Dear Neptune!

[gasping]

Missed a spot! [clearing throat]

Aren't you going to compliment my outfit?

Um... you look... stunning?

[giggling] You're so sweet!

Where are my flowers?

Flowers? Oh! Well, they're, um, did you drop your lip liner?

[cash register chiming]

[panting]

I don't think that I dropped any... oh.

Why, Squidward, you shouldn't have.

Oh, but I wanted too.

No, you really shouldn't have.

I'm very allerg... I'm very a...

[sneezing]

...very allergic to tulips.

Anyway, you ready to go?

Go where?

[giggling] To dinner, silly.

Oh, right, dinner. I'll get my car.

Hop in.

[clearing throat]

What?

A gentleman always opens the door for a lady.

Oh, where are my manners?

[music playing]

Ah, I'm floating on air. a balloon ride,

A balloon ride, a candle-light dinner,

and our wedding song is playing!

This date is perfect.

No, you're perfect, Karen.

You're the best computer wife a copepod ever could have!

Bon-bon?

Oh, I shouldn't.

Indulge yourself, my darling.

Thank you, Plankton.

This is truly a date to remember.

Well, my love, you haven't seen anything yet.

For you, my love!

Oh, Ray Ray! [giggling]

[sniffing] Mm.

That's right, baby. Ray Ray is at your service.

Ray Ray, you've got my cooling fans running on high.

Ha ha. Get over here and give me some sugar!

Oh, Mr. Krabs, this dinner has been so wonderful.

The coral was cooked to perfection.

I don't think I could eat another bite.

Oh, I doubt that, my little shrimp boat.

[laughing]

You're spoiling me, Mr. Krabs.

I mean, foot rubs between courses,

caricatures, imported music.

[piano playing]

Nothing's too good for you, my prickly peach.

Oh, what I'm trying to tell you, Mr. Krabs, is...

Uh, sir, your fancy pantsy limousine is here.

Wonderful! Pufflily-poo, your chariot awaits!

Well...

[whistling]

[screaming]

You'll never have to walk again, my little lobster bib.

[sighing]

Your bill, sir.

What?! $100?!

Well, this can't possibly be correct!

Oh, my mistake, sir. Thank you for pointing that out.

This is your bill.

[screaming]

[grunting, chuckles]

Mmm.

[laughing]

Wha!

Ah.

Oh, Sheldon, you're so romantic.

It's all about you today, Karen.

Oh, this makes up for a lot

of your stupidity lately, Plankton.

Plankton stepped away for a moment.

The name's Ray Ray and I am at your service, my lady. Pow!

Oh, kiss me, pipsqueak. I mean, Ray Ray.

Grandma?!

I told you never to call me on this screen.

Sheldon, is it you?

Patricia, we may have only known each other for a short time now,

but I feel like

a special connection has been made.

[belching]

Quite an appetite, but she's all woman.

Mrs. Puff, we've been dating for 16 years now.

So I was sincerely hoping

that today might finally be the day that...

Yes, Eugene?

...that I steal a little kiss.

[giggling]

Oh, Eugene, I thought you'd never ask.

Come here, you.

[farting sound]

Oh!

What a woman.

Oh, Eugene.

[laughing]

Your gentleman caller awaits.

Hello, my dear.

I must say you look ravishing tonight.

Oh, my, you're a tiny thing, but awfully cute.

Tell me about yourself.

Well, I'm in the food service business.

I'm a bit of a restauranteur.

I am the founder and owner of the Chum Bucket.

Never heard of it.

It's across the street.

Doesn't ring a bell.

It's on the back of the phone book.

Come on! I paid a lotta money for that ad!

Never mind, never mind. I'd like to hear about you.

Well...

- Plankton! - Krabs!

- Eugene! - Mommy?

"Mommy?"

SpongeBob!

SpongeBob!

This delectable creature is your mother?

This no-good conniving chiseler is your date!?

And this devilishly handsome sponge is your waiter.

SpongeBob!

I don't know what sort of skulduggery you're up to,

Plankton, and I'm not waiting to find out.

Eugene, you put me boyfriend down, this instant!

Boyfriend?

But, mommy...

You heard the lady. Let me go.

That's more like it.

Come, Plankton.

I'm sorry me son had to spoil our romantic evening.

Mommy?

[sighing]

You know, there's something different

about you tonight, Eugene.

You've been such a good listener.

And that musk you're wearing.

Oh my.

[grunting]

Chum.

[giggling]

I think we're way past being chums, Eugene.

Ooh, Patrick, their date is going great.

I say, do you mind?

Please keep your arms and legs inside at all times

and not leave the boat

until the ride is over. Thank you.

Um, Pearl. Your arm... it's outside the boat.

I will put my arm in the boat.

But don't touch me. Don't talk to me.

Don't even look at me!

[sighing] Boring!

Will my arrow fine her heart?

Oh, this ride is lame.

Hey, you're allowed to speak now.

I bet Mr. Krabs would get a kick out of this ride,

don't you think? I mean, he's so tough on the outside,

but he's got a soft side too. You know this one time

I was upset because my snail, Gary,

he was sick and he let me leave five minutes early.

Is that the sweetest thing you've ever heard?

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

[mumbling]

Two very boring minutes later.

And then there was that time that Mr. Krabs yelled at me

for getting to work before he did,

and he didn't even dock my pay. What a sweet man.

[screaming]

You are making this ride even more boring

if such a thing is possible.

You're supposed to remain seated

until the right comes to a complete...!

...stop.

What was that?

Attention sweethearts,

we are experiencing technical difficulties.

Please remain seated.

Oh, great. Just great.

Now, it is the chit-chat part of the date.

Amuse her with an interesting conversation.

Oh, um, chit-chat, um...

Can you believe this weather we're having?

Okay, good effort, but you might want to start

with something more personal.

A woman may like to talk about her day, for example.

She might want to bring up her promotion at work

or the wacky antics of her pet snail,

or talk about how I was nearly late for our date

'cause I just couldn't decide what to wear.

and then I didn't nearly have enough cash

to tip the lady at the nail salon.

Yuck.

[clearing throat]

Dinner is served.

Oh, I'm famished.

Don't try to eat it. It's plastic.

Now this is the perfect opportunity to work

on your table etiquette.

Squidward, would you please pass the roasted kelp?

Here you go, ma'am!

Oh, thank you, sir.

Hey, Squidward, who's the lovely lady

sitting across from you?

I think she's giving me the cutesy eye.

Oh, no, you don't Patrick,

you can not just barge in here like this.

SpongeBob and I are in the middle

of a practice date!

So... do ya hang out here often?

Well, this is my home, silly. [laughing]

[Squidward] Excuse me!

How is this supposed to help me on my real date,

which, by the way, begins in five minutes?

[grumbling]

[groaning]

[groaning]

Just let me check the quality, my dear.

Let go of my grub, bub!

Mm. I'm famished!

Psst. That's not food, that's SpongeBob.

Yikes.

We gotta stop her.

Where are you going with my dinner?!

Squidward, go long.

Hey!

I don't want 'em.

Gross!

[groaning]

[growling]

[screaming]

Huh.

[grunting]

[sighing]

[screaming]

[grunting]

[belching]

Ooh, that was delicious.

Uh, puffkins,

I don't know how to say this, but...

[everyone] You ate SpongeBob!

[SpongeBob laughing]

Hey, a candle.

Oh, my. [groaning]

I'm afraid, you'll finally have to pass SpongeBob.

Oh. Just take me to the doctor.

One operation later...

Dinner is served!

Three buns.

It's perfect.

[stomach growling]

But I'm still hungry.

[screaming]

[panting]