potion 666, transforming a vampire into a mortal?

-Do you think it'll work?

-Only one way to find out!

Where's the list of ingredients?

-I found some bees' bums.

I thought you could start with growing something small,

you know?

Build up your confidence.

-Renfield, I think there's some pages missing from this book.

-Ah, that's my dad's book.

He liked to keep all his secrets up here.

He was a great alchemist.

Rotten dad, but a great alchemist.

-So he didn't pass any of his secrets on to you?

-He didn't get a chance, did he?

He disappeared suddenly, like a ghoul in the night,

never to be seen again.

-He can't have just disappeared.

We need to find out what happened.

Ah, Zoltan.

What do you know about Renfield's dad?

-Whatever you've heard, it's lies.

All lies.

-He sounds nervous.

[fart]

-Oh.

-He smells it, too.

-Oh, is that the time?

I think I'll just go and stretch my wheels.

-Spill, Zoltan.

I want the truth.

Or I'll let Ingrid put itching powder in your stuffing again.

-Master Vlad, you wouldn't.

[sigh] Renfield Sr. had this habit

of skulking outside the castle.

You have to remember, I hung out with a bad pack

of hellhounds in those days.

[sigh] Anyway, one moonless night, my muchachos

and I ambushed someone by the south tower.

By the time we realized it was Renfield,

Sr., all that was left of him was what's in my basket.

-Ugh.

-Oh, no, that's a little accident I had earlier.

The bone.

-So he took his secret to the grave.

-No longer a problem.

-Oh.

-[sigh]

-This is so what I want to do when I leave school.

[cackling]

-Don't do this, Master Vlad.

Renfield, Sr. was mad, bad, and dangerous to know.

And when he sees me, he's going to want revenge.

-Maybe you should nip to the card shop.

See what they've got in the "Sorry I accidentally

savaged you to death" section.

-Shut up.

I need to concentrate.

This is dark alchemy.

We're going to bring back Renfield's dad.

-That's it.

Ready?

-We're gonna need a bigger bolt.

-Huh?

-Of lightning.

-We could be waiting months for a storm.

-Not when your dad's Count Dracula.

-I just want you to know, this is nothing personal.

-That's my diary!

-Uh-uh-uh.

-I hate to be the one to show you this, Dad.

-My old dad's a vampire.

He wears a vampire cloak.

Ah.

But no one's very scared of him.

They think he's just a joke.

Ingrid!

-But I didn't write that.

-He's getting old and past it.

That is very plain to see.

His hair is g-- grey, his fangs, are false,

and his cardigan smells of wee!

I do not wear cardigans!

-And that's not my handwriting.

-That is no excuse!

[thunder]

-Everything ready?

-Check.

-Good.

Now all we need to do is wait for the big--

[thunder]

-Easy.

Don't fry him like those rat tails.

-[shudder]

-[growling]

-[whimpering]

-It lives!

-And it's naked!

-Ugh.

-What have you done?

You--

-Who are you?

Where am I?

-Do something!

-I'm Vladimir Dracula.

I'm your master.

Release him!

-Again, I don't think he hears you!

-Release him!

-Greetings, Master Vladimir.

Renfield Sr., at your service.

--[laughing] Am I good or am I good?

-So, you want to avoid becoming a vampire, Master Vlad?

-Exactly.

And I need to do it before Dad finds out.

So let's get on with creating the potion.

-Immediately, young master.

-Cool.

-Vlad, you rotten little worm, I'm going to kill you!

What is that?

-Renfield, where is-- my dinner?

Have you done something different with your hair?

-No, your majesticness.

It is I, Renfield Sr.

-Oh.

-I was temporarily killed, but now I'm back.

-Thanks to me and my alchemy skills.

-Hm.

Excellent, Vlad.

Not quite the troop of killer monkeys, but not bad.

-I'm sorry dinner's late, Master.

-Quiet, whelp.

I'll be getting the master's dinner!

-He's my master, not yours.

-You wanna bet?

-Nice going, garlic breath.

You really think it's good having

two Renfields stinking up the place?

-Enough.

Ingrid's right for once.

I can't possibly have two of you loathsome

creatures infesting my home.

One of you will have to do.

-If I might be so bold, your enormity,

let Master Vlad decide.

He'll be head of the house one day.

It'll be good practice for him.

I'm sure he'll make the right choice.

-Very well.

Vlad.

-Sorry, Renfield.

-But I don't know where to go.

-Why did you never like me, Dad?

-Because you're weak.

I told you not to let them Draculas walk all over you.

But look at you.

You've got their boot marks all over your back.

-The count's not really like that, deep down.

-Deep down nothing!

I let him and his father get away with treating me like dirt

because it was always, we'll grant

you immortality one day, Renfield.

But did they?

Did they?

God.

Even after I offered to let them drain

your blood on your 18th birthday.

-What?

-Oh.

I thought you knew that.

Now it's payback time.

I'm gonna use that little brat Vlad to get my immortality,

and then I'm going to reduce the House of Dracula

to a pile of windblown ashes.

Have a nice life.

-[yelp]

-Shh.

Easy, Dad.

-What are you playing at?

-Sorry.

I got these off eSlay.

They're tracking devices with a built-in alarm.

-Jonno, I'm a trained slayer with 25 years behind the stake.

Now go home and stop telling me how to do my job.

-Dad, it's not the '70s.

-So, how long until the potion's ready?

-I'll work day and night, young master.

My only desire is to serve you.

-Vlad.

Don't you think you're losing the plot a bit?

So far, you've got Ingrid into trouble,

forced Zoltan to hide in the ruins,

and chucked Renfield out.

-Needs must.

-Exactly.

-But you're the only good one in your family.

-You can't expect a breather to understand, master.

-Mind your own!

-Sorry, master.

This is delicate work, and all these interruptions.

-I understand.

Catch you later, yeah, Robin?

-Oh, so now you're chucking me out.

-Best it's just the two of us, master.

We need to concentrate, and we can't have any nasty surprises.

-[crying]

-No!

-How could you give my room to that stinkpot Renfield?

-I couldn't just leave him sleeping in that ditch.

-Doesn't say much for your Mr. Count, does it?

Chucking him out with nowhere else to go.

-Apparently it's all to do with Renfield's father.

He sounds difficult.

-You have no idea.

So where am I supposed to sleep?

-You can always bunk down with us.

-And get dead legs all night and wake

up in the morning with your underpants

wrapped around my head?

-You can share with me.

I need somebody to test me on my Latin verbs.

-I'll keep on the sofa, if it's all the same.