Oh, hello there. And welcome to how to be the perfect boyfriend.
where you'll learn skills and techniques to be the best boyfriend you can be.
Now, if you're a girl watching this, you probably just be doing this the whole time.
nodding along to the genius that known these tips.
First tip: be humble.
No girl wants a cocky guy nor do they want a cock.
A guy that is timid and afraid like a chicken,
so be confident but stay humble like me: The humbleness guy I know in the humblest villetown.
The perfect boyfriend? More like the perfect man friend.
because girls don't want a little boy, they want a man. It's time to mature.
The next time you hear a fart joke, you hold that laugh in.
Hey man, that's just a natural process of life. Not that funny.
Because mature men don't laugh at fart. They mature way past that, all the way to...
Supporting people is easy, but the perfect boyfriend supports everything she says and does to the very fullest.
The new girl at work is so irritating again, I just want to kill her sometimes.
Yes, do that. Murder her ass.
What? I'll start planning all the route and I've already got the gun right here and maybe we can head together around nine.
I don't actually want to murder her.
Exactly, don't murder anyone because that would be crazy.
Hey I am not crazy.
The most sane person I know.
Would you stop?
Took the words right out of my mouth, stopping right now.
Gosh, sometimes you can be such an idiot!
The dumbest idiot around, I hate me.
Just shut up.
So closed that how my mouth is gonna to be from now on.
Oh my god.
God. Church. Prayer. Love it.
Somebody please shoot me already
Cute and meaningful nicknames.
When you're in a relationship for a while, you give each other nicknames.
And the last thing you wanna do as a perfect boyfriend is give her a nickname that is generic and has no meaning at all.
Never call your girlfriend baby.
Because that will make you a pedophile.
Don't ever call her angel because she's not dead and please whatever you do, never call your girlfriend bae.
Not only is that over used but she's not a small part in the ocean with the land curves inward.
The perfect boyfriend will come up with a perfect nickname, something cute, something unique, something like...
Hello, fat boy.
My favorite ice cream sandwich.
You look like a dirty hole. - Excuse me?
Ya, I don't know what that hole is doing inside, there's whole mud all over it.
Oh wow, I didn't see you come in, come over here you little bitch.
What did you just call me?
You just such a cute female dog. Yes, you are. What a cute bitch.
Oh Lindsey, you come in. Hey there, pedophile.
In order to be the perfect boyfriend, you have to be attractive to your girl
and they do say that the opposite attract, both scientists and people who say that, say that.
So if you want to be a supportive boyfriend you also have to be the exact opposite of her in every single way.
I like this outfit, what do you think?
Eww, I hate that outfit.
Really? Maybe I should change then.
Well, then I think you shouldn't change then.
But you just say you hated it.
- Didn't just say I love it? - Are you just saying the opposite of everything I'm saying?
I'm not saying the same as nothing you said.
- Ok... - Ko...
- I like the color white. - I like the color black.
- I love oranges. - Apples are my favorite.
- I love to watch Big Bang Theory. - love Friends.
I love How I Met Your Mother.
You're not even a part of this, and How I Met Your Mother has the worst ending ever.
You are a part of this and How I Met Your mother... Ya, it had the worst ending ever.
Get along with her friends.
The famous point known only as the Spice Girls once said, "If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends."
So date all her friends.
Stay away from the period.
When it comes to girls...no cut the music, this one is not even a joke.
When it comes to a girl's time of the month, for your own safety, just stay away from the topic.
Don't talk about it, don't mention it, and especially do not make any joke that has anything to do with the time of the month, period.
And last but not least, comfort her when she's down.
No matter how perfect the boyfriend you are, there's gonna be time when your girl is feeling down or sad or maybe she just on her periodic table of elements.
See that was a test, good job, I passed.
But as I was saying, there's gonna be sad time, and you know if you want to be the perfect boyfriend, you have to be there and comfort her and know exactly what to say, even in the toughest situations.
Hey Gie, what's wrong?
My grandfather just passed.
Hey, he is in a better place now.
Hey Gie, what's wrong?
My dog ran away and I can't find him.
Oh, I am so sorry. Hey, he is in a better place now.
Hey Gie, what's wrong?
Nothing, I'm about to start my period and Sarah used my last tampon.
Boy: Oh, so sorry, but hey, he's in a better place... Girl: Don't you say it.
Boy: say what? Girl: You can't keep saying the same thing over and over again.
I'm just trying to comfort you.
It's not comforting.
I just don't understand why just for once you can't be like any other normal boyfriend and comfort me like...Ryan?
Where have you....?
I'm in a better place now.
Ryan? What the...Where are you?
I've told you I'm in a better place less yelling over here.
What the heck? You can't just leave the note and leave in the mid conversation.
Boy: What note? Girl: The note right here...
Where's the note? (phone rings)
The note is in a better place now.
Are you f*cking kidding me?
What the ...
Where did everything...
Welcome Gie, the better place.
Hey, my dog and grandpa. You're back too. That must be...where's my tampons?
I'm sorry, your what?
My tampons. it's that time of the month. I need it, remember?
Oh no, if you don't have those, you have to leave.
This entire place is completely white. You have to leave.
Are you making a period joke?
No no no, I wasn't ...I wasn't...I wasn't trying to make it..
That was the one thing you never do.
Look, I was...it's just perfectly fine. You can stay. We can use a little more colors in here. That is gross.
I mean, that is not gross because it's a perfect period of time for girls. I mean, time period. I mean not period, commas. PMS
Oh bloody hell.
Just calm down, ok?
It's just a natural process of life.
And that's the story, kids, of how I shouldn't met your mother.
That's not funny when you do it. That's just gross. You're gross.