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  • Hey, it’s Marie Forleo and you are watching MarieTV, the place to be to create a business

    嘿,我是Marie Forleo,您正在收看的是MarieTV,這裡是創造事業的地方。

  • and life you love. And today I have a question for you. Do you ever wish that you were more

    和你熱愛的生活。今天我有一個問題要問你你是否曾經希望你更

  • persuasive? Whether you wanna win over a customer service rep or maybe a new client or event

    有說服力嗎?無論你是想贏得客戶服務代表,還是想贏得一個新的客戶或活動。

  • a significant other, being able to influence another person, of course in an honest, ethical

    一個重要的人,能夠影響另一個人,當然是在一個誠實的,道德的。

  • way, is a key to success and my guest today is gonna show us how.

    方式,是成功的關鍵,我的客人今天會告訴我們如何。

  • Bob Burg is a best selling author and speaker on topics vital to the success of today’s

    鮑勃-伯格是一位最暢銷的作家和演講者,他的演講主題對當今社會的成功至關重要。

  • businessperson. Burg is a co-author ofThe Go-Giver,” “Go-Givers Sell More,” “It’s

    商務人士。伯格是《贈人玫瑰手有餘香》、《贈人玫瑰手更有賣相》、《這是

  • Not About You,” andEndless Referrals.” Together his books have sold more than a million

    與你無關》、《無盡的推薦》等。他的書一共賣出了超過一百萬本

  • copies. Bob believes his new book, “Adversaries into Allies: Win People Over Without Manipulation

    份。鮑勃相信他的新書《化對手為盟友。贏得人們的青睞而不被操縱

  • or Coercion,” is by far his most important work yet.

    或脅迫》是他迄今為止最重要的作品。

  • Bob, thank you so much for being here on MarieTV. This is awesome.

    鮑勃,非常感謝你能來瑪麗電視。這是真棒。

  • Marie, I am honored. Thanks for having me.

    瑪麗,我很榮幸。謝謝你邀請我。

  • So I have to say, you wrote one of my favorite books ever, “The Go-Giver.” And I just

    所以我不得不說,你寫了一本我最喜歡的書,"贈人玫瑰手有餘香"。我只是

  • really wanted to thank you for that because it made a huge difference in my personal life

    真的要感謝你,因為它使我的個人生活發生了巨大的變化。

  • and it so resonates with everything that I try and do for myself and everything that

    它是如此的共鳴,我試圖為自己做的一切,以及一切

  • we try and teach on MarieTV, which is to focus on giving rather than getting. So that was

    我們在MarieTV上嘗試和教導的,是專注於給予而不是得到。所以這就是

  • just a little public acknowledgement and if you don't have this book, “The Go-Giver,”

    只是一點點的公開承認,如果你沒有'這本書,"Go-Giver,"

  • you have to get yourself it now. But today were gonna focus on your other amazing

    你必須讓自己現在。但今天我們要關注的是你的另一個驚人的。

  • book, and I know you have more than 2, but today were going to focus onAdversaries

    書,我知道你有兩個以上的書,但今天我們要關注 "對手"。

  • into Allies.” This is awesome. “How to Win People Over Without Manipulation or Coercion.”

    成盟友。"這是真棒。"如何在沒有操縱或脅迫的情況下贏得人們的信任。"

  • Thank you.

    謝謝你了

  • Now, one of the things that struck me was that you make a real distinction between persuasion

    現在,讓我印象深刻的一件事是,你把勸說和說服之間做了一個真正的區分

  • and manipulation. Can you tell us what that is?

    和操縱。你能告訴我們那是什麼嗎?

  • Yeah. And, you know, I made that point early because it’s a question that’s very natural.

    是啊,你知道,我很早就提出了這一點,因為這是個很自然的問題。而且,你知道,我很早就提出了這一點,因為這是一個很自然的問題。

  • When you think of influence, which is really in a sense what the book is about, influence

    當你想到影響力的時候,其實從某種意義上來說,這就是本書的主題,影響

  • can be defined as simply the ability to move a person or persons to a desired action usually

    可以簡單地定義為推動一個人或幾個人採取所需行動的能力,通常是指

  • within the context of a specific goal. You can do that one of two ways. You could do

    在特定目標的背景下。你可以通過兩種方式之一來實現。你可以這樣做

  • it through manipulating another person or you can do it through persuading another person.

    你可以通過操縱他人來實現,也可以通過說服他人來實現。

  • And really manipulation and persuasion are cousins. Now, one’s the evil cousin. Manipulation’s

    而真正的操縱和說服是表兄弟。現在,一個是邪惡的表弟。Manipulation's

  • the evil cousin.

    邪惡的表哥。

  • The dark cousin.

    黑暗中的表哥。

  • Right. The dark cousin. And persuasion’s the good one. But, let’s face it, both the

    對了,黑暗的表哥。黑暗的表弟。而勸說是好的。但是,讓我們面對它,這兩個。

  • manipulator and the persuader, they both understand human interaction. They both understand human

    操縱者和說服者,他們都懂得人際交往。他們都瞭解人類

  • motivation. They understand what makes people tick and what makes people move to action.

    動機。他們瞭解是什麼讓人們心動,是什麼讓人們行動起來。

  • Sobut there’s still a big difference and that’s the key. And obviously we don't

    所以......但還是有很大的區別,這才是關鍵。顯然,我們不'

  • encourage people to manipulate, but rather to persuade. One of the best examples or explanations

    鼓勵人們去操縱,而是去說服。最好的例子或解釋之一是

  • of the two, the difference in the two, is from a gentleman by the name of Dr. Paul W.

    的,兩者的區別,是來自一位名叫保羅-W-博士的先生。

  • Swets. He wrote a book back in 1986 entitled, “The Art of Talking So that People Will

    Swets。他早在1986年就寫了一本書,名為《說話的藝術,讓人們會。

  • Listen,” though it was much more about listening than it was about talking. And I thought his

    聽。"雖然這比起說話,更多的是聽。而我覺得他的

  • explanation was great. According to Dr. Swets, manipulation aims at control, not cooperation.

    解釋得很好。根據Swets博士的說法,操縱的目的是控制,而不是合作。

  • It does not consider the good of the other party, it results in a win-lose situation.

    它不考慮對方的利益,它的結果是輸贏。

  • In direct contrast to the manipulator, the persuader always seeks to enhance the self

    與操縱者直接相反的是,說服者總是試圖提升自我

  • esteem of the other party. The result is that people respond better because theyre treated

    對方的尊重。其結果是,人們的反應更好,因為他們受到了

  • as responsible or response-able, self directing individuals. So it begins with intent but

    作為負責任的或可迴應的、自我指導的個人。是以,它始於意圖,但

  • that’s not where it ends. See, both the manipulator and the persuader can elicit immediate

    這不是結束的地方。你看,操縱者和勸說者都能立即引出

  • action, but that’s where it ends because once you know youve been manipulated, Marie,

    行動,但也就到此為止了,因為一旦你知道自己被操縱了,瑪麗。

  • you will avoid that person. Youll do the best you can to resist that person. Even if

    你會避免那個人。你會盡你最大的努力去抵抗那個人。即使

  • you have to work with that person, youll do something to not have to be involved in

    你必須與他合作,你會做一些事情,以避免捲入

  • some way. With a persuader though, that’s different. See, a persuadersee, a manipulator

    某種方式。但對於一個說服者來說,那就不同了。你看,一個勸說者... ... 你看,一個操縱者。

  • is win at all costs. They may not want to hurt the other person, but if they have to

    是不惜一切代價的贏。他們可能不想傷害對方,但如果他們不得不這樣做

  • in order to get their way they will. Theyre very I focused or me focused. Not the case

    為了得到他們的方式,他們將。他們很我專注或我專注。不是這樣的

  • with the persuader. For them to win the other person also has to win. So when youve been

    與勸說者。要想讓他們贏,對方也要贏。所以當你已經

  • persuaded you feel good about that person and youre more likely to buy into their

    說服你對這個人的好感,你更容易相信他們的

  • ideas again.

    思想再。

  • Yeah and I love that distinction also that it taps into feelings. It’s like how do

    是啊,我也喜歡這種區別,它能讓人感受到。這就像怎麼做

  • you feel when youre persuaded? Is it a win-win for both of you?

    你覺得當你被說服?是否是雙贏?

  • Exactly.

    就是這樣

  • And I thought that wasit’s really important because, you know, one of the things that

    我想這是... 這真的很重要,因為,你知道,其中一件事是... ...

  • weve discovered and what we do here on MarieTV and in our program B-School, so many

    我們發現,我們在MarieTV和我們的B-School節目中所做的事情,那麼多的

  • people associate sales and marketing or getting your product or your idea out into the world

    人們把銷售和市場或把你的產品或你的想法推向世界聯繫起來。

  • with somehow being pushy or somehow being manipulative.

    與莫名其妙地被催促或莫名其妙地被操縱。

  • Just the opposite.

    恰恰相反。

  • Exactly. And it’s just the opposite. And that’s why I was so excited to talk with

    正是如此。而這恰恰相反。這就是為什麼我很高興能和你談談

  • you today because I think this reframing of how to add value in other people’s lives

    因為我認為這種重新定義如何在別人的生活中增加價值的方式。

  • and whenever if we bump up against conflict, which were gonna talk about in a few minutes,

    如果我們遇到了衝突,我們會在幾分鐘內討論。

  • how do you deal with that in a way that’s empathetic and compassionate and that leaves

    你如何處理的方式 這是一個同情和同情,並離開

  • both people not only feeling great but it’s actually a true win win for both of them.

    兩個人不僅感覺很好,而且實際上是真正的雙贏。

  • It is. And, Marie, so many people when they go into business and they do something they

    是的而且,瑪麗,很多人在做生意的時候,他們做了一些事情,他們

  • love, they have a product or service they feel so good about and they know they can

    愛,他們有一個產品或服務,他們覺得很好,他們知道他們可以。

  • add value to people’s lives. But they say, “Oh, but I don't wanna sell.” Why? Because

    增加價值的人的生活。但他們說,"哦,但我不想賣。"為什麼呢?為什麼?

  • it’s how theyre defining selling. See, if you look at selling as something you do

    這是他們如何定義銷售。你看,如果你把銷售看成是你做的事

  • to someone, if you define selling as trying to convince somebody to buy something they

    如果你把銷售定義為試圖說服別人購買他們的東西,那麼你就可以把它定義為 "銷售"。

  • don't want or need, who wants to do that? We couldn’t feel good about something like

    不要',也不需要,誰願意這樣做呢?我們不能對這樣的事情有好感

  • that. Really all selling is at its veryat its basic is simply finding out what somebody

    那。真的,所有的銷售都是在其非常... 在其基本的是簡單地發現了什麼人

  • does want or need and helping them to get it.

    並幫助他們得到它。

  • Yeah.

    是啊。

  • That’s what it is. And when you look at it that way you can feel great about it because

    就是這樣的。當你這樣看的時候,你會感覺很好,因為...

  • you know youre providing a service to that person.

    你知道你在為那個人提供服務。

  • Absolutely. So let’s shift into the five principles that are really the core of the

    絕對是這樣的。所以,讓我們轉入五個原則,這才是真正的核心。

  • book. So let’s start off with principle number one, which is all about being able

    書。所以我們先從第一條原則說起,就是要能做到

  • to be the master of our own emotions.

    做我們自己情緒的主人。

  • Exactly.

    就是這樣

  • Yeah.

    是啊。

  • It’s control your own emotions. The sages of long ago asked who was a mighty person

    是控制自己的情緒。昔日聖賢問誰是強者?

  • and they answered, “That person who can control their own emotions and make of an

    他們回答說:"那個人能夠控制自己的情緒,並使的。

  • enemy or a potential enemy a friend.” It all begins with that because, see, until you

    敵人或潛在的敵人為朋友。"這一切都從這一點開始,因為,你看,直到你

  • canit’s only when you can control your own emotions that youre able to take a

    可以......只有當你能控制自己的情緒時,你才能夠採取一個

  • potentially negative situation or person and turn it into a win for everyone involved.

    潛在的負面情況或個人,並將其轉化為每個人都參與的贏家。

  • But why is that so difficult? Well, because were human beings.

    但為什麼這麼難呢?嗯,因為我們是人類。

  • Yeah.

    是啊。

  • And as human beings were emotional creatures. I would like to think were logical, and

    而作為人類,我們是情緒化的動物。我想認為我們是有邏輯的,而且...

  • to a certain extent we are, but really we are emotion driven. We make major decisions

    在某種程度上,我們是,但實際上我們是情感驅動。我們做出重大決定

  • based on emotion and we back up those emotional decisions with logic. We rationalize. And

    基於情感,我們用邏輯來支持這些情感的決定。我們合理化。而

  • if you take that word it means we tell ourselves rational lies and we do that in order to justify

    如果你用這個詞,它的意思是我們告訴自己理性的謊言 我們這樣做是為了證明自己是合理的。

  • that emotional decision. Well, there’s alsoemotion also comes into play when you just

    情感的決定。 - 嗯,還有...好了,還有... 情感也進入發揮作用的時候,你只是... ...

  • feel lousy about something. Now, we know nobody can make us feel bad or angry or sad or mad,

    感覺糟糕的東西。現在,我們知道沒有人可以讓我們感覺到不好或憤怒或悲傷或瘋狂。

  • but what they can do is they can either intentionally or usually unintentionally do things that

    但他們能做的是,他們可以有意或通常無意地做一些事情。

  • push our buttons and cause ourselves to become mad or angry or sad or what have you. And

    按下我們的按鈕,使我們自己變得瘋狂或憤怒或悲傷或什麼的。而

  • when we allow ourself to be controlled by that we can’t be part of the solution by

    當我們允許自己被控制時,我們就不能成為解決方案的一部分,通過

  • the very nature of the thing. We become part of the problem and things don't work out.

    事情的本質。我們成了問題的一部分,事情就不會有結果。

  • This is not to say that we should forego our emotions. Emotions are a great part of life.

    這並不是說我們應該放棄我們的情感。情緒是生活的重要組成部分。

  • They make life joyous and worthwhile. But as one of my great mentors, Dandi Schumachi,

    他們讓生活變得快樂而有價值。但作為我的一位偉大導師,丹迪-舒馬奇。

  • says, “By all means, take your emotions along for the ride but make sure you are driving

    說:"無論如何,帶著你的情緒去旅行,但要確保你是在開

  • the car.”

    汽車。"

  • I loved that when I read it in the book. It was so great. And I think it’s so important

    我在書中讀到這句話時,很喜歡。它是如此的偉大。我認為這是非常重要的

  • to remember because in those situations where our buttons do get pressed it’s very easy,

    因為在這些情況下,我們的按鈕確實被按下了,這很容易。

  • especially in this world where we can text in a moment, we can reply on social media,

    尤其是在這個可以瞬間發短信的世界,我們可以在社交媒體上回復。

  • you can reply in email, and those things can’t be taken back. I mean, words can’t be taken

    你可以在電子郵件中回覆,而這些東西是不能收回的。我的意思是,話不能被採取

  • back. But I think it’s vital for this idea of turning adversaries or any kind of conflict,

    回。但我認為這對這種將對手或任何一種衝突的想法至關重要。

  • someone that we have conflict with, into an ally, of being able to chill out for a minute

    與我們有衝突的人,變成盟友,能夠冷靜下來一分鐘的人

  • and not be driven by your emotions. So one ofan action strategy would be to just

    而不是由你的情緒驅動。所以其中一個... 行動策略就是...

  • Well, if you know that youre susceptible to this then what you wanna do is rehearse.

    好吧,如果你知道你很容易受到影響... ...那麼你要做的就是排練。

  • You know, imagine situations that you know that have happened in the past that could

    你知道,想象一下,你知道的情況下,已經發生在過去的情況下,可

  • happen again where your buttons could be pressed and see both results. I mean, see what it

    再發生在你的按鈕可以按下,看到兩個結果。我的意思是,看看它

  • would be like if you did what you usually do and that that’s probably not the result

    如果你做了你通常做的事情會是什麼樣子的,那可能不是結果

  • you want and then imagine yourself just, as Zig Ziglar used to say, responding instead

    然後想象你自己,就像Zig Ziglar說的那樣,迴應你的要求

  • of reacting. Really being in control of yourself, being calm, listening to that person first,

    的反應。真正做到控制自己,冷靜,先聽那個人的。

  • taking a moment to decide what to do and seeing it turn out beautifully. And it’s sort of

    花點時間來決定做什麼,然後看到它變成漂亮的。而這是一種

  • like a, and I use this analogy in the book, like an astronaut who’s going up into space.

    就像一個,我在書中用這個比喻,就像一個太空人要上太空一樣。

  • Before they do he or she is going to do a lot of simulations, maybe hundreds of them,

    在這之前,他(她)要做大量的模擬,可能要做上百次。

  • so by the time they get up into space and something happens theyve already been there

    所以當他們進入太空,發生一些事情的時候,他們已經在那裡了。

  • and done that. And while it’s a little bit different certainly than actually doing it,

    並做到了這一點。雖然這和實際做起來肯定有一點不同。

  • it’s not that much different. We know the mind can’t tell thethe subconscious

    這並沒有太大的區別。我們知道頭腦不能告訴... 潛意識。

  • can’t tell the difference between what’s actually happened and what’s been suggested

    虛虛實實,莫衷一是

  • to it. So if you see yourself doing it, if youre rehearsing this, if youre picturing

    到它。所以如果你看到自己在做這件事 如果你在排練這件事 如果你在想象... ...

  • those wonderful results in your mind’s eye, then when the situation comes up youre

    那些美好的結果在你的腦海裡,那麼當情況出現的時候,你就會被

  • much more likely to do it. And when you do and you handle it beautifully, take pleasure

    更有可能做到這一點。當你做了,而且你處理得很好的時候,你就會很高興。

  • in that. Congratulate yourself. Know that if youve done it once you can do it every

    在那。恭喜你自己。要知道,如果你已經做了一次,你可以做到這一點,每一個。

  • time. But there’s one more thing though, and that’s to understand you probably won’t

    的時間。不過還有一點,那就是要明白你可能不會。

  • do it right every time. At least I know I don't.

    每次都做對。至少我知道我沒有'。

  • Oh, I don't either.

    哦,我也不'。

  • Yet in those times when we don't because were human and it’s gonna happen, we can feel

    然而在那些我們不'的時候,因為我們是人,它會發生,我們會覺得

  • a little bad about it, but not too bad. Don't go intodon't go into a guilt trip about

    有一點不好,但不是太壞。不要去... 不要去進入一個內疚之旅,關於

  • it. Understand that youre human and youll have many chances to practice.

    它。明白自己是人,你會有很多機會去練習。

  • Yeah. I love that. I love the rehearsing bit. I know one thing that always works for me,

    是的,我喜歡這樣我喜歡排練的位。我知道一件事,總是為我工作。

  • weve talked a lot about it on the show, is like taking a time out. Like, if you feel

    我們已經談了很多關於它的節目, 就像採取時間了。就像,如果你覺得

  • yourself emotionally charged by something that’s come in and you don't have to respond

    你自己的情緒衝動的東西的進來,你不'迴應。

  • right away

    馬上...

  • Right.

    好吧,我知道了

  • ...to give yourself a little bit of a cooling off period so you can clear out and then,

    ...給自己一點冷卻期,這樣你就可以清理出來,然後。

  • you know, think

    你知道,想...

  • Very important.

    非常重要。

  • Yeah. A little more empathetically. So let’s move on. What’s principle number two?

    是啊,更有同理心一點。更加感同身受一些。所以,讓我們繼續前進。什麼是原則二?

  • That is to understand the clash of belief systems, and this is so very key. What is

    那就是要理解信仰體系的衝突,這個是非常關鍵的。什麼是

  • a belief? Well, a belief really is a subjective truth. It’s the truth as we understand the

    一個信念?嗯,信仰其實就是一種主觀的真理。它是我們理解的真理

  • truth to be, which doesn't mean it’s the truth. That means it’s our truth.

    真理是,這並不意味著它是真理。這意味著它是我們的真理。

  • Our truth.

    我們的真相。

  • Right. Now, our truth might be the truth, but it’s not necessarily and it’s probably

    是的,我們的真相可能是真相,但不一定是,也可能是。現在,我們的真理可能是真理, 但它不一定,它可能是

  • so far less than what we think.

    遠遠不如我們想象的那樣。

  • Right.

    好吧,我知道了

  • Well, you know, we have our truths, our truths are a result of our belief systems. I call

    嗯,你知道,我們有我們的真理,我們的真理是我們的信仰系統的結果。我稱之為

  • it an operating system. And it’s an unconscious operating system. Were not even aware of

    它是一個作業系統。而這是一個無意識的作業系統。我們甚至沒有意識到

  • it. Our beliefs are a combination of upbringing, environments, schooling, news media, television

    它。我們的信仰是教養、環境、學校教育、新聞媒體、電視的綜合體。

  • shows, movies, popular culture, cultural mores, everyall the associations we have. And

    顯示,電影,流行文化, 文化習俗,每一個... ... 所有的協會,我們有。而且...

  • it’s pretty muchthe interesting thing about it, it’s pretty much set in place

    它是相當多的... 有趣的是,它是相當多的地方設置

  • by the time were little more than toddlers. And at that point everything new that comes

    到了我們還只是一個蹣跚學步的孩子的時候。而在這時,一切新的東西

  • into that belief system tends to build on that foundation or that premise. So people

    成的信仰體系往往建立在這個基礎或前提上。所以人們

  • grow up with a particular belief system not even realizing it. Thinking, saying, doing

    在特定的信仰體系下成長,卻不自知。想、說、做

  • things based on those beliefs and they live their entire life doing that. Well, we have

    基於這些信仰的事情,他們的一生都在做。那麼,我們有

  • to also understand that this other person with whom were about to have a potentially

    同時也要明白,這另一個人,我們將與之有一個潛在的。

  • difficult personalinterpersonal transaction, theyre a victim of their, and when I say

    困難的個人... ... 人際交往,他們是一個受害者 他們的,當我說:

  • victim I don't mean victim mentality, I mean

    受害者 我不是說受害者心態,我是說... ...

  • No, of course.

    不,當然。

  • ...it’s… it’s just unconscious and it’s just how most of us are. That they also live

    ...這是... ...這只是無意識的,這只是我們大多數人是如何。他們也生活在...

  • according to their belief systems and theyre unconscious about it and that’s where a

    根據他們的信仰系統,他們是無意識的,這也是一個地方

  • clash can really occur. And as human beings we tend to think that everybody else sees

    會真正發生衝突。而作為人類的我們,往往會認為別人看到的都是

  • the world as we see the world. How could it be anything else? That’s how we see the

    我們所看到的世界。怎麼可能是別的什麼呢?這就是我們看到的

  • world, which is why you hear people say things like, “Oh, everybody feels that way.”

    世界,這就是為什麼你聽到人們說的東西,如, "哦,每個人都覺得這樣。"

  • Or, “Oh, nobody likes that.” Or if youve ever said, I know I have certainly, “Oh,

    或者,"哦,沒有人喜歡這樣。"或者,如果你曾經說過, 我知道我肯定,"哦,"。

  • I would never say that to someone.” Right?

    我不會對別人說的。"對吧?

  • Of course.

    當然了

  • Because that’s our belief. No we wouldn’t, but they would. They come from a different

    因為那是我們的信念。不,我們不會,但他們會。他們來自不同的

  • belief system. So what we need to do, Marie, is not necessarily understand that person’s

    信仰體系。所以我們要做的 Marie 不是一定要理解那個人的...

  • belief system. They probably don't understand their own belief system. What we need to do

    信仰體系。他們可能不瞭解自己的信仰體系。我們要做的是

  • is simply understand that the two of us, that we see the world from two different models

    是簡單地理解,我們兩個人, 我們看到的世界從兩個不同的模型。

  • or paradigms or viewpoints, belief systems. And as long as we understand that and we respect

    或範式或觀點、信仰體系。而只要我們理解,我們尊重

  • that, now we can create the context for a mutual win win.

    那,現在我們可以創造一個互贏的環境。

  • That’s awesome and it’s just really that awareness that can, I know for me

    這是真棒,它只是真正的意識 可以,我知道對我來說... ...

  • Absolutely.

    絕對的

  • ...disable that immediate maybe reaction or fight that wants to come up and like, “What

    ......禁用,立即也許反應或戰鬥,想來了,喜歡,"什麼?"。

  • are they thinking? Why don't they get it?” And I loved that about your book that it just

    他們在想什麼?他們為什麼不明白呢?"我很喜歡你的書,它只是。

  • starts to set that frame for more empathetic, compassionate, kind interaction.

    開始為更多的同理心、同情心、善良的互動設定了這個框架。

  • Yeah. And it allows us to not take things personally and to personalize things. One

    是的,它讓我們不把事情當做個人,把事情個人化。它允許我們不採取個人的東西 和個性化的東西。一個

  • of the best books ever written on that topic was by Don Miguel Ruiz, “The Four Agreements.”

    有史以來關於這個主題的最好的書是唐-米格爾-魯伊斯寫的 "四項協議"。

  • Yes.

    是的,我知道

  • And when he talked about the agreements of the world, which I call belief systems, he

    當他談到世界的協議,我稱之為信仰體系時,他

  • also showed why we really don't have to take things personally. It isn’t about us. It

    也表明了為什麼我們真的不必把事情當做個人。這不是我們的問題。它

  • all has to do with that unconscious way that that person sees the world and so forth. And

    都與那個人看待世界的無意識方式有關,等等。而

  • so, you know, whenever I find myself taking things personally, I still go to that chapter

    所以,你知道,每當我發現自己的東西個人,我還是去那一章。

  • in the book.

    在書中。

  • Me too. For sure. Ok, so moving on to principle number three, acknowledging their ego.

    我也是。肯定的。好了,所以移動到原則三, 承認他們的自我。

  • Yeah. And, you know, I say acknowledge their ego not ours because we don't have one.

    是啊,你知道,我說承認他們的自我,而不是我們的,因為我們沒有一個。而且,你知道,我說承認他們的自我而不是我們的,因為我們沒有一個。

  • Yeah, right.

    是的,沒錯。

  • No, we obviously, we have to acknowledge ours too. We have to be aware of it. And what’s

    不,很明顯,我們也必須承認我們的。我們必須意識到這一點。而什麼是

  • interesting is the ego itself, and we tend to especially in the personal development

    有趣的是自我本身,我們傾向於特別是在個人發展... ...

  • Community?

    社區?

  • ...community if you will, we tend to say, “Oh, everything about the ego is bad.”

    ...社會如果你願意,我們傾向於說,"哦,關於自我的一切都不好。"

  • Not necessarily. The ego just is. The ego is the I. Literally that’s what the ego

    不一定。自我就是如此。自我就是我,從字面上看,那就是自我的意思。

  • is. It’s that sense of self that realizes we are a distinct human being separate from

    是。正是這種自我意識,讓我們意識到自己是一個獨特的人,與之分離的

  • other human beings. And, you know, that’s a little politically incorrectincorrect

    其他人類。而且,你知道,這是一個有點 政治不正確... 不正確的。

  • to say. You know, separate from other…? What? Well, we are.

    說。你知道,從其他... ... ?什麼? - 我們是。嗯,我們是。

  • Yeah.

    是啊。

  • Now, don't getwere part of the whole universal consciousness and we learned that

    我們是整個宇宙意識的一部分,我們學到了這一點。

  • back from Napoleon Hill and certainly quantum physics and the vibrations and theyre in

    從拿破崙山回來,當然量子物理學和振動,他們在。

  • tuneof course. Were partbut you know what? In our earthly human existence

    調... 當然。我們是一部分... 但你知道嗎?在我們地球上的人類存在...

  • Yes.

    是的,我知道

  • ...we operate as individuals. We seek our own sense of happiness and we have our own

    ...我們以個人的身份運作。我們追求自己的幸福感,我們有自己的... ...

  • individual values and so forth. And so we do operate that way. And the ego, when channeled

    個人價值等等。所以我們確實是這樣運作的。而自我,當被引導

  • and controlled, can help us accomplish great things for ourselves and for the community

    和控制,可以幫助我們為自己和社會完成偉大的事情。

  • as a whole. But when it gets away from us and were not in control, that’s… now,

    作為一個整體。但當它離我們而去,我們不在控制之中時,那就是... ...現在。

  • that’s a different thing. So when I say acknowledge their ego, it’s because we need

    那是另一回事。所以,當我說承認他們的自我, 這是因為我們需要。

  • to understand that if that person is acting in any way that’s counterproductive, unhelpful,

    要明白,如果這個人的行為方式是適得其反的,無益的。

  • even if it’s not benefitting them, but there’s a… you can tell there’s a real emotional

    即使它不是有益於他們,但有一個... 你可以告訴有一個真正的情感

  • thing there, there’s a good chance their ego has taken over.

    那裡的事情,很有可能是他們的自我已經接管了。

  • And what do you suggest about acknowledging it? Like, is it just really letting that person

    那你對承認它有什麼建議呢?喜歡,它只是真的讓那個人

  • feel heard, feel seen?

    感到被聽到,感到被看到?

  • Yeah. I mean, when I say acknowledge it I wouldn’t say, “Hey, pal. Your ego.”

    是的,我的意思是,當我說承認它,我不會說,"嘿,夥計。你的自我。"

  • You know. “It’s getting away from you.” No. Don't do that. That would bethat would

    你知道的"它離你越來越遠了。"不,不要這樣做。這將是... 這將是

  • have the opposite effect.

    具有相反的效果。

  • Yeah.

    是啊。

  • No, I just mean acknowledge it to yourself, but that’s probably happening. And then

    不,我的意思是對自己承認,但這很可能發生。然後

  • when we go into, you knowfirst, of course, we have to respond as opposed to react, being

    當我們進入,你知道... 首先,當然,我們必須作出反應,而不是反應,是... ...

  • in control of ourselves. We have to understand that ego is part of their belief system that’s

    在控制我們自己。我們必須明白,自我是他們的信仰體系的一部分,這是

  • being run. Were also gonna talk about, when we talk about setting the frame intact.

    正在運行。我們還將討論,當我們談論設置框架的完整性。

  • That all has to do with that person’s ego because, you know, their ego will come into

    這一切都與那個人的自我有關,因為,你知道,他們的自我會進入。

  • play. And when we talk about being able to influence or gently persuade someone, a lot

    戲。而當我們說到能夠影響或溫柔地勸說某人時,很多的

  • of that comes down to how you make that person feel. If you can help them to feel genuinely

    歸根結底在於你如何讓他感受到。如果你能幫助他們感受到真正的。

  • good about themselves and about you and about the situation, you have a lot better chance

    對自己、對你、對形勢都有好感,你就有更大的機會。

  • of that win win taking place.

    的贏利發生。

  • Yeah. And I think were getting onto principle 4, which is one of my favorites, about setting

    是的,我想我們正在進入原則4,這是我最喜歡的原則之一。我想我們正在進入原則4, 這是我最喜歡的一個, 關於設置。

  • the frame. What does that phrase mean?

    的框架。這句話是什麼意思?

  • Well, a frame itself is simply the foundation from which everything else takes place. In

    好吧,一個框架本身只是一個基礎,其他的一切都在這個基礎上進行。在

  • the book I tell a story about a little boy in a Dunkin Donuts store and he was walking

    這本書我講了一個故事,關於一個小男孩在鄧肯甜甜圈店,他走了。

  • around the store and he started to walk towards his parents when all of a sudden he took a

    繞過商店,他開始向父母走去,突然間,他把一個

  • spill on the floor. He fell to the floor. Now, he didn't hurt himself and you could

    灑在地上。他倒在地上。現在,他沒有傷害自己,你可以。

  • tell, but you could tell by histhe look on his face he was kinda shocked. I mean,

    但你可以從他的... 他臉上的表情看出他有點震驚。我的意思是..,

  • he intuitively knew that was not supposed to happen and he right away, of course, looked

    他直覺地知道,這是不應該發生的,他馬上,當然,看著

  • at his mom and dad to get their response. See, he was looking for their interpretation

    在他的爸爸媽媽那裡得到他們的迴應。你看,他正在尋找他們的解釋

  • of the event. What happened happened. He wanted to know, ok mom and dad, what’s next?

    的事件。發生的事情發生了。他想知道,好吧,爸爸媽媽,接下來怎麼辦?

  • Right.

    好吧,我知道了

  • Ok. And I really believe, Marie, that had the parents kinda panicked or gotten alarmed

    好吧,我真的相信,瑪麗我真的相信,瑪麗,如果父母驚慌失措或者驚慌失措的話

  • or, you know, “Oh, no. Are you alright my poor…?” I think he wouldve started

    或者,你知道,"哦,不。你還好嗎,我可憐的... ?"我想他會已經開始

  • to cry. But they handled it beautifully. And they, you know, they smiled and they applauded

    哭。但他們處理得很好。而他們,你知道,他們微笑著,他們鼓掌。

  • and they said, “Oh, that was such a good trick. That looks like so much fun,” and

    他們說,"哦,那是這樣一個好把戲, 這看起來像這麼多的樂趣,"這看起來很有趣

  • all of a sudden he broke out into this big grin and he’s laughing. And what the parents

    突然間,他爆發了這個大笑,他笑了。而父母

  • did is they set a very productive frame from which he could operate. And it’s the same

    做的是他們設置了一個非常有成效的框架,他可以從中操作。這也是同樣的道理

  • thing when we meet someone and whether it’s by the smile or the way we say hello or by

    當我們遇到一個人時,不管是通過微笑還是我們打招呼的方式,還是通過...

  • our body language, making them feel welcome or by the words we say, it’s really helping

    我們的肢體語言,讓他們感覺到歡迎,或者通過我們說的話語,這真的很有幫助。

  • them to see that theyre in a… not in an adversarial relationship but one in which

    他們看到,他們是在一個... 不是在一個對抗性的關係,但在一個其中

  • the two of you together in which theyre welcome and so forth. You know what’s important

    你們兩個人在一起,他們很受歡迎等等。你知道最重要的是什麼嗎?

  • though also? To be able to reset someone else’s already negative frame. Because it’s one

    雖然也?能夠重置別人已經消極的框架。因為這是一

  • thing to set the frame when no frame has been set, but what if that person has, you know,

    的事情,在沒有設置框架的時候設置框架,但是如果那個人設置了,你知道。

  • come into the situation already angry or, you know, sort of win lose in nature and so

    進入這種情況下,已經生氣了,或者,你知道,那種贏了,輸了的性質,所以。

  • forth. And that’s where weve got to be able toit’s sort of like you try to

    前。這就是我們必須能夠... 這有點像你嘗試

  • check into a hotel early and the person’s quoting the rules and, “There’s no check

    提前入住酒店,而這個人的引用規則和,"有沒有檢查,"。

  • in before this and that.” And youre not gonna get anywhere there so maybe you very

    在這個和那個之前。"你不會得到任何地方,所以也許你很。

  • politely ask to speak to the supervisor, he goes back there and says, “Oh, there’s

    禮貌地要求和主管說話,他回到那裡,說:"哦,那裡有。

  • a customer out there who wants to check in early.” Well, this supervisor has been in

    "外面有位顧客想提前入住"嗯,這個主管一直在

  • the business 10 years, hates his job, has to deal with people 10 times a day who do

    做了10年的生意,討厭自己的工作,每天要和10個做的人打交道。

  • that or are gonna argue it. So he kinda has his game face on and he knows he has to be

    或者是要去爭論它。所以,他還挺有他的遊戲的臉,他知道他必須是。

  • polite but he’s ready to quote the rulebook. And he comes out with that look on his face.

    禮貌,但他準備引用規則手冊。而他出來的時候,臉上的表情。

  • Now, most people, that’s a frame of confrontation.

    現在,大多數人,這就是一個對抗的框架。

  • Yeah.

    是啊。

  • And most people would react to that and they’d say, “Well, I wanna get in early. I travel

    大多數人的反應是,他們會說,"好吧,我想早點到。我旅行

  • this… I stay at this hotel all the time.” And then you may get in, may not. They may

    我一直住在這家酒店"然後,你可能會得到在,可能不會。他們可能

  • be sabotaging your entire stay, youre giving yourself an ulcer, and sobut what if instead

    是破壞你的整個住宿, 你給自己一個潰瘍,所以... 但是,如果相反,

  • what you do is you reset the frame? You have a smile on your face, youyou have your

    你要做的是你重設框架?你有一個微笑在你的臉上,你... ... 你有你的。

  • hand out, you take a couple of steps. “Hi, Mr. Davis. Bob Burg. Thank you so much for

    伸出手來,你走了幾步。"嗨,戴維斯先生。我是鮑勃-伯格。謝謝你這麼多的

  • taking time to come out and see me. I know youre very busy.” Well, boom. Youve

    花時間出來看我。我知道你很忙。"嗯,轟。你已經

  • just now reset the frame from a problem customer, problem guest, to one that this person will

    剛才把問題客戶、問題客人的框架重新設置,變成了這個人將

  • go out of his way to please because youre the type of guest they want to have with them.

    不遺餘力地討好,因為你是他們想要的那種客人。

  • Yeah. So principle number five, and this is obviously where all of it comes together.

    是啊,所以原則五,所以,原則五,這顯然是所有的地方,它是一起。

  • Communicating with empathy and tact. How do we do that?

    用同理心和技巧進行溝通。我們如何做到這一點?

  • You know? Marie, that isthat is so key. You know, with tact I’m reminded of Les

    你知道嗎? 瑪麗,那是...瑪麗,那是... ... 那是非常關鍵的。你知道,有了技巧,我就想起了Les...

  • Giblin who wrote the great bookHow to Have Confidence and Power in Dealing with

    吉布林曾寫過一本偉大的書《如何在處理問題時擁有信心和力量》。

  • People,” and he wrote what counts is attaining satisfaction without trampling upon the egos

    人",他寫道:"最重要的是在不踐踏自我的情況下獲得滿足。

  • of those we deal with. And so we see that tact is really connected to ego, which is

    的那些我們處理。所以我們看到,策略是真正連接到自我,這是... ...

  • connected to feelings or controlling emotions and so forth. And my dad has always defined

    與感情或控制情緒等有關。而我爸爸一直以來都在定義

  • tact as the language of strength. And, you know, I see tact as… I really look at tact

    技巧作為力量的語言。而且,你知道,我認為策略是...

  • as a way to be able toto teach someone, to be able to correct someone, to critique

    作為一種方式,能夠... ... 教別人,能夠糾正別人,責備別人

  • someone, dare I say constructively criticize someone. Not that we ever want to do any of

    我敢說,建設性地責備某人。並不是說我們想做任何

  • those. Of course we don't. But there are times we have to. Were talking about the real

    那些。當然,我們不'。但有些時候我們不得不這樣做。我們說的是真正的

  • world, not a fantasy world.

    世界,而不是一個幻想的世界。

  • Right.

    好吧,我知道了

  • And there are times people do things that weve got to be able to teach but we need

    有的時候,人們做的事情,我們必須要能教,但我們需要。

  • to do it in a way that not only is that person not defensive and resistant to that, but theyre

    的方式來做,不僅這個人沒有防備和牴觸,而且他們

  • open, theyre accepting of both us and the idea, and that’s really what tact allows

    開放,他們接受我們和想法,這才是真正的策略允許的

  • us to do. It’s thinking before saying something. It’s saying to yourself, “Hey, you know,

    我們要做的。這是在說什麼之前的思考。是對自己說:"嘿,你知道。

  • how is this person? How is this gonna make this person feel?”

    這個人怎麼樣?這會讓這個人怎麼想?"

  • Yeah.

    是啊。

  • It’s, you know, and so there’s a lot of power. Now, with that, now empathy really

    這是,你知道,所以有很多的力量。現在,隨著,現在移情真的

  • is a… is a very legitimate part of that because when were empatheticempathy

    是一個... ... 是一個非常合法的一部分,因為 當我們的同情... ...

  • by definition is simply the identification with or vicarious experiencing of another

    顧名思義,就是對他人的認同或代入感。

  • person’s feelings. Which sounds like a fancy way of saying, well, you know, putting yourself

    人的感情。這聽起來像一個花哨的方式說, 好了,你知道,把自己

  • in the other person's shoes. And it would be except most of us have different size feet.

    在其他人'的鞋子。它將是除了我們大多數人有不同大小的腳。

  • In other words, we have different belief systems. We come from different ways of seeing the

    換句話說,我們有不同的信仰體系。我們來自不同的方式來看待

  • world and we don't always know what that person’s feeling. Now, when we do, when we have enough

    世界,我們並不總是知道那個人的感受。現在,當我們這樣做,當我們有足夠的。

  • of a closeness and experience that we can understand, great. Communicate you understand

    的一種親近和體驗,我們可以理解,很好。傳達你的理解

  • howbut, you know, sometimes empathy isn’t so much understanding howcommunicating

    如何... 但是,你知道,有時 同理心不是那麼多 瞭解如何... 溝通

  • that you understand how they feel as much as communicating that you understand theyre

    你瞭解他們的感受,就像你瞭解他們的感受一樣。

  • feeling something. And that this something is distressful to them and that youre there

    感受到了什麼。而這個東西是困擾他們,你在那裡。

  • to help them the best way you can.

    盡你所能幫助他們。

  • Yeah. That’s brilliant. And I know you havewell, one of the challenge all of us can come

    是啊,這很聰明。這是輝煌的。我知道你有... ... 好了,一個挑戰 我們所有的人都可以來。

  • up against is when people request something of our time or they want us to participate

    當人們要求我們的時間,或者他們希望我們參與的時候,他們就會反對。

  • in something and it’s really not our truth that we want to do it. And weve talked

    在某件事情上,我們想做的事情真的不是我們的事實。我們已經談過

  • about this many times on MarieTV is different ways to say no, and I think you have one of

    關於這個多次在MarieTV是不同的方式說 "不",我認為你有一個。

  • the most brilliant. Do you want to share that with us?

    最聰明的。你想和我們分享嗎?

  • Thank you. I… I really feel strongly about this because wewe all get asked to do

    謝謝你,我...我,我真的很強烈地感覺到這一點,因為我們...

  • things that, like you said, weyou know, sometimes just don't wanna do it.

    事情,就像你說的,我們... ... 你知道,有時只是不'想做到這一點。

  • Yeah.

    是啊。

  • And, you know, Adversaries and Allies is not about being self sacrificial, it’s not about

    而且,你知道,"對手與盟友 "不是關於自我犧牲,不是關於...

  • being a doormat, it’s not aboutit’s being able to, well, to attain satisfaction,

    作為一個門墊,它不是... ... 它是能夠,嗯,獲得滿足。

  • to be able to get the results you want while helping everyone feel good about themselves.

    才能在幫助大家獲得自己想要的結果的同時,讓大家感覺到自己的好。

  • And we need to be able to say no sometimes but we need to do it in a way that’s respectful,

    我們需要有時能夠說 "不",但我們需要以一種尊重的方式去做。

  • kind, tactful. You know, when we talk about saying no there’s all sorts of advice around

    善意的,有技巧的。你知道,當我們談論說 "不 "的時候,有各種各樣的建議在周圍。

  • and I certainly don't want to disrespect anyone’s advice and everyone is entitled to that, but

    我當然不想不尊重任何人的建議,每個人都有權這樣做,但

  • I think that there are certain things that are more productive than other things.

    我認為,有些事情比其他事情更有成效。

  • Yeah.

    是啊。

  • I often hear the kind ofthe advice that’s going around a lot now is, “No is a complete

    我經常聽到這樣的... ... 忠告,這是怎麼回事繞了很多,現在是,"沒有是一個完整的,"。

  • sentence.” You know, just, you know, to just tell people no and that’s it. And I’ve

    句子。"你知道,只是,你知道, 只是告訴人們沒有,就是這樣。而我已經

  • seen that teaching at seminars and I’ve seen people nodding their heads and empowered,

    在研討會上看到這樣的教學,我看到大家都在點頭,都在授權。

  • you know, agreement. “Yeah. Ok, from now on that’s just what I’m gonna do. I’m

    你知道,協議。"是啊。好吧,從現在開始,這只是我打算做什麼。我是...

  • gonna tell people no.” Is that really what youre gonna do? Are you really gonna rudely

    要去告訴人們沒有。"你真的要這麼做嗎?你真的要去粗魯地

  • say to somebody, “No,” or, “No, I don't want to.” Well, first of all, it’s just

    對某人說,"不,"或,"不,我不'想。"嗯,首先,它只是

  • not a nice thing to do. Secondly, youre turning an ally into a potential adversary.

    不是一件好事其次,你把一個盟友變成了潛在的對手。

  • Youre also closing any potential partnerships or ventures or anything with that person.

    你也要關閉任何潛在的合作伙伴關係 或企業或任何東西與該人。

  • But the biggest reason for not saying no like that, Marie, is because it’s not congruent

    但是,瑪麗,不這樣說不的最大原因是,因為這不符合的要求

  • with your values of treating people with respect. So I think there’s a better way. Now, we

    與你的待人接物的價值觀。所以我認為有更好的辦法。現在,我們

  • also hear people say, “Well, just kinda make up an excuse so that you don't hurt the

    也聽到人們說:"好吧,只是有點編造一個藉口,這樣你就不會傷害到你的。

  • person’s feelings.” So the person asks you to serve on a committee that you just

    人的感情。"所以,這個人要求你在一個委員會中任職,你只是。

  • don't wanna serve on. So you say, “Well, you know, I would but I just don't have time

    不'不想服務上。所以你說,"好吧,你知道,我想,但我只是不'有時間。

  • right now.” Well, there’s a couple of problems with that. One, it’s sort of a

    現在。"嗯,有一對夫婦的問題。一,它的排序是一個

  • fib because it’s not that you don't have time, it’s that you don't have the desire

    撒謊,因為它不是你沒有'有時間,它是你沒有'的願望

  • to do it. You don't value doing the thing as much as you value not doing the thing.

    來做。你不重視做這件事,不如不做這件事。

  • Ok, so really it’s not that you don't have time. The other challenge is that this person’s

    好吧,所以真的不是你沒有時間'。另一個挑戰是,這個人的

  • probably heard others say, “I don't have time,” so they have a response to it. So

    可能聽到別人說:"我沒有'時間",所以他們有一個迴應。所以

  • when they very compellingly explain why time is not an issue now you either have to come

    當他們很有說服力地解釋為什麼現在時間不是問題時,你要麼必須來

  • clean and say, “Well, it’s not that I don't really have time it’s that I really

    乾淨利落的說:"好吧,不是我真的沒有時間,而是我真的很

  • just don't wanna do it.” So youve had to admit that you fibbed, they don't respect

    只是不'不想做。"所以你不得不承認,你撒了謊,他們不'尊重。

  • you, you feel kind of, technical term here, yucky and so forth. But thenor the other

    你,你覺得那種, 技術術語在這裡, 討厭等等。但是,然後... 或其他

  • thing, the other option is in order to save face, what do you do? You take the give, you

    事情,另一個選擇是為了面子,你怎麼辦?你拿的是付出,你

  • do the thing you don't wanna do, and there’s really nothing good about that either. So

    做你不想做的事情,其實也沒有什麼好事。所以

  • there’s a way we can say no that respects the other person and honors our own boundaries

    有一種方法,我們可以說 "不",尊重對方 並尊重我們自己的界限。

  • and so forth, and it’s simply like this. Again, let’s take the example of a committee

    諸如此類,簡單來說就是這樣。再以委員會為例。

  • that youre asked to serve on. And, again, it’s not an outlandish question, it’s

    你被要求去服務。而且,同樣,這不是一個離奇的問題,這是

  • just not something you wanna do. So you simply say to that person, “Thank you so much for

    只是你不想做的事情。所以你只需對那個人說:"非常感謝你的

  • asking. While it’s not something I’d like to do, please know how honored I am to be

    問。雖然這不是我想做的事,但請你知道,我是多麼的榮幸,能成為

  • asked.”

    問。"

  • That’s good.

    那就好

  • That’s really all it is. So youre thanking that person, youre letting them know it’s

    這真的是所有的事情。所以,你要感謝那個人,你要讓他們知道這是

  • an honor, so youre respecting them, but youre not making an excuse they can grab

    是一種榮譽,所以你是尊重他們,但你並沒有找藉口讓他們去搶。

  • onto. It’s simply, “Thank you so much for asking. While it’s not something I’d

    到。很簡單,就是 "非常感謝您的關心"。雖然這不是什麼我

  • like to do, please know how honored I am to be asked.”

    喜歡做的事,請知道我是多麼榮幸被邀請。"

  • That whole, “While it’s not something I’d like to do,” that’s a nice turn

    "雖然這不是我想做的事",這是個很好的轉折。

  • of phrase there, Bob.”

    的短語有,鮑勃。"

  • Thank you.

    謝謝你了

  • Good work.

    做得好

  • And, you know, there’s always that situation where that person might still kinda try to

    而且,你知道,總是有這種情況下,該人可能還有點嘗試

  • compel you to do it.

    迫使你這樣做。

  • Sure.

    當然可以

  • Especially if youve set yourself up as someone who can be

    尤其是當你把自己設定為一個可以... ...

  • Helpful.

    有幫助的。

  • Right. And so they say, “Oh, but we really, you know, really need you to do it. Please.”

    對,所以他們說,"哦,但我們真的,你知道,真的需要你去做。所以他們說,"哦,但我們真的,你知道, 真的需要你去做。請。"

  • And you just simply without defensiveness, without emotion other than kindness, you

    而你只是單純的沒有防備,沒有感情,除了善良,你... ...

  • but with no defensiveness type of emotion, you simply say, “I’d rather not. But thank

    但沒有任何防備型的情緒,你只說:"我寧願不要。但是,謝謝

  • you so much for asking. I’m really honored to be asked.”

    你這麼多的要求。我真的很榮幸被邀請。"

  • I’d rather not

    我寧願不...

  • And you just do that and do it with calmness and be ready toand what youll do is

    你只要做到這一點,並做到這一點與冷靜,並準備好... 你會做什麼是

  • youll sort of retrain or reteach that person that they can always ask you, there’s nothing

    你會有點再培訓或重新教導的人 他們可以隨時問你,沒有什麼

  • wrong with asking you, but when you say no, you say no and that’s it.

    問你的問題,但當你說沒有,你說沒有,就是這樣。

  • Yeah, that’s a good one. That’s a really, really good one and I think for many of us

    是啊,這是一個很好的一個。這是一個非常,非常好的一個,我認為對我們許多人來說,。

  • when you feel put on the spot about something and you don't have a go to phrase that feels

    當你覺得把在現場的東西,你不';有一個去短語,覺得

  • good from the inside out and that really respects the other person, that’s where we can get

    由內而外的好,真正的尊重對方,這才是我們可以獲得

  • into trouble, so that’s awesome.

    陷入困境,所以這是真棒。

  • And also, remember, rehearse that. So don't wait until it happens. You know, rehearse

    還有,記住,排練一下。所以,不要等到它發生。你知道,排練

  • it, see yourself doing that. And your words might be a bit different than mine.

    它,看到自己這樣做。而你的話可能和我的有些不同。

  • Sure.

    當然可以

  • You might say something like, “Choose to do,” instead ofor what have you.

    你可以說 "選擇去做",而不是... ...或者你有什麼。

  • Yeah.

    是啊。

  • But rehearse how youre gonna do it so when it happens, youre ready.

    但要排練一下你要怎麼做,這樣當它發生時,你就準備好了。

  • Yeah. It’s ready to roll off the tongue. So the last thing I wanna ask you before we

    是的,它已經準備好從舌頭上滾下來了。所以,最後一件事,我想問你之前,我們。

  • wrap up is you said there’s a question that you can ask that pretty much guarantees you

    總結是你說有一個問題,你可以問,幾乎可以保證你。

  • can keep potential misunderstandings from ever actually taking place. What’s that

    可以防止潛在的誤會真正發生。那是什麼?

  • question?

    疑問

  • Yeah. It’s actually, it’s very simple and it has to do, again, with belief systems

    是的,其實很簡單,這又和信仰體系有關了

  • that peoplethat we might use a term or say a word and words have different meanings

    人們... ...我們可能會使用一個術語或說一個詞,而單詞有不同的含義。

  • anyway, never mind the way we look at certain words orare different. And so what were

    總之,不要在意我們看某些詞的方式或... 是不同的。所以我們

  • gonna do is just ask the person to clarify. For example, let’s say the project manager

    要做的就是要求對方澄清。例如,假設項目經理

  • comes in to the team and says, you know, “The client says there’s been a change and we

    進來的團隊,並說,你知道, "客戶說,有一個變化,而我們

  • need to have this done as soon as possible.” Ok? Now, one person on the team, what does

    需要儘快完成。"好嗎?現在,一個人在團隊中,什麼?

  • as soon as possible really mean?

    越快越好

  • Ambiguous.

    曖昧。

  • Exactly. To one person it means you pull an all nighter, you don't go to your daughter’s

    沒錯,對一個人來說,這意味著你要通宵達旦的工作,你不去看你女兒。對一個人來說,這意味著你拉一個通宵,你不去你女兒的'。

  • soccer game, you sacrifice that and youthe other person, they come from a company

    足球比賽,你犧牲了這一點,你... 另一個人,他們來自一個公司。

  • where as soon as possible means, “Oh, when you get around to it.” The other one, as

    其中,儘快意味著,"哦,當你得到它。"另一個,因為

  • soon as possible means as soon as this project’s done. Right? And so one person does this and

    儘快是指這個項目一完成就可以了。對吧?所以,一個人做這個和

  • the other person doesso instead in order to make sure this misunderstanding doesn't

    所以,為了確保這種誤解不

  • happen, you very tactfully say to the project manager, you know, “Pat, just for my own

    你很有技巧地對項目經理說 "帕特,只是為了我自己的利益

  • clarification, when you say, ‘As soon as possible,’ is there a specific day or what

    澄清,當你說,"儘快", 是有一個具體的日子或什麼。

  • time youre thinking of?” Boom.

    你在想什麼時候?"轟。

  • Yeah.

    是啊。

  • And so now when we say, “Just for my own clarification,” that’s what I call a lead

    所以,現在當我們說,"只是為了我自己的澄清,"這就是我所說的一個鉛

  • in phrase that sort of softens it a little bit so were a little more tactful about

    在措辭上,這有點軟化它一點點,所以我們更多一點的技巧,關於。

  • it. You know, “What do you mean…?” You know? Instead it’s, you know, “Just for

    你知道,"你是什麼意思..."?你知道,"你是什麼意思... ?"你知道嗎?相反,它的,你知道,"只是為了... ...

  • my own clarification, you know, when you say, ‘As soon as possible,’ is there a specific

    我自己的澄清,你知道,當你說,"儘快",是有一個具體的。

  • day or time?” “Oh, yeah. Well, it’s end of day Wednesday by 5 o’clock,” and

    天或時間?""哦,是的。好吧,週三五點前就結束了。"而且。

  • now we know. So it’s the same as asking somebody just to define that term when they

    現在我們知道了。所以,這就像要求別人只是 定義這個詞時,他們的相同。

  • say, you know, “When you say, you know, X…”

    說,你知道,"當你說,你知道,X..."

  • What do you mean?

    什麼意思?

  • “...what, yeah, what exactly do you mean? Or what do you mean?” Or just anything like

    "......什麼,是啊,你到底是什麼意思?或者你是什麼意思?"或者只是類似的東西

  • that. And it’s the same when were the one communicating. So when we say, “It needs

    那。而當我們是一個溝通的人時,也是一樣的。所以當我們說,"它需要

  • to be done as soon as possible,” and really that means end of day Wednesday by 5 o’clock

    儘快完成,"真的,這意味著週三下午5點前結束一天的工作。

  • we need to have it done. That way it’s clarified and so there’s nono misunderstanding

    我們需要這樣做。這樣一來,它的澄清,所以有沒有... ... 沒有誤解。

  • that takes place.

    發生的。

  • Yeah. I actually have to train myself to do that a lot and as our team grows internally

    是的,其實我必須經常訓練自己,隨著我們團隊的內部發展,我也要訓練自己。

  • and we work with more people we do it all the time. Because you get so comfortable with

    我們和更多的人合作,我們一直在做。因為你得到如此舒適的

  • people that you like and

    你喜歡的人和...

  • Right.

    好吧,我知道了

  • ...and then youre like, oh, you get so excited about a project. But even when it

    ...然後你就像,哦, 你得到這麼興奮的項目。但即使當它

  • comes down to things like design, you know, “Oh, I want this to be more edgy. I want

    歸根結底,像設計,你知道, "哦,我想這是更前衛,我想

  • this to be more clean.” It’s like what the hell does that mean? Unless you can have

    這是更乾淨。"這就像什麼鬼意思?除非你能有

  • some clear parameters or examples to show people. It really does. I love that. That’s

    一些明確的參數或例子來告訴人們。它真的是。我喜歡這樣。這就是

  • so genius.

    所以天才。

  • Thank you.

    謝謝你了

  • Bob, youre fantastic. I really appreciate you coming on today.

    鮑勃,你太棒了。我真的很感激你今天的到來。

  • Thank you, my pleasure.

    謝謝你,我的榮幸。

  • This book is wonderful. One of the other things that I love about this book is that especially

    這本書很精彩。我喜歡這本書的另一個原因是,特別是

  • as you get through the principles and things start to come to life it’s like you give

    當你通過原則和事情開始來生活,它就像你給了

  • so many great tips in very short form. And really things that you can apply to everyday

    這麼多偉大的提示,在非常短的形式。而真正的東西,你可以應用到日常

  • life and I just felt more empowered. Because for me, a lot of this stuff comes naturally

    生活,我只是覺得更有力量。因為對我來說,很多東西都是自然而然地產生的。

  • but there’s always problem points in my life where I feel like, “Gosh, I know I

    但在我的生活中,總有一些問題點,我覺得,"天哪,我知道我

  • could have handled that better. I wouldve loved to be able to handle that better and

    可以處理得更好。我很想能夠更好地處理,並

  • now I feel equipped to do so.”

    現在我覺得自己具備了這樣的條件。"

  • Wow, well I take that as a great compliment. I love the work you do and MarieTV is just

    哇,好吧,我把這句話當做是一個很好的讚美。我喜歡你的工作,瑪麗電視只是

  • wonderful and certainly your B-School is making such a huge, huge difference in the world,

    太棒了,當然,你的B-School正在使這樣一個巨大的,巨大的差異在世界上。

  • so thank you for all youre doing.

    所以,感謝你對你所做的一切。

  • Thank you. Now Bob and I have a challenge for you. So we would love to know which of

    謝謝你,現在鮑勃和我有一個挑戰給你。現在,鮑勃和我有一個挑戰給你。所以,我們很想知道哪一個

  • the five influence principles do you need to focus on most in your own life? Now, as

    你在自己的生活中最需要關注的五個影響原則?現在,作為

  • always, the best conversations happen after the episode over at MarieForleo.com, so go

    總是,最好的對話發生後的情節在MarieForleo.com,所以去。

  • there and leave a comment now. Did you like this video? If so, subscribe to our channel

    在那裡,並留下評論了。你喜歡這個視頻嗎?如果喜歡,請訂閱我們的頻道

  • and, of course, share it with all of your friends. And if you want even more resources

    當然,也可以與你所有的朋友分享。如果你想獲得更多的資源

  • to create a business and life that you love, plus some personal insights from me that I

    創造你所熱愛的事業和生活,再加上我個人的一些見解,讓我

  • only share in email, come on over to MarieForleo.com and sign up for email updates. Stay on your

    只在電子郵件中分享,來MarieForleo.com和註冊的電子郵件更新。保持在你的

  • game and keep going for your dreams because the world needs that special gift that only

    遊戲,並繼續為你的夢想而努力,因為世界需要那份特殊的禮物,只有你自己才知道。

  • you have. Thank you so much for watching and I’ll catch you next time on MarieTV.

    你有。非常感謝您的觀看,下次在瑪麗電視臺再見。

Hey, it’s Marie Forleo and you are watching MarieTV, the place to be to create a business

嘿,我是Marie Forleo,您正在收看的是MarieTV,這裡是創造事業的地方。

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