and like that process is so different for everybody. it's a never-ending journey, it's something that you have to upkeep, it's like a muscle and training that muscle doesn't always feel good. like it can be really painful and it can be ugly and hard and i have watched myself come from an extremely insecure person and of course it's something that i'm still working on every day but i have healed and feel like i am kind of the opposite in some ways. like things that i used to be so insecure about now i love and have made me so confident. i recently the other day was just thinking about it and i was like wow i love myself and i have never been able to say that before. like i love myself, i love the way i act, i love the way i talk, i love the person i am, i love the friend i am. it doesn't mean that there aren't things that i still want to improve and learn and things that i will continue to grow in but i realized for the first time oh my god wow like i love myself. it just kind of felt like crazy and it hit me in the face because it's like whenever like for example my cat maizy, she used to be a tiny little kitten and i have pictures and memories and everything whenever she was so small but now she's huge, she's big. i've been with her basically every single day so that change was so gradual and i feel like that's kind of what happened with my confidence. like it was such a gradual journey like i didn't really notice at first that these things were changing. if anything it just felt like a lot of uncomfortable like oh my god there's a fly but it just felt like a lot of uncomfortable affirmations and change and the stuff and it was just like oh my god this is not doing anything i still feel insecure about this this and that but then like gradually as time went on that changed and i became a different person not overnight but like i did after i put in the work that was uncomfortable. i've been making floral arrangements for myself every week. i wanted to make one while while we're talking about this. i think the first question that i asked myself in the journey was what does my confident self act like?
這個過程對每個人來說都是不同的,它是一個永無止境的旅程,是你必須保持的東西,它就像一塊肌肉,訓練這塊肌肉並不總是感覺良好,就像它可能真的很痛苦,它可能是醜陋和困難的,我看著自己從一個極度不安全的人,當然,這是我每天仍在努力的東西,但我已經痊癒了,感覺我在某些方面有點相反。我愛我自己,我愛我的行為方式,我愛我說話的方式,我愛我現在的樣子,我愛我現在的朋友。這並不意味著我沒有想要改進和學習的地方,也不意味著我還會繼續成長,但我第一次意識到,天哪,我愛我自己。我基本上每天都和她在一起,所以這種變化是循序漸進的,