I take a crap load of pictures, but it's the digital age.

我拍了很多照片，但現在是數碼時代。

So it's like, you know, my dad took, I mean, hundreds of thousands of photos, but not of us.

所以就像，你知道，我爸爸拍了，我是說，成千上萬的照片，但不是我們的。

You know, it was like, we'd have these family dinners and he would sort of, you know, right when the digital cameras came out, you know, it was also in perfect concert with when internet was dial up.

你知道，就像我們一起吃家庭聚餐，他會說，你知道，就在數碼相機出現的時候，你知道，這也是在互聯網撥號上網的時候，我們完美的配合。

So he would take about a hundred thousand photos and then at night he would get online on the dial up and email them to everybody.

是以，他會拍攝大約十萬張照片，然後在晚上用撥號上網，用電子郵件發送給每個人。

And you'd have, and I'm not joking here, you'd have like four or 500 pictures of a blurry meatloaf.

你會有，我不是在開玩笑，你會有四五百張模糊的肉餅照片。

And it would take, you know, the gross domestic output of most countries just to download all of these horrible files.

要知道，光是下載這些可怕的文件，就需要大多數國家的國內生產總值。

And I remember, I was a terrible child.

我記得，我是個糟糕的孩子。

Let me preface it with that.

讓我先說說這一點。

I was about 18 years old and in the middle of the dinner once, I grabbed the camera and I went in the bathroom and I just took a picture of my penis.

我當時大約 18 歲，有一次在吃晚飯的時候，我拿起相機走進洗手間，給自己的小弟弟拍了一張照片。

And I just wanted to see if he would naturally edit these photos at some point.

我只是想看看他是否會自然而然地編輯這些照片。

Nope.

沒有。

What, he sent it out?

什麼，他寄出去了？

Yeah.

是啊

So I think there's one day, I hope it doesn't happen, but there's a penis picture of mine floating around somewhere.

所以我覺得有一天，我希望這不會發生，但我的陰莖照片會在某個地方流傳。

Well, guess what?

你猜怎麼著？

We found it.

我們找到了

Take a look.

看一看

Let's see.

讓我們看看

What do you think this is?

你認為這是什麼？

I never- CVMA doesn't mean triple X.

我從不--CVMA 並不意味著三X。

I never understand.

我一直不明白。

I've heard of people who are like, you know, like sexting and stuff and they'll like send a picture of a penis.

我聽說過一些人，你知道的，比如發短訊之類的，他們會發一張陰莖的照片。

I can't think of anything more threatening to send a woman than a picture of a penis.

我想不出還有什麼比陰莖照片更能威脅女人的了。

Like in terms of like sexy, it's like just a rung below, like a picture of yourself committing domestic terrorism.

從性感的角度來說，這就像是比自己進行國內恐怖活動的照片低了一級。

Like I don't know why someone does that.

我不知道為什麼會有人這麼做。

I don't know.

我不知道。

I've been told mine is not threatening.

有人告訴我，我的孩子不具威脅性。

People are like, we're fine with that.

人們會說，我們沒問題。

Show that to anybody.

給任何人看

Hey, thanks for watching.

謝謝觀看

Be sure to click subscribe to see even more great Conan clips.

請務必點擊訂閱，觀看更多精彩的柯南片段。

You may now return to your pirated movies and creepy Japanese pornography.

你現在可以回去看你的盜版電影和令人毛骨悚然的日本色情片了。