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  • I’m going to talk to you tonight about coming out of the closet,

    今晚,我要和各位觀眾討論走出衣櫃

  • and not in the traditional sense, not just the gay closet.

    而這種走出衣櫃,不是以前大家所熟知的出櫃成為同性戀

  • I think we all have closets.

    我相信各位家裡都有衣櫃

  • Your closet may be telling someone you love her for the first time,

    你的衣櫃可能會透露你愛上某個女孩了、

  • or telling someone that youre pregnant,

    妳懷孕了、

  • or telling someone you have cancer,

    你得癌症了

  • or any of the other hard conversations we have throughout our lives.

    或是生活中生硬的對話

  • All a closet is, is a hard conversation.

    衣櫃就像是生硬的對話

  • And although our topics may vary tremendously,

    雖然我們的主題可能差異很大

  • the experience of being in and coming out of the closet is universal.

    但「出櫃」和「不出櫃」的經驗都非常普遍

  • It is scary and we hate it,

    這很恐怖,我們不喜歡這樣

  • and it needs to be done.

    所以我們現在就得終結它

  • Several years ago, I was working at the South Side Walnut Café,

    幾年前,我在South Side Walnut Café,

  • a local diner in town,

    我們鎮上一家小餐廳工作

  • and during my time there I would go through phases of militant lesbian intensity,

    在那時候,我正式成為激進的同性戀份子

  • not shaving my armpit, quoting Ani DiFranco lyrics as gospel.

    我不刮腋毛,把Ani DiFranco的歌詞當作人生至理名言

  • And depending on the bagginess of my cargo shorts and how recently I had shaved my head,

    而是穿著寬鬆的工作褲,「我多久剪一次頭髮」,

  • the question would often be sprung on me, usually by a little kid.

    讓我想起以前小孩常常會問我

  • Um, are you a boy or are you a girl?”

    「你到底是男生還是女生?」

  • And there would be an awkward silence at the table.

    那時餐桌上就會鴉雀無聲

  • I’d clench my jaw a little tighter,

    我最好合緊下巴

  • hold my coffee pot with a little more vengeance.

    以免把咖啡潑向他來報復

  • The dad would awkwardly shuffle his newspaper and the mom would shoot a chilling stare at her kid.

    小孩的爸爸會尷尬地拿起報紙,而媽媽會凶狠地瞪著小孩

  • But I would say nothing,

    我不會說話

  • and I would see the inside.

    但我心裡非常激動

  • And it got to the point where every time I walked up to a table that had a kid anywhere between 3 and 10 years old,

    每次走向一個桌子,就會有3歲到10歲之間的小孩問我這個問題

  • I was ready to fight.

    這次我準備要應戰了

  • And that is a terrible feeling.

    而那種感覺真是糟透了

  • So I promised myself, the next time I would say something.

    我向自己保證,下次我一定會回應

  • I would have that hard conversation.

    我一定得面對那生硬的對話

  • So within a matter of weeks, it happens again.

    幾週後,這情形又發生了

  • Are you a boy or are you a girl?”

    「你是男生還是女生?」

  • Familiar silence, but this time I’m ready,

    一樣鴉雀無聲,但這次我準備好了

  • and I am about to go all Women’s Studies 101 on this table.

    我正準備要在這桌上發表有關Women’s Studies 101的演講

  • I’ve got my Betty Friedan quotes.

    我要引用Betty Friedan

  • I’ve got my Gloria Steinem quotes.

    和Gloria Steinem的名言

  • I’ve even got this little bit fromVagina Monologues” I’m going to do.

    我還準備要講一小段Vagina Monologues裡面的內容

  • So I take a deep breath and I look down,

    我深吸一口氣,看著

  • and staring back at me is a 4-year-old girl in a pink dress,

    和我四目相交,身穿粉紅色洋裝的4歲小女孩

  • not a challenge to a feminist duel,

    這不是男女平等主義的鬥爭

  • just a kid with a question: Are you a boy or are you a girl?

    而是一個小孩問的問題:你是男生還是女生?

  • So I take another deep breath,

    所以我又再深吸一口氣

  • squat down next to her and say,

    蹲下來並對她說

  • Hey I know it’s kind of confusing.

    「我知道妳很困惑,

  • My hair is short like a boy’s and I wear boy’s clothes,

    我的頭髮剪得像男生一樣短,我的穿著也打扮得像男生一樣,

  • but I’m a girl, and you know how sometimes you like to wear a pink dress,

    但我是女生,你知道嗎?你有時會喜歡穿粉紅色洋裝,

  • and sometimes you like to wear your comfy jammies?

    有時也會想要換穿寬鬆舒適的衣服,

  • Well, I’m more of a comfy jammies kind of girl.”

    我是比較常穿寬鬆舒適衣服的女生」

  • And this kid looks me dead in the eye, without missing a beat and says,

    這個小女孩不但沒被打擊,看著我說:

  • My favourite pajamas are purple with fish. Can I get a pancake please?”

    「我最喜歡的紫色睡衣上有小魚圖案。我可以點鬆餅嗎?」

  • And that was it. Just, “Oh, okay. Youre a girl. How about that pancake?”

    我說:「當然可以,妳是女生,點這個口味的鬆餅怎麼樣?」

  • It was the easiest hard conversation I have ever had.

    這就是我經歷過最簡單的「生硬的對話」

  • And why?

    為什麼?

  • Because pancake girl and I, we were both real with each other.

    因為鬆餅女孩和我,都是真心誠意地對待彼此

  • So like many of us, I’ve lived in a few closets in my life, and yeah, most often,

    所以像我們大部分的人,我已經關在衣櫃裡很多年了,更多時候

  • my walls happened to be rainbow.

    阻擋我出櫃的那道牆變成了彩虹

  • But inside, in the dark, you can’t tell what color the walls are.

    但其實在黑暗的衣櫃中,你不知道牆的顏色

  • You just know what it feels like to live in a closet.

    你只知道那感覺像是活在衣櫥裡

  • So really, my closet is no different than yours,

    所以其實我的衣櫃和你、

  • or yours, or yours.

    妳、祢的衣櫃差異不大

  • Sure, I’ll give you a 100 reasons why coming out of my closet was harder than coming out of yours, but here’s the thing.

    當然我會給你100個理由,讓你知道我比你出櫃還要更困難,以下請聽仔細

  • Hard is not relative. Hard is hard.

    困難沒什麼大不了,困難就困難

  • Who can tell me that explaining to someone youve just declared bankruptcy is harder than telling someone you just cheated on them?

    誰可以告訴我,向其他人宣布你破產了,比告訴你男朋友你劈腿了,還更困難?

  • Who can tell me that his coming out story is harder than telling your 5-year-old youre getting a divorce?

    誰可以告訴我,說自己的出櫃故事,比告訴5歲的孩子自己離婚的事情,還更困難?

  • There is no harder. There is just hard.

    這不會非常困難,這只是普通難而已

  • We need to stop ranking our hard against everyone else’s hard

    我們不要再比較誰比誰辛苦

  • to make us feel better or worse about our closets

    而讓自己覺得出櫃比較好,或是不好

  • and just commiserate on the fact that we all have hard.

    而憐憫自己活得很辛苦

  • At some point in our lives, we all live in closets,

    有時候,我們都活在自己的衣櫃裡

  • and they may feel safe,

    而他們覺得這樣比較安全

  • or at least safer than what lies on the other side of that door.

    或至少,比依賴在另一道門上,還要更安全

  • But I am here to tell you, no matter what your walls are made of,

    在這裡,我要告訴你,不論衣櫃的門是什麼材質做的

  • a closet is no place for a person to live.

    衣櫃,都不是人該住的地方

  • Thanks.

    謝謝

  • So imagine yourself 20 years ago.

    想像自己20年前的樣子

  • Me, I had a pony tail,

    我,綁著馬尾、

  • a strapless dress and high-heeled shoes.

    穿著無肩帶洋裝和高跟鞋的我

  • I was not the militant lesbian ready to fight any 4-year-old that walked into the café.

    我不是準備要和走進餐廳的4歲小孩開戰的激進派同性戀份子

  • I was frozen by fear,

    我被恐懼嚇呆了

  • curled up in the corner of my pitch-black closet,

    蜷縮在黑色衣櫃的角落

  • clutching my gay grenade,

    手裡拿著同性戀手榴彈

  • and moving one muscle is the scariest thing I have ever done.

    而風吹草動就是我所經歷過最可怕的事情

  • My family, my friends, complete strangers,

    我的家人、朋友和所有不認識的人

  • I had spent my entire life trying to not disappoint these people, and now

    我一生都在嘗試不要逃避這些人,而現在

  • I was turning the world upside down on purpose.

    我故意顛倒是非

  • I was burning the pages of the script we had all followed for so long,

    我把原本應該照著走的劇本都燒毀

  • but if you do not throw that grenade, it will kill you.

    但如果你不把那顆手榴彈丟掉,你還是死命一條

  • One of my most memorable grenade tosses was at my sister’s wedding.

    其中一件令我印象最深刻的丟手榴彈事件,就是在我姐姐的婚禮上

  • It was the first time that many in attendance knew I was gay,

    那是第一次,在場那麼多人知道我是同性戀

  • so in doing my maid of honor duties,

    所以作為伴娘該有的任務

  • in my black dress and heels,

    就是穿著黑洋裝和高跟鞋

  • I walked around the tables and finally landed on a table of my parentsfriends,

    我在桌子和桌子之間遊走,最後停在我父母親的朋友和親戚桌旁

  • folks that had known me for years.

    他們都認識我很久了

  • And after a little small talk, one of the women shouted out,

    勝談一番後,一位女士大叫:

  • “I love Nathan Lane.”

    「我愛Nathan Lane」

  • And the battle of gay reliability had begun.

    而那就是同性戀開戰的時候了

  • Ash, have you ever been to the Castro?”

    「Ash,你去過Castro嗎?」

  • Well yeah, actually, we have friends in San Francisco.”

    「有,其實我們在舊金山就認識了」

  • Well, weve never been to there but weve heard it’s fabulous.”

    「我們沒去過那裡,但有聽說過那裡的風景很美」

  • Ash, do you know my hairdresser Antonio?

    「Ash,你認識我的髮型師Antonio嗎?

  • He’s really good and he has never talked about a girlfriend.”

    他的技術非常好,可是他從來沒提過他有女朋友」

  • Ash, what’s your favorite TV show? Our favorite TV show?

    「Ash,你最喜歡的電視節目是哪部?我們最喜歡哪部?

  • Favorite, Will & Grace, and you know who we love?

    最喜歡Will & Grace,你知道我們喜歡劇中的誰嗎?

  • Jack. Jack is our favorite.”

    Jack,我們最喜歡Jack。」

  • And then one woman stumped

    這時,一位女士

  • but wanting so desperately to show her support,

    不顧受傷的腳,表示支持

  • to let me know she was on my side, she finally blurted out,

    她想讓我知道她站在我這邊,最後脫口而出說:

  • Well, sometimes my husband wears pink shirts.”

    「我老公有時候也會穿粉紅色襯衫。」

  • And I had a choice in that moment, as all grenade throwers do.

    因為所有手榴彈都已丟出來了,我可以選擇

  • I could go back to my girlfriend and my gay-loving table

    要回去找我女朋友和同性戀友人們

  • and mock their responses,

    嘲笑他們的回應

  • chastise their unworldliness and their inability to jump through the politically correct gay hoops I have brought with me,

    痛罵他們脫俗的行為,而且沒有能力跳脫我所帶來的政治正確的同性戀圈子

  • or I could empathize with them,

    或是要同情他們

  • and realize that that was maybe one of the hardest things they had ever done,

    然後了解到這或許是他們經歷過最困難的事

  • that starting and having that conversation was them coming out of their closets.

    而他們開始要面對生硬的對話時,他們已經出櫃了

  • Sure, it would have been easy to point out where they fell short.

    當然,這也很容易就能指出他們的缺點

  • It’s a lot harder to meet them where they are and acknowledge the fact that they were trying.

    要讓他們認識真正的自己,還要試著接受這些事實是非常困難的事

  • And what else can you ask someone to do but try?

    你還會要求其他人嘗試什麼事?

  • If youre going to be real with someone,

    如果你真心誠意地對待一個人

  • you gotta be ready for real in return.

    你就會真心誠意地回報他

  • So, hard conversations are still not my strong suit.

    所以生硬的對話還不是我的特長

  • Ask anybody I have ever dated.

    我問過曾經交往的對象

  • But I’m getting better,

    但我越來越好

  • and I follow what I like to call the three pancake girl principles.

    而且我都會照著「鬆餅女孩三部曲」做

  • Now, please view this through gay-colored lenses,

    現在,請大家用同性戀的角度來看這件事情

  • but know what it takes to come out of any closet is essentially the same.

    但你要知道,從櫃子裡出現的東西本來就會是一樣的

  • Number one: be authentic.

    一、當個可靠的人

  • Take the armor off. Be yourself.

    丟掉盔甲,做自己

  • That kid in the café had no armor but I was ready for battle.

    鬆餅女孩沒有穿盔甲保護自己,但我也準備好應戰了

  • If you want someone to be real with you, they need to know that you bleed too.

    如果你想要別人真心誠意對待你,你一定要讓他們知道自己也是有血有淚的人

  • Number two: Be direct. Just say it. Rip the Band-Aid off.

    二、做個坦率的人,有話直說,勇於撕掉標籤

  • If you know you are gay, just say it.

    如果你是同性戀,就大聲說出來

  • If you tell your parents you might be gay, they will hold out hope that this will change.

    如果你告訴父母,你可能是同性戀,他們會希望你能改變戀愛性向

  • Do not give them that sense of false hope.

    不要給他們那種錯誤的希望

  • And number three, and most important,

    最後但也最重要的

  • be unapologetic.

    三、你不需要道歉

  • You are speaking your truth.

    你只是說出事實

  • Never apologize for that.

    不需要道歉

  • And some folks might have gotten hurt along the way, so sure,

    有些人可能一路上傷痕累累,所以當然

  • apologize for what youve done,

    要為自己的作為道歉

  • but never apologize for who you are.

    但不要為了「你是誰」而道歉

  • And yeah, some folks may be disappointed,

    有些人可能會難過

  • but that is on them, not on you.

    但他們是他們,你是你

  • Those are their expectations of who you are, not yours.

    那些都只是他們對你的期望,不是你對自己的期許

  • That is their story, not yours.

    那是他們的故事,不是你自己的

  • The only story that matters is the one that you want to write.

    唯一重要的故事就是你自己寫的那篇故事

  • So the next time you find yourself in a pitch-black closet, clutching your grenade, know we have all been there before.

    所以下次你發現自己躲在黑暗的衣櫃裡,抓好你的手榴彈,了解到我們都曾經經歷過

  • And you may feel so very alone but you are not.

    而且你可能會覺得孤單,但其實你一點都不孤單

  • And we know it’s hard but we need you out here,

    我們知道面對事實很難,但我們要你面對真實的自己

  • no matter what your walls are made of,

    不論那道牆是什麼材質做的

  • because I guarantee you there are others peering through the keyhole of their closets looking for the next brave soul to bust a door open,

    因為我保證從他人的鑰匙孔窺探外面,你會找到下一個充滿勇氣的靈魂,讓你勇於破門而出

  • so be that person,

    所以做自己

  • and show the world that we are bigger than our closets.

    讓世界知道我們比衣櫃還要強大

  • And that a closet is no place for a person to truly live.

    而且衣櫃根本不是人類該住的地方

  • Thank you, Boulder. Enjoy your night.

    謝謝大家,享受美好的夜晚吧

I’m going to talk to you tonight about coming out of the closet,

今晚,我要和各位觀眾討論走出衣櫃

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B1 中級 中文 美國腔 TED 衣櫃 同性戀 手榴彈 鬆餅 困難

【TED】艾許.貝克漢: 人都有秘密,讓我們找到敞開心胸的勇氣吧 (Ash Beckham: We're all hiding something. Let's find the courage to open up)

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    Go Tutor 發佈於 2014 年 11 月 02 日
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