And our co head writer Ian is out today.

而我們的聯合首席作家伊恩今天也出局了。

Okay.

好的。

Which is probably why you're sensing a feeling of calm.

這可能就是為什麼你會感覺到一種平靜的感覺。

A feeling of joy.

一種快樂的感覺。

It's because our co head writer Lauren Greenberg is sitting in what is today?

這是因為我們的聯合首席作家勞倫-格林伯格正坐在今天是什麼？

How are you?

你好嗎？

Greenberg?

格林伯格？

I'm good.

我很好。

I'm good.

我很好。

I'm good.

我很好。

Can you hear me?

你能聽到我嗎？

I can.

我可以。

Okay, Yeah, I think this is great because like three people on twitter have tweeted at me, They don't know how television works and they say I should take over for you when the show ends, you should take over this job.

好的，是的，我認為這很好，因為在twitter上有三個人在推特上對我說，他們不知道電視是怎麼運作的，他們說當節目結束時我應該接替你，你應該接替這份工作。

Three people thought that.

有三個人這樣認為。

So, I think this is like a good start.

所以，我認為這像是一個好的開始。

Well, I will say it is a good start because if three people thought that about you, zero people thought that about me before I got the job.

好吧，我會說這是一個好的開始，因為如果有三個人這樣認為你，那麼在我得到這份工作之前，沒有人這樣認為我。

So you're already further ahead.

所以你已經走得更遠了。

Yes.

是的。

Than I ever was.

比我以前要好。

We're thrilled you're here, Lauren bless you for being here.

我們很高興你在這裡，勞倫祝福你能在這裡。

Well, hey, we got two phenomenal dancers on the show today, Sierra, Jenna Dewan, let me correct that we've got three incredible dancers because Reggie Watts is also here, Reggie Watts phenomenal dancer.

好吧，嘿，我們今天的節目有兩個驚人的舞者，塞拉，珍娜-迪萬，讓我糾正一下，我們有三個不可思議的舞者，因為雷吉-沃茨也在這裡，雷吉-沃茨驚人的舞者。

It's almost difficult to tell anybody what you'll go to move is how would you describe your vibe on the floor?

幾乎很難告訴別人你會去搬什麼東西，是你會如何描述你在地板上的氛圍？

You know those, those dolls that they collapse when you press press the base of them.

你知道那些，那些當你按下它們的底座時就會倒塌的娃娃。

Yes, that's actually true.

是的，這實際上是真的。

That is what you do.

這就是你的工作。

You've got a phenomenal fall down and back up.

你有一個驚人的跌倒和爬起。

And then a lot of like, like beach blanket, bingo vibes, you know, like twists like on the beach or something.

然後有很多像，像海灘毯子，賓果的氛圍，你知道，像在海灘上的扭曲或什麼。

a lot of that.

很多都是這樣。

Yeah.

是的。

Well I'm excited to professional dancers.

好吧，我對職業舞者感到興奮。

It's an absolute dance a thon tonight, guys, that's what it is.

今晚絕對是一場舞蹈盛宴，夥計們，就是這樣的。

It's a dancing.

這是個舞蹈。

Well it's that time it's time for the news And in an interview yesterday Dr.

現在是時候了，是新聞的時候了，在昨天的採訪中，博士。

Fauci was asked if he would serve under Donald Trump again, if he were to win election in 2020 for Fauci had this to say would you want to stay on in your post?

Fauci被問及如果他在2020年贏得選舉，他是否會再次在唐納德-特朗普手下工作，Fauci這樣說："你想繼續留在你的崗位上嗎？

Ah well no thank you.

啊，不，謝謝你。

What he said was well know what he was thinking was hell no, probably for the best.

他說的很好，知道他在想什麼，是地獄式的，可能是最好的。

I think this probably trump needs a doctor whose background is more, you know, pro drinking bleach.

我認為這可能是王牌需要一個醫生，他的背景更多的是，你知道的，支持喝漂白劑。

Fauci said he would not serve under Trump again but come on, Dr.

Fauci說他不會再在特朗普手下工作，但拜託，博士。

Fauci would be 83 years old.

Fauci應該是83歲。

The only thing he should be serving is margaritas on his back porch.

他唯一應該提供的是在他的後門廊上的瑪格麗特酒。

In other news, both Sweden and Finland announced plans over the weekend to pursue NATO membership.

在其他新聞中，瑞典和芬蘭都在週末宣佈了爭取加入北約的計劃。

And NATO is saying that they plan to fast track the process.

而北約正在說，他們計劃快速跟蹤這一進程。

Sweden joining NATO would end 200 years as a neutral nation.

瑞典加入北約將結束200年的中立國身份。

Look if Dr.

看，如果博士。

Fauci can end his neutrality so can Sweden here in the United States.

Fauci可以結束他的中立地位，美國這裡的瑞典也可以。

Congress says they hope to ratify the applications before going on holiday in august which is not fast tracking.

國會說他們希望在8月放假前準許申請，這不是快速跟蹤。

That's not fast tracking at all.

這根本就不是快速跟蹤。

That's that's how you blow off someone you don't want to have a coffee with.

這就是你如何吹走你不想喝咖啡的人。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

是的。

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely, definitely do that.

是的，是的，是的，是的，肯定，肯定要這樣做。

Yeah, me and you, yeah, sometimes maybe, you know, three months from now a year and starting today, airline passengers will no longer have to wear masks on flights or in airports throughout the european union.

是的，我和你，是的，有時也許，你知道，從現在開始的三個月一年，從今天開始，航空公司的乘客將不再需要在班機上或在整個歐盟的機場戴口罩。

Yeah.

是的。

This should make things easier.

這應該使事情變得更容易。

I know the french were always finding it tough.

我知道法國人總是發現它很艱難。

You know, wear masks and smoke on a plane.

你知道，在飛機上戴口罩和抽菸。

That's the, the EU advised that anyone coughing and sneezing should strongly consider wearing a face covering to reassure nearby travelers and I feel safer already.

這就是，歐盟建議，任何咳嗽和打噴嚏的人都應該強烈考慮戴上面罩，讓附近的旅客放心，我已經感到比較安全。

And if any of you, Europeans out there are suddenly wondering what to do with all of the extra masks you've got fret not.

如果你們中的任何一個歐洲人突然想知道如何處理你們得到的所有額外口罩，請不要擔心。

They actually make the perfect speedo to that.

他們實際上是為這一點做出了完美的加速器。

No tan lines, no tan lines.

沒有晒黑的線條，沒有晒黑的線條。

That's the way to do it.

這是個好辦法。

You're a Speedo guy.

你是Speedo的人。

Pete I see you as a Speedo guy.

皮特，我看你是個穿Speedo的人。

Your Speedo guy, surf trunks, surf trunks trunks.

你的Speedo傢伙，衝浪長褲，衝浪長褲長褲。

Absolutely.

絕對的。

I bet marks a Speedo guy.

我敢打賭，標誌著一個Speedo的傢伙。

Mark your Speedo guy.

給你的Speedo傢伙做個標記。

Of course he is.

當然，他是。

Look at that straight up straight up.

看那直起的直起的。

I knew it.

我知道這一點。

Are you really, is that going to be you in Greece this summer?

你真的，今年夏天會是你在希臘嗎？

I feel like a speedos most mark would, oh what come on.

我覺得自己像一個速成的人，大多數人都會，哦，什麼來的。

I bet you don't even pack, you just put a speedo in each pocket.

我打賭你甚至沒有打包，你只是在每個口袋裡放一個測速器。

That's it.

就這樣了。

Speedo in each pocket and a suitcase full of condoms and here's a story.

每個口袋裡都有Speedo，還有一個裝滿安全套的手提箱，這裡有一個故事。

A Rhode island woman has been banned from Tinder for life after the company discovered she was using the app to recruit people for her kickball team.

羅德島的一名婦女被終身禁止使用Tinder，因為該公司發現她在使用該應用程序為她的踢球隊招募人員。

Yeah.

是的。

Tinder execs were like, how dare you use our app to form meaningful social bonds with friends.

Tinder的執行官們認為，你怎麼敢用我們的應用程序與朋友形成有意義的社交關係。

Our product is for casual sex only Lauren, you, you've used dating apps.

我們的產品只適用於休閒性行為，勞倫，你，你已經使用了約會應用程序。

Anyone, anyone ever tried to recruit you for something other than a date?

有誰，有誰曾經試圖招募你去做約會以外的事情？

No, thankfully.

沒有，幸好沒有。

It's only been fixed.

它只是被修復了。

How many picks on average?

平均有多少個選秀權？

Let me ask you guys guys just because I don't understand the pick.

讓我來問問你們，只是因為我不瞭解這個選題。

I do not understand.

我不明白。

It makes me, it makes me realize that all men are trash.

這讓我，讓我意識到，所有的男人都是垃圾。

Like I don't, I don't understand the notion of it.

就像我不，我不理解它的概念。

I don't get it.

我不明白。

I do not get the thought process that goes, this will do it bang.

我不明白這樣的思維過程，這將使它爆炸。

That should secure that.

這應該能保證這一點。

So how, what's the fastest someone's engaged with you?

那麼，如何，什麼是別人與你交往的最快速度？

Like in a DM scenario and he picks arrived.

就像在DM的情況下，他選到了。

Um, I mean it's usually like, hey, what are you doing?

嗯，我的意思是它通常是像，嘿，你在做什麼？

I'm just hanging out and then it's like, no!

我只是在閒逛，然後它就像，不！是的。

Stop!

停止！

Stop.

停止。

Where is this woman?

這個女人在哪裡？

This woman for a kickball.

這個女人為了一個踢球。

She was sending kick picks.

她在發送踢球選秀權。

Good night.

晚上好。

We'll see you tomorrow night.

我們明天晚上見。

Mm hmm.

嗯，嗯。

And finally this was interesting.

最後，這很有趣。

Scientists have just discovered that fruit flies prioritize sex over survival.

科學家們剛剛發現，果蠅將性愛置於生存之上。

It's true.

這是真的。

Even dying.

甚至死亡。

Males continued to search out interested mates.

雄性繼續尋找感興趣的伴侶。

I get it.

我明白了。

A fruit fly lives like what does it look like a week or two If you only had a few days to live, what would you do like?

一隻果蠅的生命像什麼，它看起來像一個星期或兩個 如果你只有幾天的生命，你會做什麼像什麼？

It's not like they're growing older.

這並不像他們的年齡增長。

Moving on to like a sprawling beach house and having a triumphant second act like Diane Keaton in every movie.

繼續往前走，就像一棟寬闊的海濱別墅，並像每部電影中的黛安-基頓一樣有一個勝利的第二幕。

Fruit flies prioritize sex over survival.

果蠅將性愛置於生存之上。

And you can tell the fruit flies that really prioritize sex, They all look like this.

你可以告訴那些真正把性放在首位的果蠅，它們都是這樣的。

Mhm.

嗯。

And that's the news.

而這就是新聞。

Everybody, I don't want to continue the show and go to break without word about the senseless, horrifying and racist shooting that happened in buffalo over the weekend, racism and guns two of the most abhorrent elements of the world we live in, combining for a tragedy that we will never forget.

各位，我不想在沒有提及週末在水牛城發生的毫無意義的、可怕的和種族主義的槍擊事件的情況下繼續節目並進入休息時間，種族主義和槍支是我們生活的世界中最令人憎惡的兩個因素，它們結合起來造成了我們永遠不會忘記的悲劇。

Aaron Salter, Jr Ruth, Whitfield, Pearl, Young Kathryn Massey deacon, Haywood patterson, Cellasene, Cheney, roberta, drury Marcus Morrison, Andre McNeil and Geraldine tally lost their precious lives and we cannot begin to imagine what their family, what their friends and what those communities are going through right now.

亞倫-薩爾特、小露絲、惠特菲爾德、珀爾、楊凱瑟琳-梅西執事、海伍德-帕特森、塞拉森、切尼、羅伯塔、德魯裡-馬庫斯-莫里森、安德烈-麥克尼爾和傑拉爾丁-塔利失去了他們寶貴的生命，我們無法想象他們的家人、朋友和這些社區現在正在經歷什麼。

We share in your confusion, anger and rage, that such horrific tragedies can occur Still today, our hearts and souls ache for you.

我們與你們一樣感到困惑、憤怒和不安，這樣可怕的悲劇竟然會發生。 今天，我們的心和靈魂仍然為你們感到痛苦。

We'll be right back, everyone.

我們馬上回來，各位。

Mm hmm.

嗯，嗯。