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  • (audience laughing)

  • - Hey sis, you wanna do a hotpot?

  • (audience laughing)

  • I'll bring the hotpot, bring a roommate.

  • (audience laughing)

  • - [Dawei] How did you know?

  • - How did I know?

  • (audience laughing)

  • (bass stings)

  • Asians are fucking honest people man.

  • I don't know if you guys saw the video

  • I posted recently but I was in Malaysia,

  • I said I was 28 on stage,

  • and this audible gasp in the crowd like,

  • "Huh, really?"

  • What the fuck.

  • And I was like how old do you think I was?

  • Some lady just went, "40."

  • (audience laughing)

  • 40 with this face.

  • I think the Western world has aged me, you know.

  • You gotta, we gotta look older here,

  • you know if you're an Asian man.

  • I don't know if you notice this,

  • but you realize this, but we just,

  • people think we look really young

  • so we gotta like make ourself look older.

  • You know, I'm trying to grow some wrinkles and...

  • (audience laughing)

  • And then you go to Asia

  • and everybody calls you an old uncle.

  • I don't know if you feel this.

  • Do you feel like that, dude?

  • The only guy in the first, oh yeah you too, all right.

  • Sorry.

  • (audience laughing)

  • Oh you too.

  • Oh, sorry man.

  • (audience laughing)

  • He got his, yeah.

  • No, no, no, all right let's get on with this.

  • (audience laughing)

  • I'll talk to you later.

  • (audience laughing)

  • What's your name man?

  • - [Dawei] Yeah, Dawei.

  • I do know what you mean, yeah.

  • - You know what I mean? - Yeah.

  • - So what do you do to make yourself look older over here?

  • - [Dawei] Um, I don't, I just suffer the discrimination.

  • - Suffer the discrimination.

  • (audience laughing)

  • - Dawei, okay.

  • How old are you, Dawei?

  • - [Dawei] I'm 33.

  • - 33, man!

  • See I think you look young.

  • Stand up, let everybody look at you.

  • (audience cheering)

  • See I feel like I look older than him.

  • Don't answer that.

  • (audience laughing)

  • You guys are merciless people.

  • - [Dawei] My boss was like,

  • "Dawei, when you hit 30, then you'll know what it means."

  • I was like, "What?

  • How old do you think I am?"

  • (audience laughing)

  • - Stop bragging, Dawei.

  • Are you here with your wife?

  • Girlfriend? - Girlfriend.

  • - Girlfriend, nice.

  • Dawei's girlfriend, what's your name?

  • - Grace. - Grace.

  • How long have you guys been together?

  • - [Dawei] One year.

  • - One year.

  • How'd you guys meet?

  • - [Dawei] Through my sister.

  • - Sister, oh nice.

  • Cool.

  • You sure?

  • (audience laughing)

  • How did your sister introduce you to Grace?

  • - [Dawei] Grace and my sister were housemates.

  • - Oh nice.

  • Cool, so you just hung around your sister's place

  • and kind of perved?

  • (audience laughing)

  • Perved on Grace.

  • That's very sketchy, you know.

  • Hey sis you wanna do hotpot?

  • (audience laughing)

  • I'll bring the hotpot, bring a roommate,

  • bring a roommate.

  • (audience laughing)

  • - [Dawei] How did you know?

  • - How did I know?

  • (audience laughing)

  • I'm Asian too.

  • We know the tricks.

  • (audience laughing)

  • We know the hotpot threesome trick, you know.

  • (audience laughing)

  • Not with your sister, hopefully.

  • (audience laughing)

  • Hotpot's the best right?

  • Kind of cook stuff for her, you know.

  • Did Dawei cook anything for you?

  • The prawn or something?

  • - [Grace] He did.

  • Especially the prawn.

  • - Especially the prawn, see.

  • (audience laughing)

  • Oh I know the tricks, you know.

  • How to get a lady to go,

  • you gotta start cooking hotpot for her.

  • It'll sweep them off their feet, you know.

  • You're a hit Natalie.

  • That's why you've got an Asian boyfriend now, you now.

  • (audience laughing)

  • Something to talk about, right?

  • You are Asian right?

  • - Yes. Okay, good.

  • (audience laughing)

  • I got the gender wrong,

  • I don't wanna get the race wrong also.

  • (audience laughing)

  • Ah, sorry man.

  • (audience laughing)

  • What kind of Asian are you?

  • What ethnicity?

  • - [Kar] Chinese.

  • - Chinese.

  • What's your name?

  • - [Kar] Kar.

  • - Karl?

  • - [Kar] Kar.

  • K-A-R. - Kar?

  • Okay, K-A-R, Kar, okay nice to meet you Kar.

  • Kar and Natalie, how long have you guys been dating?

  • - [Natalie] Almost five years.

  • - Almost five years.

  • Oh nice.

  • Engaged?

  • (audience laughing)

  • Five years!

  • Get on it Kar.

  • You know most things only last seven years, right?

  • So.

  • (audience laughing)

  • Sorry, I'm projecting now, sorry about that.

  • (audience laughing)

  • All right.

  • You planning to?

  • (audience laughing)

  • Some time to think about.

  • Yeah answer this question like properly you know.

  • Okay, okay.

  • Not gonna let you, unless you wanna do it now,

  • but you know.

  • (audience laughing)

  • What, my show's not good enough for you Natalie?

  • (audience laughing)

  • How did you guys meet?

  • Hotpot?

  • (audience laughing)

  • What?

  • - [Natalie] Uni.

  • - Uni?

  • Oh okay.

  • Have you made hotpot for Kar?

  • - [Kar] I've made hotpot for her.

  • - You've made hotpot for her, yeah.

  • Does she eat like the fish heads and the prawn heads

  • and all that stuff?

  • Oh that's good.

  • Man, like, white people man.

  • You guys freak out at any sort of head.

  • (audience laughing)

  • Right?

  • There's a nice restaurant in SoHo called Kiln.

  • Amazing Thai restaurant that serves a whole fish.

  • My white friends just freak out like,

  • "Why is the head still on there?

  • The eyes look kind of creepy."

  • I'm like, "You start by eating the eyes then."

  • Right?

  • (audience laughing)

  • Poke the eyes out.

  • Feed it to your vegan friends.

  • (audience laughing)

  • Tell them that's what bubble tea is made out of.

  • (audience laughing)

(audience laughing)

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A2 初級 英國腔

火鍋讓他有個女朋友(He Got His Girlfriend With Hotpot! - Nigel Ng - Standup Comedy)

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    Portia 發佈於 2022 年 02 月 19 日
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