SHUT UP!

(My strange addiction)

My name is Anthony

and everyone keeps telling me I'm addicted to taking selfies.

They must be addicted to being stupid

because I hardly ever take selfies.

Anthony's life partner, Ian, is the only one that knows the full extend of Anthony's problem.

He invited us over to see if we can help before Anthony's addiction goes too far.

First of, I'm not Anthony's life partner.

Just get that out of the way.

But anyway, yes. He is definately addicted to taking selfies.

I mean, everyday he's taking shirtless photos of himself with his cat.

And when he is not at home, he's taking shirtless selfies of himself with, just, other random cats on the street.

Yeah, gotta get my cat selfie!

IT'S NOT EVEN REAL!

My pussy...

Anthony spends 17 hours a day deciding which filter he's going to use.

That's over 6000 hours a week.

That's almost the same height as a Brontosaurus.

I'm just afraid of this problem spiraling out of control.

#IanTalkingSmack

He's even taking part of the stupid new selfie trends.

#AfterSex

#AfterPoop

#AfterWorkoutButt

#AfterMurder

In an act of desperation, Ian has listed Anthony's girlfriend to help with the intervention.

My mom is not Anthony's girlfriend.

If I've said enough, it might come true.

#AfterMarriageYouWillBeMySon

They've asked us to leave the room, so they can have a heart to heart with Anthony.

But we stayed in the room anyway.

Come on, man. Please stop taking a selfie.

I mean, both of us are here because we want to help...

Fine. I won't take any more selfies.

Give me the phone then.

Thank you.

And that one.

Anthony has taken 565 gigabytes of selfies.

If gigabytes were hamburger bites, you could feed 7 million midgets in New York City.

Hamburgers aren't made of ham and that really confuses me.

Anthony's rehad is going kinda

like shit!

All you have to do is take a picture of the food just like any normal Asian would.

I can't.

#AfterIEatThisImGonnaTakeA #AfterPoopSelfie

So I just need to take a picture of you with another person, alright?

#ICantStop

As a last ditch effort, Ian has decided to offer 6 US dollars to make Anthony stop taking selfies.

I like taking baths with 6 naked Persian m...

God damn it, Garry. Don't write that shit!

My mom doesn't know yet!

Alright, I cleared out my entire college...

What the hell are you doing?

I'm gonna cut my body off and take a selfie of my head just rolling around.

#AfterCuttingMyBodyOffSelfie

Stop! If you don't do this,

I'll actually be your girlfriend.

REALLY?

FUCK NO!

Hey, Anthony. This time you've taken it too far.

#ILoveYou

#NotTheGayWay

All I ever wanted was someone to love me.

#NotTheGayWay

Promise me you'll never take another selfie again.

I promise.

#ImTellingALieIWillKeepTakingSelfiesForever AndIanCantHearMeBecauseHisHearingSucks

What?

#Nothing

You know. I'm so glad Anthony finally got rid of his addiction.

Maybe now he can actually contribute to society

like I do by...

taking pictures of my balls.

Alright, here we....

Who put these freaking balls in the way?

There we go!

Perfect.

If you know someone who's addicted to taking selfies, please send them this video before it's too late.

Or just tell them to stop being such a narcissistic asshole.

Captioned by HCHS63rdWilsonZombie