In the present, Firestar has been leader for nine months and feels pretty smug about it.

He's busying himself by thinking about how much Bramblepaw looks like Tigerstar, as usual, when he's visited by the ghost of warrior cats past! Ooo~!

Then he gives Brambleclaw the same suffix as his dad, because we're just not allowed to forget, are we?

Then he sees the ghost again and tries to talk to it in front of everyone.

Fireheart tells Cinderpelt about his visions, and as usual, she denies their legitimacy.

Thank you, Cinderpelt, for being so helpful.

Suddenly, Longtail breaks into camp!

He's been blinded after starting a fight with the entire cast of Watership Down.

Literally nothing happens for weeks on end until Firestar decides to go see the ghosts on purpose instead.

"Who are these dead cats?" asks Firestar. All of the StarClan cats shuffle uncomfortably.

"No, no, seriously you guys," says Firestar.

After two hours of dodging the question, they tell him about how they literally kicked out an entire Clan of cats,

to go live in a hole 15 years ago, 20 years ago, however long it was.

Firestar decides that SkyClan needs his help.

StarClan decides this is the worst idea ever conceived.

Bluestar tries the "four trees means four Clans" thing on him, and he screams at her and leaves.

Cinderpelt tells him to have faith in StarClan, and this just makes him angrier.

He sees the dead SkyClan cats again, before Spottedleaf breaks into his dream.

Spottedleaf tells him all about how dead cats can't do anything about physical events, and...

...and Omen of the Stars determined that was a lie.

Firestar goes on patrol with Thornclaw, but the dead cats still won't leave him alone.

Then Smudge appears, getting beat up by ThunderClan's youth.

Apparently Smudge is having the same dreams as Firestar.

Smudge and Firestar's replacement fight over him for a while.

Apparently, Firestar needed to be sleeping in SkyClan territory to actually speak with them.

And as it turns out, the only reason the ghost didn't ask for help sooner was because

they were too proud to ask any Clan cats that were descended from the ones that drove them out.

Uh, great job helping your Clan you guys.

Firestar goes back and goes on patrol with Thornclaw... again.

Sootpaw gets attacked by a badger, which immediately kills Willowpelt, his mother.

Fireheart then dreams of Silverstream, who always has good ideas,

and she tells him to go save the dead cats instead of taking care of ThunderClan.

Then Firestar takes all of his friends into the woods to tell them he's leaving ThunderClan to do who knows what.

Sandstorm makes this about Spottedleaf.

Firestar tries to reassure her,

but simultaneously totally admits he'd rather be married to Spottedleaf.

He solves this by taking Sandstorm along.

Firestar then lies to everyone about where he's going and takes off.

Sandstorm and Firestar experience: Duck Hunt, a parking lot, a kitchen, and a thunderstorm,

before Sandstorm gets mad about how Firestar didn't actually want her to come.

Then Bluestar's head appears in the sky and Sandstorm gets washed away.

Bye Sandstorm, now we're free to date dead nuns to our heart's content!

Then Firestar gets chased by a car and spends the night in a pile of garbage.

He's saved by some stray cats and passively looks for Sandstorm by meeting them all and learning their names.

He gets into a fight with a kittypet that totally kicks his butt before Sandstorm jumps in and saves his pathetic life.

They keep following the creek until they get to a gigantic hole.

"Here we are," says Firestar.

"Where are the cats?" says Sandstorm.

"Dead," replies Firestar.

That's it, book's over, SkyClan's been found, Firestar's Quest has ended.

Firestar has a small crisis about the cats around here not sharing his religion

and then beats up the first cat he meets.

Then Firestar and Sandstorm get pranked repeatedly by the local kittypets.

They hunt down the children and then corner and threaten them until they apologize.

The cats tell him that all the cats are gone, except for crazy old Moonkitti, who comes once a month to tell you about StarClan.

They also say that they like to beat them up.

Firestar and Sandstorm try to contact Moonkitti, but they get muted on Twitter for spamming.

All the other cats they meet are just comically rude to them.

Moonkitti returns to the gorge and they try to get noticed.

"I'm not Moonkitti!" shouts the cat. "Do I sound like I'm Moonkitti?"

The cat's real name is Spaceshipfur, a traditional SkyClan name.

Neil Armstrong then tells them that the gorge absolutely sucks,

and nothing but terrible things happen to all the cats living there.

"This seems like the best place ever to rebuild SkyClan!" says Firestar.

Firestar starts immediately training the rude children to get buff.

Then everybody gets into a fight with an innocent fox who just wanted some kittens for breakfast.

Clover doesn't want to be a warrior. Clover wants to have babies until she dies.

After recruiting Cloverjones and Sharpsharp,

Dr. Pepper and Cherry Dr. Pepper decide to round up all the people they know with the best legs.

Firestar stands on a rock and tells all the cats that joining SkyClan is the only way to save their mortal souls.

All of the reasonable people leave.

Firestar renames all the cats in the most insulting ways he can manage,

and for some reason they're all okay with it.

Skywatcher pulls Firestar to the side and says, "Your grandchildren are gonna be pretty weird, dude."

Firestar thinks about this prophecy briefly, before forgetting about it for an entire arc.

Then Skywatcher drops dead. Sharpclaw wants to be king.

The Neo-SkyClan cats tell Firestar that if they look in the mirror and say 'Meow Mix' three times on the night that a cat dies, you'll die too.

"That's nonsense," says the cat who came here because ghosts told him to.

Firestar's several problems include:

Clovertail doesn't want to do any work.

"My kits!"

Sharpclaw really, really wants to be leader.

"Nine lives!"

And Shortwhisker needs to be the worst cat in the room.

"I'm more depressed than you guys are!"

Oh, and also that they don't have a medicine cat, or any of the resources required to train them.

The kittens find SkyClan's ghost zone,

And Firestar stomps down into the cave to tell them to send them a doctor.

Rainfur, who didn't want to join the clan,

comes crawling back when his wife and children are literally going to die.

Hah, what a loser, am I right?

Sharpclaw and Patchfoot pretend to be a fighting couple to distract the Twoleg and sneak the kits out.

"Joke's on you, this is our wife now!" says Sandstorm, bringing the kits to Skyclan.

There's suddenly a suspicious amount of rats everywhere.

"Rats are easy, no problem!" says Firestar, getting mauled by 700 of them.

All the cats band together to defend the home that they've lived in for two weeks with their lives.

Before they fight, Spottedleaf floats down from heaven to treat Patchfoot,

and also to rub the fact that Firestar still has the hots for her in Sandstorm's face.

Firestar makes it clear to Sandstorm that he only wants her... until he dies, that is.

Sharpjoe reminds everyone that he wants to be leader,

which just leads to everyone fretting about not having a medicine cat again.

"Medicine cats are born, not made," says Firestar, completely invalidating Cinderpelt.

Skywatcher, apparently the only SkyClan StarClan cat who wants to bother helping in his Clan's restoration,

floats down to tell Firestar that they totally have a medicine cat coming, he's just lost in the mail.

Firestar takes Borissparrow and goes to the post office to get their medicine cat.

They fight with Oscar the Grouch for a few seconds before she just shows up.

"You're a warrior cat!" says Firestar.

"Okay, I'm already packed," responds Echo.

Because they haven't seen rats in a few days, the SkyClan cats have decided that rats don't exist.

Seconds later, the rats attacks. Billions of rats. Uncountable rats.

Uh, versus about 13 cats at most... give or... t-take a few.. uh... I wasn't really counting.

Then the rats retreat for basically no reason.

So Firestar brings the fight to the rats, and everybody goes to heck immediately, because nobody listens to anybody around here.

Firestar tells them to get out of there, but Rainfur decides to drown in rats instead.

Firestar jumps in to save him... and immediately dies.

That's it, we're done, book's over, Firestar's Quest has ended.

Oh, and Rainfur's dead too, so you know it was all just for nothing.

Firestar revives with his evil God-given magic and the rats form a giant rat.

Spottedleaf's ghost points to the leader rat and Firestar kills it,

causing the rest of the rats to explode.

After the rat attack, Shortwhisker decides to chicken out and go back to being Loserface the kittypet.

Sandstorm has had just about enough of being SkyClan's babysitter, and really wants to go home now.

Then Echoecho corners Firestar in a hole and tells him that Leafdapple is best girl.

They catch Leafsarah and tell her that she's gotta be leader now.

"I'm not so great," says Leafdapple. "I haven't even been to college!"

So they send Leafdapple to BCC for two years,

and she comes back qualified to be everyone's manager for some reason.

They push Leafdapple into the ghost hole to experience the torturous life-giving ceremony.

Then Firestar and Echofluffy watch as Leafmitten screams in pain for 45 minutes.

Sharpguy settles for his new position: leader as soon as Leafstar mysteriously disappears.

Then Leafstar gives Cherrypaw and Sparrowpaw warrior names unpronounceable by man.

Then Sandstorm finally manages to get Firestar to go home,

and we have the ultimate three-month timeskip.

And what do you know, Sandstorm is giving birth!

Sandstorm names the suspiciously red one Squirrelkit

and the suspiciously brown one Leafkit.

Yeah, Sandstorm did the Leafkit thing.

Not Firestar,

Sandstorm.