"But... this can't be Ashfur's purchase. He hated soap!"

With that realization haunting her, she hides the receipt where no one will ever find it.

Then, quickly before the prologue ends,

Yellowfang beats up Bluestar for some reason.

Meanwhile, in the Dream World

Lionblaze tells Tigerstar that he's not his real granddad

and he never loved him anyways.

he attacks him, but he's just generally ineffective

because his superpower is seemingly something stupid

like 1% chance to KO.

"What are you gonna do, kill me?" asks Tigerstar.

"Oh... yeah... that would be stupid, you're a ghost!"

Lionblaze wakes up to find the authors still remembering that Ashfur has friends

and their names are Thornclaw and Spiderleg.

Everyone thinks that WindClan did it.

"Nobody hates Ashfur!" insists Ferncloud, "He's never done anything wrong in his life!"

So Firestar composes a patrol of WindClan apologists and goes to ask Onestar if he knows anything.

They get there, watch Heathertail and Breezepelt kiss and then leave.

But before they can get away, Ashfoot makes sure that they know that Onestar is an idiot

and she's been operating the whole Clan behind his back.

That's when we discover hint number 1:

Sol has been casually hanging around close to where Ashfur's body was found!

Soon after, it's joined by hint number 2:

Hollyleaf spoke with Sol a few days before the murder!

So, obviously, without thinking this over whatsoever, they create a patrol to hunt down Sol.

Hazeltail's excited that she gets to do something for once!

"Maybe I'm becoming important!"

Sorry Hazeltail... you're not.

Before they leave, Jayfeather has a vision where Midnight tells him that Sol's her favourite character and he can do no wrong.

That's pretty weird, so Jayfeather ignores it and lets the patrol go anyways

Hollyleaf is pretty convinced that her life is over now that Squirrelf and Brambleman aren't her parents

so she spends several chapters trying to become a background character.

Back in camp, Firestar asks Leafpool if she can call Ashfur in StarClan for him.

"I... don't want to talk to Ashfur," says Leafpool

"Fair enough!" responds Firestar.

Jayfeather wants to know why Squirrelflight lied

but Squirrelflight doesn't have any rights and isn't allowed to explain herself!

"Heeeyyy Rock. Who are my real parents?" asks Jayfeather.

Rock appears, then tells him nothing, just to let him know that he hears him and also doesn't care.

Back at Midnight's base, Brackenfur, Brambleclaw and Birchbutt get bobbed out to sea

by a malicious, bee-hating entity

but is beautifully basted by Lionblaze's branch-busting technique.

Then Hazeltail falls into a trash bin

revealing to the warrior cats the sort of wonders that they could have been eating all along.

Meanwhile, Jayfeather is pulling some fleas off of Briarkit when Toadkit

absolutely destroys him.

Top Ten Warrior Cats Battles: Number 1! Toadkit defeats Jayfeather.

This is the straw that convinces Leafpool to give him some battle training.

Spottedleaf appears, then tells him nothing just to let him know that she hears him and also doesn't care.

She also implies that she didn't even know who his parents are

so that's a +1 for the 'StarClan is idiots' theory.

It's also a lie.

It's also, just, definitely a lie.

Hollyleaf gets her tongue stuck to a pole, then dogs attack!

Lionblaze is going to fight 5 dogs, when they are disappointingly saved by an alley cat.

Just... let Lionblaze fight 5 dogs.

They take them into their stinky cat house where they learn about how Sol gas-lit an entire neighbourhood.

Despite this, some loser in the shack is totally in love with him.

He's problematic Speckle. Stop falling in love with villians and murderers.

To try and unveil the mystery of his birth, Jayfeather asks Mousefur about it.

"Oh. Leafpool had you," says Mousefur.

'This still doesn't explain who my parents are', thinks Jayfeather

So Jayfeather asks Leafpool if she knows anything.

"Stop worrying about the fact that I gave birth to you and do something productive," responds Leafpool.

Will he ever solve this mystery?

Brambleclaw's patrol just... kind of abandons the alley cats with their dog problem and goes off to find Purdy

Sweet, lovable, stellar, ever-rememberable Purdy.

Instead, they find Sol.

Horrible, emotionless, manipulative Sol.

"What are you doing at Purdy's house?" asks everyone.

"I dunno," responds Sol.

They're about to take Sol back with them but then they realize by doing this

they would be committing the ultimate sin of making Purdy lonely.

"Purdy should stay lonely," says Hollyleaf.

But nobody cares what Hollyleaf wants. They get to spend more time with Purdy!

Later that night, Hollyleaf decides that Sol is her new therapist

Back in ThunderClan, it seems that Leafpool is acting strange.

Could it be she's hiding something?

Something murderous?

Brambleclaw's patrol dumps Sol and Purdy in camp and collapses.

Every cat in ThunderClan treats Sol's interrogation like it's Christmas morning.

Unfortunately, Santa has not brought them a believable culprit.

Amazingly, an extracurricular activity, lying around in the sun, is reintroduced for the first time in like 15 books.

Berrynose and Honeyfern are laying around like idiots and talking about how they're going to have, like, 15 children.

A nearby snake, concerned about what more kits will do to the community and overall development of Warrior Cats background characters

decides to eat some of the current kits to even out this whole thing a little

but is intercepted by Honeyfern.

"Oh. Ow. Maybe this was a mistake," says Honeyfern, dying.

Everyone turns to Leafpool, who says, "Eh, snakes. What can you do."

Then everyone decides to never relax again to prevent future tragedy.

So they spray Snake-Be-Gone ® over all the holes and call it a night.

Leafpool has a deathberry lesson where she teaches all the kits and apprentices about poison.

Bumblekit still thinks he should eat them.

Likewise, Jayfeather's a little bit too interested in the idea of hurting people with plants.

Then it's time for all the medicine cats to go drink the forbidden sky water and talk to dead people

but nobody comes to see Jayfeather.

"Y'know, Leafpool really was a mother to you," says Sorreltail to Hollyleaf back at camp.

'Well she's not my real mom!' thinks Hollyleaf.

'Oh. Wait. That's Squirrelflight I'm thinking of...'

This gives Hollyleaf the great idea of asking Leafpool who her parents are.

She keeps coming up in these conversations after all.

"Tell me who my mom is," says Hollyleaf.

"Only if you tell me where you keep your scented soap," responds Leafpool,

pulling out a $40 receipt.

Our third and final potential suspect: Hollyleaf.

"Oh yeah, I did that," says Hollyleaf.

"And I'm your mom."

"What? No. Medicine cats can't get pregnant - the power of StarClan prevents it."

"They can, and they will," responds Leafpool.

Then Hollyleaf jumps 400 meters into the sky.

Leafpool tries to go back to the medicine cave to sulk but Jayfeather immediately detects her misery.

"I know why you're upset!" screams Jayfeather, "You killed Ashfur!"

It all makes sense now.

"No... no it doesn't," responds Leafpool.

"Ah.. wait.. crap, you're my mom."

The Three are all kind of upset about this for a second

but then they realize that the prophecy that they haven't thought about all book was back on and partying.

Lionblaze sneaks into Sol's prison cell and Sol tells him that he'll let him know who his parents are if he lets him out.

"I.. already know. It's Leafpool," says Lionblaze.

"I'll tell you about the other one."

"THERE'S ANOTHER ONE?"

"You need two parents to- You know what, never mind," responds Sol.

Lionblaze tosses Sol up the quarry cliff in exchange for information anyways.

"Haha! I lied. Bye loser!" shouts Sol, running off.

ThunderClan just agrees to collectively lie about this whole situation later.

Squirrelflight and Leafpool try to tell the Three that they love them but they're all wearing headphones.

They track down Sol and demand to know who their other parent is.

Sol changes the subject to tell them about how their religion sucks. He's 100% right, but it's rude.

Jayfeather somehow knows that Whitewing is having daughters before she even has them. He never displays this power again.

Then, he tries to go to sleep, but he is woken up by Yellowfang's ghost.

"Your dad is Crowfeather," she says.

"I'm getting really sick and tired of watching you do this, that's all."

So the Three take off to threaten Crowfeather in the middle of the night like well-adjusted adults.

They get Crowfeather to meet them at the border and Jayfeather zaps himself into his memories directly

instead of having a conversation.

"You know what? No. Just no," says Crowfeather,

immediately disowning his three new children.

Hollyleaf's importance and specialness is now in the negative numbers

being a murderer, and more horribly, a half-Clan cat.

There is no longer Hollyleaf.

There is only Murderleaf now, and she is going to kill the next leaf she sees.

At the Gathering, she releases a feral screech and jumps up and down until everyone's looking at her.

"You think you know me," says Hollyleaf, "You think you know my brothers. You think you know each other."

"But the truth is... we're all in a book series for teenagers."

"What? No!!" responds the crowd.

"And what's worse: I don't have superpowers because they can't think of a third one!"

"Wait, hold on," says Leopardstar, "What's a book?"

"Ehh... well... Also Leafpool and Crowfeather are my real parents thanks for coming to my presentation."

The Clans then collectively panic about this even though it seemingly happens pretty regularly.

Crowfeather stands up to remind everyone that Breezepelt exists which just makes a bad Gathering worse.

Then Brambleclaw breaks up with Squirrelflight in front of everybody.

This is probably the best thing that happens in her life overall.

"Hollyleaf?? Why the heck did you do that?" asks Cinderheart.

"It made me feel better. I don't know what you guys are so upset about," responds Violencegrass.

Then she runs away and blames God for all of her friends hating her now.

Then she hides out in Leafpool's house with all the lights off and waits for her to come home.

"Hi Hollyleaf, how are you doing?" asks Leafpool.

"Please die." responds Hollyleaf.

"OK," says Leafpool.

"Wait no, actually I changed my mind. That's not causing you enough distress."

She runs away again and this time Lionblaze and Jayfeather catch up with her.

"Why... did you do that?" They ask.

"Do what?"

"What you just did. It was wrong, y'know."

"Ohhh you mean when I killed Ashfur."

"You did WHAT?!"

Jayfeather beams himself into her memories where he watches her tie Ashfur to a railroad track and twirl her mustache after.

"OK well after the things you've done recently this is actually the least terrible," mumbles Lionblaze.

Then a bunch of rocks fall on Hollyleaf.

"Oh no, she's dead!"

*muffled* "I'm right here!"

"I can't believe Hollyleaf is dead and we don't need to worry about this anymore!"

"Wanna go... pick out a new sister?" asks Lionblaze.

"lmao yeah, absolutely," responds Jayfeather, "I kinda like the gray one."