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  • There's an old joke. Two elderly women are at a Catskill Mountain resort.

  • One of 'em says, "The food at this place is really terrible."

  • The other one says, "Yeah, I know. And such small portions."

  • That's essentially how I feel about life.

  • Full of loneliness and misery and suffering and unhappiness.

  • And it's all over much too quickly.

  • The other important joke for me is one that's usually attributed to Groucho Marx.

  • I think it appears originally in Freud's Wit and its Relation to the Unconscious.

  • It goes like this - I'm paraphrasing. I would never wanna belong to any club...

  • ...that would have someone like me for a member.

  • That's the key joke of my adult life in terms of my relationships with women.

  • Lately the strangest things have been going through my mind.

  • Cos I turned 40, and I guess I'm going through a life crisis.

  • I'm not worried about ageing. Although I'm balding slightly on top.

  • That's about the worst you can say about me.

  • I think I'm gonna get better as I get older.

  • I think I'm gonna be the balding virile type,...

  • ...as opposed to, say, the distinguished grey, for instance.

  • Unless I'm one of those guys with saliva dribbling out of his mouth,...

  • ...who wanders into a cafeteria with a shopping bag,...

  • ...screaming about socialism.

  • Annie and I broke up. And I still can't get my mind around that.

  • I keep sifting the pieces of the relationship through my mind,...

  • ...examining my life, and trying to figure out - where did the screwup come?

  • A year ago we were... in love, you know.

  • And... It's funny... I'm not a morose type. I'm not a depressive character.

  • I... I, uh... You know...

  • I was a reasonably happy kid, I guess.

  • I was brought up in Brooklyn during World War II.

  • He's been depressed. All of a sudden he can't do anything.

  • - Why are you depressed, Alvy? - Tell Dr Flicker.

  • It's something he read.

  • Something he read, uh?

  • - The universe is expanding. - The universe is expanding?

  • The universe is everything. If it's expanding, someday it will break apart...

  • ..and that will be the end of everything.

  • What is that your business?

  • He stopped doing his homework.

  • - What's the point? - What has the universe got to do with it?

  • You're here in Brooklyn! Brooklyn is not expanding!

  • It won't be expanding for billions of years yet, Alvy.

  • And we've gotta try and enjoy ourselves while we're here, uh?

  • Uh? Uh? (laughs)

  • My analyst says I exaggerate my childhood memories.

  • But I was brought up under the roller coaster...

  • ..in the Coney Island section of Brooklyn.

  • Maybe that accounts for my personality, which is a little nervous.

  • I have a hyperactive imagination.

  • My mind tends to jump around a little.

  • I have some trouble between fantasy and reality.

  • My father ran the bumper car concession.

  • There he is.

  • And there I am.

  • I used to get my aggression out through those cars all the time.

  • I remember the staff at our public school.

  • We had a saying: "Those who can't do, teach,...

  • ..and those who can't teach, teach gym."

  • And those who couldn't do anything, I think, were assigned to our school.

  • I always thought my schoolmates were idiots.

  • Melvyn Greenglass. His fat little face.

  • And Henrietta Farrell. Just Miss Perfect all the time.

  • And Ivan Ackerman. Always the wrong answer. Always.

  • Seven and three is nine.

  • Even then, I knew they were just jerks.

  • In 1942 I had already discovered women.

  • Ugh! He kissed me!

  • He kissed me! Ugh!

  • That's the second time this month! Step up here! Step up here!

  • - What did I do? - You should be ashamed of yourself.

  • Why? I was just expressing a healthy sexual curiosity.

  • Six-year-old boys don't have girls on their minds.

  • I did.

  • For God's sakes, Alvy! Even Freud speaks of a latency period.

  • Well, I never had a latency period. I can't help it.

  • Why couldn't you have been more like Donald? Now there was a model boy.

  • Tell the folks where you are today.

  • I run a profitable dress company.

  • Sometimes I wonder where my classmates are today.

  • I'm president of the Pinkus Plumbing Company.

  • I sell tallises.

  • I used to be a heroin addict. Now I'm a methadone addict.

  • I'm into leather.

  • I lost track of most of my schoolmates, but I wound up a comedian.

  • They did not take me in the army. I was... Interestingly enough... I was 4-P.

  • In the event of war, I'm a hostage.

There's an old joke. Two elderly women are at a Catskill Mountain resort.

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安妮霍爾(Annie Hall - Opening)片頭

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    fisher 發佈於 2013 年 04 月 12 日
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