Name: 聖經遊戲2 - 憤怒的電子遊戲呆子 - 集62 (Bible Games 2 - Angry Video Game Nerd - Episode 62)
Uploaded: 2021-01-14T05:15:35.000Z
Duration: 17 min 4 s
Description: 【看影片學英語】數萬部 YouTube 影片，搭配英漢字典即點即查，輕鬆掌握單字發音與用法，長久累積看電影不必再看字幕。

[To the tune of Santa Clause Is Coming to Town] He's playing some games, the worst he recalls

[To the tune of Santa Clause Is Coming to Town] He's gonna find out which ones suck the most balls

Oh, he's making a list and checking it twice

He's gonna go home and eat chicken and rice

You better watch out, don't give these games a try

You better not play 'em, he's telling you why

Welcome to another sacrilegious Christmas fuckfest!

Now, two years ago, I played a bunch of Bible games.

Yeah. Now would you believe, there's actually more of them?

Like, who makes video games based off the Bible?

Why would you do that? These games suck ass!

First, let's check out Exodus: Journey to the Promised Land.

"To start the game, please wait up to nine flashes on TV screen"?

"Power on, please wait seven seconds between power off and power on"?

Wow. Quite a lot of instructions just to start the damn game.

You play as Moses. I guess on his journey to the promised land

he had to go through labyrinths and shooting W's at everything

I don't know about this one. It's just a puzzle game. It's playable.

Basically, you have to collect a certain amount of items

I'm not even sure exactly what the items are,

but it pretty much means that you have to uncover every square.

It's really one of those games where you need a turbo controller.

and then you get a bunch of Bible questions,

like, "The king of Egypt told the Hebrew midwives to:"

I'm playing an NES game that says "Kill all babies"?!

And you know what? That's the wrong answer,

so that obviously means it's something they made up.

So, for every question you answer correctly you get, what else, a Bible,

and then you get a violent picture of somebody being whipped,

Obviously I'm going all the way in the middle.

So then I get back out, I finish up all the crap I gotta do.

Oh, so I guess it's the question marks I gotta get.

All right, next up, let's try... Noah's Ark? Haven't we played this already?

Remember in Bible Adventures there were three games,

that stupid shit where you're picking up stacks of animals?

Then of course there's the infamous Super Noah's Ark 3D,

which happens to be a clone of Wolfenstein,

where you're going around shooting goats.

So now we have yet another game based off of Noah's Ark.

But there's something very different about this one. What's that?

It was actually licensed by Nintendo. Who made this?

Okay. Who would've thought this would actually be decent?

Well, it was only released in Europe, which means it's in the PAL format,

and it can't be played on any North American NES,

unless you have the toploader. That plays anything.

The game's not bad, but it's fucking weird.

Why are there native Americans in Noah's time,

If he and all the animals could turn into fish,

because enemies can drain half your life bar with one hit.

Even the tiniest things such as bees, which take almost all your life.

And there's lots of things you can't even touch at all, or you die instantly.

This makes it almost pointless to even have a life bar.

but if you find one of them, it doesn't bring you back.

So, rather than returning you to the game where you left off,

it puts you back at the beginning of the stage, which is fucking bullshit!

But overall, I would at least go as far to call it a game.

All right, what's next? Oh, Joshua. This one looks fun, right?

Oh, no. Doesn't this look familiar? It's the same thing as Exodus.

What's the point of discussing the same game twice?

The only difference is that you're Joshua, I assume,

But what's even stranger, this game is a copy of a game,

which is a copy of another game: Crystal Mines.

Damn! Well, here's a little history lesson.

Color Dreams was the company making all these unlicensed games for the NES,

like Captain Comic, Secret Scout, and Raid 2020;

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聖經遊戲2 - 憤怒的電子遊戲呆子 - 集62 (Bible Games 2 - Angry Video Game Nerd - Episode 62)

bunch

nerd

video

shit