♪ Tonight you're gonna see a special story ♪

♪ A pop star and her fight for love and glory ♪

♪ We wish it was a little bit more gory ♪

♪ But they said we had to tell a family story ♪

♪ In the tale we tell not everything is fair ♪

♪ And someone gets some news they cannot bear ♪

♪ You blow the end I'll kick your derriere ♪

♪ OK, OK, our story starts in there ♪

♪ In there In there ♪

♪ In there In there... ♪

[rock music plays]

♪ I'm not going your way I'm not going your way ♪

♪ And when you're talking to me ♪

♪ Don't wanna hear the words that you say ♪

♪ I'm not going your way I'm not going your way ♪

♪ I can't lie I keep telling you, telling you ♪

♪ Baby I'm just having fun I'm just having fun ♪

♪ Yeah I'm just having fun ♪

♪ I'm just having fun... ♪

Hey guys, um, ya'll sound great, it's just,

I mean, the lyrics. I wrote 'em a month ago

and they're starting to sound as tired as one of my dad's

"back when I was in a band" stories.

You know, back when I was in a band,

we didn't have cheese near this fancy.

We had nacho cheese.

That's the cheese we'd steal from ZZ Top's dressing room,

then some dude would come in and say "hey, that's not'cho cheese."

[forced chuckling]

Hey, Hannah, you know the lyrics aren't that bad.

Yeah, but they're not that good, either.

[mocking] ♪ I'm not going your way, I'm not going your way ♪

Ah!

♪ I was only kidding You look really pretty ♪

[nervous chuckling]

Oh, don't think I didn't notice you

bailing on the one you say you love.

Oliver, Lilly is the one who loves you, OK?

Lola is dating Justin Timberlake,

according to an internet rumor I have no idea who started.

Hey, guys, ya'll can take off.

I've still got a little work to do on the lyrics.

A little work? [scoffing]

It's like saying Taylor Swift is a little bit cute.

- Oh, what, you can fake date and I can't? OK. - Yeah.

Hey, you wanna grab some lunch?

Jesse, you know, that's really sweet

but I kinda make it a thing not to date guys in my band

so, if at some point you want to have lunch, that's cool.

But, you know, just not "have lunch."

OK, yeah. Cool.

What are you doing?

OK, if I were you, I would be, uh,

grabbing lunch and stayin' for dessert.

- That'd be Lola talking, right? - Sure.

Listen, I know Jesse's really cute,

but he's got a rep as a real player and my Dad told me to steer clear of him.

So you're not gonna date that guy...

...just because...

That's not'cho cheese. Get it?

...that guy told you not to?

- Absolutely. - [phone ringing]

[beeping]

- Why aren't you answering? - It's nobody.

[gasping] No, you're not seriously telling me that...

- Telling you what? - I knew you'd be this way.

- What way? - How can you be so stupid?

- Why is she stupid? - You don't understand.

I don't understand anything.

- [grunting] - [beeping]

- Hi, Jake. - Hey, Miley.

I'm done filming for the day. You want to meet at the usual place?

Uh, ha! It's Lilly.

Uh...

[fakes foreign accent] I mean, your order of meat is ready at the usual place...

...a miley away.

- Bye-bye. - [button beeping]

I forgot to tell you.

I'm dating Jake Ryan.

- What? - [together] Oh, keep up!

[groaning]

[Miley] Whoo!

Here we go, everybody!

♪ Come on ♪

♪ You get the limo out front ♪

♪ Oooh ♪

♪ Hottest styles Every shoe, every color ♪

♪ Yeah, when you're famous it can be kind of fun ♪

♪ It's really you but no one ever discovers ♪

♪ Who would have thought that a girl like me ♪

♪ Would double as a superstar ♪

Whooo!

♪ You get the best of both worlds ♪

♪ Chill it out Take it slow ♪

♪ Then you rock out the show ♪

♪ You get the best of both worlds ♪

♪ Mix it all together and you know ♪

♪ That it's the best of both worlds ♪

How could you not tell us?

Look, I wanted to tell you,

but after everything Jake and I have gone through,

I just knew that you would say,

[together] "You're making the biggest mistake of your life!"

Yes. Yes, but then I would've continued and said, you know,

it's your life and if that's what makes you happy, then who am I to judge?

I mean, the heart wants what it wants,

even if it's some goofy, klutzy guy who's not half as cool

as he thinks he is.

- Ain't that the truth? - Yeah.

- Wait, we're still talking about Jake, right? - Sure.

Look, guys, it's not like I totally caved in to Jake.

I made him work for it. I made him beg.

Miley!

I wouldn't blame you if you never wanted to see me again...

- Jaaaake! - [grunting]

Yep, Miley Stewart kept her dignity.

Good for you.

I'm just amazed your Dad's cool with it

after everything Jake put you through.

The whole "I kissed you, I'm leaving, I love you, I'm leaving,

I'm spending the rest of my life with Traci." Psych!

Oh, please, like she told her dad.

I mean, it's probably been nothing but secret meetings

and late night phone calls. I bet they even have code names for each other,

like, "Falcon" and "Snow Bird."

You are so wrong. [scoffing]

It's "Anakin" and "Queen Amidala."

So what are you gonna do?

You can't keep this secret from your dad forever.

I'm not gonna. I just gotta continue to work on Jake's image.

Look at this.

I got my publicity guy to get Jake Ryan at a pet adoption

on the front page of the newspaper.

Dad loves dogs, and I'm gonna put this in the bathroom

where Dad does his, you know, heavy reading.

Not'cho cheese. C'mon, man, that's funny stuff.

I swear, your band has no sense of humor.

- You ready to go? - Look.

Aww, look at that little puppy.

- Isn't he cute? - So cute.

Now, let's get you away from that miserable punk

who broke my daughter's heart.

There.

All better.

[upbeat Irish music plays]

♪ Well their plan didn't work with the pictures of Jake ♪

♪ And she's wondering now what on earth it will take ♪

♪ To make Dad like her beau Should she bake him a cake ♪

♪ Oh but wait He likes pie ♪

♪ Yes you're right My mistake ♪

[music fading out]

Talk about your sweet niblets, this looks incredible!

Well, if all this

and Mamaw's award-winning boysenberry pie

doesn't soften Dad up for the big Jake news, I don't know what will.

Hey, you know what would really soften him up?

If you dug out that old kitty sweater he got you for your 14th birthday.

[gasping] Oh, my.

[sweater meowing]

- Now, that's commitment. - Tell me about it.

But, uh, if you see me turning blue,

grab one of these butter knives

and cut me out of this poly-cotton death trap.

Yeah, sure, you got it.

Mmmm... Hey, this is really good. What is it?

Oh, it's dad's favorite. It's catfish stew.

- Mmm, oh, what's this? - No, no, no!

Oh... is it a grape?

Hmm. Oh, it really bursts with flavor.

- That's the eyeball! - [splattering]

Hey, that's the best part!

Now I'm gonna have to give Dad the other one.

Excuse me, I'm just gonna go walk through the car wash

with my mouth open.

Lilly! Hey, how've you been?

No, don't you "how have you been" me, Anakin. OK?

I got my eye on you. So does that stew.

Jake, what're you doing here?

My dad's gonna be home any minute.

I don't care, I...

Wow, that sweater

is adorable.

I'm only wearing it because my dad gave it to me.

But thanks for the fake compliment.

Good boyfriend stuff, keep it up.

[sweater meowing]

Well meow to you, too.

That was my sweater!

Seriously, you've gotta get outta here before my dad sees you.

No, no, no. Look, I don't care if he sees me.

I'm tired of sneaking around behind his back.

We need to tell him.

And we will. I just gotta give him a snootful of catfish and

[growling] my eyeball.

- What? - Never mind.

Just, you gotta trust me on this, Jake.

I'm gonna feed him, and then I'm gonna close the deal

by showing him this movie about a dad who hates the guy that his daughter's dating

- but learns to love him anyways. - I was up for that part.

But apparently Shia LaBeouf has bigger box office appeal.

- [car door slamming] - Dad's home.

I mean, my box office is just as big as his.

Aww, sure it is, honey. We'll talk about that later.

Oh, OK, but I'm coming back after the movie

whether it works or not and we're telling your dad.

OK, OK! Just leave!

Because when Jake Ryan loves a girl, he...

...doesn't give up. I get it. Get out.

Bye!

Actors.

[inhaling deeply] Whee doggies! Is that catfish stew I smell?

Surprise, daddy!

Now hold on, here.

My favorite stew, boysenberry pie,

and you got on that ol' kitty sweater I got you a couple years ago.

Miley Ray Stewart, you want something.

I just want my daddy to know I love him.

[sweater meows]

This is gonna cost me big time, but I'm OK with it

long as I get an eyeball!

Dang Lilly!

[melancholy music from TV]

[sniffling] Wasn't that just a touching movie?

The way that dad learned how to accept the boy that his daughter loves.

Now that is a role model for supportive parenting.

I'm just sayin'.

I gotta admit,

heartwarming story. It's a nice movie.

It certainly was.

Yeah, but it's all a bunch of hooey.

Hoo-what?

Ain't no father in his right mind gonna forgive that slimeball kid

for hurting his daughter.

- I know I wouldn't. - Aww, Dad.

You don't mean that.

How about fourth piece of pie?

Ooh, sounds good. But you know what?

Now I'm too agitated thinking about what I'd do to that kid

after breakin' my daughter's heart!

It'd get mighty ugly, I tell you what.

[inhaling deeply] Mmmm!

Slimeball stew! My favorite!

No, Mr. Stewart, please!

Miley will never forgive you.

Sure she will. As long as she gets an eyeball.

- [cackling] - [whimpering]

Where'd that breeze come from?

From that dry, barren wasteland of your cold, cold heart.

- Huh? - Never mind.

And you are doin' the dishes tonight,

you movie-hatin', eyeball-hoggin' hillbilly! [grunting]