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  • Shhh... it's time to turn up your speakers because today's challenge is to only whisper

    噓......是時候打開你的揚聲器了,因為今天的挑戰是隻說悄悄話

  • for a whole week.

    整整一個星期。

  • Just how annoying can we make life for your favorite lab rat, especially when $5,000 is

    我們能讓你最喜歡的實驗室老鼠的生活變得多麼煩人,特別是當5000美元是

  • on the line?

    上?

  • Let's find out.

    讓我們拭目以待。

  • The producers of The Infographics Show clearly have a twisted sense of humor.

    資訊圖表展》的製作人顯然有一種扭曲的幽默感。

  • For over a year now all of us have been annoyed trying to have conversations with people while

    一年多來,我們所有人都在為試圖與人交談而感到煩惱,而

  • wearing our masks.

    戴上我們的面具。

  • Pretty sure we've all been at a point of just saying, screw it, and staying quiet because

    我敢肯定,我們都曾說過,去他媽的,並保持沉默,因為

  • trying to have a conversation anywhere that wasn't deathly silent basically turned into

    試圖在沒有死一般寂靜的地方進行對話,基本上變成了

  • a mumbled mess.

    喃喃自語,一塌糊塗。

  • So how funny is it to make me whisper for an entire week?

    那麼,讓我整整一個星期都在竊竊私語,這有多好笑?

  • I got my vaccine- and by the way you should too, all those Bill Gates nanobots in my bloodstream

    我接種了疫苗--順便說一句,你也應該接種,所有這些比爾-蓋茨的納米機器人都在我的血液裡。

  • have made my WiFi hum.

    已經讓我的WiFi嗡嗡作響。

  • A lot of places are now letting people not wear a mask in public if they got their vaccine-

    現在很多地方都允許人們在公共場合不戴口罩,如果他們接種了疫苗------。

  • unfortunately most shops still want you to wear a mask, so right away I knew communication

    不幸的是,大多數商店仍然要你戴上口罩,所以我馬上就知道了溝通。

  • was going to be a hell of a problem.

    這將是一個巨大的問題。

  • This challenge is different however, because once more there's a cash prize on the line:

    然而,這次挑戰是不同的,因為再一次有了現金獎勵。

  • $5,000, or $1,000 per successful challenge.

    5,000美元,或每次成功挑戰1,000美元。

  • Day 1 was challenge 1, and already we started out on a bad note: I had to go to T-mobile

    第1天是挑戰1,我們已經在一個糟糕的音符上開始了:我不得不去找T-mobile

  • and open a new phone account, while of course, whispering.

    並開了一個新的電話賬戶,當然,同時也在小聲說。

  • Now, my feelings on T-mobile are not secret.

    現在,我對T-Mobile的感受並不是祕密。

  • I think they are the single worst provider of cellular telephone service that has ever,

    我認為他們是有史以來最差的一家手機服務提供商。

  • or will ever, exist.

    或將永遠存在。

  • They are a company founded on one single principle: taking the convenience and wonder of modern

    他們是一家建立在一個單一原則上的公司:把現代社會的便利和奇蹟帶到中國。

  • global cellular communications and making that experience as terrible as possible.

    全球手機通信,並使這種體驗儘可能的可怕。

  • Then they charge you for it.

    然後他們向你收費。

  • But, with $1,000 on the line I was game.

    但是,在1000美元的情況下,我是遊戲。

  • So I went to a T-mobile store and passed through the front door to leave the earth behind and

    所以我去了一家T-mobile商店,通過前門,把地球留在後面,然後

  • enter Sheogh, the shadowy realm of hellish torments that is T-mobile's home plane of

    進入Sheogh,那是T-mobile公司的主平面,是一個陰暗的地獄般的折磨境界。

  • existence.

    存在。

  • Staying six feet apart proved to be a real pain in what was already a terrible experience,

    事實證明,在本來就很糟糕的經歷中,保持六英尺的距離確實是一種痛苦。

  • until finally I think the poor employee who must've had no other option but sell his soul

    直到最後,我想那個可憐的僱員一定沒有其他選擇,只能出賣自己的靈魂。

  • to Satan and work at T-mobile, finally gave up on social distancing and came up close

    到Satan和T-mobile工作,終於放棄了社會上的疏遠,走到了近前。

  • to me so he could actually understand my mumbled whispers from behind a mask.

    這樣他就能真正理解我在面具後面的喃喃細語。

  • On the one hand by making this whole experience so long and difficult, it meant other customers

    一方面,通過使整個經歷如此漫長和困難,這意味著其他客戶

  • couldn't be serviced and thus I was causing T-mobile to lose money.

    無法提供服務,是以我導致了T-Mobile公司的虧損。

  • Small victory.

    小小的勝利。

  • On the other, I don't know if these employees work on commission or something like it, or

    另一方面,我不知道這些僱員是否按佣金或類似的東西工作,或

  • if T-mobile simply rewards them by vomiting sustenance directly into their mouths.

    如果T-Mobile只是通過直接向他們的嘴裡吐出寄託來獎勵他們。

  • If they do work on commission, I felt bad for costing this guy business.

    如果他們確實是按佣金工作,我為讓這個人失去生意而感到難過。

  • Either way, after- I kid you not- two hours, I was finally all set up with a new phone

    無論如何,經過--我騙你的--兩個小時,我終於用一個新的手機完成了所有的設置。

  • line that The Infographics Show was going to be immediately responsible for paying the

    該行說,《資訊圖表展》將立即負責支付。

  • cancellation fees on.

    的取消費用。

  • Cha-ching, 1k in my pocket- so to speak.

    恰恰,我的口袋裡有1千美元,可以這麼說。

  • Next challenge was a devilishly good one, even by Infographics standard.

    下一個挑戰是一個魔鬼般的挑戰,即使以Infographics的標準來看也是如此。

  • When I opened the envelope and read it I couldn't help but sigh at the evil ingenuity of the

    當我打開信封並閱讀時,我不禁為其邪惡的聰明才智而嘆息。

  • producers at The Infographics Show.

    資訊圖表展上的製作人。

  • My second challenge was simple: I had to place a to-go order at a restaurant.

    我的第二個挑戰很簡單。我必須在一家餐廳下一個外賣訂單。

  • No big deal, right?

    沒什麼大不了的,對嗎?

  • Except this was Bryan's Pit Barbeque at the Farmer's Market in The Grove.

    除了這是布萊恩在格羅夫的農貿市場上的坑式燒烤。

  • If you're familiar with LA, then you know that Angelenos go insane over farmers markets.

    如果你熟悉洛杉磯,那麼你就知道安吉拉人對農貿市場感到瘋狂。

  • So even with Covid winding down, this place was still packed- and loud.

    是以,即使Covid已經結束了,這個地方仍然擠滿了人--而且很吵。

  • I knew I smelled trouble the moment I opened that envelope.

    當我打開那個信封的時候,我就知道我聞到了麻煩的味道。

  • So the girlfriend and I headed to the grove and found the BBQ place.

    於是我和女友前往小樹林,找到了燒烤的地方。

  • Now, normally barbecue makes my mouth water just thinking about it, but I'm going to be

    現在,通常烤肉讓我一想到它就流口水,但我將會

  • honest here: california is great for a lot of things, but not so much its barbecue.

    老實說:加州有很多東西都很好,但烤肉卻不怎麼好。

  • However, when I saw the crowds and the busy restaurant, I knew this was going to be a

    然而,當我看到人群和繁忙的餐廳,我知道這將是一個

  • hell of a challenge.

    這是一個巨大的挑戰。

  • It should've been simple: order a bbq beef brisket plate, with a side order of steamed

    這本來應該很簡單:點一份烤牛腩,再配上一份清蒸牛腩。

  • rice, bbq beans, baked potato, bbq potato, sauerkraut, coleslaw, baked yam, and potato

    米飯、烤豆、烤洋芋、酸菜、涼拌菜、烤山藥和馬鈴薯

  • salad.

    沙拉。

  • I'm not sure, but I think it was literally every side on the menu.

    我不確定,但我認為這簡直是菜單上的每一個側面。

  • In order to succeed, I had to get every single side, so they had to get my order accurately.

    為了成功,我必須得到每一面,所以他們必須準確地得到我的訂單。

  • So I tried whispering as loud as possible, through a mask, with the dull roar of a farmer's

    於是,我試著通過面具儘可能大聲地低語,用農民的沉悶吼聲

  • market going on around us.

    在我們周圍發生的市場。

  • Now, I've never been to this place before but I've heard that their customer service

    現在,我以前從來沒有去過這個地方,但我聽說他們的顧客服務

  • is excellent, and I gotta vouch for that.

    是優秀的,我得為之擔保。

  • The guy doing his damned best to take my order really honestly tried hard to help, but I

    那個竭盡全力為我接單的人真的很誠實地努力幫助我,但我

  • could tell people waiting to place their own orders were starting to get all pitchforks-and-torches.

    可以看出,等待下訂單的人們開始拿起乾草叉和火炬。

  • Finally, the guy just slid over a small notepad and a pen.

    最後,那人只是滑過來一個小記事本和一支筆。

  • Maybe it wasn't exactly a completely legit victory, but 15 minutes later I had a plate

    也許這並不完全是一場完全合法的勝利,但15分鐘後,我有一盤

  • of bbq and sides galore to enjoy- plus another 1k from The Infographics Show.

    燒烤和配菜的享受--加上來自資訊圖表展的另外1千美元。

  • And I avoided getting lynched by a mob.

    而我也避免了被暴徒私刑處死。

  • Alright, challenge three, and this one set a new bar for annoyance.

    好了,挑戰三,這一次設定了一個新的煩人標準。

  • Next, I had to go the whole day speaking, but not making a sound.

    接下來,我不得不一整天都在說話,但不發出任何聲音。

  • That's... well not the opposite of whispering but pretty close to it.

    那是......好吧,不是竊竊私語的反面,但很接近於它。

  • Infographics expected me to go to the grocery store, make an appointment at apple and shop

    資訊圖表希望我去雜貨店,在蘋果公司預約併購物

  • for something, and order from a freaking Jamba Juice all while not actually speaking, merely

    在沒有實際說話的情況下,從一個該死的Jamba Juice點餐,而僅僅是

  • pretending to.

    假裝為。

  • I figured the grocery store was a good place to start.

    我想雜貨店是一個好的開始。

  • Obviously talking to strangers is an absolutely insane thing to do in a public setting, so

    顯然,在公共場合與陌生人交談是一件絕對瘋狂的事情,所以

  • I only really ran into problems when I got to the cashier.

    我只有在走到收銀臺時才真正遇到了問題。

  • Normally they just say a casual hello, was everything ok, would you like your receipt?

    通常情況下,他們只是隨便打個招呼,一切都好嗎?

  • All simple things that a nice friendly nod or shake of the head can take care of, and

    所有簡單的事情,一個友好的點頭或搖頭就能解決,而且

  • exactly what I was hoping for.

    這正是我所希望的。

  • But no, thanks to whatever voodoo black magic deal the infographics show has carried out

    但是沒有,由於資訊圖表展進行了什麼巫術黑魔法交易

  • with evil spirits, there was an issue with my groceries.

    與邪靈的關係,我的雜貨出現了問題。

  • I'd gotten a bag of trail mix, the type you pour yourself, but apparently the code was

    我買了一袋零食,是自己倒的那種,但顯然密碼是

  • wrong and the computer wasn't recognizing it.

    錯了,計算機沒有識別它。

  • The cashier tried asking me about which trial mix exactly I'd gotten, but of course, I couldn't

    收銀員試圖問我到底買了哪種試驗組合,但當然,我無法回答。

  • speak.

    說。

  • She couldn't even read my lips because you know, mask.

    她甚至無法讀懂我的嘴脣,因為你知道,面具。

  • So she tried to communicate the different types of trail mix in an attempt to get me

    是以,她試圖溝通不同類型的乾果醬,試圖讓我

  • to identify the right one I'd gotten, but turns out she didn't know all their different

    識別我所得到的正確答案,但結果是她不知道他們所有不同的

  • kinds either.

    種類要麼。

  • For the cherry on top, the store was understaffed, so nobody could simply go and quickly check.

    最重要的是,店裡的工作人員不足,所以沒有人能夠簡單地去快速檢查。

  • Right about when the people in line behind me were once more getting all pitchforks-and-torches,

    就在這時,排在我後面的人又一次拿起了乾草叉和火炬。

  • she just ended up taking my bag with her and going to check physically on the shelf.

    她最後只是拿著我的包,去檢查貨架上的實物。

  • I was determined, so I headed to Apple next, knowing full well what a pain in the ass that

    我下定決心,所以接下來我去了蘋果公司,我清楚地知道那是一個多麼麻煩的地方。

  • was going to be.

    是要去的。

  • However, the employee I was trying to communicate with actually surprised me by just pulling

    然而,我試圖與之溝通的員工居然讓我大吃一驚,直接把

  • out one of their tablets and having me type directly into it.

    他們拿出一個平板電腦,讓我直接在上面打字。

  • Now that's smart thinking, Apple.

    現在,這是聰明的想法,蘋果。

  • Next was Jamba Juice, a place I normally wouldn't step foot into because juices are dumb.

    接下來是Jamba Juice,一個我通常不會踏入的地方,因為果汁是愚蠢的。

  • Now, I could just carry a pad of paper with me or type things out on my phone, but that's

    現在,我可以隨身攜帶一張紙,或在手機上打出東西,但那是

  • against the spirit of the challenge.

    違背了挑戰的精神。

  • So I engaged in a complicated performance of gesturing and pointing at various items,

    於是我進行了複雜的表演,打著手勢,指著各種物品。

  • fruits, pictures, etc. to convey my message- and definitely got the wrong juice.

    水果、圖片等來傳達我的資訊--而且肯定得到了錯誤的果汁。

  • Challenge didn't say I had to get the right juice this time though, so far as I'm concerned,

    不過,在我看來,挑戰並沒有說我這次必須得到正確的果汁。

  • challenge completed.

    挑戰完成。

  • As soon as I opened challenge four, I knew this one might end up getting me tasered or

    我一打開挑戰四,就知道這個挑戰可能最終會讓我被電擊或

  • arrested.

    逮捕。

  • Day four, challenge four, and this time I had to go various places and whisper things

    第四天,挑戰四,這次我必須去各個地方,低聲說話

  • directly into people's ears.

    直接進入人們的耳朵。

  • To their credit, Infographics Show didn't put anything on the list that would be immediately

    值得稱道的是,Infographics Show並沒有把任何會立即被人遺忘的東西放在名單上。

  • creepy or offensive.

    令人毛骨悚然或令人反感。

  • But even the most innocuous statement can run screaming into full-blown creep territory

    但是,即使是最無害的聲明,也可以尖叫著進入全面的蠕變領域

  • when you're literally whispering it into someone's ear.

    當你真的在別人耳邊說的時候。

  • Alright, first up was to go to the park.

    好吧,首先是去公園。

  • It was simple, I just had to ask someone if I could sit on their bench with them.

    這很簡單,我只需要問別人我是否可以和他們一起坐在他們的長椅上。

  • See, nothing difficult right?

    你看,沒有什麼困難吧?

  • I spotted a bench with a girl sitting down, reading a book.

    我發現了一個長椅,上面坐著一個女孩,正在看書。

  • She had her dog on a leash with her, and the dog was just chilling.

    她把她的狗拴在一起,那隻狗只是在發呆。

  • I thought that trying to do this with a guy might get me punched, so girls were probably

    我想,想和男人做這件事可能會讓我捱揍,所以女孩可能是

  • a better option.

    一個更好的選擇。

  • I came up to her, made a gesture at my throat- hopefully to make her think something was

    我走到她面前,對著我的喉嚨做了個手勢--希望能讓她覺得有什麼東西在動。

  • physically wrong with me- and then leaned in close and whispered, “Can I sit here

    我的身體出了問題--然後靠在一起,低聲說:"我可以坐在這裡嗎?

  • with you?”

    與你?"

  • Even with her wearing a mask I could see the immediate level 10 discomfort I had just generated,

    即使她戴著面具,我也能看到我剛剛產生的10級不適感。

  • and her dog started staring at me like I was a murderer about to strike.

    她的狗開始盯著我,好像我是一個即將出手的殺人犯。

  • She quickly nodded, out of politeness I'm guessing, but literally stood up and left

    她很快點了點頭,我猜是出於禮貌,但真的站起來離開了。

  • after like thirty seconds.

    大約三十秒後。

  • If you're watching this, park bench girl, I'm so deeply sorry.

    如果你正在看這個,公園長椅上的女孩,我深感抱歉。

  • Next I had to go to the gym, and I already knew this one was going to be big trouble.

    接下來我不得不去健身房,我已經知道這一次會有大麻煩。

  • Challenge?

    挑戰?

  • Simple, ask to use the machine next to someone.

    很簡單,要求使用某人旁邊的機器。

  • But of course, I had to whisper it directly into someone's ear.

    但當然,我必須直接在某人的耳邊說出來。

  • I wandered the gym for a bit, looking for a guy who if he punched me right away at least

    我在體育館裡徘徊了一會兒,尋找一個如果他馬上給我一拳,至少也要給我一拳的人。

  • it wouldn't be completely devastating.

    它不會是完全破壞性的。

  • I figured doing this to a girl would be a major no, because girls already deal with

    我想,對一個女孩這樣做將是一個重大的拒絕,因為女孩已經在處理

  • enough crap from gym guys and their guard is up 1000%.

    體育館的人說了足夠多的廢話,他們的警惕性就提高了1000%。

  • Seriously guys, girls don't want to be hit on when they're soaked in sweat and physically

    說真的,女孩們不想在汗流浹背、體力不支的時候被搭訕。

  • exhausted.

    疲憊不堪。

  • I cannot stress this enough.

    這一點我怎麼強調都不為過。

  • So I spotted an older guy on a treadmill, and leapt at the opportunity.

    所以我發現了一個在跑步機上的老傢伙,並抓住機會。

  • I could take a punch from an old guy no problem.

    我可以承受一個老傢伙的拳頭,沒有問題。

  • I got up on the treadmill next to him, then leaned waaayyy over, and whispered right into

    我站到他旁邊的跑步機上,然後俯下身子,對著他低聲說道

  • his ear: “Mind if I use this machine?”.

    他的耳朵。"介意我使用這臺機器嗎?"。

  • The guy practically jumped out of his skin, and immediately stared at me like I had grown

    這傢伙幾乎從他的皮膚上跳了出來,並立即盯著我,好像我已經長大了。

  • an extra head.

    一個額外的頭。

  • This caused him to lose his footing, which almost made him fall off the treadmill and

    這導致他失去了腳步,這幾乎使他從跑步機上摔下來,並且

  • shatter his boomer bones like glass.

    像玻璃一樣擊碎他的潮汐骨。

  • He slammed the emergency stop and got off the machine, muttering things at me that I

    他按下了緊急停止鍵,並從機器上下來,對我嘀咕了幾句,我

  • can't repeat here because this is a family friendly channel.

    不能在此重複,因為這是一個家庭友好頻道。

  • Next up, it was time to be helpful!

    接下來,就該是樂於助人的時候了!

  • Except in the creepiest way possible.

    除了以最令人毛骨悚然的方式。

  • All I had to do was find someone carrying heavy bags, and ask them if I could help them

    我所要做的就是找到一個揹著沉重行李的人,並問他們是否可以幫助他們。

  • carry them.

    攜帶它們。

  • What a wonderful, nice thing to do for a stranger- unless you're whispering it directly into

    為一個陌生人做多好的事情啊--除非你直接對著他耳語。

  • their ear like you're a maniac that wants to wear their skin.

    他們的耳朵,就像你是一個想要穿上他們皮膚的瘋子。

  • And that's pretty much exactly how it went.

    而這也正是事情的發展過程。

  • I headed over to a nearby Home Depot style store, because I figured people would be carrying

    我去了附近的一家家得寶式的商店,因為我想人們會帶著

  • heavy things out of there, and waited for an opportunity.

    沉重的東西離開那裡,並等待一個機會。

  • Didn't take long.

    沒有花很長時間。

  • A lady walked out of the store carrying a bag and several pieces of long plywood under

    一位女士拎著一個袋子和幾塊長膠合板走出店門,下面是幾塊長膠合板。

  • her other arm.

    她的另一隻手臂。

  • To her credit, she was making it work, but I could tell she was genuinely struggling.

    值得稱讚的是,她正在努力工作,但我可以看出她確實在掙扎。

  • So, I made myself useful.

    所以,我讓自己變得有用。

  • I came up to her and leaned in close enough to violate every inch of her personal space,

    我走到她身邊,靠得很近,足以侵犯她的每一寸私人空間。

  • then whispered my offer to help her carry her stuff.

    然後低聲說我要幫她拿東西。

  • She actually swung around in disgust and nailed me with the plywood she was carrying.

    她居然厭惡地轉過身來,用她攜帶的膠合板釘住了我。

  • Then threatened to hit me again if I didn't back off.

    然後威脅說如果我不退讓就再打我。

  • Fair enough.

    足夠公平。

  • I fled the scene and headed for my final min-challenge, one that might for sure cement the possibility

    我逃離了現場,前往我的最後一個迷你挑戰,這個挑戰可能肯定會鞏固我的可能性

  • of me getting arrested.

    的我被逮捕。

  • Once more, it was simple: go to a coffee shop or restaurant and ask a stranger if what they're

    再一次,這很簡單:去一家咖啡館或餐館,問一個陌生人他們是否在做什麼

  • enjoying tasted good.

    享受的味道很好。

  • But of course, I had to ask it by whispering it directly into their ear from a few inches

    但當然,我必須在幾英寸的地方直接對著他們的耳朵小聲問。

  • away.

    離開。

  • I settled on a coffee shop because after my last encounter I thought coffee shop people

    我選擇了一家咖啡店,因為在我上次的遭遇之後,我認為咖啡店的人

  • may be less violent.

    可能不那麼暴力。

  • I didn't even wait on this one, I decided the best thing to do was to bite the bullet

    我甚至沒有等待這一次,我決定最好的事情是咬緊牙關。

  • and just walk up to someone on the patio and ask them.

    並直接走到天井裡的人面前,問他們。

  • The girlfriend insisted on joining me for this one, because she'd been busy earlier

    女友堅持要和我一起參加這次活動,因為她之前一直在忙。

  • but told me she'd been howling in laughter when I text her my escapades.

    但她告訴我,當我給她發短信介紹我的逃亡經歷時,她一直在笑得嚎啕大哭。

  • This final challenge though she wanted to see for herself.

    雖然這最後的挑戰她想親自看看。

  • So I left her in the car as I walked over to the patio area of a coffee shop.

    所以我把她留在車裡,我走到一家咖啡館的天井區。

  • There was a girl in a striped shirt enjoying a nice iced coffee, and I headed in her direction.

    有一個穿著條紋襯衫的女孩正在享受一杯美味的冰咖啡,我朝她的方向走去。

  • She seemed like a nice girl, probably an artsy type, probably a decent human being.

    她看起來是個不錯的女孩,可能是個文藝青年,可能是個正直的人。

  • Definitely not someone who deserved what came next.

    絕對不是一個應該得到接下來的東西的人。

  • I leaned over as she began sipping her coffee and with me close enough that my warm breath

    當她開始喝她的咖啡時,我俯下身子,與我靠得很近,我溫暖的呼吸

  • definitely fogged up her ear, I asked her, “Is that as delicious as it looks?”.

    她的耳朵肯定起霧了,我問她:"有看起來那麼好吃嗎?"。

  • In a word, what happened next was: pandemonium.

    一句話,接下來發生的事情是:大亂。

  • The girl immediately began choking on her iced coffee, and the choking made her blow

    女孩立即開始被她的冰咖啡嗆到,嗆得她吹了口氣

  • out really hard and right into the straw of her drink, which basically caused the coffee

    在她的飲品中,她非常用力地吐出,並直接進入吸管,這基本上導致了咖啡的爆炸。

  • to explode all over her.

    要在她身上爆炸了。

  • Now, simultaneously, the sudden and very loud choking/coughing, and explosion of coffee,

    現在,同時出現了突然的、非常響亮的嗆咳/咳嗽,以及咖啡的爆炸。

  • scared the bejeesus out of the chihuahua sitting on the lap of its owners one table over.

    把坐在主人腿上的吉娃娃嚇得屁滾尿流,而它的主人就在隔壁桌。

  • Chihuahuas basically exist in a state of constant borderline terror, and this panicked chihuahua

    吉娃娃基本上存在於一種持續的邊緣恐怖狀態,而這隻驚慌失措的吉娃娃

  • leapt away from the choking girl and up onto the table where its owners were enjoying a

    從窒息的女孩身上躍起,跳到桌子上,它的主人正在那裡享受美食。

  • nice conversation.

    不錯的對話。

  • The dog knocked over one of the coffees on their table, which ended up going all over

    狗打翻了他們桌子上的一杯咖啡,結果咖啡灑了一地。

  • the guy's lap- and this guy was not having iced coffee.

    這傢伙的腿上--這傢伙沒有喝冰咖啡。

  • He was enjoying his very hot, which honestly seems weird to me because the weather was

    他正在享受他的非常熱,說實話,這在我看來很奇怪,因為天氣是

  • pretty warm.

    相當溫暖。

  • Mr. Hot Crotch immediately whipped his head back in pain and shock, causing him to headbutt

    熱襠先生在痛苦和震驚中立即將頭向後甩,導致他的頭撞到了

  • the girl behind him, who happened to be taking a sip of her own drink.

    他身後的女孩,碰巧在喝一口自己的飲料。

  • Her face smashed into her cup, causing a second coffee explosion that completely soaked her

    她的臉砸向她的杯子,造成第二次咖啡爆炸,完全浸溼了她的臉。

  • lap and the notebook she was writing in.

    大腿和她正在寫的筆記本。

  • Honestly, I don't know if anything else happened, because by then I was getting the hell out

    說實話,我不知道是否還發生了什麼,因為那時我已經離開了這個鬼地方。

  • of there.

    在那裡。

  • I immediately jumped into the car and yelled at the girlfriend to floor it like we were

    我立即跳進車裡,對女友大喊,讓她把車開到地面上,就像我們一樣。

  • bank robbers on a heist gone wrong.

    銀行劫匪在一次搶劫中出了問題。

  • The girlfriend was laughing so hard we almost wrecked on the way out of the parking lot.

    女友笑得很開心,我們在離開停車場的路上差點撞車。

  • When we finally got home it took her about 30 minutes to calm down from her near-hysterics

    當我們終於回到家時,她花了大約30分鐘才從近乎瘋狂的狀態中平靜下來。

  • as she roared with laughter.

    因為她笑得很歡。

  • Later that evening she shook her head in amazement, commenting that I was a walking Rube Goldberg'esque

    那天晚上,她驚訝地搖了搖頭,評論說我是一個行走的魯伯-戈德堡式的人。

  • machine of destruction.

    毀滅的機器。

  • I typically pick locations far from where we actually live to carry out these challenges.

    我通常選擇遠離我們實際居住地的地點來進行這些挑戰。

  • And now you know why.

    現在你知道為什麼了。

  • Alright, it was time for the last challenge, and the moment I read it, I declined it.

    好了,到了最後一個挑戰的時候了,我一看到這個挑戰,就拒絕了它。

  • Once more, it was simple: propose to the girlfriend, but of course, by whispering.

    再一次,這很簡單:向女友求婚,當然,是通過低聲說話。

  • Alright, that was something I definitely wasn't going to be doing.

    好吧,這是我絕對不打算做的事情。

  • I think everybody knows our stance on marriage by now, but you know, maybe it's getting older,

    我想現在每個人都知道我們對婚姻的立場,但你知道,也許是越來越老了。

  • or maybe it's pressure from our parents, but sure, the idea of marriage doesn't seem so...

    或者也許是來自我們父母的壓力,但肯定的是,婚姻的想法似乎並不那麼...