I have a massive package for you, and I also got this box!

我為你們準備了一個大包裹，我還收到了這個盒子！

Please, just stop it with the innuendos.

拜託，別再含沙射影了。

I'm getting tired of it.

我已經厭倦了。

Anyway, are those my Doritos, bruh?

總之，那是我的多力多滋嗎，兄弟？

I had a package coming in.

我有個包裹要送來

What?

什麼？

No!

不

Why would the box be so big?

盒子為什麼這麼大？

Cause I'm hungry, bruh.

因為我餓了

You absolute troglodytes.

你們這群白痴

The box is mine.

盒子是我的。

Oh, cool!

哦，酷

What'd you get?

你得到了什麼？

My new girlfriend.

我的新女友

What?

什麼？

You're replacing me?

你要取代我？

Yes.

是的。

Oh, well, let me help you open the box.

哦，好吧，我來幫你打開盒子。

Whoops, I hope I didn't break anything.

哎呀，希望我沒弄壞什麼東西。

My new girlfriend better have a... return policy.

我的新女友最好有......退貨政策。

Don't worry, I'm sure they're fine.

別擔心，我相信他們會沒事的。

Oh no, she's stupid.

哦，不，她太蠢了。

You must have hit her head.

你一定是撞到她的頭了

You're replacing me with a cat?

你要用一隻貓代替我？

I didn't know you were a furry.

我不知道你是毛茸茸的。

I'm not a furry.

我不是毛茸茸的。

I watched the entirety of Zootopia.

我看完了整部《動物世界》。

So?

所以呢？

Completely soft.

完全柔軟

Whoa!

哇哦

Bruh, most people don't even get past putting the DVD in!

大多數人甚至連 DVD 都放不進去！

Oh my god, I was bought by a bunch of incels!

天啊，我被一群亂倫者收買了！

Boy, bruv, just moved into the neighborhood, looking for a cup of sugar.

小夥子，剛搬到這附近，想喝杯糖水。

Quick, run!

快跑

This man is a furry, he's gonna bleep you!

這個人是個毛茸茸的傢伙，他會讓你嗶嗶的！

Don't make fun of the furry community.

不要取笑毛茸茸的群體。

Why not?

為什麼不呢？

If they can afford a $2,000 fursuit, they can afford a $10 pipe bomb in my mailbox.

如果他們買得起價值 2000 美元的皮草，他們也買得起在我信箱裡放一個價值 10 美元的管狀炸彈。

Well, I guess I'm more surprised you got a catboy.

好吧，我想我更驚訝的是你得到了一個貓男孩。

Lies.

謊言

I know a babe when I see one.

我一看就知道是個寶貝。

Trust me, master.

相信我，主人

I kinda got a sixth sense for these type of things.

我對這類事情有點第六感。

What?

什麼？

She looks like a girl, though.

不過，她看起來像個女孩。

Master, please!

主人，請

The government puts enough estrogen in one glass of tap water to give any man huge hamalulogos.

政府在一杯自來水中加入的雌激素，足以讓任何男人擁有巨大的睪丸。

Bruh, that's why I always drink my lemonade without the water.

所以我喝檸檬水時總是不加水。

You're just jealous I got a girlfriend.

你只是嫉妒我有了女朋友。

Yeah, and all it took was your credit card.

是啊，只需要你的信用卡。

Shut it.

閉嘴

I can prove it.

我可以證明。

I want you to imagine a cute gamer girlfriend.

我想讓你想象一個可愛的遊戲玩家女友。

Okay, I'm imagining it.

好吧，我在想象。

Good, cause that's the only place it's gonna exist.

很好，因為這是它唯一存在的地方。

In your imagination!

在你的想象中

Oh no, he's right.

哦，不，他是對的。

Gamer girls don't exist!

遊戲女玩家並不存在！

I was a fool!

我是個傻瓜！

Bruh, you don't gotta have an existential crisis, bruh.

布魯赫，你不必有生存危機，布魯赫。

You could just ask them what they is.

你可以直接問他們是什麼。

Oh, yeah.

哦，是的

Hey, you a boy or a girl?

嘿，你是男孩還是女孩？

Which gender gets more free stuff?

哪種性別能獲得更多免費物品？

Female.

女

Bruh, there's a limit to how based we can be.

布魯赫，我們的能力是有限的。

Anyway, as my new probably girlfriend, I expect you to do girlfriend things.

不管怎麼說，作為我的新女朋友，我希望你能做女朋友該做的事。

Like tell me if caves are natural formations.

比如告訴我洞穴是不是天然形成的。

I have a boyfriend.

我有男朋友了

Astolfo, I'm sorry for trying to replace you with that dumb cat.

阿斯托福，我很抱歉想用那隻笨貓代替你。

It's okay, master.

沒事的，主人

I'm also sorry for trying to gaslight you into thinking you're my gay furry.

我也很抱歉，我試圖對你施壓，讓你以為你是我的同志毛茸茸。

And that deep down, you really do care about me.

在內心深處，你真的很在乎我。

I'll break up with my boyfriend if you give me free stuff.

如果你給我免費的東西，我就和我男朋友分手。

Deal.

成交。