Is this his face or something?

要假裝這沙袋是他的臉嗎?

How do you get through a breakup?

怎麼熬過分手的痛?

"Well, suck it up." "Be strong." "Tough it out!"

「嗯……認了吧。」、「要堅強起來。」、「挺過去！」

These are some of the things you hear people tell you.

人們常常都會這麼說。

Well, what if I told you that none of those work?

但……如果我告訴你那些都不管用呢?

And instead, that you should do the exact opposite.

你要做的其實恰恰相反。

Give yourself permission to feel it all!

允許自己感受這些情緒！

See, in 2010, biological anthropologist Helen Fisher discovered using MRIs in advanced brain mapping,

在2010年，人類生物學家Helen Fisher將核磁共振成像應用在進階腦圖譜中，

that when you’re going through a breakup, the exact same regions of the brain are activated as when an addict is going through periods of withdrawal.

發現經歷分手的人，腦部被觸發的區域和吸毒者經歷勒戒期時所觸發的區域一模一樣。

Simply put, we’ve scientifically proved that love really is a drug.

簡單來說，科學證明了愛情確實就像毒品。

It’s a big deal because it kills this notion we went along assuming for years that going through a breakup is just this emotional process.

這是個重大發現，推翻了我們長久以來認為分手只是一個情緒處理的過程。

When really, they’re very much physical, too.

但他們也和身理大有關係。

It’s why you find yourself experiencing a loss of appetite, fatigue, anxiety and many other symptoms that an addict goes through when experiencing withdrawals.

這就是為何人們分手後會和毒癮戒斷者一樣喪失食慾、感到疲勞、焦躁不安、並受相關症狀所苦的原因。

Like addiction, we figured we’d give you 12 steps to help you through a breakup.

就像濫用成癮一樣 ，我們認為有12個步驟能帶你走出分手的陰霾。

We only have like… we only have a few minutes.

我們時間有限……只有幾分鐘。

We can’t do 12? What about like…10?

12個太多了嗎? 那……10個呢?

Here are five steps to help you through a breakup.

以下有五個步驟來幫助你擺脫情傷。

First, we gathered participants who were fresh out of a breakup.

首先，我們找來了剛剛才結束一段戀情的人來當受測者。

And tested their current level of happiness.

並測試他們目前的快樂指數。

You know, it’s kind of day-by-day.

你知道的，日復一日。

Uh... Some days it's tough. Some days it’s alright.

有時很難熬，有時則覺得還算過得去。

How long was the relationship?

你們交往了多久?

It was 10 months. Yes. But who’s counting?

10個月，但誰會算呢?

Well it was domestic for about a year, but before that we were like back and forth for a total like 4 years.

我們同居了大概一年，但那之前我們已經來來回回交往了四年。

The first step is to get your anger out in a healthy way.

第一步──透過健康管道宣洩怒氣。

Go at it.

來吧!

Come around and connect with it.

再來一次，喚醒你的憤怒。

Couple more.

再打幾拳。

Give me a good one. Finish it out!

最後給我來個完美一擊！

Yeah, work the gut. Work the gut, I like it!

用力打，再大力一點，幹得好！

One more big one! That’s it. All right champ, alright, alright you got it.

再來一次大力一點的！就是這樣！沒錯冠軍，沒錯，就是這樣。

How are you feeling?

感覺如何?

I feel good.

我感覺很好。

Kind of clearing everything else out.

似乎把雜念都清除乾淨了。

I guess that is one good way for me to get it out.

這方法能讓我盡情發洩怒氣。

Next up is to turn it into a learning experience.

第二步──從分手中學習。

You can’t change the past but you can use it as a lesson.

你改變不了過去，但可以汲取教訓。

Looking back on your last relationship, I want you to tell me three things that you learned from it.

回想你上一段戀情，說出三件你從中領悟的事。

Perception greatly differs between different people. You can be in the same situation, same people same place, and have two different stories about the same event.

每個人的見解和認知非常迥異。同個狀況、同樣的人、同樣的場所、同樣的事件，還是會有兩個不同版本。

Being more open.

心胸更寬廣一點。

Age is sometimes more than a number.

年齡有時不只是一個數字。

What was it that made you realize this lesson?

是什麼讓你學到一課的?

We didn’t fight a lot, but when we did fight, it seemed to always boil down to the same issues.

我們不常吵架，但每次吵架吵的都是同樣那些事。

And they seemed to be like fundamental, intrinsic thing within each of us.

導火線似乎是我們兩人內在本質的不同。

When you’re giving your attention, time, money, affection to something, you’re investing a part of yourself into that, and that’s the part of your heart that you’re giving to someone else.

當你向某事投入時間、金錢、感情時，也把自己的一部分放了進去，你把心的一部分交給了某人。

He wasn’t always like the greatest boyfriend. I wasn’t gonna settle for somebody who I had to explain myself to.

他不是最棒的男朋友。 我當時沒有想要和讓我需要處處都為自己解釋的人走下去。

The next part is perhaps the most important one, accepting where you are right now.

下一步可能是最關鍵的──接受你現在的一切。

Try to be aware of what you’re feeling and don’t push it away.

試著仔細觀察自己的感受，不要將它拒之門外。

Don’t shut it off. Don’t suppress it.

也別試著消滅，抑制這些情感。

One way to do this is through meditation.

其中一個辦法是藉由冥想。

And...begin.

開始。

Welcome to this five minute session for self-acceptance.

歡迎進入為時五分鐘的自我接納療程。

How are you feeling?

感覺如何?

Don’t feel as much anxiety, you know?

不那麼焦慮了。

Accepting everything as is and being able to really objectively go about doing things, rather than just filling my time with to-dos just to... I don't know, think about it.

能接受事實就是如此， 可以開始客觀處理、面對事情，而非列一張永遠不會被執行的代辦清單來試圖讓自己忙起來。

Acknowledge the good, just as there was a significant enough reason to end your relationship.

承認曾經的快樂與歡笑是不可抹滅的，就像同樣接納一定有一個非常重要的理由導致你們關係的結束。

There had also be a lot of positive reasons that kept you in it.

一定有什麼好的原因讓你當初跟他在一起。

Okay.

好了。

Got it? -- Yeah

完成了嗎？--完成了。

One really positive aspect of dating Brian was his outrageous personality over filled with laughter and love.

Brian的優點之一是他豪放爽朗的性格，他總是充滿歡笑和愛。

We had a lot of good times when we didn’t have a plan.

當時儘管我們不去計劃太多，我們也度過了很多美好的時光。

When we were eating Mexican food, singing karaoke, playing with animals at the pet shelter, watching horror films and "out" hashtagging each other on Instagram.

當我們一起品嘗墨西哥美食、唱卡拉OK、去收容所和動物玩、看恐怖片、外出時在Instagram上標記對方。

I felt the best of times like nothing else mattered at all, and the world was at our fingertips.

和她共度的美好時光讓我覺得沒什麼比這更重要了，好像擁有了全世界。

It’s hard.

這不容易。

I gotta hand it to Brian.

但我還是得稱讚Brian一下。

Because he was everything to me.

因為他曾對我意義非凡。

In the past two months, since we broke up, I spent a lot of time staying busy, doing other stuff.

在分手後，過去的兩個月，我讓自己處於忙碌狀態，做其他的事。

And there were a lot of things that I hadn’t really asked myself.

有很多問題我過去從沒問過自己。

But it seems frivolous at the time or pointless cause it was over.

可是談這些好像無聊又沒意義，因為都結束了。

You know, you build kind of your dailies and your lifestyle around someone else on your relationship sources.

當你談戀愛時會配合對方來安排日常瑣事、調整生活方式。

It's... when you’re single, it’s just you, so I gonna go back to just being me.

當你單身，就只有你一人了，所以我要回去做原本的自己。

You know, you kind of feel like almost lame sometimes, but then I gotta remember I can be fun.

有時候會覺得自己爛透了，但接著我要記得我也可以很有趣。

Lastly, focus on your best qualities.

最後──專注在自己最好的一面。

Breakups often leave us feeling like our world is crumbling, like we’re worthless.

分手常讓人覺得世界都崩塌了，我們好像毫無價值可言。

So it’s important to reassert your self-worth, and really internalized that you have value.

所以重建信心很重要，並且要內化自身的價值。

We had them write down their five best qualities, the five greatest things that they had to offer, and handed it to a rapper.

我們請受試者寫下自己最滿意的五項人格特質，他們自己最棒的五個件事，然後交給饒舌歌手。

Celebrate, celebrate, we’re gonna celebrate you. –-Celebration.

開趴囉！開趴囉！我們要為你慶祝。狂歡吧。

Money, money, money, yeah, yeah, yeah.

錢錢，錢錢，錢錢，耶，耶，耶。

This one is for you.

這首歌是給你的。

You got it. Yeah, yeah.

你懂的，耶，耶。

This one goes out to my man Scott. Mr. Reliable, I’m loving it, a sensitive guy.

這首歌獻給Scott，他是可靠又細膩的男子漢，我愛死了。

Ms. Independent like a Ne-Yo song. So forward thinking that you’re beyond smart.

獨立小姐，像Ne-Yo的歌一樣。高瞻遠矚，慧眼獨具。

Do what you do. Get the best of the best.

衷於自我，發揮潛能。

You’re the queen of the cross, never settle down for less.

拿著十字架的皇后，永不屈服。

Cuz that what you want. Raising the bar.

因為這就是你要的， 提高標準。

No more dating ancient grandpas.

不要再跟老阿公約會。

Here we go, Sarah, working hard all day.

來吧Sarah，辛勤認真。

Love is a drug, don’t overdose.

愛情是藥，別嗑過頭。

Go for gold, hold your own.

自己把握，只要最好的。

You’re the best around, Karate Kid song.

像Karate Kid主題曲一樣，你宇宙無敵優秀。

After they were done, we tested their current level of happiness.

一切都完成後，再次測試他們的快樂指數。

We saw an average increase of 13% and jumps as high as 31%.

正面情緒平均增加了13% ，有人甚至激升31%。

So yeah, maybe you can’t change where you are, but there is a healthy way to work through it.

你無法扭轉已經發生的事，但你有個健康的途徑可以適當渲洩。

Don’t look at the relationship as a failure.

不要把這場關係看作是一個失敗。

Recognize it as an experience that made you smarter.

經歷分手之後，你會更成熟。

In correlating breakups with addiction, researchers prove something we’ve known right from the start.

若把分手比作藥物成癮，研究人員證實了我們早就知道的事：

Time really does heal all wounds.

「時間是最好的解藥。」

I’m Julian, and thank you for watching this season of "The Science of Love."

我是Julian，謝謝你收看本次的The Science of Love。

Soul Pancake. Subscribe!

Soul Pancake 請訂閱！